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Crane Fist posted:Someone end the tyranny of this brutally unfunny man Hey, I made this offer in another thread, so I'll repost here. Like, bottom line is, I get it and I know some of the stuff I've written has been a little weak lately. I know that a lot of the people criticizing my writing are likely also comedy writers themselves, or people who've always wanted to give writing for the front page a shot. So for next Monday's article, I'll publish the funniest originally written piece someone from this thread sends me. I'll obviously give you total credit and the fee. My email address is asterios.kokkinos@gmail.com. Please include your SA forums username in the article. Thanks!
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Apr 26, 2016 19:27
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RacistGuidingLight posted:The recent one was very Onion-ish. Specifically, this one here where he takes the large swath of people speaking as one gimmick, then abandons it halfway through. I interned for The Onion in 2003! One time during a writers meeting a writer brought up how he used to write fake news articles for his college newspaper. I told him, "Well now, in my college newspaper, we can't really do fake news articles because we just get accused of ripping off The Onion. The whole format of fake news articles is now just you guys by default." He was genuinely shocked, and then got kinda sad. 13 years later, still totally true.
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Aug 9, 2016 09:19
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My first and best book so far is now available for pre-order! Here's what SOME people who owe me favors for hushing up horrific crimes say: 
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Sep 21, 2016 13:19
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FactsAreUseless posted:So your plan is to post your dumb book in all the threads making fun of you? Yup! Hope you enjoy my dumb book!
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Sep 21, 2016 20:39
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Majuju posted:I hope these aren't finalized because there's errors in two of your testimonial credits Just shut up and buy the book nerd
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Sep 23, 2016 18:21
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gleebster posted:You need to be dead. Bravo, rear end in a top hat, stellar posting.
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Sep 24, 2016 04:50
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gleebster posted:You need to be dead. Also how the gently caress is it spamming to post about my book in a thread dedicated to me? gently caress off.
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Sep 24, 2016 07:07
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OMGVBFLOL posted:im not going to buy your book Thanks for the update
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Sep 25, 2016 22:58
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Hey there, fans! There's a new and exciting way for you to support your favorite content creators called "Pagetreon." Join me on this new and exciting digital journey, and reap totally awesome fan rewards!
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Nov 28, 2016 05:36
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ALERT: my hot new book is almost totally sold out of its first printing! If you wanna get your hands on this bad boy before Christmas, hop on Amazon, because they just bought out the very last of our stock.
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Dec 12, 2016 19:07
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Thanks to all the great fan support, yesterday's post is one of the highest read posts we've had all year! 
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Dec 13, 2016 15:46
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Up to 2K on Facebook alone! Thanks to all my "Vice President Babies" on the forums -- couldn't have done it without the fans!
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Dec 16, 2016 06:10
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Regulation Size posted:Aww that's sweet. 
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Dec 16, 2016 06:56
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Woebin posted:
My next article is going to be your username in a toilet on a gravestone on a boat.
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Dec 16, 2016 07:13
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Lonos Oboe posted:Nope, because he was never really going to pay anyone to write an article. It was all about playing Billy-big-balls and offering us mere mortals a taste of the Godhead As a guy who took over a decade to finally get an audition for the site, I thought it would be cool to try and find a new voice. When I think of someone like g0m, he was like, the funniest loving guy on the forums. I thought it would be cool to find someone else like that -- a really funny goon who never got the chance to give the front page format a spin. But please, feel free to continue to use a genuine offer to attack a guy trying to drive traffic and ad revenue to this dead, gay website.
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Dec 16, 2016 20:06
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Lonos Oboe posted:How come you are so entertaining on the forums but so bland on the front page? Also, congrats on your 2000th like. You just can't put a dollar value on an achievement like that. Actually you can, because that's literally how the internet works, dumbass!
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Dec 16, 2016 20:07
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Capntastic posted:Thank you for being sincere and responding to criticism It's hard because there's no right way to talk to goons. You act sincere, they make fun of you for effortposting. You shitpost, they call you insincere. It's almost like these forums are filled with people in their 30's and 40's who have serious emotional problems. UNLIKE ME
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Dec 16, 2016 20:15
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Capntastic posted:Totally agree but I feel like people who are gonna post in this of all withered swamp tree subforums are gonna have some legit drive to be real about their criticism. I think any claims that I'm unfunny are 100% legit, because my parents have been screaming that at me since I was four. I just straight up disagree when people mock entire formats -- calling relevant headline driven essays "clickbait" or calling graphical content "lazy." It's 2016. I'm trying to drive traffic using formats that work best on facebook mobile and reddit. Still doesn't mean it's gonna be funny, of course. Some people are gonna find everything I do unfunny just because they want to. Some people are gonna think I'm unfunny because they have very good taste in jokes. But I like these formats, and the viewcounts prove me out. This ghostbusters thing is a good example. Some people don't like dumb absurdist speech patterns, and that's totally valid. Some people don't like the idea of the "every x" premise -- that's also valid, but it works online, because people are familiar with this premise. This article got a shitload of traffic, and driving traffic is my job, not catering to the very small userbase who still visits SA every morning. I've gotta fish where the fish are -- facebook mobile & reddit, which are filled with way less seasoned comedy fans! And then some people just think it's not funny and there's no arguing with that! It would be weird to even try. Asterios fucked around with this message at 20:32 on Dec 16, 2016 |
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Dec 16, 2016 20:28
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100YrsofAttitude posted:To be fair, if that's how you see your job and writing, then yeah, you've done a great job. And I wouldn't take the criticism of funny or not that personally, like Lonos Oboe and yourself have pointed out, it's really subjective. Your style is different from most of the writers on the site, and that's fine. Maybe the majority of us will never get used to it or care much for it but that's life. I'm writing a giant book right now that's a parody of TekWar that nobody will ever buy. It's just too goofy and hard to market, and nobody knows or cares what TekWar is anymore. I even got Brent Spiner's permission to use his name and likeness, and trust me: nobody will care. I'm gonna put it out, and nobody will buy it, but I'll be happy. That's how I spend my own money. But this is Lowtax's money, and I want him to get a crazy good return on his investment. I want insane hits and ad views and traffic and engagement. Rich, Zack, BobServo, Livestock, g0m - these guys are heroes of mine. I wanna help the site thrive. I don't always do a good job at this. I'm a very overstretched and exhausted person. I don't love every piece I post here -- I really wanted to put more time into the last flight of boat graphics, but I ran out of time. I work an advertising job all day, write and produce comedy for a shitload of different sources all night, go to bed at like 3am, wake up at 9 and...jesus christ, my life is like a giant, living hell. I'm trying to stay ahead of alimony, medical debt, and taking care of my family -- some of whom are genuinely disabled and cannot work. Sometimes I wonder if I'll die before I finish anything good because I spent so much time trying to stay financially afloat, but this is kinda my life, and I've gotta play the hand I've been dealt. The easy thing to do would be to just abandon comedy and focus up on being a successful advertising guy. But I think I'd die then too. This poo poo is hard, but I don't know what else to do. That being said, I actually liked that Trump/Palpatine piece, because I spend a shitload of time with the alt-right, and they all keep telling me everything's gonna be OK and not to worry. I have no idea why they think this. If Trump repeals Obamacare, I won't be able to get health insurance due to numerous pre-existing conditions. And when I bring that up, they're always like, "Eh, don't worry, he won't do that!" And it's like, "How the gently caress do they know this? And why are they being so casual about, literally, my life?" Asterios fucked around with this message at 23:15 on Dec 16, 2016 |
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Dec 16, 2016 23:11
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Lonos Oboe posted:I tried to make a legitimate post and explain why I believe people feel the way they do. You replied in an obnoxious, "look at me, I'm great, I am ignoring the haters!" post. You have regularly acted the jackass to people posting in this thread. Some being jerks, some being the usual brand of goon jerk where it's a gentle ribbing with no ill will, the kind you just ignore and maybe laugh at. And others who tried to actually talk to you. No one is impressed with your book or your likes and you empty posting them strikes me and many others as you being a arrogant, smarmy jackass. I am not attacking you. I am trying to loving help you and you act like an entitled dick head. Me, like many others have been on this site for more than 15 years and some of us also write for a living. You basically admitted that you are proud of writing so called "clickbait" cool! Obviously some people like it. But the people in this thread don't for the most part and you have no right to insult or try and belittle us because of that. Either engage with the critics on an adult level or gently caress off and write your articles and collect your check and let us criticise you in peace. Yeah, you sound like a super adult critic who I would get a ton of great lessons from, I should probably be more respectful to the people in a thread literally designed to take a dump on my career. We're goons. gently caress off if you can't handle it. Also, a shitload of people are impressed with my book. It's going to second printing, I was interviewed about it for io9, and premiered it at new york comic con to a sold out panel. You just don't care about it, which is probably better for my mental health, because you sound like a loving handful. Asterios fucked around with this message at 23:21 on Dec 16, 2016 |
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Dec 16, 2016 23:18
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Lonos Oboe posted:I tried man. Please check my edit after seeing your post. I loving tried. I am out of this thread Oh no, what will a thread called "President Baby needs to stop" do without you, please, come back, take an even bigger dump, I swear I can change
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Dec 16, 2016 23:24
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Pittsburgh Lambic posted:fyi man, that "my life is a living hell" post is what goons commonly refer to as a meltdown Eh, but comedy's too much fun! You guys accused me of being glib and above it, so I'm trying to be super, duper honest with you and see what happens. If you guys act like jerks about it, I'll just go back to being glib and shitposting and I'll have learned my lesson: don't try and genuinely emotionally engage.
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Dec 16, 2016 23:30
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Aubergine Mage posted:Maybe we just aren't the best audience for your style. It's okay, it happens. (My style wouldn't fit in here either tbh.) I think the people in this thread aren't, but if the job was to only entertain the goons on the something awful forums then everything I wrote would be about Ctrl+Alt+Del, Star Citizen, and creating the new Slenderman. I want to bring in new people who fall in love with the SA archives, the other posters, the whole awesome culture of SA.
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Dec 16, 2016 23:32
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Lonos Oboe posted:See, you cry "goons are mean" and I try and real talk and you act like a goon go for making fun of me. Dude, have you ever had work you have loving bled over and worked on for weeks get torn apart in a writers room? Most writers I know are grateful for honest criticism. Which you got in this thread. Like I said: people criticise because they loving CARE about the shot you write. If they didn't, they would skip your articles OK, teach me a lesson about my writing. Bring it. I'm listening.
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Dec 16, 2016 23:32
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Aubergine Mage posted:And trust me, I've been there with my own life. Just take a step back, reassess things, and dump the work that isn't fulfilling/is too much of a mental overload. I hate writing and editing for content mills, and I love writing bits and sketches. Once I started writing more of that for my comedian friends, I ended up being a lot happier. Dumped all the listicle poo poo I was writing and focused on what made me happy. (And also, this is nothing compared to what I'm used to seeing in a writer's room.) I had a loving blast writing that last Palpatine article. I stayed up until 4am, and I was really jazzed. When I woke up, it had already gotten a ton of Facebook likes and it hadn't even been promoted by me or the site, which meant that the harcore SA audience read it before the normies woke up and dug it. But then you look at this thread, and people are calling it a huge piece of poo poo -- which is totally their right -- but I think this thread can be a bit of an echo chamber. I mean, it's literally called, "President baby needs to stop." I think it's easy to go "hurr hurr he's calling trump hitler" instead of actually reading the piece. Again: that's different than someone calling it unfunny. gently caress, I can't argue with that! I think I can be pretty loving unfunny sometimes. Not everything I write I'm proud of, because not every joke works, period. I'm a stand-up as well, and sometimes you're just not gonna get the laughs no matter what you do. But when I get lucky and knock out something I like, it makes me really happy.
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Dec 16, 2016 23:37
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Lonos Oboe posted:This is valuable advice. Wish I knew this starting out Dude, seriously, give me one lesson right now. I swear to god I am listening. If your lesson is "Write what you want" -- I loving love writing dumb boat and tombstone posts. I'm not writing them because I hate them. But people poo poo on the format, and I think they genuinely don't understand that the format sells. If they think it's unfunny then there's nothing I can do, but I've had hugely successful comedians tell me how much they love the boats, they want more boats. I've done boats twice this year, and this thread acts like every single thing I post is boats!
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Dec 16, 2016 23:43
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Aubergine Mage posted:You're gonna have to get used to this kind of thing. Writers' rooms are more brutal than this thread is. The best advice I can give you is not to take it personally. You might want to look at changing your style a little (for example, the graphic posts fall really flat with me; the jokes just seem lazy and rushed.) I did like the Palpatine article, but it came right after Zack's, and that's a really hard standard to match. I've been in a shitload of writers rooms! I've been doing comedy since I was 12. Nobody can match Zack, he's like, the funniest guy on the internet. If you guys just want a thread where you can poo poo on me in peace, I can totally leave. Like, what do you guys want? If you want me to genuinely respect and engage with your opinions, I am trying to do that right this second. I swear to god, I'm turning off the act and I'm talking to you. Asterios fucked around with this message at 23:47 on Dec 16, 2016 |
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Dec 16, 2016 23:44
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Aubergine Mage posted:We're giving you advice right now dude, not making GBS threads on you. The boats might work anywhere else, but here, they get savaged. Maybe you just need to change up your writing and focus more on long-form stuff and see how it does. They don't get savaged on the actual internet, though -- they were featured on the front page of the huffington post! They've drawn tens of thousands of hits. But in this thread, they're get poo poo on. So I can poo poo on people back, which I did. I can genuinely admit that I haven't always done the best job, and offer an open call to any writer who wants to step up, which I did. Or I can just kinda talk about it normally which I'm doing now. Or I can split. Like, honestly, I'm realizing that maybe I should just split. There's a little ecosystem here of people who kinda get off on dumping on my work. They can't wait for me to gently caress up so they can make jokes about how someone should have aborted president baby. Maybe I'm being a spoilsport by showing up here. Like, gently caress, maybe it's kinda rude to show my face in a thread called "President Baby needs to stop."
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Dec 16, 2016 23:55
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Lonos Oboe posted:Look, we have way way different styles. It would be like a Kayne trying to tell Phillip Glass how to write a song.my advice to you is to listen to your critics. Not your friends. People in showbiz are super insecure and unless you have an actual understanding with them. You will rarely hear the whole truth. Instead, show them something and say "something isn't right with this, can you spot it. And they will go through it with a tooth comb to find what's up. The other advice is to think like your audience. Now this is where I get a bit spotty because my comedy is kinda niche. You are writing broad but with a specific audience. So browse the writing threads. Get a feel for what people like and try and fit your style to it. Not copy, but fit. One thing about writers live livestock and Zach. You can spot their writing a mile away. Develop that style and make it your own. My last piece of lovely advice is read over the last 6 months of articles and find what's missing. Surprise us, draw us in. Create a character like Levi, roamin' dad or Jeff K. Build a world like blue stripe or the water fountain blog. Challenge yourself to really create. Instead of just checking a list. That last piece of advice is pretty good! I haven't really examined my work on the whole in a while -- I keep swinging from deadline to deadline. It would be nice to kinda figure out what I haven't explored and press on those buttons a bit.
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Dec 16, 2016 23:56
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Aubergine Mage posted:Said it way better than I could have. I guess I'm just not aiming my material at goons. I'm looking to make a shitload of money for Lowtax and rake in a shitload of exposure for SA, and I can't get that by targeting just the people who use one forum. Like, maybe this is just the fundamental disconnect, and I should just kinda give up on my writing connecting with the people in this thread. Like, I'm not targeting you -- and if someone wasn't targeting me, gently caress, I would be equally pissed. I'd be like, "Hey, where's the thing I like?"
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Dec 17, 2016 00:03
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Pittsburgh Lambic posted:How does this apply to you? When people tell you that your burlesque dancer name article was too short and seemed like it was thrown together over the course of 15 minutes, think about how you could make it longer; don't just pretend that the critics have never created anything. I literally apologized for that article being bad, and offered up my spot to a new voice. People chose to interpret poorly and it's all been downhill since then. The rest of your advice is awesome!
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Dec 17, 2016 00:07
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There were a shitload of great notes in this thread -- it'd been a while since I could kinda slow down and examine my writing process and output. I've been running really hard at live since a horrific divorce, and these tips will be helpful in going from a "staying above water" mode to a "thoughtful output mode" again. Thanks to those of you who gave enough of a poo poo to try and help a fellow writer out.
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Dec 17, 2016 21:27
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Davoren posted:I said in the other thread but I do honestly think you've written some good stuff for the front page, which I'd love to see more of. Thanks, dude. Yeah, sometimes I like the pieces, sometimes I don't. It's like, with a column, it's not published because it's ready, it's published because it's monday.
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Dec 18, 2016 06:43
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Ariong posted:I went to the front page and clicked on your name to find an example of an article I did like, and I had no idea that you made The Dad Jones Index. I really liked that one. oh thanks man! i've been doing dad jones for a few years. it's not super popular but my friend amanda always freaks out when i post them, and my sister also likes them because it's pretty much just jokes about our dad. i wanna do like, two of those a year.
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Dec 19, 2016 06:59
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Twenty Four posted:I don't have a super strong stance on the articles, but, I think people maybe have been hard on you Asterios / Baby Pres, though maybe fairly. However, the best honest advice I can give is not to try so hard or to work or defend yourself over your clickbait material and getting likes or making a paycheck for Lowtax. Don't use that as an excuse. As a writer, make the best / funniest/ enjoyable articles you can. The clicks, likes, and whatnot will come, or not, but aiming at making something that you and your audience will like and seeing if the clicks come in is a much better goal then aiming for the clicks and writing the article around that, and hoping for the best. I don't think I'm doing clickbait, though. Clickbait is "X Celebs Who Had A Wardrobe Malfunction." I'm trying to write timely, relevant headlines that people can connect to in the moments they're looking at their phone because they're bored at the DMV, or they're on a long train ride or something. Like, what's an example of something I've written that you think is pure clickbait? I'm not asking this to be an rear end in a top hat, I wanna know where this idea comes from because -- well, gently caress -- if I am writing pure clickbait and I don't even know it, I should probably stop.
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Dec 19, 2016 17:05
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Twenty Four posted:I didn't say it, you did. Or you at least quoted around it. And hey, whatever, I'm okay with you, don't get me wrong! But if you want an example, because you asked, "The new Star Wars movie just came out and Donald Trump is controversial" definately rides that line. And I still think that is okay. Current events make for great comedy! Tons of people will do it though, so I guess that is why it gets the "clickbait" label. Ahhhhhhhh -- yeah! No we're on the same page. Like, Zack is just so good at figuring out what people are talking about, then writing a thing around it. I'm really loving jealous.
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Dec 19, 2016 20:08
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Lonos Oboe posted:They go for the easiest jokes and the most low hanging fruit. Your Palpatine article is not technically clickbait, you did go for what felt like the most obvious jokes. And while I did not find the article funny because it was too obvious and beating it over the head. I dunno, man! I haven't seen anyone parody the alt-right's "everything is gonna be fine" mantra yet. If you've got an example, I'm open to it. It's so weird how the alt-right just assume President Trump is gonna be fine, and that liberals are worrying about nothing. It's like they're on the deck of the Titanic and they're worrying why everybody is getting so worked up about these lifeboats. That's what I'm parodying -- the legion of Facebook posts I'm seeing from my friends in the alt-right wondering why liberals are so stressed out.
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Dec 20, 2016 18:16
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Lonos Oboe posted:But on SA is feels like clickbait. It's your terse structure. It feels very old school lowtax. Which was hysterical back in the day. But is kinda cringe nowadays. Look dude, don't worry about it. Because you are not writing this poo poo any more. Y'know, I think I have a constructive way of handling this criticism: show me some recent articles from the site that aren't cringe and terse. I've been writing for the site for a little over a year, so anything from that time period is fine. And I'll make this a general ask: show me the stuff from the past year that drove you guys crazy with how good it was. Here's a few from me -- like, the gold standard for the site: http://www.somethingawful.com/news/cyberpunk-anthony-bourdain/ http://www.somethingawful.com/news/ghoulies-trump-islam/ http://www.somethingawful.com/news/samurai-vader-rogue/ http://www.somethingawful.com/news/stand-up-special/ http://www.somethingawful.com/news/doom-box-comic/ http://www.somethingawful.com/news/overwatch-know-skills/
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Dec 20, 2016 19:48
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You guys are such liars, I didn't try to fight a mod from /r/the_donald who called me a cuck. I did fight him! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJFTEAXxDAk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0mGOUw46Xs Lowtax gave me some great advice. Rematch is this fall.
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Aug 25, 2017 01:33
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DancingShade posted:Holy poo poo. Dealing with Catgirl was the toughest part of that night -- I couldn't just tell her to go gently caress herself, because she might have just said, "That's it, we're leaving!" and the whole fight would have been off. Catgirl has since been called out by a bunch of listeners to fight, including my friend Lucy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGyeeIdySCA
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Aug 28, 2017 13:21
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