Dwarf Fortress Arena Challenge: Season 5 - The Road To The Murderbowl!

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Tunicate: May 15, 2012

quote:

Tunicate, you are managing The Official UN Observer, a retired male Human fighter.

This fighter participated in the 1052 Unofficial Test League tournament as a member of Insecurities Council.

He has the following equipment.
Copper Pike
Iron Cap
Iron Mail Shirt

He has the following skills.
Level 4 Fighting (Skilled)
Level 7 Spear (Adept)
Level 1 Armor (Novice)
Level 14 Observing (Grand Master)

# ¿ Jun 29, 2017 23:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 10, 2024 22:28

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

We should just buy gladiators by the pound. Trade in your yeti for his weight in gremlins

# ¿ Jul 1, 2017 17:51

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Dance Officer posted:

Is there any way to make bowbolds more consistently, well, good?

Figure out how to poison the arrows.

# ¿ Jul 22, 2017 08:39

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Jazzimus Prime posted:

So what does everyone want this time around? Team tournaments or one-on-one?

4p teams, with a final two-round bracket of the remaining team so only one grand champion emerges

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 01:30

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Synthbuttrange posted:

Everyone in the tournament in the arena at once in a massive Last Being Standing event.

yes

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 01:38

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Dumb question - is it possible to make a wrestler with a single throwing weapon, or is it impossible for an object to be both ammo and launcher?

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 17:11

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Jazzimus Prime posted:

ZeeToo would be the one who would know, but my guess is that it's impossible, otherwise it would have been easier to implement throwing weapons.

I guess it's also impossible to attach 'launcher' to armor, otherwise they could have a decorative headband or something.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 21:31

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

... okay, I *do* have a dumb dwarf-logic workaround suggestion

Make the launcher out of a material that evaporates quickly, and ideally they'll get one throw and then the launcher will puff into smoke before the battle closes.

it's super dumb

# ¿ Aug 4, 2017 00:32

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

You might need to do awful things to creatures' base temperatures if the arena temperature isn't amenable to it, but that allows for race-based durability which is exciting.

# ¿ Aug 4, 2017 00:47

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

sudden death where all combatants catch on fire

# ¿ Aug 4, 2017 00:52

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Buying a series of clone fighters with progressively lower boiling points and lifespans.

# ¿ Aug 4, 2017 01:01

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

how many points does it cost for a double-edged sword?

# ¿ Aug 6, 2017 20:27

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Yesssssss, with my picks fighting at a consistent level, I am now the highest ranked bettor!

# ¿ Aug 7, 2017 19:50

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Astus posted:

...uh, I did not expect any of that. That was an extremely gruesome match, which makes it even weirder that the team with no armor won.

yeah I was honestly expecting a serpentwoman to do well against an unarmored, gnome-free team, but I only got one paralysis total

# ¿ Aug 10, 2017 22:52

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

you should spot anyone hit by Harvey those dorfbux too. They just gotta send in a photo full of blue sevens

# ¿ Aug 31, 2017 04:58

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

AJ_Impy posted:

Shot through the heart,

And you're to blame

# ¿ Sep 5, 2017 20:11

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Galick posted:

So! I got in touch with Jazzimus and pretty soon (depends on him!) we'll be starting a new tournament with me as the primary commish (and anyone else if they want to help out!)

Since this'll be my first solo tourney, we're going for a single elimination bracket just to ease things into it. Bright side, this means I can likely put out a few fights per day unless they decide to stand there punching each other in the left big toe for the next sixteen years!

So! Sharpen your axes and offer a prayer to Armok to steel yourselves against bloodshed - the Murderbowl lives again!

(also Jazz, please give me the ability to start a new tourney on the site or something so we can get the blood flowin' again )

sounds fun

# ¿ Jul 24, 2018 21:16

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Bad Munki posted:

I had such high hopes for a new era of awful names. :|

I hope not to disappoint

# ¿ Jul 25, 2018 16:58

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Galick posted:

Size better that time? And how's picture quality? Is all the text legible for everyone?

seems fine for me

# ¿ Jul 30, 2018 20:18

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Randomize the version for each fight

# ¿ Aug 19, 2018 18:26

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Give me full powers and I will run exactly one fight and then get bored and become impossible to contact

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 01:27

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

People will suspect I died in the hurricane but will never know for certain.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 01:28

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

In the red square: He's got a maul, and wants to kill you all, the human henchman who's the #1 enema of the state, it's JIM STAFFORD

In the purple square: this heiroglypic kobold ain't gonna grow-old, proof that you CAN text and die, it's 🍆

The fighters are squared up, and it already looks bad for 🍆, who can barely carry his platinum warhammer. As they rush to the center, 🍆 tries for first blood, but only lifts his hammer about two millimeters off the ground, and is easily parried by his opponent. Recognizing a superior fighter, he immediately turns tail and attempts to flee the arena! What sort of cowards are they letting in these days?

Jim pursues, and 🍆 deals the first damage of the match, as Jim stubs his toe on the hammer! The crowd goes mild! Jim capitalizes on the opportunity and breaks 🍆's spine! Sadly, this wound barely inconveniences the nearly-spineless kobold, who badly twists Jim's elbow as it's overextended on the down-stroke, then taps the hammer's hilt into Jim's shins.

Irritated by his pint-sized foe, Jim feints with his maul and tackles 🍆 to the ground! 🍆 jumps to his feet, only to get knocked down again and stunned.

Tired of having his toes stubbed, Jim shows 🍆 how a real fighter does things and drops his maul on 🍆's toes. I think that by the end of this he'll be flat and tenderized - perfect for a 🍆 parm sub. Jim seems to agree, as he bends down and leans in for a taste test, biting one of 🍆's toes off!

🍆 is in full on retreat, so Jim shows the superiority of his fully intact feet, kicking the warhammer out of 🍆's hand!

The rest is brutal and short - while 🍆 never had a chance to begin with, losing his weapon renders the rest of the fight a formality, as Jim slowly reduces him into an unrecognizable pulp.

Winner: JIM STAFFORD

Combat Log: http://arenachallenge.com/dwarffort/view_combat_log.php?733

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 23:35

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

verbal enema posted:

HELL YEAH

calm down it was just bad munki

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 23:52

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Cathode Raymond posted:

That link isn�t the combat log

I'll just put it here since I'm clearly incompetent and it's not very long

quote:

*** STARTING NEW GAME ***
** Starting New Arena **
🍆 strikes at Jim but the shot is deftly parried by the silver maul!
Jim attacks 🍆 but He jumps away!
🍆 bashes Jim in the left foot with his platinum war hammer, bruising the muscle!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the neck with his silver maul, bruising the muscle and shattering the upper spine's bone!
🍆 bashes Jim in the left lower arm with his platinum war hammer, bruising the muscle through the cow leather left glove!
The force twists the left elbow, tearing apart the muscle and tearing apart the muscle!
🍆 bashes Jim in the left lower leg with his platinum war hammer, bruising the fat!
Jim misses 🍆!
🍆 bashes Jim in the left hand with his platinum war hammer, bruising the muscle through the cow leather left glove!
Jim misses 🍆!
Jim: Can it all end so quickly? Begone fear!
Jim misses 🍆!
Jim charges at 🍆!
🍆 looks surprised by the ferocity of Jim's onslaught!
Jim collides with 🍆!
🍆 is knocked over and tumbles backward!
🍆 stands up.
Jim misses 🍆!
🍆 strikes at Jim but the shot is easily deflected by the silver maul!
Jim attacks 🍆 but He jumps away!
Jim: I've been wounded. It's annoying.
🍆 bashes Jim in the right upper leg with his platinum war hammer, bruising the muscle!
Jim misses 🍆!
🍆 bashes Jim in the right upper arm with his platinum war hammer, bruising the muscle!
Jim bites 🍆 in the right upper arm, tearing the muscle!
Jim charges at 🍆!
🍆 looks surprised by the ferocity of Jim's onslaught!
Jim collides with 🍆!
🍆 is knocked over and tumbles backward!
🍆 stands up.
Jim bashes 🍆 in the lower body with his silver maul, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!
🍆 misses Jim!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the left foot with his silver maul, bruising the bone!
The force bends the left ankle, tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone and tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone!
A ligament has been torn and a tendon has been torn!
🍆 falls over.
🍆 strikes at Jim but the shot is deftly parried by the silver maul!
Jim bites 🍆 in the second toe, left foot, tearing apart the fat!
Jim latches on firmly!
🍆 strikes at Jim but the shot is deftly parried by the silver maul!
Jim shakes 🍆 around by the second toe, left foot and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The second toe, left foot is ripped away and remains in Jim's grip!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the left upper arm with his silver maul, bruising the fat!
🍆 is no longer stunned.
🍆 misses Jim!
Jim attacks 🍆 but He rolls away!
🍆 bashes Jim in the right hand with his platinum war hammer, bruising the fat through the cow leather right glove!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the upper body with his silver maul, bruising the muscle and bruising the heart!
🍆 misses Jim!
Jim attacks 🍆 but He rolls away!
🍆 strikes at Jim but the shot is parried by the silver maul!
Jim attacks 🍆 but He scrambles away!
Jim kicks 🍆 in the left hand with his right foot, bruising the muscle!
The force pulls the left wrist, tearing apart the muscle and tearing apart the muscle!
🍆 loses hold of the platinum war hammer.
🍆 attacks Jim but He jumps away!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the right lower arm with his silver maul, bruising the muscle!
🍆 attacks Jim but He jumps away!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the right lower leg with his silver maul, bruising the muscle!
🍆 misses Jim!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the right foot with his silver maul, bruising the fat!
Jim punches 🍆 in the right lower arm with his right hand, bruising the bone!
The force pulls the right elbow, tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone and tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone!
A ligament has been torn and a tendon has been torn!
🍆 misses Jim!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the right lower arm with his silver maul, bruising the fat!
🍆 kicks Jim in the lower body with his right foot, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the left lower arm with his silver maul, bruising the muscle!
🍆 attacks Jim but He jumps away!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the right upper leg with his silver maul, bruising the muscle!
🍆 kicks Jim in the right hand with his right foot, bruising the fat through the cow leather right glove!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the left upper leg with his silver maul, bruising the bone!
The force bends the left hip, tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone and tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone!
A ligament has been torn and a tendon has been torn!
🍆 misses Jim!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the right foot with his silver maul, bruising the muscle!
🍆 scratches Jim in the left hand, bruising the fat through the cow leather left glove!
🍆 attacks Jim but He jumps away!
🍆 bites Jim in the left upper arm, tearing the fat and bruising the muscle!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the right upper arm with his silver maul and the injured part is smashed into the body, an unrecognizable mass!
An artery has been opened by the attack!
The force twists the right shoulder, tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone and tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone!
A ligament has been bruised and a tendon has been bruised!
🍆 attacks Jim but He jumps away!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the right hand with his silver maul, bruising the muscle!
🍆 attacks Jim but He jumps away!
Jim bashes 🍆 in the right lower leg with his silver maul and the injured part is crushed!
An artery has been opened by the attack!
The force twists the right knee, tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone and tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone!
A ligament has been torn and a tendon has been torn!
🍆 gives in to pain.
Jim bashes 🍆 in the head with his silver maul, but the attack is deflected by 🍆's small copper cap!
The force pulls the neck and the upper spine is smashed into the body, an unrecognizable mass!
An artery has been opened by the attack!
A tendon in the upper spine has been torn!
Jim grabs 🍆 by the right upper leg with his right lower arm!
Jim locks 🍆's right hip with Jim's right lower arm!
Jim bends 🍆's right upper leg with Jim's right lower arm and the right hip collapses!
A ligament in the right hip has been torn and a tendon has been torn!
Jim releases the joint lock of Jim's right lower arm on 🍆's right upper leg.
Jim releases the grip of Jim's right lower arm on 🍆's right upper leg.
Jim grabs 🍆 by the thumb, right hand with his silver maul!
Jim grabs 🍆 by the right ear with his left upper arm!
🍆 has bled to death.
Jim: Death is all around us. The horror consumes me!

# ¿ Sep 13, 2018 00:01

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

ROUND EIGHT

In the red square, this fowl-mouthed fighter is going hell-for-leather, breaking taboos like she'll break your spine, it's Duck Fucker!

In the blue square, this cool cat just wants to axe you some questions, a tiger man with a battle plan, it's KITTY!

As the bell rings, the fighters rush forward. Duck Fucker's elf feet propel her faster than the sluggish KITTY, not at all slowed by the massive two-handed sword she's carrying. It's nice to know that at least SOME fighters know how much weapon they can handle.

KITTY springs around like a maniac, with three impressive dodges that are so preemptive our combat reporter refuses to register them. With hops like those, he should be called TIGGER!

When they finally close to combat, they find themselves evenly matched. The fighters trade a ferocious spiral of parries, dodges, and counters. Duck Fucker stabs KITTY in the arm, and he returns the favor with an axe to the leg!

Both of them are injured, but Duck Fucker keeps the upper hand by whacking KITTY in the head, then slashes him in the shin so hard his thigh bends. The stuffed animal theory gets more support by the minute!

A slash to KITTY's lower arm has me convinced! You can see stuffing coming out of the seams as his upper arm twists apart! The battleaxe that was crudely sewn to his hand falls to the arena floor.

Now that he's done playing with axes, TIGGER springs forward to give Duck Fucker a big hug, knocking her to the floor. Unfortunately, this horseplay gets a little out of hand, and TIGGER accidentally steps on Duck Fucker's wrist and breaks it.

Duck Fucker cuts his wrist off in retaliation, and enjoys the payback.

She enjoys it so much, she decides to get some more, turning the stuffed tiger into an oversized pincushion.

Christopher Robin is going to be so disappointed.

The winner: Duck Fucker!

Combat Log: http://arenachallenge.com/dwarffort/view_combat_log.php?734

Tunicate fucked around with this message at 06:27 on Sep 19, 2018

# ¿ Sep 19, 2018 06:23

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

a battle too big for one page, an epic brawl for the ages

# ¿ Jan 9, 2019 05:11

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Its all my fault for crashing the individual tourneys with a null character name.

# ¿ Jan 29, 2019 20:43

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

The spinning +hard drive platter+ hits the motherboard!
It is struck down!

# ¿ Mar 27, 2019 00:14

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

This tournament has lost momentum at this point, and gently caress it, I'm not setting up DF again, I'm going to abuse my commissioner privilege and run all the remaining fights in AI Dungeon.

Remington (Managed by Klokwurk) vs (Managed by me)

quote:

Generating story...
Tip: Want more story to generate? Just press enter without typing in an action.

>You are the referee for the Dwarf Fortress Arena Challenge. Your goal is to observe which of these combatants will come out on top. Below you are the two contestants - a nameless Serpent Man who specializes in his venomous bite, and Remington the tigerman. The arena is stone-floored, with high walls and is surrounded by a magma moat. You drop the flag, signaling the beginning of this fight.

"Remington!" you say. "How do I know you're going to win?"

He looks at you, confused. Then he smiles, and nods.
>"How about you," you ask the nameless serpent man. "Why do you think you're going to win?"

The snakeman shrugs. "I dunno... it's just something that keeps running through my head." He pauses, then shakes his head. "Nevermind."

Remington looks at him, confused.
>You tell the tigerman and serpent man to fight.

The tigerman charges at the serpent man. The serpent swings his tail at the tigerman, who sidesteps it. He leaps at the serpent, but the serpent moves faster, hitting him with his tail. The tigerman falls to the ground, but the serpent lifts his head up using his teeth. The tigerman looks for a way to escape, but the serpent brings his head down onto the tigerman's neck. You see the tigerman's head being crushed, killing him instantly.

> You signal the end of the match and send the winner back to the stands.
You drop the flag, signaling the end of this match. Remington runs up to you, patting you on the back. "Good job, man," he says, grinning from ear to ear.

> You thank the ghost for his compliments on your excellent and fair job as a commissioner.
"Thank you," you say politely. "I really tried my best to make this a good fight."
"Thanks," the ghost replies. "I'm sure it was."

[spoiler]
Winner:

Gnose Nothing (managed by Gnoman) vs Hey it's that dog (Managed by I R SMART LIKE ROCK.)

quote:

> You move on to the next match. The challengers in this match are "Hey, it's that dog!", a female Werewolf fighter, who is facing off against "Gnose Gnothing", a female Human fighter. The two combatants enter the arena.
"Ready?" you ask the fighters. "Gnose Gnothing, you're up first."
"Yeah, I'm ready," she replies.
You signal the begining of the match.

> You say "Gnose Nothing, how do I know you're going to win?"
"Because I'm going to kill that dog," she replies.
You think for a moment, then say, "Well, thanks for at least being honest. Hey, the fight's starting! Watch it, now!"

> You say "Hey it's that dog, why do you think you're going to win?"
The dog cocks her head to the side and barks.

> You tell the werewolf and human woman to fight!
The werewolf charges forward. She leaps forward with both feet, slamming into Gnose Gnothing. She flies through the air, and lands on the ground with a solid thud. The crowd gasps.
Gnose Gnothing gets up slowly. She stares at the werewolf. Then, she growls. The werewolf growls back. Gnose Gnothing bares her teeth, and charges. She tackles the werewolf, knocking her on her back. The two roll around in the mud for a while, neither able to gain an advantage over the other. Finally, the werewolf manages to stand up. She's covered in mud from head to toe, and is breathing hard.
"Now, now, ladies," you say. "That's enough."
The werewolf and human woman stare at each other, breathing heavily.
"Kill her," the crowd yells.
Gnose Gnothing charges forward, grabbing the werewolf's neck. She begins to squeeze, slowly crushing the werewolf's windpipe. The werewolf desperately tries to struggle free, but Gnothing just squeezes harder and harder, until her hand starts turning a deep crimson. Then, Gnothing releases the werewolf's neck. The werewolf collapses on the ground, her life having left her body.
"She's dead," Gnothing smiles. "Didn't expect her to go down so easy."

Winner: Gnose Gnothing

Tanky Tawny (managed by Maarak) vs ϾϿ (managed by Spermy Smurf)

quote:

> You move on to the next match. The challengers in this match are "Tanky Tawny", a male Tigerman fighter, who is facing off against "ϾϿ", a male Minotaur fighter. The two new combatants enter the arena.
"Alright, everyone's ready?" you ask. "ϾϿ, you're first."
"I am," he grunts.
You signal the fight to begin.

> You say "ϾϿ, how do I know you're going to win?"
"Because I'm going to ram my head into that monster's scaly stomach and tear out his throat with my bare hands!" he screams.

> You say "great enthusiasm! Tanky Tawny, how do I know YOU are going to win?"
"Because I'm a tank!" he replies.
You think for a moment.

> You tell the minotaur and tigerman to fight!
The minotaur charges forward, charging past you. He charges straight towards Tanky Tawny. The two clash heads with a crunch. Red blood spurts out like a fountain. The crowd goes wild as the two continue to crash into each other. Finally, Tanky Tawny's bulk crashes into you. You yell in pain as he sends you flying across the ground.

> You say "hey, no fighting the ref!"
You stand up, shaking off the cobwebs. You signal the two fighters to start again.
"Fight!" you yell.
The minotaur charges forward, smashing into Tanky Tawny. They roll around on the ground, smashing into each other with abandon. Finally, the minotaur manages to stand up, by standing on his opponent's chest and flinging him over his shoulder. The crowd goes wild.
"Finish him off!" someone in the crowd yells.
The minotaur drops his hands, ready to throw Tanky Tawny into the air and crush him against the ground. Suddenly, he looks up, spotting you standing there. The minotaur roars, and charges. You raise your hands in defense, ready to absorb the impact, but the minotaur slams into you.

> You say "Seriously guys, cut it out! You're supposed to be fighting each other!"
You're so tired, you can barely stand up. You wave your hands in the air to signal the two fighters to stop. They do as requested.

> You get back up into the commentator's box, then signal for the two fighters to complete the match.
The two fighters stare at each other. The minotaur raises his fist, ready to charge forward and ram it into the side of the tigerman's head. However, the tigerman does something strange: he raises his own hand, revealing a clenched fist. The minotaur stops in his tracks, as if suddenly understanding something. The tigerman slowly steps forward, lowering his fist. The minotaur raises his own fist and rams it into the tigerman's stomach. The tigerman grunts in pain, as the minotaur pulls his fist back. He swings it forward, punching the tigerman in the face. The tigeman falls backwards, as the minotaur pulls his fist back again, ready to swing again. The tigerman raises his arms in defense. The minotaur punches him hard in the chest, sending him backwards. The minotaur falls on his butt, looking up at the tigerman, who slowly begins to raise his fists.
The minotaur raises his hands up, raising his fingers in defense. The tigeman swings his fist forward, striking the minotaur right in the chest. The minotaur falls backwards, out cold. The tigerman slowly walks over to him, as the crowd goes wild.
"Is he killing him? Oh please, may he kill him!" a female in the front row screams.
"Come on, hit him!" a male adds.
The tigerman raises his fist, about to strike the minotaur right in the face. Suddenly, the minotaur sits up and roars. The tigerman looks up in confusion, only to find the minotaur charging straight for him. He's so tired, all he can do is raise his arms in defense. The minotaur grabs him, picking him up off the ground. The crowd goes wild as the minotaur begins running forward, swinging the tigeman around in a circle. He flings him out into the air, and the tigerman falls on his back, crashing into the mat. The minotaur charges forward, raising his fist. He swings it, as the tigerman rolls out of the way. He brings his foot back, sending it right into the tigerman's stomach. The tigerman doubles over, as the minotaur brings his fist down on the top of his head. The tigerman falls unconscious to the mat.
"KILL!" the crowd screams.
The tigerman is dead. You step out from the commentator's box, looking up at the screen. The next fight is ready to begin, but there's no place left to sit.

WINNER: ϾϿ

Nickleback (managed by Frozen_Flame) vs Badant (managed by habituallyred)

quote:

> You move on to the next match. The challengers in this match are Nickleback, a male Serpent Man, who is facing off against "Badant", a four-armed soldier ant woman fighter. The two combatants enter the arena.
The crowd is completely divided, as expected. While the ant people are cheering for the soldier, the alien's fans are booing, as usual.
"Are you watching, Ben?"

> You say "Nickleback, how do I know you're going to win? And who's Ben?"
"Come on, baby, give it up," the serpent man sings. "I'm the master of the universe!"
"Nickleback is the worst band in the history of the-"
"Shut up!"

> You say "Badant, why are YOU going to emerge victorious?"
"Shut up!"
The match begins, as the serpent man rushes forward, punching Badant right in the nose. She flies backwards, smacking into the wall. Nickleback raises his fist, about to strike, but Badant gets up quickly. She runs forward, sending a powerful kick into the serpent man's stomach. He doubles over, groaning.
"Badant, why are you going to win?" you ask.
"Shut up!"
She punches him in the face, knocking him out cold. She pulls him forward, grabbing him by the scruff. She begins dragging him towards the edge of the arena, as the crowd goes wild. Suddenly, the serpent man wakes up, and begins struggling free. He breaks free of her grip, and begins running towards her. She runs forward, punching him right in the stomach. He groans, falling on his knees. She stomps on his head, cracking his skull. He moans, raising his hands up in surrender.

> You say "Match called in favor of Badant!"
The crowd goes wild as Badant stands over the prone body of the serpent man, holding a crushing victory over him.
"Badant!" you shout. "You're awesome!"
"Thanks,"

Winner: Badant (she's awesome)

Gorbo the Smoosher ( managed by Captainicus) vs Strangler disguised as itself (managed by AJ_Impy)

quote:

> You move on to the final match. The challengers in this match are "Gorbo the Smoosher", a male Troll fighter, who is facing off against "Strangler Disguised as Itself", a four-armed three-eyed ape creature. The two combatants enter the arena.
The crowd is completely divided, as expected. While the troll's fans are screaming for blood, the creature's fans are mostly staying silent, presumably because they don't want to support evil.

> You say "Gorbo the Smoosher, why will YOU be the victor?"
"I'm going to smoosh your face!"
"Thanks for the kindness," you say. "But why will you win?"
"Because I'm going to crush your face!"

> You say "I think that's all he's got, folks. How about you, Strangler Disguised as Itself? Why are you going to win?"
"I don't know," it says. "I'm going to get you, Smiley. But first, I need to get past that giant pile of muscles.

> You tell the troll and strangler to fight!
The troll and the creature begin to fight. Gorbo begins charging forward, raising his fist. The creature rolls to the side, running forward and pouncing on the troll. It bites into the troll's ankle, and begins to drag the troll down. The troll begins screaming in agony, and the crowd begins to scream with him. Finally, the creature throws the troll to the ground. It stands over the troll, roaring. The creature runs forward, leaping at the troll and pouncing on it. It begins biting into the troll's other ankle, and the troll screams in pain. Finally, the creature grabs the troll's head with both hands, and begins squeezing. Gorbo's screams are long and loud, lasting for a good minute before finally dying down.
The troll lies there, motionless. The creature steps back, staring at the troll with sadistic glee. It turns and walks off, leaving the troll to bleed out.
"That was a bit depressing," it says. "Let's get out of here."
Gorbo is carried out on a stretcher, his eyes still closed. The monster is gone, leaving the crowd in awe.

Winner: Strangler Disguised As Itself

Tunicate fucked around with this message at 03:19 on Jul 13, 2020

# ¿ Jul 13, 2020 03:16

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Having abused my powers further, this round of the tournament is officially over, and we move into sweet sixteen.

I have figured out how to lock a list of equipment, weapons, and skills for each combatants into the AI, and it often will even remember them, so anyone who's still active in this thread, feel free to spend your points on items which might end up being imaginary, I'll run the fights of people who spent points sometime tomorrow.

# ¿ Jul 13, 2020 08:31

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

I have no ability to reset passwords, so just say what you're buying on the honor system.

(I also can't seem to start the next round either which would be an issue if we were still running this in DF)

Tunicate fucked around with this message at 02:44 on Jul 14, 2020

# ¿ Jul 14, 2020 02:30

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

commish note:

since I can't start the next round of the tournament for some reason I can't see your characters' stats

so just post

Character Name
Race
Best Skill
Weapon Type
Armor

and I'll pair characters off from the survivors to crown the true winner.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2020 02:45

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

i don't think i can start the next round,

So if someone would start it for me that'd be great.

:siren:

last chance to spend your worthless points :siren:

# ¿ Jul 15, 2020 21:16

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

First four of the sweet sixteen matches. Don't wanna shotgun them all at once.

Lumbering Jack (managed by Lady Teacup.)
vs
(managed by Coward.)

quote:

> You announce that the prelims are over, and you are moving into the Sweet Sixteen!
The fans cheer loudly, as you raise your hands up.

> You move on to the first match of the sweet sixteen. The challengers in this match are "nbsp;" a female strangler who dual-wields mining picks, and "Lumbering Jack", a male human with an axe.
"This is going to be good," you say.
Lumbering Jack comes out first, wielding his axe. The crowd goes wild as they see him, as the miners cheer him on.

> You say "I see you're a man of the working class, Lumbering Jack. Tell me, why are you going to win this?"
"I've worked too hard to lose to a cheapskate halfbreed!" he roars.

> You ask "nbsp;" why she thinks she's going to win!
"Because it's the fair and square thing to do!" she says.
"That's my girl," you say.
Lumbering Jack charges forward, swinging his axe. The female strangler rolls to the side, running forward and leaping at him. She kicks, hitting him in the stomach. She grabs his arm, and while he tries to pull away she wraps her arm around his throat. She squeezes, and the life is drained from his eyes.
"Yes!" she yells.
She runs forward, grabbing his axe. She stands up, running back to the wall. She leans up against the wall, laughing.
"That was so much fun," she smiles. "Who wants to go next?"
The crowd goes wild, as you look around.

Winner: through nonprintable acts of violence

On bi van kenjo bi (managed by my dad)
vs
Derek Smart (managed by Jack the Lad )

quote:

> You announce the end of the match, and bring in the next two contestants! In the red corner, "On bi van kenjo bi", the massive yeti. In the blue corner, "Derek Smart", the elf swordsman.
The fighters walk forward, staring at each other.
"I am a warrior!" On bi van kenjo bi says, raising his arms.
"I am a warrior!" replies Derek Smart

> You ask On bi "Why do you think you're going to win this match?"
"I am strong! I will crush you!"
"I have no doubt," you say, smiling.

> You ask Derek why HE thinks he'll win.
"Because I am a fighter!" he snarls, angrily.
"That's good," you say. "What are your goals?"
"To beat the life out of you!"
"Ouch,"

> You say "No hitting the referee!" and signal the two gladiators to fight!
On bi van kenjo bi raises his fists, and Derek Smart does likewise. The two gladiators stare at each other for a moment, before they both lunge forward and throw a punch. Both gladiators throw punch after punch, until your ears are bleeding and you can't tell who is winning.

> You look at on bi van kenjo bi.
On bi van kenjo bi looks battered and bloody, but he's still standing. He might make one last lunge forward, with one final punch, to win the match.

> You look at Derek Smart.
Derek Smart's face is a mask of bloody wounds, but he's still standing. He looks like he's gauging the right moment to throw another punch.

> You tell the fighters that this is gladiatorial arena and to stop with the boxing.
"This is a real fight, gentlemen!" you yell.
Derek Smart roars, and the two gladiators begin to brawl. They roll on the ground, smashing their heads together. You step back to watch the fight.
Derek Smart is a big and muscular man. On bi van kenjo bi, however, is significantly stronger. The yeti swings his fists with amazing strength, smashing into the side of Smart's head, knocking him on the ground. On bi van Kenjo bi jumps onto the back of the prone man, wrapping his hands around the throat. The two men writhe on the ground, gasping for air.
The bell rings, ending the match.

> You tell the fighters to take a five minute breather, then come back with their armor and weapons ready.
"Five minutes," you say.
Derek Smart is dazed, and pulling his mailshirt over his head. On bi van Kenjo bi pulls his fur coat on over his head. The two competitors sit against opposite walls of the octagon, taking breaths.
"So," you say. "Who won?"
"I did," On bi van Kenjo bi replies, grinning.

> You say "We'll see in the next round," then signal the fighters to put their armor back on, grab their weapons, and fight to the death.
On bi van Kenjo bi laughs.
"I accept your terms," he grins.
Derek Smart nods, smiling.
"Let's finish this fight," he says, standing.
The two men begin to ready themselves.
You signal the fighters to begin.
The two gladiators charge at each other, wielding swords. On bi van Kenjo bi's fur cloak flies behind him as he moves, exposing his muscled torso. He slices at his opponent's sword arm, which fails to keep up. Smart slices at on bi van Kenjo bi's face, which the Yeti parries. The Elf Prince rolls to the side, kicking his opponent in the stomach and stabbing his sword forward. Smart falls backwards, grabbing at the sword. He fails to take it from on bi van Kenjo bi, who runs the sword through his opponent's chest.
On bi van Kenjo bi grins, as his opponent lies over on the ground.
"It is my win, and I accept your surrender," he says.
Smart slowly nods, pulling his sword from his chest.

Winner: On bi van Kenjo bi in the second round, with twelve seconds on the clock

Bordi laSord (managed by Ablative. )
vs
edgelord (managed by dmboogie )

quote:

> You signal the next two contestants to come out. The first one is Bordi laSord, a male dwarf armed with a sword and shield. He faces edgelord, a soldier ant woman who is dual wielding daggers. The two contestants enter the ring!
The Dwarf grins, scratching at his red beard. He holds up his shield, a massive object that takes two hands to hold up.
Description of the Dwarf: A stocky, broad-shouldered dwarf armed with a sword and massive shield. He wears a mailshirt, a brutal form of armor that is extremely heavy but impossible to break through.

Description of the Soldier Ant Woman: A tall, muscled ant. Her brown and black armor covers her in protection, and two thin, curved blades hang from her head, below her mouth and throat.

> You ask Bordi why he thinks he'll win the match.
"Because I am a dwarf, and you are a ant," he says.
"We've already established that fact, sir," the ant replies.
"Because I am a dwarf, and you are a ant," he says, "means that you are low, and you are an ant. You have no culture, no history. You are a disease that infests the bodies of animals and corrupts them."
"Well, we've established that fact, too," the ant replies, "but we are yet to determine the winner of this match."

> You ask edgelord why SHE thinks she'll win this match.
"Because I am a woman," she says.

> You say "Let's start the match and prove whether dwarves, women, or ants are the deadliest killers!" and signal the two fighters to begin!
Bordi laSord charges forward with remarkable speed, swinging his shield as he does so. He slams it into the ant, pushing her back, before kicking her in the side. As she collapses, he smashes her with his shield, knocking her out of the arena!

> You slowly start counting down from ten, waiting to see if the antwoman can get back in the arena in time.
At this moment, the antwoman slowly starts crawling back into the arena...
Hurry! Before she can get back in time!

> You say "nine"
As the antwoman crawls back in, the dwarf charges forward and smashes his shield into her side, knocking her back out of the arena once more!
"Eight..."
The antwoman is crawling back in...
"Seven..."
She's crawling in...
"Six..."
She's almost back in!
"Five..."
She's crawling in, dwarf standing ready to hit her with his shield again...

> You watch to see if he manages to hit her, or if she can get back in the ring.
As the dwarf readies his swing, the antwoman crawls back in, reaching the edge of the ring just as he swings. She flips over his shield, stabbing him through the neck with her sword. He screams as she twists it, before his head falls off and hits the ground. As the head falls, the antwoman steps back, allowing the next fighter to enter the arena!

Winner: edgelord, by decapitation

Jim Stafford (managed by Verbal Enema)
vs
Duck Fucker (managed by goatface)

quote:

> You watch the empty arena and prepare for the next match. The first gladiator is Jim Stafford, a male Human fighter with a silver maul. The second gladiator is Duck Fucker, a female Elf swordsman with a bronze two-handed sword.

The crowd's volume increases as the two fighters approach each other.

> You say "In the red corner, we have Jim Stafford, a man who knows his way around a maul. Jim, why do you think you're going to win?"
Jim looks up, thinking for a second.
"Well," he says, "I'm relatively fast, and the monster is hard to hit. Plus, I've trained all my life for this."
The crowd goes wild as he raises his maul.

> You say "And in the blue corner, we have Duck Fucker, an elf swordwoman who dares to break with tradition and wear leather. Duck Fucker, why do YOU think you'll win this match?"
Duck grins and pulls off her cap, running a hand through her hair.
"Well, Jim, I've heard your story. You're a monster slayer. I've heard the stories of how you've fought worse things than me. I know you will win, and I will die."

> You say, "Well, that's depressing! Anyway, onto the match!" and signal the two fighters to begin.
Jim and Duck stare at each other, then duck under the other's weapons. They circle, looking for an opening, but both know this is a fast-paced fight. The two fighters clash their weapons together, and Jim swings his maul, knocking Duck's sword to the ground. She leaps on top of him, driving him to the ground, then grabs the maul and whacks him in the head with it. You hear a sickening crack, and Jim falls to the ground. He grabs at his head, before letting out a yell and grabbing at his hand. The blood runs from his hand, and you know he's lost it.
Duck Fucker grabs her sword and stands over him, raising her sword.
"This is for Carter," she says.
The crowd goes wild, and you nod. This is a good fight.
Duck begins to swing, and Jim tries to defend, but the sword is brutal. He manages to parry a few blows, but soon the blood is flowing down his face. You see him stumble as the sword makes its way through his thigh, and he cries out in pain. He tries to regain his composure, and blocks a few more blows. Soon, the sword is in his shoulder.
Duck Fucker swings again, and Jim's face is hideously deformed. He lets out a gargling yell, and attempts to rise again, but is soon hacked to pieces. The last thing you see is him being beheaded.
The crowd goes wild as you and the victor embrace.

Winner: Duck Fucker, by humblebragging

# ¿ Jul 16, 2020 05:51

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# ¿ May 10, 2024 22:28

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

The AI kept telling me to log off so this round took longer.

(managed by Tunicate )
vs
Gnose Gnothing (managed by Gnoman)

quote:

> You announce, "In the red corner, we have a nameless serpent man, who attacks with biting and I totally have no bias against, and I do not at all regret breaking the website and being completely uanble to click the character link for this creature." You point at the serpent-shaped humanoid.
> "And in the blue corner, we have Gnose Gnothing, a female human with a pike and nothing to lose!" You look at the two combatants.
The crowd goes wild as the two fighters approach each other. Gnose is a tall, blonde human with a long pike. She looks very professional and focused.

> You ask Gnose Gnothing "Why are you going to win this battle?"
Gnose laughs. "Because my opponent is a short-range fighter, and I have a long range. I can stay out of his reach, and that means I can tire him out."

> You say "That's the most tactically sound answer I've heard all day. As for you," you point at the serpent man, "why do YOU think you'll win?"
"I have been trained for this since birth. I will crush my enemy with the jaw of life!"
"Ha! I'll give you jaw of life!"

> You announce the beginning of the battle!
The two gladiators begin to approach each other, but Gnose keeps her distance. The snake man suddenly bursts forward, grabbing the pike and holding it in place. He pushes forward, but the pike's momentum forces him back. Gnose puts her foot on the end of the pike, and pushes herself forward, but she slips. She manages to get her hands around the snake man's throat, but he holds her off the ground and squeezes.
The crowd goes wild as the two fighters embrace each other, slipping and stumbling around the arena. The snake man grabs the pike, and the two fight for it. The pike goes back and forth, but neither are able to gain the advantage.
Gnose is thrown into the wall of the arena, and falls to the ground. The snake man runs forward, but she manages to grab the pike as it slides towards her. She swings it around and it hits the jaw of life. There is a crunch as the jaw breaks and sticks out at a 90 degree angle.
"Yes!" you shout, and the crowd begins to cheer for Gnose.

> You yell "Finally I won't have to keep using view source to get a link!" and continue watching the fight.
Gnose holds the pike with both hands and runs forward, but the snake man catches it in his hands. He yanks, and she goes flying forward. He throws the pike to the ground, and jumps forward. The snake man lands on her back, and wraps his hands around her throat. She slams her fists into his eyes, but he continues to choke her.
Gnose stops struggling, and the snake man stops strangling. He stands up, and raises his hands. The crowd goes wild as he dances around, celebrating.

> You realize you just pranked yourself, and shoo out the survivor in preparation for the next match.
You decide to let the crowd control itself for a while, and you walk away from the computer.

Winner:

Badant (managed by habituallyred )
vs
ϾϿ (managed by Spermy Smurf )

quote:

> You log back on, and prepare the next two combatants. First up, you have ϾϿ the minotaur. With his copper armor he can take a few hits, and those platinum gauntlets will make his punches a lot stronger. In the other corner, you have Badant, a soldier ant woman who dual wields iron throwing axes.
The crowd goes wild as the two enter the arena.

> You say "ϾϿ, why do you think you'll win the match?"
"Hah! I have fought hundreds of times before. My enemy is weak, and I am strong. It is an easy fight."

> You say "Confidence is always valuable. We'll see if it's well placed."

> You turn to Badant and say, "How about you, Badant? Why are you gonna win?"
"The gods hate the minotaurs. They're all cowards, and weaklings. I will win, and my people will feast on his flesh."
The two gladiators move toward each other.

> You signal the beginning of the match.
Badant crouches low, and holds her axe in both hands. She waits for the right moment. The minotaur raises his fist and runs forward. He swings, but Badant ducks under it. She jumps up and brings her axe down. It cuts through the thick fur and grazes the minotaur's skin.
The crowd oohs as ϾϿ falls to his knees. Badant swings again, but the minotaur catches her axe. He throws it off to the side, and Badant goes to pick it up.
As she runs for it, the minotaur gets back up.

> You say "That was a close shave, folks!"
The minotaur swings his fist, but Badant rolls under it. She grabs the axe, and gets to her feet. She swings as the minotaur turns around. The blade cuts through the fur and into the minotaur's skin. He roars, and Badant jumps back.
Badant readies her axe, and waits for the minotaur to make his move. He raises his fists and takes a wide stance. He looks like he's ready to throw a flurry of punches.
The crowd watches, quiet.
Badant waits for the minotaur to make his move.
The minotaur pulls his arm back, ready to throw a punch. He rears back, and brings it forward as he swings.
Badant ducks under the punch, and swings her axe. It bites into the minotaur's arm, and he roars. She pulls the axe out of his arm, and he grabs her by the throat.
He squeezes, and she can't breathe. The axe falls to the ground as she claws at his hand. He picks her up off the ground, and she kicks and punches at him.
The minotaur throws her, and she bounces along the stone floor. Her body aches all over from the fall. She gets to her knees, but the minotaur is on her before she can get up.
He puts his foot on her chest, and raises his fist. The crowd goes quiet as he punches down. The fur-covered fist hits Badant in the head with an audible crunch. She goes limp, and the crowd gasps.
The minotaur roars in victory.
The two chariots pull up to the gate.

> You watch as the chariots carry a victorious ϾϿ away.
He is taken to a medical bay.
The crowd cheers as Badant's limp body is dragged away.
It's late, and you head to your quarters.

Winner: ϾϿ

Strangler disguised as itself (managed by AJ_Impy )
vs
Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki (managed by Cathode Raymond )

quote:

> You bring in the next combatants. This is a special match, featuring two different stranglers. Stranglers, as the crowd well knows, are four-armed ape-like creatures with three eyes and an unquenchable thirst for violence. In the red corner, you have Strangler disguised as itself, armed with an iron pick, and in the blue corner, you have Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki, who is wielding THREE different spears at once. Truly fascinating. Both of them have oaken shields, so this could be anyone's game, folks!
Who will win this match for their team?
This is a DPS race due to the stranglers' lack of armor. You could armor-cap it, but that would be silly. Let's see who wins!

> You ask Strangler disguised as itself why HE will win the match.
You approach Strangler disguised as itself.
"Why do you think you'll win this match?"
"I will win because four arms are better than two."

> You say "Uh... you do realize your opponent ALSO has four arms, right? Well, good luck, little guy. How about you, Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki, why do you think you'll win?"
You approach Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki.
"Why do you think you'll win this match?"
"I will win because I'm obviously the superior warrior."
You chuckle a bit.

> You say "No Munki has ever won in this arena," then signal the start of the match.
The match begins.
Strangler disguised as itself lunges forward, surprising Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki. It lands a hit, and stabs him in the side. He gets pushed away, but manages to score another hit. They trade hits for a while, until Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki knocks Strangler disguised as itself's shield out of his hands. He hits him in the head, and he falls to the ground. He raises his spear, ready to strike the finishing blow...
But he stops, and walks away. The buzzer sounds.

> You say "An oddly merciful gesture from Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki. But nobody surrendered, and nobody's dead, so it looks like we're going to go for another round!"
The match continues.
Strangler disguised as itself has his pick in his hands, and lands a glancing blow on Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki's arm. He swings again, hitting the side of Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki's head. He goes for another strike...
But he drops his weapon. The buzzer sounds.

> You fix the dang buzzer, and restart the match. You tell the AI to stop with the interruptions and get with the bloodsports.
The match continues.
Strangler disguised as itself's weapon is on the ground. He lands a couple of punches on Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki, who falls to one knee. He grabs his spear...
And stabs him through the chest. He falls to the ground. The buzzer sounds.
"Strangler disguised as itself has won the match for his team!"
The crowd cheers, and you release the AI so it can do its job and entertain the crowd.

Winner: Strangler disguised as itself... but this AI is starting to worry me.

Plate (managed by Selious )
vs
Stabbers (managed by Galick )

quote:

> You introduce the final two contestants - Stabbers, a naked dark gnome wielding an adamantine dagger worth more than your house, and Plate, a minotaur who is opting for a bronze dagger and copper shield. The minotaur is a lot bigger than the gnome, but this is anyone's fight!
You are given two options to introduce the competitors. You can either introduce them yourself, or let the crowd do it for you.

0 voters voted for the former option, and 2 voters voted for the latter option.

> You ask the crowd to introduce Plate.
"Now, the crowd will introduce the competitors."
The crowd goes wild. They all begin shouting at each other. After a while, they begin chanting in unison.
"Plate! Plate! Plate!"
They begin chanting louder and louder. After a while, the chant changes in nature.
"PLAAAAATE! PLAAAAATE! PLAAAAATE!"
They begin shouting out nonsense. After a while, they begin throwing things into the arena.

> You say, "Okay, we gave democracy a chance, folks. Tell me Plate, why do you think you're gonna win this match?"
"I trained at a very young age, because I am the chosen one."

> You say "Your legend ends here if you can't defeat Stabbers. Stabbers, why will you win?"
"Because the dagger is mightier than the sword."
You've already done the introductions, so you decide to get on with the fight. The crowd seems impatient.

> You signal the beginning of the fight!
The crowd goes wild. The two competitors stare each other down. After a while, the bell rings and they both charge at one another!
Stabbers attempts to slash Plate with his dagger. However, he misses and falls over. He quickly gets back up, but before he can do anything, Plate stabs him through the throat with his dagger. He's dead before he hits the ground.
The crowd goes wild.
"Stabbers is Dead! The winner is Plate!"

Winner: Plate, the chosen one.

Also the last match upload I got this error
"Line 778 - You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds to your MySQL server version for the right syntax to use near '' at line 1"

Tunicate fucked around with this message at 08:36 on Jul 25, 2020

# ¿ Jul 25, 2020 05:07

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Dwarf Fortress Arena Challenge: Season 5 - The Road To The Murderbowl!

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