[MOD CHALLENGE: pg 15] Please give me money to make "Filipeno food"

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > [MOD CHALLENGE: pg 15] Please give me money to make "Filipeno food"

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

I gave you ten american dollars. Enjoy the freedom bucks.

# ¿ Jan 18, 2016 16:49

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 17:47

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

Later this week, when I get paid, I'll donate more

# ¿ Jan 18, 2016 18:56

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

social media guru posted:

im going to cruckold you and then bring some Tim Hortons into youare restauyrant and it it right in front of you

holy poo poo the rereg dude is bringing the heat. Maybe the OP should stay out of the kitchen if he can't take it/

# ¿ Jan 18, 2016 19:06

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

satanic splash-back posted:

Go gently caress yourself, even beggars on the streets will give you a reason they need money. You are a spoiled brat asking for free money so you can realize your dream without the downsides like actual commitment.

Here's a good article about digital panhandling as it pertains to music. But really substitute the word "band" with "restaurant" or "honeymoon" or "coke habit" and it rings the same.

http://www.metalsucks.net/2015/12/02/digital-panhandling-embarrassing-dumb/

quote:

It seems like every week brings a new announcement that washed up band X is doing a Kickstarter to raise funds for their new album/van repairs/singer�s gall bladder surgery. And for every one of those, there are 5 random, hopeless bands trying to scrape together a few pennies to record their EP that nobody will care about. My friends, enough is enough. Let�s talk about the sad reality of crowdfunding, or as I like to call it �digital panhandling.�

(Apologies to any of my friends in bands who have done crowdfunding campaigns, ur different and i�m totally not talking about u ehehehe 😅)

It is narcissistic and delusional

For baby bands, it�s just embarrassing to crowdfund because it completely ignores market signals. A market signal is a seemingly innocuous thing that actually tells you something more substantial about a company� for example, if a company issues bonds then you can reasonably assume that they need capital for one reason or another. An example of a market signal in the music world would be that no labels are interested in financing your band�s album (hint: the signal here is that your band is not good).

For more established bands, the question usually isn�t a lack of demand. The cringey part is where they say something about how this will �allow them to create their art, free from the demands of a record label.� Which basically means, �give us your money so that we can do whatever we want and not have to answer to anyone� lol. It�s so loving cheap to record these days that any established band should be able to pay for it out of their own pocket� and if they can�t, then they really hosed up because how can 4-5 adults not be able to come up with $5k?! Oh that�s right, they�re musicians- the same people who piss and moan about buying a new set of $25 bass strings when they�re in the studio.

The amounts they ask for are completely divorced from reality to the point where you wonder whether the band is incredibly greedy, or just stupid
It is absolutely baffling to me that bands ask for insanely large sums of money to record an album in an era where recording budgets are shrinking on a daily basis thanks to technology. It is entirely reasonable to record a full length with a relatively established producer/engineer for say $10k. Which doesn�t explain why bands ask for like $30k to record, and certainly doesn�t explain why fans give it to them. I get it, you want to support the artists you like� but giving a band $50-100k to record an album is straight up wasting your money. There is literally no way to spend $100k on recording a metal album in 2015!!!

Learn this one weird trick for massive crowdfunding success: be Christian!
Side note, I�ve noticed that the crowdfunding campaigns that raise exceptionally absurd amounts of money tend to be for Christian bands (eg $200,000 for a Christian ska band). I suggest that anyone in an unsigned band take advantage of this by writing vague lyrics that can be interpreted as Christian, but whenever anyone asks you about it, dodge the question and say something about how you are �Christians in a band, but not a Christian band.� This will allow you to capitalize on the big Kickstarter paydays without alienating the secular kids� this is a premium tip I usually charge for, but I�m giving it to you guys FREE because I care 😊

You�re asking for investment without offering equity
This is by far my biggest objection to crowdfunding. It�s essentially taking advantage of your fans, asking them to assume all the risk of the project without letting them participate in the upside. And no, a voicemail message from the drummer or an autographed shower curtain doesn�t count� in the real world, when someone invests in a thing they become a shareholder. But in the music world where everything is broken, backward and dysfunctional, the band simply passes the digital hat around and asks for donations. If it does well, they pocket the profits. If it tanks, well who cares, it�s not their money. I don�t fault the bands here, because hey who doesn�t want free money with very few strings attached, I just find it insane that fans agree to this one-sided arrangement.

The bottom line
Friends, think twice before you crowdfund. If you�re a band, consider how smalltime and desperate it can make you look (and also that after fees and giving out the �prizes� you�re often left with a lot less than you think and that doing taxes for the money is a giant pain in the rear end) and ask if you might not be better off just putting the poo poo on your credit cards. If you�re a fan, ask yourself why the band gets to keep all the profits off something they made with your money.

# ¿ Jan 18, 2016 20:31

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

Noyemi K posted:

I'm wont to agree with people about crowdfunding and entitlement but holy poo poo is this rear end in a top hat infuriatingly ignorant. It's like he doesn't realize that band members themselves don't make any money off album sales and record labels are extremely conservative�talent is barely part of the goddamn equation these days because talent doesn't sell records.

The metal press is notoriously as awful as games journalism, yes, but holy poo poo. The entitlement here is palpable. THE REPAYMENT FOR FANS' INVESTMENT IS A loving ALBUM YOU STUPID oval office. FULL STOP.

Sergeant D's whole schtick is to be an arrogant schmuck to piss people off while being correct. He even used to write for SA for a while.

# ¿ Jan 18, 2016 20:54

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

I miss noni.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 15:48

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

Noyemi K posted:

just depart the thread dude, there's nothing you can say that's gonna change peoples' minds that either you

1) erroneously believe you've got a good shot at success with this, not to mention the effect it'll have on your relationship
2) erroneously posted this thread in GBS in hopes of raising pitybux by the virtue of being a "fellow goon" as some kind of tribal appeal

If you don't care about either of these viewpoints, there's no point trying to change anyone's mind when you don't have enough information to convince anyone you haven't made a huge loving mistake in either case. By all means, go do what you want, quit getting defensive and cut your losses. If you're gonna do it, loving do it, stop endlessly justifying your decision because we all know it's based on feelings and not data, preparation, or significant relevant experience.

The longer you guys try to get epic burns on him in the thread the longer it's on the front page providing free advertising to the lurkers.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 15:51

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

I don't think you guys should post about his wife because so far no one's managed to not be creepy about it but that's like just my opinion, dude.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 15:54

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

I gave him $5

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 15:57

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

Noyemi K posted:

whoopdee loving doo! poo poo, guess I was wrong, OP's restaurant will definitely succeed with such a massive investment despite reams of industry data suggesting otherwise

Hey now, five dollars is five dollars. Baby steps here, every little bit counts.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 16:01

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

Microwaves Mom posted:

Well gosh I better take all my student loan grants and dump it in to fund this now!

Good thing christmas recently happened, I wouldn't want any little goonlings to be deprived of their gifts.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 16:03

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

a starwar betamax posted:

If it'l make everyone feel a little better I'm going to go back and hand out probations for all the posters who said rude things about his fianceee

It's probably going to take too long. But I do think it's funny that calling the guy's wife a tranny was worth six hours while begging for sex was three days.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 16:08

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

social vegan posted:

im opening a restaurant where i serve jamaican patties but with pizza filling i've ben thinking about it for a week who in/

Have you ever had jerk chicken on pizza? It's really good!

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 16:21

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

social vegan posted:

ya

Ew gross.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 16:46

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

If he can get through the first paragraph of John Galt's speech in one breath I'll donate $5.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 19:17

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

a starwar betamax posted:

Its not that hard OP just film yourself mashing up hotdogs into some eggroll pate while your wife feeds you lines in tagalog from off camera and then get a nice close up of you chewing up the food. You can do it on your cell phone you goof

neat fetish vid

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 14:40

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

ArbitraryC posted:

To be fair the the OP the comments about his wife we're pretty disgusting, one thing to take the piss out of his business model but there was a lot of unacceptable poo poo going on itt.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 20:23

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

JakeP posted:

lmbo ya!

get triggered you stupid loving bitch

You're an idiot.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 20:38

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

DoctorStrangelove posted:

I feel absolutely no sympathy for him. He should have known exactly what was going to happen when he went to GBS asking for money.

During the "i should post my kickstarter in gbs because gently caress it what would happen?" thinking phase I don't think the OP thought people would be disgusting to his wife for no reason.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 20:42

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

the great deceiver posted:

tbf the onus was kind of on him to figure out what would happen if he posted a kickstarter thread for a restaurant in gbs. i still dont endorse the tranny jokes mainly for the reason that they are the cheapest form of humor and there was so much more here to work with

point really should be that you should discourage people from makign those jokes

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 20:47

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

Noyemi K posted:

same

also lol, he tried to compare getting earboxed for begging for money in gbs to rape. he looked and sounded like a bitch and his fianceeeeeee will leave him for a man with more balls and less polished armour

No, that was from people being gross in the thread.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 20:54

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

whoflungpoop posted:

its almost as if people who are incapable of forseeing blatanly obvious outcomes of their decisions make really bad decisions

So blame the victim. got it. Neat.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 20:55

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 17:47

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

Noyemi K posted:

he agreed to do the video and then bitched out last minute, dude's hosed and he's gonna get cucked

Oof, a sincere cuck joke. Ok I'm out, you guys are beyond hope.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 20:56

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > [MOD CHALLENGE: pg 15] Please give me money to make "Filipeno food"