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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > Daily Poetry Thread 2K16: so i've been working on my freeform sonnets
 
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Uranium Phoenix
Jun 20, 2007

Boom.

Electric Owl posted:

the balloon headed boy could
would kick his desk undoing
knots he had to do to get through
the mess and hold the string taut
against his cheeks and say “

Now There’s More To It Than That but
That’s That.”

what a laugh! they always slap
the back of my head and hand
me a knotted flower and then I saw
what a man could do so I saw it in two
This poem made me think of the kid in class who is always kicking desks, messing with stuff, and bugging other students. Is this a girl getting hit on by elementary school kids who still think you show you like someone by hitting them then giving them a flower they found out on the playground, except with a knot in the stem? Maybe. The poem is also uses a lot of internal rhyming, but inconsistently. The general lack of capitalization and confusing rhyme/lines felt like it encouraged the view of the subjects being young. It feels like the last line is trying to show some sort of change, but I don't know what. Overall, rather confusing.

***
This is a poem I wrote for TD week 233 but I didn't actually enter that week so I'm gonna put it here. It's a villanelle.

[crappy poem removed]

Uranium Phoenix fucked around with this message at 04:14 on Nov 13, 2017

* # ¿ Feb 27, 2017 00:58
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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Creative Convention > Daily Poetry Thread 2K16: so i've been working on my freeform sonnets