what if batman killed ikea founder, ingvar kamprad

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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Qwerinty posted:

Batman drags Superman to the IKEA to pick out new table and glassware. Batman carefully inspects a water pitcher simulating a Klein bottle. Superman taps his foot fast and strong enough to be heard from the second story. He flew them all the way to IKEA headquarters to consult with ingvar. for this. bottles. "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, Bruce. it doesn't take me ten minutes to look at a plate that is totally flat and square."

Batman smirks, he's the brains in this duo. "I'm well aware of your speed, babe."

fuming, Superman uses his Super Mutter power. "I could reduce you to ash, you know. In an instant. But I love you so much..."

# ? Sep 16, 2015 22:42

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# ? May 4, 2024 22:47

Lil Cunty

Qwerinty posted:

Batman drags Superman to the IKEA to pick out new table and glassware. Batman carefully inspects a water pitcher simulating a Klein bottle. Superman taps his foot fast and strong enough to be heard from the second story. He flew them all the way to IKEA headquarters to consult with ingvar. for this. bottles. "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, Bruce. it doesn't take me ten minutes to look at a plate that is totally flat and square."

Batman smirks, he's the brains in this duo. "I'm well aware of your speed, babe."

fuming, Superman uses his Super Mutter power. "I could reduce you to ash, you know. In an instant. But I love you so much..."

ty crap

ty landy

# ? Sep 17, 2015 00:44

smoobles

is batman allowed to kill himself if him being alive causes the death of another, ie the third rule of batmans?

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# ? Sep 17, 2015 01:51

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

smoobles posted:

is batman allowed to kill himself if him being alive causes the death of another, ie the third rule of batmans?

No, and he must live with that fact every day of his life.

# ? Sep 17, 2015 05:46

joke_explainer

1. A batman may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A batman must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A batman must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws

# ? Sep 17, 2015 06:13

DeepQantas: Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...

Batman would never intentionally kill Ingvar Kamprad, but should the foot chase lead through an industrial woodwork factory there's no telling who might slip and fall into a vat of liquid instructions manuals.

# ? Sep 17, 2015 07:51

smoobles

DeepQantas posted:

Batman would never intentionally kill Ingvar Kamprad, but should the foot chase lead through an industrial woodwork factory there's no telling who might slip and fall into a vat of liquid instructions manuals.

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# ? Sep 17, 2015 10:06

DeepQantas: Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...

- Look, Batman! It looks like the Instructioner has left us a clue!
- You're right. It's the map of the city with three alternate routes to his hideout with complete description of the traps that await us.
- Holy hollyoak, we got him now!
- Not so fast, Robin, look closer. It's the map of Seattle, not Gotham City. And the instructions are only available in five indo-asian languages... none of which I happen to speak.

# ? Sep 17, 2015 10:48

joke_explainer

"I'm at the deepest part of my lair, Batman! Which is arranged in a most devious maze! But simply follow the marked arrows on the floor through the structure until you reach me, by the food court! If you dare! Along the way you will find a variety of lethal traps of my own devising! They're currently disassembled and packed in boxes, but simple pictorial instructions and included tools make it easy for you to get them operational before you proceed! So beware!!! Muahahah!"

# ? Sep 17, 2015 18:19

joke_explainer

If you don't have an IKEA where you live, you may be pretty confused by this previous joke and other jokes in the thread. IKEA is a chain of inexpensive furniture stores which consist of a showroom full of assembled furniture in different arrangements / room types, which you walk through from the entrance following a set of arrows. These arrows gently lead through what basically amounts to IKEA's entire catalog laid out in the showroom. They differ wildly here from other furniture stores as most use just a gridded system: Go to the section for couches, section for dining room tables, section for beds, etc. But in IKEA you pretty much have to walk through the whole thing and at least vaguely notice nearly every single product they have.

As you go, you write down the items you are interested in buying. Traditionally, you get into a fight with your significant other at IKEA, as the disturbing procession of cheap furniture and idealized rooms scours your interpersonal connections to their core, leaving the slightest flaws exposed like a raw nerve in an empty tooth socket that you can't stop pressing on. Eventually you make it through the gauntlet and proceed downstairs to where they have their warehouse; just many rows of flatpack boxes, each containing items you've seen in the showroom. You grab your items from the shelves and onto their carts and check out near the front of the store.

Once home, you assemble the furniture, which isn't as painful as people make it sound. Generally, it breaks in five months though occasionally you find something that lasts a little longer. I got a pretty decent couch from IKEA once.

Anyway, it's quite popular among young couples and families struggling to figure out how to fill their empty homes ~~with garbage~~ on a budget.

# ? Sep 17, 2015 18:31

joke_explainer

Additionally they have swedish foodstuffs in their restaurant at the end of the death march through the furniture section, and downstairs by the registers for packaged stuff. Pretty good swedish meatballs. Couple years back they had horse meat in them briefly which led to a lot of controversy and discussion about horse meat in the US, so you may have seen a joke about that before. But yeah. Some people think going to IKEA is worth it just to go to the lackluster cafeteria at the end. They're wrong.

# ? Sep 17, 2015 18:33

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

thanks for explaining

# ? Sep 17, 2015 20:58

alnilam

I've never been to an ikea so yes actually thanks joke_explainer

# ? Sep 17, 2015 21:12

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

joke_explainer posted:

Additionally they have swedish foodstuffs in their restaurant at the end of the death march through the furniture section, and downstairs by the registers for packaged stuff. Pretty good swedish meatballs. Couple years back they had horse meat in them briefly which led to a lot of controversy and discussion about horse meat in the US, so you may have seen a joke about that before. But yeah. Some people think going to IKEA is worth it just to go to the lackluster cafeteria at the end. They're wrong.

i actually don't like their meatballs. my inlaws and my wife make really good swedish meatballs that have to sit overnight in the sauce and they are amazing

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

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# ? Sep 17, 2015 21:40

DeepQantas: Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...

joke_explainer posted:

If...

I don't get it

# ? Sep 17, 2015 21:58

smoobles

CAT BRUSH posted:

i actually don't like their meatballs. my inlaws and my wife make really good swedish meatballs that have to sit overnight in the sauce and they are amazing

sounds like a sweet dish

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# ? Sep 17, 2015 22:41

joke_explainer

CAT BRUSH posted:

i actually don't like their meatballs. my inlaws and my wife make really good swedish meatballs that have to sit overnight in the sauce and they are amazing

I'm not a huge fan of them either but people seem to really like them.

# ? Sep 17, 2015 22:57

Matey: eat food

I wish there were some type of huge furniture store chain from Italy so I could get some Spaghetti & Meatballs! Maybe some Gabagool too!

# ? Sep 17, 2015 23:36

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# ? May 4, 2024 22:47

ChairmanMeow: Fire up the grill everyone eats tonight!

if you are used to normal meatballs these meatballs will confuse and frighten you. God wants meatballs to be in red sauce. Pulling people from their bubble like this is why so many couples fight there.

# ? Sep 18, 2015 01:11

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > what if batman killed ikea founder, ingvar kamprad

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