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 Back in 2007, when Flash was riding high and no one thought putting porn in them and uploading them to Newgrounds was weird, an inspiring story was beginning. A man, fists tragically replaced by two wild swinging hams in a hilarious accident, was daring to dream. "I'm going to do it," he said, cured meat slapping wetly against nearby furniture as he flailed around. "I'm going to make the best flash game ever. It's going to have sensible UIs and engaging combat and characters that make you laugh and cry. Girls will love it. I'll be rich and everyone will be my friend." The doubters laughed, but were quickly silenced when, in December 2007, he released MARDEK RPG. MARDEK RPG, the answer to the question of "can a teenager, after being locked in a shed for 10 years with a game programming manual, One Piece comics and infinite amounts of PCP be expected to integrate back into society" is a completely fascinating journey through the inner workings of turn-based RPGs and the mind of its insane developer - Tobias Cornwall, aka Pseudolonewolf. What a journey it is, too. A journey of ludicrous overambition. These games were originally intended to be an eight-part series, but petered out under the weight of its own lethargy and only managed to get to three. It was recently remade as an episodic Android game under the title Taming Dreams, so to celebrate the game's recent re-animation we're going to play through the original, far superior version. I hope you're ready folks, we're not all coming out of this one pretty. These are flash games, and such are available to play for free online. Places like here! Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3  Part I: OH DEAR Part II: Book of Evil Part III: A Sewer Level, Already Part IV: Meanwhile... Vicks fucked around with this message at 12:27 on Feb 1, 2016 |
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Jan 27, 2016 13:50
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         I wonder how the dragon got that manacle on with his stumpy little dragon arms. I bet it was adorable.       : "Yes Mardek, that it is! We have to get to the dragon and slay it to rescue the Princess! Tally-ho!" :"Tally-ho!":"Tally-ho! We're adventurers! En guard! Forsooth! Bloody goblins!":"Tally-ho!":"Now let's go and save that Princess! Tally-ho!" Lovely. Welcome to the tutorial castle, which takes maybe 10 minutes to breeze through. The crystal in the corner saves your game and heals you to full health whenever you touch it.  There's plenty of random encounters in this game, and this is the first, against the adorably stupid Monsters. Look, they've got little sailor tats! And green 90's mohawks. D'aww. Don't worry guys, it'll be back in fashion any day now. The combat is your pretty standard JRPG fare, with magic and normal attacks and potions made out of goddess tears or whatever, although Pseudolonewolf did add his own little touches. Like the Reaction system, where during yours or an enemy's attack a sliding bar appears...   ...and if you press X in the gold bit, you do more damage. There's more to it than that, but that can wait.  Oh yeah, before every fight this exclamation mark pops up. If you press Z when you see it...  ... you can skip the fight entirely. You will never see me do this, because true heroes do not run.  Every room in this castle is symmetrical. I don't know why. I want to know why.  Let's ask this dragon. Hello dragon!  :"We will slay you, mighty The Dragon! For we are great and mighty Heroes, even mightier than you! Tally-ho forsooth!": "We'll kick your arse dragon!": "Do dragons have arses? If they do, I bet we'll kick it like it's never been kicked before!": "Yeh! With our big swords!" : "HAHAHAH! YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT ME!!!" This is The Dragon, the first boss in the game. It plays plinky piano boss music and everything. Anyway this guy is a complete pushover since we're still in the tutorial, and you'd be forgiven for thinking that this is just another weirdly verbose random encounter.  It has a couple attacks, like Dark Claw, which we can block entirely with our defensive Reaction powers.  And a Fire Breath, which unhinges its jaw and costs thousands in surgery every time.  Honestly, I just feel sorry for this thing.  There is, of course, magic attacks in the game. Smite Evil, for example, does extra damage to Dark elemental creatures, like The Dragon.     The Dragon turns red and vibrates itself out of existence and into our hearts. Rest easy, champion. You're styling green mohawks in a better place now. : "Well, we beated the dragon! : "Oh thank you so much for saving me, mighty heroes!": "Well, it was really all my fault.": "All your fault? Do you mean all your doing or something? Because that's not fair! We beat the dragon together...: "Well I still get the princess.": You can have her! Girls are headlice, I heard! They suck on your wallet and drain out all your money, that's what my dad says!": "Really?!": "Yeh, really! My dad told me so it must be true!": "Now that we've beatened the dragon though, now what do we do?"Begin the game proper, of course!   This is Heroes' Den, where the Gruesome Twosome onscreen gather to have their weirdly symmetrical fantasies together. There's not really much here except a save crystal and a gross shack, which we'll go have a look at. It's also sunset at the moment. It's a bit hard to tell.  The chest in here can be opened for sweet sweet loot, and the bookshelf can be read. I'm pointing them out now because they're the two things in this game that are consistently enjoyable to come across.  This is what's inside the chest. A lot of item descriptions in this game are hilarious, and I'll try to show off all the good ones.  I think they picked up the game script by mistake. HEYO! We've done everything we can here, so let's go home.  There's a world map, but there's only one place we go right now - Goznor, our home town.  Weirdly, for such an idyllic country hellhole, nothing bad really ever happens to Goznor, despite being the kind of town that you'd expect to be ash and brimstone before the big villain's had his coffee in the morning. Well, okay that's not entirely true. The town does get invaded by ravenous cannibal zombies at one point, but no one in the town really gives a poo poo.  Maybe it's because the town is full of jerks who refuse to keep to themselves.  : "You... do remember where you live, right? In those little houses in the south-west part of town...?": "No, I, uh... I don't know why I thought you might've forgotten! But it's useful to know anyway, innit?"It sure is, George. All the buildings are locked at the moment, except for the church. The priest hasn't slept once since his vow of celibacy, I guess.   This is a church of YALORT, the god who created the world. The black statue in here is supposed to be him. He's a huge rear end in a top hat always, and his religion reflects that later on. Don't just take my word for it, though. Exposition me, Mardek.  : "Who's YALORT?" : Surely you jest, children? Everyone knows that YALORT is the One True Deity and our eternal benefactor! He is the Eternal Dragon who created the world, grants priests such as myself magical power! You should know this, children!": "Well, I was just being silly...": "Yes, I thought as much. but no worry! A sense of humour is a good thing!"All the gods' names in this game (there are multiple gods, oh yes) are capitalised. There doesn't seem to be any particular reason, unless you count crippling insecurity. I think it's time we headed home now, now that there's no one else worthwhile to harass.  There's no animation for Deugan going home, so he just teleports away.  "My best friend stole a teleporter from another JRPG and won't share, so I ditched his rear end"  : "Oh there you are, dear... How did your adventure with Deugan go?" Sometimes you get the option to choose dialogue options in conversation, even though they only come up like twice after this point. I love Mardek's face in this screenshot too. "I'd love go on a REAL adventure, but SOMEONE'S bitch mum won't buy me a real sword for my 11th birthday." : "Hmhm, you certainly do have your father's spirit! He was never satisfied with just the inane little fetch quests, no... He always wanted the big, epic, dragon-slaying quests.": "Sigh... you're growing up to be just like your father... I wonder where he is now..." "He'd buy me a sword, because he actually loves me." : "I don't know, dear... He's been gone a long time. But I'm sure he'll be back; I can sense it! Can you sense it too, dear?": "Well, I can sort of feel... like he's looking over me but he's not dead?" This picture is the backdrop to all of the monologue after this point. : He was, as I've told you, an adventurer of great skill and renown. Oh, I fancied him so much before I even met him!": "He was Light, so he thought about others much more than himself. All he did was for people he usually didn't know from Adam..."Everyone in this game has an innate nature that affects their personality and weaknesses in battle. Enki's is supposed to be Light, so he's nice to people. I don't know who Adam is, as it's never brought up again. Mystery! : "He was kind, honest... mysterious. Did you know that he never told me about his past?": "Well, you have told me like a million times, mum.": "Well I'll tell you again! He never did tell me about his mystery-shrouded past. Though I never knew about it, I never once felt like he might've been something bad once. He seemed to radiate this feeling that he had his reasons for hiding things like he did.": "I miss him so much..."Mind you, this whole conversation is full of topics that go nowhere. You might think Mardek finding his dad is a super important part of his arc, but it kinda falls off the wagon and disappears into a gutter for 2 chapters.    Good night, Mardek. Good night, LP. Next time, we harass the townsfolk of Goznor some more.
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Jan 27, 2016 13:52
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MARDEK is the metastory of a solitary teen boy with some real deep damage. He's since resolved some of that damage. It's nice. 
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Jan 27, 2016 15:05
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That's a pretty novel framing device for a tutorial, I have to give it that.
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Jan 27, 2016 15:14
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"I don't know him from Adam" is an adage meaning one just does not know a thing about a guy. Mardek's dad risked his life for total strangers, basically.
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Jan 27, 2016 17:06
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I remember playing this loving game when it came out. I was not aware of the dev's... issues tho.
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Jan 27, 2016 21:07
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I played this back in 2010 and gave up during the 3rd chapter. It was fun, but hard to figure out what I was doing. Hearing that the dev was loopy makes sense. You have to be crazy to try to make an 8-part flash RPG.
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Jan 27, 2016 21:43
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Last I played flash games and hung around on Kongregate, a long time ago it feels like, the guy who made MARDEK was working on some Pokemon clone called MiasMon. What happened to that?
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Jan 27, 2016 22:13
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Yeah, that's a pretty neat idea for a tutorial.
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Jan 28, 2016 03:47
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Silento posted:Last I played flash games and hung around on Kongregate, a long time ago it feels like, the guy who made MARDEK was working on some Pokemon clone called MiasMon. What happened to that? It is one of Psudo's many, MANY abandoned projects, supposedly he put it aside for a bit to work on other things (a people breeding game called Yden I believe (think The Sims set in the time of early man)) and by the time he got round to looking at Miasmon again his art style had shifted so much that he couldn't work on it any more. If you want to play what he was able to complete you can find it here. Do be aware it isn't a complete game and there are some game breaking bugs (like a square that either freezes the game or removes your ability to move).
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Jan 28, 2016 04:34
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You'll find this is a common theme with his projects. If you look at his super verbose blog you'll see that he's already getting tired of his latest project, Taming Dreams: http://www.alorafane.com/blog/196 He released this on the Android store last month. I'm working on the next update right now. Here's a little teaser: 
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Jan 28, 2016 10:33
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Its strange in that he has the skill to do what he wants to make, but not the stamina fot it.
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Jan 28, 2016 10:36
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Is that an elemental weakness system based on gender policies that'd turn a moderate feminist rabid?
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Jan 28, 2016 10:40
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Nice, how old are these games again? Will there be talk about alphas and betas or the ladder theory?
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Jan 28, 2016 10:41
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powerful
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Jan 28, 2016 11:17
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anilEhilated posted:Is that an elemental weakness system based on gender policies that'd turn a moderate feminist rabid?
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Jan 28, 2016 11:24
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Yeah, the tutorial bit was neatly done, had some promise...Vicks posted:impending gender-issues trainwreck ... hwelp
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Jan 28, 2016 11:42
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Picayune posted:Yeah, the tutorial bit was neatly done, had some promise... is this cry for help or a sigh of whelp
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Jan 28, 2016 14:09
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Acne Rain posted:is this cry for help or a sigh of whelp They are not mutually exclusive.
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Jan 28, 2016 14:55
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Zanzibar Ham posted:Nice, how old are these games again? Will there be talk about alphas and betas or the ladder theory? anilEhilated posted:Is that an elemental weakness system based on gender policies that'd turn a moderate feminist rabid? Pretty much Psudo makes great games, some of the best flash games ever made, just take anything else he talks about with a grain of salt.
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Jan 29, 2016 01:04
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 Mardek dreams about space. He wonders about his place in the larger world, and what his achievements might mean in it. He also thanks about what the coolest animal in the world would be (a wolf that talks like people and has man hands) and Final Fantasy memes.  We're interrupted by a spaceship, carrying the game's plot to earth.  It disintegrates in the atmosphere, scattering flavour text and coherent motivation everywhere.  We wake up with Deugan already watching us. He like to watch Mardek sleep sometimes. He looks so peaceful.   : "There was this star in the sky, right, even though it was daytime - well, morning really - and I looked at it because it was weird, and then it started like getting BIGGER!": "It was falling, Mardek! A falling star! It landed with a big crash and I saw where it went!": "It landed in a clearing just at the other side of Soothwood, I think!": "We should maybe go and find it, Mardek! Who knows what kind of mystery it holds? We've been looking for adventure for ages, and this might be our big chance... Let's go find the Fallen Star!!" : Why are you in bed with me?: There will be a day where you fall, and I want you to know that I will always be there to catch you. You are my Fallen Star, Mardek. Nothing will come between us.: Please let me leave. First, we've got some promised harassment to take part in. All the citizens in Goznor are up and about now, and some of them have funny things to say. Like Deugan's mum next door.  : "I'm alright, miss Deugan's mum!" : "You two're goin' out on an adventure today, are you? Just watch yerselves. I don't want you gettin' 'urt or scared again by doin' somethin' stupid or dangerous! Like the time where you both tried to walk over that river on that narrow fallen tree and Deugan didn't go and was so scared he crapped his pants! Did I show you those photos of when Deugan crapped his pants, Mardek?": "Muuum!"There's also exposition bookshelves in here. One of them is Chapter 3 spoilers, so we'll stay away from that.  : There are four main continents of Belfan, as well as numerous smaller continents and archipalegos.: The continent of Hadris is the largest in the world, and most human cities and nations are here. Goznor is located at the southernmost point, on the northern shore of the gulf connecting Hardis and Fengue.: Fengue is south of Hadris, separated by only a small channel of water at the northermost point. It is scarcely inhabited and the majority of its terrain is desert. Aeropolis is its capital.We'll find ourselves in Aeropolis eventually, and it's way better than anything that happens over here in Snoresville. : Nole'Oth is a continent to the north, known colloquially as the Northern Wastes. It is perpetually covered in snow and is largely unexplored.Nole'Oth is where Mardek's dad is assumed to have run off to. Remember, this is not relevant. : The continent of Tharadia is said to exist across the oceans to the west, but to this date no expeditions have return from there to verify its existence or detail its composition or population, if any.  Breathe in the fresh air. All these buildings that were locked before are shops bar a couple, except none will serve us because we're underage. None of them really have a ton interesting to say, but here's a few. It's important to at least know they exist, since they're in the other two chapters too:  : "Lads! I know how much you like Social Fox and aspire to be like him and all, so did you hear about his latest deed? Apparently he saved Aeropolis from a dragon or something!": "Oh, I love that mighty man... He's so heroic, so manly... I'd love to one day just meet him and marry him and MEAT him and-": *grossed out face*: "Lads! You're still here!? Go away! Leave me to my fantasies for a few moments!": "Oh yes, you foxy man. Swing that greatsword!"Social Fox is Mardek and Deugan's role model, a big adventurer who does all the things Mardek and Deugan dream of. The The Dragon in the tutorial fight is supposed to be them reliving Social Fox's latest adventure, they admire him so much.  : "Hey look! I have a beard! You little kiddiwinks can't grow beards, so I WIN! HELL YEH!"gently caress this guy.  : "'Allo Mardek and Deugan! I bet you're going adventuring today again... I never get to go adventuring because my mum won't let me!" : Back in my day, we didn't have stars falling from the heavens! Stars were much better behaved back in the good old days, not like these rowdy rebellious stars you kids look at these days!"And lastly we have George, the guy we spoke to last update.  Suck it, George.  Though we can't buy anything at the magic shop we can peep the bookshleves for some sweet sweet exposition. Some of it reveals more information than it should. : Everything and everyone in the world has an innate affinity to at least one of several magic elements. People and spells are all monoelemental, and their Element determines their power, potential and, in the case of people, their personalities.This is pretty important stuff, as elements make up the backbone of all the combat in the game. : There are four Natural Elements - Fire, Water, Air, earth - two Moral elements - Dark and Light - and only one known Spiritual element - Ether - though Ether's existence is largely considered mythical.: FIRE people are strong-willed, opinionative, confident and powerful. They're driven, and strive to achieve goals. They can be stubborn.: WATER people are often laid-back, and go with the flow. They're often good-looking, intelligent and perceptive. Many have strong magical power.: AIR people are dreamers, but they're floaty and rarely focused on one thing for long.: EARTH people are tough and practical. They are wise and understanding, trustworthy, honest and reliable.: LIGHT people will live to do good, helping people whenever they can. They are the most helpful, kind and caring of the elements, and often become Heroes.: DARK people are inherently self-centred and manipulative, often violent. They only do things to benefit themselves, and care little for other people.There isn't anything on Ether elementals in this book since it's rare. I think there's only like two Ether elemental characters in this game, although there's a ton of monsters that are. : The personality traits mentioned are by no means the only personalities such people can have. Good-aligned Dark elemental people are not unheard of.: Being creatures of free will, our destinies are for us to choose, not our inherent elements.One bookshelf down. I think I remember the element stuff as something I was forced to do in year 9 drama class. I remember getting lumped in as a water person, because I am smart and beautiful and definitely not because 97% of the time I am salty. In case you're wondering, Mardek is Light and Deugan is Earth. You can see what element any character is by the little symbol that pops up in the lower right of the dialouge box.  : Fire consumes Air, Air erodes the Earth, Earth absorbs Water, and Water douses flames. Thus is the cycle of the Natural elements.: The Moral elements, being antipodes of each other, are both strong and weak against each other simultaneuosly.This is the combat tutorial, basically. If you've played Pokemon this is the super-effective chart the games never gave you. It also works the exact same way as that game, with attacks' power being determined by the element and equipment of the gutter frog or miscoloured abortion it's being used against. : Though these elemental traits are most often exploited on the battlefield, they can influence day-to-day life too. A fire-elemental will inherently be more submissive to a water-elemental person, and that water person will be more bossy and demanding around fire people.I hope you liked that last line, because it gets weirder from here. We're on to the last bookcase, the bookcase of Evil.  This bookcase was really hard to read because all the text in it runs backwards. I had to flip it here.  If you were to carry this book outside during night time you would attract every insect in a five-mile radius.  I didn't think there was any voice acting in this game, but this bookcase actually emits a faint hiss that only dogs and priests can hear.  I can hear the meaty slap of Pseudolonewolf's ham hands on his keyboard again, which I usually only hear during the full moon.   God this book sucks. I think I'm sick of exposition and Evil now. Let's hit the bar.  Okay, well, they still won't serve us but we can still pester the civilians here for shits and giggles. : Even though Social Fox doesn't have a beard, he's totally my idol! Did you hear about that one time where he was fighting the Octopus Of Many Swords, and he got ALL HIS LIMBS CHOPPED OFF but grew them back and used the old limbs to bludgeon the octopus to death?! How brilliant is THAT?!": Hey, little sprog! It's Social Fox like totally amazing? I heard that once, he was surrounded by like a million monsters and he managed to slay them all WITH HIS EYES SHUT using only his leather codpiece! How amazing is THAT?!" : "social fox is hot *drools* i want 2 merry him wen i meat him adn we wil have liek 3 babys nad i will call them cory and brandon and janey-sue!!"  : "Not that that's an appropriate thing to say to a child like yourself, mind you. : "The uniform for the Goznor Guard is really ugly. I mean, ew, that horrible vomit-green colour is SO ten years ago!": "... I wear it for the retro look. Shut up.The couple in the corner is a married couple. I hope they asked each other to make sure their elements wouldn't lead to them producing some sort of hosed-up non-master race baby or whatever. : "It seems that there are more people in this inn than there are houses in the village! And what does the mayor do about this? NUFFIN!": "The fact that Goznor doesn't actually HAVE a mayor has nothing to do with it!! It needs to grow one! Off... off the mayor tree! Someone needs to plant one of those!drat it Cornwall, this LP is never going to work if you steal all my jokes.  : "Wasn't that falling star EXCITING! It was one of the most exciting, thrilling things I ever did see!": "Why didn't we have any falling stars at our wedding, luv? I would've wanted falling stars at my wedding.": "I didn't know you wanted falling stars at our wedding, dearest!": "Well I guess you don't love me after all then!!!"There's also a guard outpost further back.   This is the guard captain, Jacques, a man that I have come to loathe in the way only someone who typed out all his dialogue can.  : "I 'eard from one of zee soldiers zat he was sighted in Nole'Oth... zee frozen Northern Wastes.": "'E seems to be on some kind of epic zhournee, and knowing 'im, 'e should 'ave it finished soon!" Upstairs there's a whole bunch of potions in some chests, and this lazy guard. You may notice he is Dark elemental, which means Mardek can't have genetically superior man babies with him. What a shame. The Book of Evil must be very pleased. Well, we've explored almost all of the town now. There's only one building left in town, right on the outskirts.  What's in house? Is it the game's plot? Another sweaty hamfisted exposition scene? We'll see... next time.
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Jan 30, 2016 02:05
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Vicks posted:I'm working on the next update right now. Here's a little teaser: A lot of people don't get this far but make sure you check this bookshelf out in the third chapter. It has completely different dialog.
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Jan 30, 2016 02:21
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I do love the irascible whining about those upstart stars we have these days.
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Jan 30, 2016 04:36
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 Inside the house from last update is this inventor man! Invent me up a sidequest, inventor man.   : I-I-I actually have another adventure for you! I-i-it won't take long; it's a sort of 'side-quest' thing. A-a-are you interested?: Well, yes!: B-b-brilliant! I knew I could count on you two!: I-I-I'm trying to make a new invention, you see, but I-I-I don't have all the parts I need. I need some more LeadPipes - a-a-about five should do - but the best place to g-g-get those is in the sewers, from the fumerats.: Y-y-uou know I'm incompetent when it comes to combat, and I know that you relish and have f-f-fought fumerats before!I'm not sure about this invention he's making if the only side-quest he can create is a sewer level  . Let's pump him for info. : I can s-s-see them being used to make all of our lives easier b-b-by doing all the labour for us!: I'll also give you a reward for your efforts! So what do you say? A-a-are you interested?This sidequest sounds tedious but it only takes about five minutes, and the reward will help us out in the plot forest we have to wander through. The bookshelf behind him is pretty good, too:  : There was thise one Tyme where he totally Slew this Mighty Dragonne! It was a Foule, Evile, Darke Beaste who had Capturede a Princesse - one of the Fineste on all the Landse - and only the Heroisme of Social Fox could Save Her!Sound familiar?  Meraeador, as it turns out, lives about 20 metres from the open hole to the sewer, which is also coincidentally right next to the lake Goznor is built around. No wonder he lives alone.  The sewers are, of course, bigger than the town they're built on and filled with treasure. Treasures like money, antidotes...  ... and a copper ring that boosts defence. I give it to Deugan.  There's also Fumerats, of course. They only have one attack, Infect, which inflicts you with poison (5% of your max health is taken at the start of your turn).  Don't think just because we're stuck in the scrawny idiot body of a child that we're not going to be one-shotting things for the majority of this chapter. Also, you might notice that we don't have any Reactions available any more. Let's fix that.  Mardek and Deugan only have a couple Reactions now, the other one subtracts a point of damage from any physical hit. A long way from before but don't worry, by the end of Chapter 3 we'll be drowned under them.  Much better. One rat genocide later...  Alright, looks like we're all good to go.  : You can h-h-have this Cog Necklace! It's a litle necklace I had magically ench-ch-chanted to protect from Sleep, so then I could work longer hours on m-my inventions, but the health problems outweighed the b-b-benefits... It'd be useful in the w-w-woods, with all those pesky fungoblins around!This is a good narrative tie-in, and a good reward too. Sleep is another status effect that prevents you from attacking until you're hit by a physical attack, and we're giving the necklace to Mardek.  And that's it. We're going to Soothwood, in search of the script we lost.  It's very nice here, in the Soothwood. It lives up to its name, with all the woods, and the... the sooths are... looking very vibrant today.  Oh good, a new enemy. Forest Fish, fresh out of their escape from the Useless Dimension, are weak, ineffective and adorable.  They have one attack, which is to nuzzle into your side and give you kisses. I love them.  These guys though, not so much. Fungoblins are what Meraeador's necklace is for, as they have an attack called Spore Tackle that puts whoever it hits to sleep. Or maybe the necklace isn't as helpful as I said, as I never managed to get one the goblins to use the attack. Oh well!  In the middle of the forst there's this shaman. It's expanded on more in the next chapter, but each region of the world has a shaman who functions as some sort of cross between witch doctor and hyper-aggressive council parks manager. They curate all the forests and lovely nature around the place, and brew potions for people. We'll be meeting a lot of shamans soon.  Does this mean this is the man who brought all the forest fish here? I hope so!   Welcome to the miniboss of this chapter, the Poshgoblin, the greatest of the shaman's creations. It's almost exactly the same as a Fungoblin but with an added twist:  Disgusting, earth-shattering wealth!  We have magic attacks in the Child Zone too - Strike (later called Power Attack) is more powerful than the standard attack but less accurate, and Huff-Puff is a healing spell for gigantic wusses.  Weirdly Strike does double the damage but seems to miss the same amount of the time as your normal strike and uses no mana, so there's no reason to ever not use it.  On reflection Deugan probably should have been given the necklace. Spore Tackle is an Air element attack, which means Deugan, being Earth element, is damaged more by it, which means that enemies always use it on him. Oops!  Anyway, after a while the Poshgoblin gets bored and wanders off to go subjugate something. It's a shame that that's the only time we'll see this enemy in the game, as I like it a lot. I guess that's the pressure of being the 1% for you.  We've finally arrived at the Crash Site, the final area in this game. Don't think just because the camera follows us everywhere that we'll be the first to get here though. Someone else has got their gross hands all over the thing first.   : Ey it's.. uhhhh... you! You lickle childerns frum t' village! I beated you up before!: Mugbert? You big bully! What are you doing here?: That i'n't none o' yer business!: Well, I bet you're here for the Fallen Star! I love this guy. : No! Your hands are the wrong hands! You'd probably use it for EVIL or something!: Yeh, so? Wot're YOU gunna do about it, eh? Beat me up, eh? Hurhurhur. I'd like to see you try!: C'mon Mardek! Let's defeat this evil villain and save the world from his evil!: I'll kick his evil so hard it'll fall down and prob'ly die next week! And we're thrust into another miniboss fight. Yeah, two in a row. No I don't know why either.  Mugbert has about the same amount of HP as Mardek and Deugan, but far more attack power. He might do more damage but, well, he has one stick, you have two. You have a healing spell, he has an upbringing of violence and insecurity. It goes about as well for him as you'd expect.  He runs off, learning along the way that the abuse he has received in his life from other children and his family doesn't have to be reflected in the way he behaves towards other people, leading him to make a positive change in his life and living a more understanding, compassionate lifestyle. Good job!  Which leaves us alone with the crash, and whatever's inside. Is any of the script still inside? Is there chocolate? Find out next time.
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Jan 31, 2016 11:42
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Bellmaker posted:A lot of people don't get this far but make sure you check this bookshelf out in the third chapter. It has completely different dialog. Yeah, I know the book you mean! Big fan of that one, I won't be missing it. Thank you for reminding me. Usually if you're ever wondering if I'm going to show off something in the game that answer is going to be "yes" or "yes, because, I have a horrible compulsion to rub myself on every potted plant and bit of dirt I come across and there is no cure". I play this game the same way too. This update ran long so I cut it in half, so expect another dosage of hot sweet plot action whenever I get around to making the sprite for the new character.
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Jan 31, 2016 11:49
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Okay, the poshgoblin is kind of amusing, but beating up another kid is just dirty pool.
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Feb 1, 2016 01:25
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We still have a meteor to explore. Inside we see a corpse (it's lying face down, the yellow splotch is it torso and the whiter part is its head) doing what corpses do best.  ...Until we get close. The room flashes white and blue...  A white light bursts from the corpse's chest, and heads towards Mardek, entering him.  : What the? Mardek! What just happened?! Are you okay?: ...  : Hm. I say, you there. Inhabitant. Where is this? No wait... Do you know of the Annunaki? The Lingons? The Astrostles Alliance?Now's a bit of a bad time to ask me to brush up on my Mass Effect lore, mystery man. : Huh? What? Mardek, you're scaring me...!: Well, I'm starting to scare me too! That's not me saying those th-: Silence, host. So... this is not a Developed World then? Interesting... I might be safe here, at least for a little while.: I suppose you're pretty confused, Inhabitants! Underdeveloped and HUMAN Inhabitants, I might add...: You see, I happen to have crashed my... uh, my 'flying chariot' on this planet of yours, and it appears my body couldn't take the impact and died. A pity.: But I still have business in this plane, so I transferred my soul to this host. You don't need to understand it; you just have to accept it. You'd have to kill this creature if you wanted to get at me.He delivers these lines with the character portrait making the smuggest goddamn face I've ever seen. : But despite my prior tone, I mean you no harm at all!: I'm sorry to have inconvenienced with you with (sic) my presence, but... just be glad I didn't expel this creature's soul from its body, because I could have done that!: You'll have to put up with me for a while though, because I can only get out of this body when it's ter- uh, never mind that actaully.: I suppose I might as well try to settle in immediately. So tell me, creatures, what you call yourselves! What are your names? You're larvae, correct?This part is really well written, especially considering how much has to come across here - our mystery guest hides his (her?) fear and ignorance behind the kind of smug talking-down you see here all the time.  : You're some kind of... thing... in Mardek's body that can talk out of his mouth, but you're not him?: That is correct, little creature! I'm surprised you followed what I was saying so well! Mmmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmm. Cop a load of that smug. : Mmph! Huh? Well, I couldn't speak! Get out of me!: I'm afraid I can't do that, O Host. The bond I just made with this body is rather permanent! You'll just have to get used to having me sharing your body.: My name's Rohoph, by the way. A pleasure it is to make your acquaintance.: I suggest you two rest a bit and calm down. We can talk more later.: I... I need to go and lie down...We're back in control again, at last. Let's check out the body that's been stinking up the room while we were talking.  So Rohoph has lived hundreds of years, and is presumably going to live for hundreds more. I don't think Mardek's lifespan is going to be a concern to him, especially considering he can hop around bodies like your deadbeat friend touring all the different textures of your couch.  It's sunset again, so all the citizens have disappeared to go break the fourth wall in the sewers or something. I hear it's quite the party.  : You should go to bed, Mardek! It IS pretty late. So nighty night dear, and sweet dreams!Wouldn't you like that, lady. I don't know how much sleep you'd expect Mardek to get after all that's happened.   : Obviously. I have your ears and share your brain now, so I can detect anything that you can, including your internal monologues.: (But due to my dominance in this relationship, you can know nothing of MY mental activities. Ahah.): Well, I just want to know what you are! What are you?: I am, uh... an 'Angel'? Is that what you call them here? : You mean one of them things from the sky?: Yes... I think. 'A being form the sky'. That seems apt.: I am... a Healer. Yes. I'm a magic user of incredible skill, specialising in Light-elementall recovery magic. I'll be able to lend you some of my power in any battles you may face in the future.This is just an incredibly wordy way of him saying we'll get a Heal spell in chapter 2. : I came here because... Hm, I don't know if I should tell you...: Aww! So you won't even tell me why you're in me?: I need time to regenerate. Dying weakened me, which is understandable.: I'm going to be rather silent for the next few years. I'll still be in your body, but I'll keep to myself and work on regaining some of my power.: Rest, host. We can't be sleepy and lethargic tomorrow... it's probably going to be a long day... And that's it for Chapter 1. This one is little more than the prologue and takes maybe half an hour to motor through, though the ones after this are full-blooded 8- and 30-hour RPGs respectively. Oh yes. And this was supposed to be an episodic series. : Mardek... what is this necklace you're wearing?: ...: Huh?Meanwhile...  Somewhere a long way away, these weirdos are gathered around their huge weirdo crystal. If you look closely, you have see that there's the shadow of something inside it. Also note the conspicuous space next to the red guy.  : Rohoph's escaped, you know. He flew away in one of the gallopers, myes. YALORT knows where he went. : HE NEEDS TO SANGUINARY WELL BE BURNED!! BURN HIS HEMIC FACE AND ALSO HIS PRATTIN' ROBE! HIS DETRITAL WHITEY WHITE ROBE!! IT MUST BURN!! : I like white. I find it goes well with yellow, but only if you want it to. All the hoods present represent a different element. Qualna here, the one on the far left, is Aether elemental, one of the very few Aether elementals in the series. After him it goes, left to right, Water, Dark, Air, Fire and Earth. Light, obviously, is trapped in the body of a scrawny child and had to call in sick.  : Yes, kill him. Let his blood run free, his flesh turn cold. His body a shell, his soul a wanderer. Yeeess, yeeeeesss...: MORIC, YOU'RE A SMELTIN' CREEPY MAN!! AND YET I THINK I MIGHT MONGIN' WELL DELIGHT IN THE SIGHT OF THE FRIGHT OF THE WHITE BLIGHT AS I FIGHT AND SMITE HIM FROM THIS PLANE!! : Why, Gaspar, that's awfully poetic of you. I'm amazed!: I'LL HARRY WELL SHOW YOU A POETIC MAZE!! I'LL TRAP YOU IN IT AND SCREAM TOFFIN' BLOOD-CURDLIN' SCREAMS!!: What ARE you talking about? Shut up anyway, it's irrelevant. We need to address the Rohoph problem.: Master, what think you? We should do away with him, myes? How do we go about it? See, the mistake they made here was putting the Dark elemental guy in charge. The gem is actually the Huge Gem of Friendship, and these people are trying to awaken the Friend Demon inside. But you'd never convince anyone of that.  : We have to do away with him, and quickly. He's the only one who knows.: One of us should go to stop him. Any volunteers?: I like volunteers. They taste like cherries, but only if that's what you believe. Love and luck always taste a bit bananay. That's a weird word to say. 'Bananay'. 'Banananananay'.All the characters here are supposed to have personalities at the extremes of the elements they represent. It doesn't make some of it less difficult to transcribe though. : I'M NOT CHARLIE WELL GOIN', 'CAUSE I BOGGIN' WELL CAN'T BE ARSED!: I'll go. Yeeess, if Rohoph is going to die, I would derive much perverse satisfaction from seeing the fear on his cyclopic face before he meets the Evereaper... yeeeess, it would FUEL me!: The elation I get from such kills is unmatched by anything, yeeeess... Just thinking about it makes me... oohhh...That said, I have no idea what this guy's deal is. : Yes. You're creepy. I can't say we'll miss you while you're gone, so it'd be best if you did go.: Take a battleship and follow Rohoph's trail. It should be easy enough to detect where he went and deal with him. Now go.: Yeeess, my Master... : Don't you mean ours, sir? We ARE working on this together. There's not just you.Oh hello, nice of you to join us : Yes, that's what I said. Weren't you listening?: No, not at all. I had a nice pretty tune in my head. It went like 'naaaah naaaah nah-nah-naaaah...': Sigh... Fade to black. There they are, the main villains to the story. Will we be seeing Moric any time soon? Was it eight chapters long because they were going to come at us one at a time like complete morons? Will they ever unlock the Friend Demon and save the heart of all the good boys and girls? I don't know! Come back next chapter for something completely unrelated!
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Feb 1, 2016 11:55
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I can think of maybe one or two of that mook squad that won't get ridiculously irritating in short order.
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Feb 2, 2016 03:35
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