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Here is a table. The numbers are there to represent statistics and also how likely fans of these clubs are to punch their wives*. *this excludes Swansea fans, who are equally likely to punch their wives at any given point Hop in your tactics truck and turn up Beautiful Day as loud as it'll go to let everyone know that here are some bad games to avoid watching:  Chelsea vs Liverpool A real high-quality match featuring a team with a -2 goal difference facing off against a team with a -4 goal difference, as a movable object comes head-to-head with a fairly mediocre force. Fortunately you won't have to actually watch the game as BT Sport will just air 100+ minutes of footage of two middle-aged men mincing around in long coats and making faces at things. Crystal Palace vs Manchester United There's literally no way to predict what will happen in this match, and we could end up with any result, all the way from 0-0 to 0-1. Wayne Rooney will be there. Man City vs Norwich City Like a child trying to beat up a car. And the child is Palestinian and the car is actually an Israeli tank. Newcastle vs Stoke gently caress right off. Swansea vs Arsenal This seems like as good a time as any for Arsenal to start Arsenalling, unless they plan to wait until March when they've convinced enough marks to renew their season tickets. Watford vs West Ham We're ten games into the season and I'm still slightly confused when Watford are listed among the PL fixtures. West Ham only beat good teams, so will lose here. West Brom vs Leicester It might sound like a fun idea to watch Leicester, but it isn't. Except that time they missed a penalty in the last minute of the playoff semi-final and then the other team went up the other end and scored. That was fun. Especially when your housemate supports Leicester. Everton vs Sunderland If you're a fan of either of these teams, remember that you can suffocate yourself with a plastic bag tied around your neck for a quick and painless death. Southampton vs Bournemouth Is there even a point either of these towns existing in 2015? FLJ says: scrap both of them and give their spots in the league to Ayia Napa and Kavos. Tottenham vs Aston Villa https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAgRDScygic There's also a Rugby World Cup final today between the only two nations on the planet where more than 5% of the country think rugby is a real sport, so maybe watch that instead or don't. I tried rugby once, and then immediately ganked my shoulder from falling to the wrong side in the tackle. Also apparently you're not allowed to take someone down with a double-leg. Awful sport.
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Oct 31, 2015 13:01
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Someone made a MDT: Liverpool FC @LFC 23s23 seconds ago Confirmed #LFC team v @ChelseaFC: Mignolet, Clyne, Skrtel, Sakho, Moreno, Lucas, Can, Milner, Lallana, Coutinho, Firmino Confirmed #LFC subs v @ChelseaFC: Bogdan, Lovren, Benteke, Allen, Ibe, Teixeira, Randall Quite happy with that, Benteke on the bench is nice. Apparently Origi was told it would be more beneficial for him to stay at home and train at Melwood than watch the game from the sidelines, lol.
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Oct 31, 2015 13:03
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FullLeatherJacket posted:West Ham only beat good teams, so will lose here. I thought last week disproved that
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Oct 31, 2015 13:04
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whos watching the rugby tonight
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Oct 31, 2015 13:07
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I enjoyed the OP, thank you for taking the time to make it good.
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Oct 31, 2015 13:08
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Ziggy Tzardust posted:I thought last week disproved that chelsea being bad overrides all other systems tekz posted:whos watching the rugby tonight southern dandies
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Oct 31, 2015 13:14
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Chelsea: Begovic, Zouma, Cahill, Terry, Azpilicueta, Mikel, Ramires, Willian, Oscar, Hazard, Diego Costa. Subs: Amelia, Baba, Matic, Fabregas, Kenedy, Falcao, Remy. Liverpool: Mignolet, Clyne, Skrtel, Sakho, Moreno, Lucas, Can, Milner, Lallana, Coutinho, Firmino Subs: Bogdan, Lovren, Benteke, Allen, Ibe, Teixeira, Randall
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Oct 31, 2015 13:15
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Oh poo poo fabregas and matic on the bench, liverpool are done
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Oct 31, 2015 13:18
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Great op, op. Now let's all enjoy Mourinho making some faces. I'm looking forward to at least one incredulous belly laugh with waving arms. Come on the 'pool.
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Oct 31, 2015 13:20
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im glad that we live in the future where highlights are already available http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5puds_chelsea-vs-liverpool-trailer_shortfilms
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Oct 31, 2015 13:30
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Bea Nanner posted:im glad that we live in the future where highlights are already available I knew what this was before I clicked it and it was still delightful
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Oct 31, 2015 13:34
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I used to play rugby that's my rugby story come on liverpool
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Oct 31, 2015 13:35
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vyelkin posted:come on liverpool
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Oct 31, 2015 13:38
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This match will be dire and poo poo and even worse than the derby last weekend.
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Oct 31, 2015 13:43
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serious gaylord posted:This match will be dire and poo poo and even worse than the derby last weekend. it will but then in injury time liverpool will score 14 goals and jose will make a face
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Oct 31, 2015 13:44
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i hope john terry falls flat on his face and firmino scores a goal
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Oct 31, 2015 13:46
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jesus christ i wish commentators would shut up about "the normal one" ffs, he only said that because some journalist asked him to anyway!
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Oct 31, 2015 13:47
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firmino is poo poo
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Oct 31, 2015 13:47
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tekz posted:firmino is poo poo But so is Chelsea???
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Oct 31, 2015 13:48
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vyelkin posted:i hope john terry falls flat on his face and firmino scores a goal This except also John Terry dies
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Oct 31, 2015 13:48
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Klopp is horseshit
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Oct 31, 2015 13:49
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Lol that was quick
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Oct 31, 2015 13:49
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gently caress
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Oct 31, 2015 13:49
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dire
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Oct 31, 2015 13:49
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jesus christ were poo poo
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Oct 31, 2015 13:49
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RIP
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Oct 31, 2015 13:50
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He just runs and runs
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Oct 31, 2015 13:50
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Well there's a thing.
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Oct 31, 2015 13:50
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Great job, Milner.
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Oct 31, 2015 13:50
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Welp
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Oct 31, 2015 13:50
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Liverpool...
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Oct 31, 2015 13:50
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That goal was a fake result imo
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Oct 31, 2015 13:50
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lmao what was that defending
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Oct 31, 2015 13:50
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Very good.
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Oct 31, 2015 13:51
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just fire every liverpool player into the sun and start over, jurgen
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Oct 31, 2015 13:51
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theres no way liverpool is scoring in open play with firmino up front lol
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Oct 31, 2015 13:51
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The 1-1 is on
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Oct 31, 2015 13:51
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Bollocks
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Oct 31, 2015 13:51
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Pundits confirm: Matic and Fabregas are frauds
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Oct 31, 2015 13:51
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does bt sport have 3 commentators? what is this wwe
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Oct 31, 2015 13:53
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