Chichevache posted:

That's only medium.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

What's baseball

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Pick's trying to be some kind of Americanized Avshalom with Arik reskinned as Teddy. Sad. amazing

AtomD posted:

Goddamn if that's not a great thing to put on a tombstone regardless of actual cause of death. Just "The Aristocrats!"

Tiggum posted:

ouiaboo

Applewhite posted:

When I worked at Radio Shack, one of my coworkers tried to dispose of a crate of used batteries by flushing them down the toilet rather than sort them into the appropriate containers for shipment to the battery recycling factory. he successfully flushed quite a few of them before the toilet backed up, but there were still over a dozen of them sitting at the bottom of the bowl.
So what did he do? Rather than fish them out, he tried to poo poo on them in the hope that his poo poo would be big enough to cover them up, but he couldn't poo poo enough and when it became obvious that now he was facing the prospect of unclogging a toilet stuffed with batteries and poo poo he panicked and tried to force them down with the plunger while flushing repeatedly. Of course the bowl overflowed and his turds floated out and splattered all over the floor before the current carried them out of the employee bathroom and into the customer area. When we went to investigate the source of the battery-filled turds, we find him kneeling on the floor, sobbing and covered in poo poo and batteries.
He applied for a transfer the next day and a month later he had a higher paying position at a different Radio Shack.

barbecue at the folks posted:

Digirat posted:

The taser-coated car nonlethally slamming into you at 70 miles per hour unexpectedly causes a traffic cone to slightly intersect one of your feet. Your 300-pound muscle body made entirely out of meat and biceps instantly turns into soft jelly as your limbs horribly contort and spack every which way, each passing frame rapidly blurring the line between man and cone. Within one second you are no longer in contact with the earth, but now spinning erratically through the air as if in a vacuum, limbs spastically snapping and reaching out in impossible directions, furiously trying to separate your hapless physical form from the ravenous clutches of the cone--But it is too late. In a matter of moments your amalgamated mess of a body is horrifically mangled into the geometry, and as more of your nonlethally-subdued form is forcibly intersected with the wall and floor, the faster the eldritch transformation takes place. When you no longer bear any resemblance to the generic muscle goon you once were, only a contorted and agonized mass of finely-tessellated polygons stretching away into the skybox, your only hope of salvation is for what used to be one of your legs to get propelled far enough beneath the map that it finally reaches the vast expanses of the kill volume. At last you find sweet release from this farcical hell as it coldly and uncaringly deletes you in a frame.

InediblePenguin posted:

ha! ha! how hilarious!

SpacePig posted:

The guy in the photo is Conor McGregor.
He has a fight coming up against Floyd Mayweather Jr.
Mayweather beat his previous girlfriend, who had apparently been text (and maybe cheating on him with?) CJ Watson.
Watson previously wore 23 for the Warriors.
23 is now worn by Draymond Green.
McGregor is implying to Green that the jersey is not his, but Watson's.

This is my understanding of events, but I may be wrong.

I think the joke might be that Green, who by the tweet, supports Mayweather, was recently sued for assault and battery.

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Randbrick posted:

loving Stephen miller.

He looks like the phrase "well actually" got trapped in the menswear section of a jc penny the night they drove old Dixie down

His forehead looks like he's trying to kidnap a fetal Athena

God slapped a widows peak on a thumb so hard the brains flew out then that creature put on a suit and went slouching out to Bethlehem to warn us that Mexico exists

mind the walrus posted:

Yeah I just looked up the plot summary on Wikipedia and remembered the part where Sellers leaving his master's estate for the first time are slow, dreary shots of him moving across a courtyard and onto dull city streets accompanied by what can only be described as a Cantina Band-backed version of Also Sprach Zarathursta. It's like the movie Network got into a teleporter accident with a lobotmized version of "In the Loop." Nope, back to Pink Panther and bawdy 60s camp thank you.

Jose posted:

comey getting himself fired by getting trump elected is a lol

lilljonas posted:

Hoist by his own retard

Clitch posted:

Mike Pence politely applauds, but just can't seem to get over the spiciness of the Saltine he just ate. Later that evening, an RNC intern was beaten for getting the salted ones.

Mike Pence wrote a very stern letter to Tums, when they started making flavors other than chalk.

Mike Pence's eldest son once remarked that the mashed potatoes could use butter, and was locked in his room for a month as punishment.

Mike Pence looks like someone taught a stick of deodorant to wince.

Mike Pence's favorite cologne is called Mormon Ennui.

Clitch posted:

Mike Pence politely applauds, but just can't seem to get over the spiciness of the Saltine he just ate. Later that evening, an RNC intern was beaten for getting the salted ones.

Mike Pence wrote a very stern letter to Tums, when they started making flavors other than chalk.

Mike Pence's eldest son once remarked that the mashed potatoes could use butter, and was locked in his room for a month as punishment.

Mike Pence looks like someone taught a stick of deodorant to wince.

Mike Pence's favorite cologne is called Mormon Ennui.

Lagomorphic posted:

Kenny Logins posted:

Cephalectomy posted:

No because one group wears stupid makeup and listens to awful music and the other are juggalos.

wit posted:

This joke doesn't really work.

Cephalectomy posted:

Neither do most juggalos

chernobyl kinsman posted:

Mr. Pumroy posted:

it's the newest sport. we release a bald eagle in a transparent enclosure, then we watch as it slams itself against the walls. we watch in silence, without blinking. we sit with our fingers in are laps and they curl and uncurl in spasmodic motions like the twitches of a dying spider's legs. there's a commentator, but he never says anything, just breathes heavily through his microphone. nobody gets up until the eagle stops moving

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

I'm not a fan of Postmodernism but I'm going to clarify a few things about it for Karate Bastard's benefit.

Peterson's wrong because gender identity and pronoun issues have little or nothing to do with Postmodernism. There's a distant relationship in much the same way as human beings and oak trees are distantly related biologically.

Then there's his implication that Postmodernism is a kind of Trojan horse for Marxists. That's just an old right-wing conspiracy theory that the alt-right has resuscitated.

Scintilla posted:

I think we're assuming a bit too much by preemptively labeling Azathoth a capitalist oppressor. For all we know the first words out of its thousand mouths could be the opening verse of the soviet national anthem.

EmmyOk posted:

I think about this every day

Bert Roberge posted:

nextlevelstart posted:

Palpek posted:

You didn't quote 15 other QCS threads he posted that image in for which he got probated for a month.

Powaqoatse posted:

no don't!

I work at a ball factory and they'll kill me if I can't see the balls

a very clear thinker posted:

I'm worried about ingesting a load of toxic ink

Crocoswine posted:

dunno why we gotta keep goin' back to the past for sick TCC lols when you can go to the latest pages and see a guy compare heroin users to rape victims

wait that's not funny that's ghoulish and horrible

Verisimilidude posted:

Date was good. She's cool and cute, and we get along well. Seeing her again and she sent me a picture of her foster kittens when she got home.

rio posted:

Is that what we are calling it now?

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Byob is a chill place to make posts and chill. Like if you've ever seen a post like "why don't you loving get raped and die!" And thought to your self "boy I wish there was a place I could make jokes and not read those kinds of posts" then BYOB might be for you

POOL IS CLOSED posted:

you're very positive today

Jose Mengelez posted:

anthony fantano looks like the wellspring of all human suffering, like the screaming abyss of despair, like a old floridian dude's overeager golf caddy who never breaks eye contact when using the ballwasher waaaay to slowly for comfort.

Jose Mengelez posted:

anpho phantasm looks like a homophobic cartoonist's caricature of a beaver

Jose Mengelez posted:

abobo fairground looks like the bastard offspring of millennial angst personified and a plastic tub of expired potato salad... but somehow even more retarder

Jose Mengelez posted:

tony fantasmo looks like a 40 something dad of three carefully scrutinizing a book called "grow the perfect sex offender 'tache in just 4 weeks" and gazing into a mirror mournfully

Jose Mengelez posted:

aborigine phantoms looks like blaster from beyond thunderdome right before he gets nailed in the chest by a crossbow bolt.

Jose Mengelez posted:

androgine fantomas looks like a 1970's wrestler wearing the creepy interrogation mask from the movie 'brazil' terrorizing his step son with a leather belt.

Jose Mengelez posted:

andy franton looks like a sandblasted moai with a barely legible inscription that reads "look upon my vaporwave reviews ye mighty and despair"

Jose Mengelez posted:

antoine fartonman looks like a racist ...
...a racist ww2 era cartoon of an imperial japanese soldier cruising for no strings attached frottage and assplay in a public bathroom.

Jose Mengelez posted:

anhtony fanton looks like a baby who tied a belt around his neck real tight and a shot human growth hormone and high fructose corn syrup into his rear end for a decade.

Jose Mengelez posted:

anthony fantano looks like that one british comedian who wont shut up about how huge his goddamn teeth are but with tiny mr magoo eyes.

Jose Mengelez posted:

anthony fantano looks like that fucken egg from the berserk anime on the body of a gay gym dad.

Pastry of the Year posted:

I like how he notes that he did not so much as think of the Scrotal Punishment Octagon on his employers' time