What it's like coming out and being openly a Wizard.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > What it's like coming out and being openly a Wizard.

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

i dream of a world where there are no classes and everyone is a bard

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:14

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 15, 2024 14:06

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

there need to be more regulations against offensive magic imo. i dont have a problem with arcane & elemental resistance, or even basic self defense like magic missile but theres no loving reason at all for anyone to be using fireball, or even worse are ppl who use lighting bolt like they actually have any idea where its gonna go next. thats how innocent ppl get killed. how many have to die before we say enough is enough

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:37

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

Jukeboxblues posted:

Oh and what if there is an evil wizard? Huh? Think about that? If I'm not allowed to prep some second level fireballs or something every day who is going to stop some bad wizard blowing up a town? You bards are all the same.

wow you might as well just have said "the only thing that can stop a bad wizard with fireball is a good wizard with fireball" thats fuckin bullshit and you know it. most of the time the "good wizard" is some self proclaimed hero who only escalates an already dangerous situation. there are nations where incineration deaths are ten times lower than ours and bard college is free. when will we catch up with the rest of the world??

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:45

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

Applewhite posted:

By that logic maybe you should just kill yourself right now.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:54

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

Luvcow posted:

"Oh billy I'm so sorry your mom died! Hey maybe if you got off your rear end and chose a lucrative path like wizard or warrior instead of farmhand you'd be able to bring her back but I guess you didn't really love her enough to do that."

if everyones a loving wizard or a warrior whos gonna protect us from the undead?? imo its shameful that we cant provide simple benefits like free temple resurrections to our veteran paladins. these are ppl who keep us safe and it sickens me that you take it for granted

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:58

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

thank you for your service applewhite

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:58

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

Luvcow posted:

just curious how you guys would answer the age old gently caress, marry, kill question with a dwarf, a Halfling and a gnome...

this is sick i would have expected this on drew curtis' larp.com but never here

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:03

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

tater_salad posted:

Look all you wizards.. why did you make this choice to be such a backwards class. It's an abomination against, creation fire wind and lightning wasn't meant to be controlled by mortals. Itd s thing of the gods lets keep it that way. You realize that when you die you will all go to the demonic realm not the good realm.

You know why all these dragons and undead have been unleashes on donkors keep? Because of the wizards it's the gods trying to end their lives and bring them down. Instead the council of donkors keep continues to let wizards just sit there in their robes like normal classes. This is why the Dwarven towers fell, this is why the ogre army chants "death to donkors" outside our walls.

I won't rest until every "mage" (sorry I know it's not pc but screw pc) is impaled with their wands and staves.

people dont choose to have an affinity for magic, they are born that way. look im not saying they deserve equal cross-classing rights or anything, im not chaotic, but bigots like you are why wizard kids have such a high suicide rate

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:14

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

its pretty clear that applewhite just isnt comfortable with his own magical side. this is the kind of attitude where he will condemn other people for it but you know hes in the latrines secretly casting grease on his buddys hole

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:22

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

The Ghoul posted:

Just chiming in to share my own experience as coming out as a wizard...

When I was young I always thought I was kind of different from the other kids. When I played with my friends I never really enjoyed being a fighter or a rogue and thought there was something wrong with me. One day while I was picking radishes in my parents garden I saw a kindly old man throwing arcs of blue lightning at a group of nearby children and I was completely frozen in awe. I asked him what he was doing and he agreed to take me to his tower and teach me his secrets.

After several weeks of thrusting his throbbing wisdom into my tender young mind I had learned so much about wizardry and even knew a few spells. I was so excited I immediately ran home to show my father what I had learned. When I entered the farm house I found him drunk in front of the fireplace. He began screaming at me about where I had been, and I told him that I had seen a Wizard and was his new apprentice. He grew even angrier and began beating me, saying that no son of his would be a wizard, and what would my mother think? Unfortunately, I had no way of asking her since she had died in a Owlbear attack many years before I had been born. I barely slept that night in fear of what my father would do to me when he sobered up and I could not possibly imagine what would happen next.

I was awakened when my door was kicked down and I was torn from my bed by two giant fighters. I kicked and I screamed but they threw me into the back of a worn down cart with several other scared looking children. I began to cry out and I was hit in the head with a hilt of a sword and blacked out. Several hours later I came to when we reached our destination. I found out that we had been taken to a Fighter Training Camp called "Walk Away from Wizardry". Everyone here was to have their interest in magic beaten out of them.

It was a long summer at camp. Every day we were to run a dungeon with only a sword - If anyone dared to throw a magic missile or a lightning bolt they were beaten mercilessly and thrown in a cell for a few hours. By the end of it, I was an adept fighter and no longer had any longing to play with spellcasting like I had in my youth.

I've never really spoken to my friends about my past dealing with wizardry because it's a tough subject for me. I am ashamed of what I used to be and afraid of what they would think.
I took the time to tell my story here, because I am urging OP to get help with his problem. Magic classes are not natural and only lead to evil unless they are strictly controlled. I flirted with magic once, and I now know where that path would have taken me... Brewing orgies, mage bars, herb fueled casting sessions through all hours of the night... It's... disgusting!

OP, please seek out help to overcome your problem. Being a wizard is not something you should embrace. Although it was hard at the time, I appreciate what my father and the Walk Away from Wizardry organization have done for me. I am now a very successful and respected paladin and what little magic I know is only for healing and helping people.

I hope my story has been an inspiration for you to find your true self and not be swept up in magic fads.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:41

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

one of my best friends is orc

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 18:09

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 15, 2024 14:06

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

Doctor Schnabel posted:

you people

wow, just wow

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 07:50

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > What it's like coming out and being openly a Wizard.