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You know I'm not magiphobic or anything but ever since the new wizard bar opened in town there are always used wands littering the local park. One of my kids found one and I had to explain what it was, I was mortified! The so called moderate wizards really should do more to condemn the actions of these bad wizards.
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Sep 21, 2015 17:06
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 07:49 |
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Magic is between a man and a woman. Redefining it so it's between a man and an elemental force is just crazy. It's NPC gone mad.
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Sep 21, 2015 17:23
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Fed up of fascist wizards getting their wands out and zapping unarmed orcs in the street. Then everyone on the lawful good wing starts harping on about how the orc was no angel and posting hateful memes on the tavern notice board.
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Sep 21, 2015 18:19
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Look if I need someone to clear giant rats from my basement I'll hire a recently escaped convict that will rummage through all my belongings while I watch and occasionally talk about the weather, just like any other sane humble NPC. Wizards just make a mess.
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Sep 21, 2015 23:01
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Dr Cheeto posted:My grandparents were on vacation in Rashemen when the red wizards attempted a coup. Gonna need to get a different point of view on this story yes I know that's not how it is spelled
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Sep 22, 2015 18:07
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A sorceress acquaintance of mine calls me at 1:00am today and asks me if I could summon a familiar for her and bring it over in the afternoon. "Hey yeah sure sure, whatever you need I'll help you, I'm all yours," I tell her. She teleports me this grimoire and lo and behold I can't read it. It's written in Khazalid and I don't have that speak language talent so I begin panicing, trying to earn XP to learn this skill or a way to translate the grimoire. Scouring the aether realm yields no results and I do my usual pacing in my tower. I finally come up with an idea and I tell the sorceress, if I can proceed with it. The plan was I would carry my arcane library about 2miles to her keep, work together on translating the needed pages, maybe talk to her a bit while I was there. I was hoping for at least a hug out of this ordeal. By the time I get there, I'm wet all over from sweating in the +90 degree heat outside and carrying a heavy motherfucking leather satchel full of scrolls. The first thing I see upon entering her chambers (my first time in a sorceress's bedroom) are some enchanted panties on her bed. After the initial shock of seeing such a horrific sight for the first time, I setup the reagents and get my spell done. However, I did consider sniffing the lingere when she left the room once, but with the wuss that I am, I just ended up staring at them the whole while. That was a sarcastic joke for those of you too stupid to realize that To make a long story short, just as I was finishing up with the summoning job (which was hard on my low constitution), her boyfriend and his gay friend walk in, say hello, and begin hanging out in the room as they waited for the sorceress to finish this ritual so they could go to the dungeon. This effectively ruins my chances of getting a hug and I walk another 2 miles home with the motherfucking library on my back. The only thing that I got out of this was a few lost hit points and a "thanks" as I walked out her chamber door. So, am I pathetic for doing all these things? It wouldn't be the first time I've pledged my heart and soul to a sorceress and gotten back almost nothing in return. I would hate turning her or anyone else I knew down or making up some lie.
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Sep 22, 2015 18:23
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So you're working out and getting buff so you are strong to do what? "Getting XP points" as if they they were an object to do what? Level up and forget about it? Some life. "Getting XP" improves your social status amongst those who hi-five people for being "player character"s. Who gives a drat about being more powerful amongst those vapid wastes of food and healing potions?
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Sep 22, 2015 18:25
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Two days ago (sunday night) I cried myself to sleep. This sorceress (I will refer to her as S'arahq) I have been obsessed with since 3rd grade threw a levelling up party on saturday, it was a pretty casual house party, so people brought friends along, of course I was not invited (no sorceress would ever invite me to a party), but my friend asked me to come along, and of course I jumped at the opportuinity. Around an hour into the party, it happened that me and S'arahq were alone in the kitchen while others danced and talked in the banquet hall. I was there to get a drink, and when I came in and saw her by the pantry, a deep shocking, sinking feeling almost paralysed me with fear, as I just stood there staring at her for about 5 seconds (I am absolutely TERRIFIED of females, especially S'arahq, I had no idea she would be in there alone). When she looked at me I quickly glanced away in shame. After about 10 awkward seconds of me staring at the floor and her standing there awkwardly, she finally spoke. "Uh, hi, you're frank, right?" "No. Francis of Neverwinter." "Oh, but it's frank for short, right?" "No." "Sorry, I must have you confused with someone else." I couldn't think of anything to say. "Want a drink?" "Yeah. Thanks. She handed me a beer. "I'M A LOW CONSTITUTION CHARACTER!!" I just tried to tell her I was low constitution (and therefore didn't drink), but I was so nervous when she approached me physically that it came out in what sounded like a confontational shout which totally wasn't what I intended. "Sorry, uh there's an apple juice if you like" "I don't drink fruit juices, they are carginogens." "Oh.." I couldn't stand the fear of being near her any more, so I scurried away and (again in that nervous shout) blurted out "CONGRATS ON LEVELLING UP" and heard her say "thanks" as I walked back into the living room, up the stairs and into the bathroom where I literally collapsed and started shivering on the floor with fear, tears came from my eyes. After about 5 minutes of just lying there I composed myself and went downstairs again. For the rest of the party I pretty much avoided her and talked with some people I knew. When me and my friend got back home to my house and polymorphed a few mice for about half an hour, he left and I said bye. It was at this point I realised he had left his megascope crystal. As I was about to call him to tell him, it suddenly struck me that he probably had S'arahq's aether address on his crystal. I literally sat there for 45 minutes shivering with both anticipation and fear as I saw the crystal active in my megascope, begging me to communicate with her. Simple. I'd just contact her, apologise for the awkwardness and ask her if she wanted to get a potion some time. The only problem was this was about the scariest thing imaginable. I felt my body ache with fear as I tried to activate the communication device several times but was too scared. I got a disconnecting feeling as if none of this was actually happening to me, like maybe it was all a dream. When I finally got the courage to activate it, my heart raced as I heard the magical tone. "Hello?" "Hey, sorry about earlier, I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for potions some time ?(WHAT THE gently caress was I thinking??)" "Sorry, who is this?" I (stupidly) hadn't anticipated she would ask who it was. the question caught me totally off guard. I thought of just saying my name, or giving a fake name, or shouting out "your worst loving nightmare", or avoiding the question, and a host of other ideas over the course of about 5 seconds. I was too stunned to even reply. Another 5 seconds of silence. "Are you still there?" "Yeah...sorry, I.. it's" "Oh, Francis of Neverwinter right? I was silent again "Sorry yeah, I - I'm pretty busy lately but maybe- uh I'll summon you another time if i get time to go out uh (I could regognize that she had no intention of summoning me), what's your aether?" I gave her my aether address. "Ok, well bye!" "Bye." As I hung up and put the phone down, the realization of what had just happened hit me like a wrecking ball, I collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep with exaustion. About 5 minutes later I get a message on my megascope. "Hello?" A male voice. "Is this francis of Neverwinter?" "Yeah uh who is this?" "I'm just calling to give you a friendly warning, stay away from S'arahq, okay? She's my concubine, and she has no interest in you whatsoever, you're a creep." The realization and jealousy that she had a barbarian boyfriend, coupled with the shock and unexpectedness of this conversation filled me with rage. "gently caress YOU YOU MOTHER F-ORC FUNK" I stuttered incomprehensibly with rage. "Man you're hosed up in the head aren't you. I'm WARNING you, stay away." He hung up. I literally let out a massive scream of both sadness jealousy anger and fear that gripped my entire body. I went to bed and got about 2 hours of sleep. The next (sunday) morning, I got up feeling like absolute poo poo. As I always do to when I feel terrible, I force myself to walk outside, go to the marketplace (5 min walk) where there are lots of people, and buy something or run into someone I know. I couldn't find anyone I knew, so I bought a decoction and walked out the front enterance, where I saw something that made my heart skip. S'arahq and some barbarian (probably her boyfriend?) walking into the mall. I saw her glance with shock at me and quickly look away trying to make it seem as if she hadn't noticed me. I rushed towards her. "S'arahq!" I shouted Her boyfriend turned around with shock and saw me. "ARE YOU FRANCIS OF NEVERWINTER?" he asked angrily. I stood there staring. "Get out of here man, we don't want anything to do with you, understand?" "gently caress YOU, THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY!" As a rage overcameme me, I rushed forward and threw my decoction as hard as I possibly could at the bastard, totally missing him and tripping over myself in the process. What happened next was the worst feeling I had ever felt. S'arahq stood there laughing at me. The expression on her beautiful face, half disgust half laughter made me feel terrible like I never imagined I could. I hated her guts at that moment. "YOU oval office!" I yelled. Her eyes widened, even the barbarian looked shocked and the three of us stood there staring for maybe 5 seconds. "YOU MOTHER loving oval office!!" I yelled as I started shooting lightning bolts at her. She made made me feel so terrible it physically hurt in my stomach. I was about to loving attack her. I couldn't believe it. It was like some force was controlling me and like I had no control at all. God loving drat I'm stupid when I'm angry and upset. Before I could reach her, the barbarian grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me to the ground. "JUST GET OUT OF HERE YOU loving WEIRDO AND BE THANKFUL I DONT loving KILL YOU!!" I rushed for him with every ounce of anger and strength in my body and groaned as his fist connected with my tummy, winding and incapacitating me. He stared for a second, as if he hadn't expected me to be so easily beaten, before he and S'arahq both ran off in a panic. I knew there was no way I could take him, and that he probably went to go get the watch. These facts, coupled with my crippling social awkwardness and the fact that people all over were staring at me like some kind of freak caused me to run home, totally defeated, clutching my tummy. That night I considered suicide. My mage lord masters aren't home until next week and I felt an aching loneliness. I never went through with it, but have been left crippled emotionally. I havn't gone to the wizard academy either today or yesterday. My masters will kill me when they get home. I'm a loving failure of a wizard.
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Sep 22, 2015 18:45
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 07:49 |
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Cowman posted:Guys I have a problem. Your wife is banging someone else dude. Born wizards are the seventh son of a seventh son.
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Sep 23, 2015 18:37
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