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I've been needling away at this poem recently, it feels like it's missing something, another verse maybe, and perhaps there's other stuff I've missed: Winter Grave (slight note, a sternburg is a cheap beer that's really common here) Slick cold half melted ice rehardened lines the cobblestones searching for an errant foot to trap and topple the midnight walker she slides envisions an ignoble end hand flung just in time to catch the frigid rail palms half stick to rough new frost. Straightened body reset weight she shifts to safety Reflects on near misses as gaze set down the glittering banks of the river seized in place She notes, half submerged the bodies drowned christmas trees discarded in the dark Corpses unsunk the crime revealed by frost Rime shine frost set fresh on edges revealing the reaching branches That tangle together in desperate knots Abandoned past their season Bodies shedding with frost their only friend She thinks on things abandoned after christmas Finishes her Sternburg and sets the bottle down.
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Apr 11, 2016 10:51
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| # ¿ May 4, 2024 03:07 |
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Thanks for the feedback guys, I've altered some of the lines to tighten it up a bit, though I've become happier with how it ends rather than thinking it might need another verse. Slick grey half melted ice rehardened lines the cobblestones searching for an errant foot to trap and topple the midnight walker she slides envisions an ignoble end hand flung just in time to catch the frigid rail palms half stick to rough new frost. Straightened body weight reset she shifts to safety Her view over railing A reflection on near misses the glittering banks of the river seized in place She notes, half submerged the bodies drowned christmas trees discarded in the dark Corpses unsunk the crime betrayed by cold Rime shine frost set fresh on edges revealing the reaching branches That tangle together in desperate knots Abandoned past their season Bodies shedding with ice unhappy lovers She thinks on things abandoned after christmas Finishes her Sternburg and sets the bottle down. Jitzu_the_Monk posted:I've got a question about submitting poetry to lit mags. For mags that accept multiple submissions, am I better off submitting one poem I think they will really like, or should I submit as many pieces as they let me? Lately I've been using a "throw gum at the wall" strategy, thinking I should submit as many stylistically varied poems to a single outlet that I can, all in the hopes that one will stick. On the other hand, I'm wondering if a lack of consistent style between poems will hurt ALL my submissions. That is, if an outlet hates most of my work, will the staff there really ignore all that dislike just to print the one piece they do enjoy? What's the conventional wisdom on this within the poetry publishing community? My advice is generally submit as many as you can. As someone who organises poetry events and exhibitions if someone submits four things I don't like and one thing I think is great it's not going to make me pass up the one great thing. (At worst I'll hint to them they should definitely do more stuff in the style of that one thing so I can greedily consume their work). Catfishenfuego fucked around with this message at 12:03 on Apr 26, 2016 |
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Apr 26, 2016 11:59
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