Cartoon Man posted:

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/weird-news/teledildonics-users-sexually-assaulted-hackers-19023962

Splicer posted:

quote:

The idea of connecting sex toys over the internet isn’t new – the idea was first seriously floated on August 17, 1998, when Warren J. Sandvick, Jim W. Hughes, and David Alan Atkinson patented the concept.
...
It’s only since the 1998 patent expired - in August 2018 - that the teledildonics gold rush has really got rolling, with companies such as Kiroo and Mystery Vibe rushing to the market with internet-connected toys.

Why patent an internet controlled buttplug if you're just going to sit on it for 20 years?

EorayMel posted:

Nobody apparently appreciated this "tighty whiteys are Ball Hitlers" forums quote which I thought was funny

frankenfreak posted:

Riatsala posted:

If you're not stoned, is it even really posting?

Solice Kirsk posted:

?

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Ed's dead, baby.

Kheldarn posted:

Fister Roboto posted:

Wow, this guy is pretty in tents.

Doc Hawkins posted:

i'm not saying you're farting wrong, just that many people don't do it that way

DandyLion posted:

My 2 year old was playing with one of those rubber chew-bead necklaces last month in the middle of the kitchen. It was disconnected (they have a quick release latch so kids can get strangled by them) and therefore just a 3' rubber beaded line he was whipping around like a lasso over his head while I was in the kitchen making him dinner. As I turned from the stove where the spaghetti sauce was heating to the sink on the other side of the kitchen, he whips the necklace full strength and speed, and the plastic half-cap that is the quick release latch catches me in the balls. I have been kicked in the nuts before, and have suffered other impacts where the reaction was typically extreme pain/nausea for 5ish minutes followed by a dull ache for the rest of the day. This was not that. In an instant my world exploded in a blast of the brightest white light I have ever seen (this is before any physical sensations had registered in my brain), and I'm genuinely befuddled, unable to process not only whats just happened, but even simple things like who am I and what am I doing holding this ladle of spaghetti sauce in the kitchen. I bellow a hoot of rage/pain/surprise which I'm sure scared the hell out of the little guy, then my vision tunnels and my world goes black.

I awake about 2 minutes later on the kitchen floor, ladle of sauce poured out neatly over my chest/neck. Its at this point that the more traditional reactions start to set in, and I realize I'm on the floor and have been hit in the nuts. As I'm slowly processing all this I can hear my 2 year-old upstairs imploring his siblings not to come downstairs because daddy's resting.....


So, in summation, I feel semi-qualified to say that there are undiscovered magnitudes most are unaware of when it comes to genital trauma....

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Thanks Incel for the first post I've out-loud laughed at for a while. Sorry Dandy for your lots.

etalian posted:

lmao

Big Mad Drongo posted:

NGL getting to work side-by-side with topless warrior women would convince me to take that job too

Son of Thunderbeast posted:

a friend just messaged this one to me and

Huntersoninski posted:

What does this even mean

T-man posted:

nutting always cheers me up

Alan Smithee posted:

Punk is dead

Grape posted:

Heilraiser.

gently caress You And Diebold posted:

https://twitter.com/KCCINews/status/1189304840637296641

mormonpartyboat posted:

The War Queer posted:

Pigs shouldn't get a pride flag.

Friend posted:

mind the walrus posted:

You forgot Borg Cube vs. Death Star holy poo poo

chitoryu12 posted:

Anyone who says the Borg Cube wins needs to go back to school.

Captain Monkey posted:

They’re probably not allowed within 1000 feet of a school.

Blue Footed Booby posted:

I had no idea how social vultures are.

Phy posted:

Well, they are known for cracking open a cold one with the boys

Biplane posted:

How could she turn down a hosed up troop though

What a steal!

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

That's one of the few things still manufactured in the USA. She'll find another.

Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:

https://twitter.com/jdawsey1/status/1199139183794835456

He is handling imminent domain

https://twitter.com/jdawsey1/status/1199140630909399040

slinkimalinki posted:

That's quite the hand gesture from the guy behind

InsertPotPun posted:

Chomp8645 posted:

I make nothing of that. I heard specifically that she had some martial arts cred as an instructor or something. Then again I only heard this from my friend so maybe he's just an idiot (probably).

Laterite posted:

Does your friend appear when you turn off your monitor?

Sagebrush posted:

it's not an intentional joke but this is still pretty hilarious to me

Son of Thunderbeast posted:

Memento posted:

what the everloving gently caress am I looking at here

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Bidey num nums

HerStuddMuffin posted:

Is there anything worth quoting in those 9 pages?

Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

Penis

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

Spinster produces phenomenal content when she’s not having sad meltdowns or publicly lusting after goon dick. Sometimes even then.

I didn’t know she was still around. I was wondering about her just today.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

If goons could stop being so funny in this thread that I think to myself "darn, I better quote these for the Funny Forums Quotes thread" only to realize I'm already here, that would be great.

Werong Bustope posted:

I'm incredibly jealous, I'd love to see a live great white.

Slippery posted:

That's what they thought in Rhode Island too

Leon Einstein posted:

Jewish people have Christmas tree traditions?

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

Yeah, they put up a little sign that reads "Arbeit Macht Tree"

The War Queer posted:

On the flip side of things, I'm pissed that Christopher Hitchens is dead and Kissinger is not.

The obituary Hitchens would have written would have been vicious.

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

hnnnnnngh gepetto help i'm trying to become a real boy but i'm dummy thicc and the clap of my wooden asscheeks keeps bedeveling me with whale attacks

red19fire posted:

Once she freed the house elf slaves they went back to working for their masters for free, because that is their nature. So why try to make a better world for anyone?

I forget who wrote it but there was a great breakdown of Harry Potter on these dead gay forums as the ultimate neolib fantasy. The wizard world leaders ignore a dangerous existential threat until it’s far too late to handle, trying to keep it under the rug even as Voldemort is openly murdering people in public. Harry defeats Voldemort not by being better at magic, or more clever; Voldemort accidentally defeats himself via a technicality in the rules of magic that everyone forgot about. Harry then fulfills his destiny by becoming an FBI agent wizard.

purple death ray posted:

That's not so weird, a lot of grand wizards go into law enforcement

Pennywise the Frown posted:

https://i.imgur.com/dJukGVu.mp4

Jerry Cotton posted:

What am I looking at here

Burt Sexual posted:

Burt, moderating gbs.

Milo and POTUS posted:

Whats WAE

Plastik posted:

I went and found it so no one else has to.


The document in question is mind-rending, cannot reccommend.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

It would be sweet if somebody linked to it, too bad the forums don't allow for that.

sebmojo posted:

Yeah. It means you can't log in so it's not done too lightly.