Avshalom posted:

Centripetal Horse posted:

Now I have a vision of a hot dog cart. A man in a suit with a newspaper tucked under his arm puts down the squeeze-bottle of mustard, and takes a bite of his hot dog. Turning away from the cart, he steps over the corpses of previous customers which litter the area around the hot dog vendor. The man takes another bite, and begins to chew. Two steps later, he drops the hot dog and clutches at his throat. Gesticulating wildly, the man goes down onto one knee, his face turning red, then purple. The hot dog vendor stoically ignores the dying man in the suit, and hands a hot dog to a woman in a red dress. The man in the suit succumbs, and falls dead, another corpse on the pile; another sacrifice to tastiness. The man's newspaper flutters to the ground next to his head.

As the hot dog vendor reaches into his cart to serve another customer, we see the woman in the red dress suddenly stop. A moment later, we see panic and horror take over her features, as her hands clutch involuntarily at her throat. She tries to scream, but her wind pipe is full of synthetic intestines and ground hog snouts. The new customer smiles a friendly thanks at the hot dog vendor as she hands over her money and receives a bun containing her fate. The vendor never looks up. With a bun in one hand, and tongs in the other, he reaches into the cart as another customer steps forward.

Solice Kirsk posted:

I'm sure it's been brought up before, but who was the goon that would tell stories about him jump kicking burglers and stopping robberies? He would always take off his sunglasses and say "Let's do this," or something and then make fun of the responding cops. Those stoies were all hilarious and I loved them.

FactsAreUseless posted:

I have the info for an affordable blowjob machine, but I don't want to give your mom's number out to just anyone.

VanSandman posted:

What?

Huns posted:

I text while driving because I am a stupid gay baby. I cannot wait another 15 minutes to interact with my attention-surrogate machine because I am a thoroughly defective human being. I can't fathom why it is that anyone thinks it's a problem. I mean, I'm just driving around in a 3,000 pound battering ram with 80 pounds of explosive liquid on board. Part of me realizes that texting while driving is idiotic, yet the idea of "being told what to do" disgusts me. Therefore, I have to prove to the world (and myself, although I can't admit that part to myself) what an extraordinary human being I am. I'm going to take my attention off my rolling bomb and update my friend on something so incredibly trivial that no one in his or her right mind would put themselves or others in danger in order to communicate it in the most optically distracting way possible. You see, I literally can't perceive that it's dangerous to do that. I am such a self-absorbed twat that I find it totally cool to deprive myself and everyone around me of what little safety margin we have on the road because I can't stand not getting instant satisfaction from my shiny object. This is the decision I make every single time I get on the road.

In short, gently caress you. I'm an American, goddamnit. An American.

Jeza posted:

And who created all these men in the first place? Huh?

Subjunctive posted:

I'm glad I'm not the only one who couldn't find something funny to say about that post.

Facebook Aunt posted:

Also a medium or necromancer, since she apparently talked to him. Too spoopy.

Zero One posted:

Mr. Bad Guy posted:

Almost as good as a pun derail, the ridiculous over-the-top hate train:


Ah, we have fun here on these dead gay forums.

Vanadium posted:

It's by That Turkey Story, but I can't find the actual post.

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

If you're interested in the Boursicot/Shi Pei Pu affair, I honestly can't recommend M. Butterfly enough.

FactsAreUseless posted:

New Modest Mouse album title

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

"This phase" will outlast the entire internet. You could burn all of society to the ground and goons would trek through the mutant infested wastelands to deliver hand drawn copies of goatse and dickbutt to each other like neckbearded versions of Kevin Costner in The Mailman.

TheMaskedUgly posted:

This is a bad thread, recently

Loden Taylor posted:

Vile Rat is furiously destroying sensitive documents as the militants methodically search the compound for survivors. The door bursts open and gunmen rush in. Shouting, they take aim.

Vile Rat stands up and faces them. He always knew it might come to this some day. He's ready.

Suddenly, gunfire. Vile Rat looks down, expecting to see a bloodied mess, but it's the gunmen who fall. A lone figure steps in over their bodies. He holds out a hand.

"Come with me."

Vile Rat stares, unable to believe his eyes. "Caro?"

RandomFerret posted:

In this case, it is being shared consentually

Chichevache posted:

Congratulations. You killed it. The vagina jokes finally dried up.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Absurd Alhazred posted:

The only thing worse than people who believe in magic is people who speak in Harry Potter.

purple death ray posted:

I think we're RPing cats now

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

idgi