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Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
I've got 12 hour shifts at work all week this week and I'm bored out of my skull. I have no access to my tablet but I'm hella itching to draw something. I thought my MS Paint Star wars thread would scratch that itch but it didn't, so now we're doing this.

This week only, it's:

Knockers McPawg: Grave Robber


You are Knockers McPawg, intrepid archaeologist, millionaire, extreme sports enthusiast, Oxford professor, Mensa member and Nazi killer.
Your hobby is plundering sacred places of ancient cultures and selling your loot to the academic community.

Oh look, here's an ancient temple. You should go in it and snoop around.

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Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

FishionMailed posted:

Disappointed by the lack of rear end :(


>inventory


You check your inventory. You're carrying your trusty Desert Eagles which never run out of ammo and one Choco Bar stashed safely between your voluminous buttcheeks.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Shin00bie posted:

Run into wall over and over again to prompt vaguely erotic grunting noises.

Even Lower Graphics Mode Enabled

You run into the wall, grunting repeatedly in a somewhat sexy fashion as you continue to run in place. Your ponytail flies backwards behind you despite your total lack of forward motion.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

You have suffocated to death clipping your face through a stone wall.

Restarting from last checkpoint

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

VendaGoat posted:

>Twerk the door open


Skeesix posted:

>eat the choco-bar
>Twerk the tomb door open


You attempt to twerk the door open.


The idol is pleased!


The door opens!

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Dr Cheeto posted:

>enter tomb


You enter the tomb.


Oh Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

VendaGoat posted:

>Cushion fall by landing on you capacious rear end.


You make a soft landing thanks to your capacious rear end. You take 0 damage, even though that was at least a 25 foot drop.
There is light down here thanks to a torch.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Marlamaid Swordhand posted:

>Quickly check inventory if we clipped any new items into our body


Judging by the stabbing pain back there, you just clipped your Choco Bar into your butthole!.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Game saved

CaptainSarcastic posted:

> get butt-star for use as a shuriken


You snatch the star shaped symbol of pain out of the air and add it to your inventory


Hogge Wild posted:

> get torch and hold it in your rack


You grab the torch off the wall and stuff it between your boobs. The fire on the torch is very hot. You feel your face burning.


You have died from your face burning off.

Restarting at last saved game.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Gonna pause for tonight as I'm finally off. We'll pick this up tomorrow.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Putty posted:

switch to the butler who is locked in the fridge back home


You are now Butler O'Moustache, Ms. McPawg's faithful butler. You are in a real pickle here!

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Dr Cheeto posted:

>say "peas open the door"


In your desperation, you speak the safety phrase you arranged with your mistress beforehand. You know she'll scold you afterwards for being a pussy bitch, but you're well past caring.


The safety phrase activates a trapdoor in the bottom of the fridge! Oh Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii


You zoom down some kind of long chute into a chamber deep beneath the manor.


And arrive at the bottom, dressed and ready for action! You seem to be in some kind of secret base.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Putty posted:

do this then put the two guns in your shirt to make gun tits




You stuff your pants with the frozen peas that also came down the chute with you, and then stick the guns under your shirt to simulate tits. Aw yeah, lookin' good.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

99 Headmates posted:

Cool another thread where this guy draws big sweater dogs for the boys! I'm getting all horned up over ere

If you like that then check this out:

Aw yeah. So hot! Girl got dem tits like a pair of bullet bills and an rear end like a pumpkin.

Concept Art Unlocked :1/9

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

imo the face has too much detail, OP

I'm trying to expand my horizons as an artist.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Aiight we gotta pause here for today. Sorry I didn't get as many updates in as I wanted. The internet went down for a few hours in the afternoon plus work was actually fairly brisk. There'll be more tomorrow.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

CaptainSarcastic posted:

> Go to the mall and discover the secrets of the women's restroom


You ride your Mistress's Dogcycle to The Mall.


You are now at The Mall. The Frozen Peas you've stuffed in your shorts have begun to thaw.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Hogge Wild posted:

> get rubber pants from hot topic


You buy some Rubber Pants from Hot Topic. You are now wearing three pairs of pants. You feel very warm.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

ghostter posted:

drink water from fountain and spill on tits show through shhirt im horny


You splash water liberally on your chest, turning the fabric of your sky-blue tank top semitransparent. Your big guns are now partially visible. You feel very sexy and the water helps cool you off.

Uh oh, looks like that security guard is coming over to have a word with you!

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Hogge Wild posted:

> dual wield and shoot him while doing a slowed sideways jump


Gilganixon posted:

>take him out with your sopping wet sweater cannons


Eonwe posted:

Shoot the guard with your tit guns and run


Leaping into action, you blast away with your makeshift titguns!



The guard never stood a chance. His internal organs are ripped to shreds by a hailstorm of expanding hollow point rounds.
The gunfire panics the other shoppers, plunging the mall into chaos.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Germstore posted:

>realize you may have overreacted


As you die violently in a hail of police gunfire, you reflect that shooting the mall cop may have been an overreaction. Oh well, when you respawn you'll just

Uxzuigal posted:

>Turn on roguelike mode

Oh. poo poo.

Returning to default perspective

You are now Knockers McPawg again, and you seem to have gotten yourself into a bit of a pickle.

Knockers McPawg is not in roguelike mode

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

ANIME IS BLOOD posted:

> Reach out and grab your own foot above you


You grab your own foot. You're not sure how this helps.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Hogge Wild posted:

> shoot your guns left so that the recoil will push you to the right


You fire to the left. The recoil of your shots pushes you ever so slightly to the right. Luckily, you have unlimited ammo and it only takes thirty or forty shots to push you clear of the portal loop.



Dogstoyevsky posted:

Do this to get out, then

> defecate into portal loop, then fire guns vertically into portal loop, creating a perpetual hail of feces and bullets as a trap for those who might follow you here



You pull down your pants and defecate into the portal. Your butt is very big, so you're able to poop a lot.


You step back and nod with satisfaction at a job well done.The space between the portals is a veritable waterfall of poop, undigested peas and spent shell casings. You're also glad to have finally dislodged the Choco Bar. Too bad about your sunglasses, though. They're still stuck falling forever and now they're covered in turds.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

jon joe posted:

>active cheat mode, type SATANSBUTTHOLE




Uxzuigal posted:


>active cheat mode, type SATANSBUTTHOLE



You type in the cheat code: SATANSBUTTHOLE.


Rocket rear end cheat activated!



As you are facing West you have little choice but to fly in that direction.


EorayMel posted:

>Jump back in the portals to bathe in your excrement


That happens, too...


Before you can stop yourself, you fly tits-first into the wall spike trap you'd successfully avoided earlier. Your limbs spasm wildly as post-mortem ragdoll physics take over.

Restarting at last checkpoint.

Looks like you're in quite a pickle. On the bright side, at least you got your shades back.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Elsewhere, Butler O'Moustache is puzzled to find himself alive again.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

EorayMel posted:

>Realize the stove was left on as you were making salmon patties
>Cut to house in the process of burning


jon joe posted:

>Give into your inner evil, becoming the true and final boss of this CYOA with which to oppose Knockers McPawg, for you know that so long as she lives you will always be trapped in this hellish sub-reality in which your choices are not your own.


CaptainSarcastic posted:

> determine what prosthetic butt currently consists of. If still frozen peas, find more durable material to replace it with.


Dogstoyevsky posted:

>Eat those candy dots someone left all over that reel-to-reel. Then unhook one reel, lie under the other reel, and just let that tasty magnetic tape spool into your waiting maw.

You're not playing as Butler O' Moustache right now.


jon joe posted:

Oh drat the Gamefaqs guide lied to me!

Okay okay, I pulled up a new guide, it says to:

>Activate cheat mode, type BANANABROWN

Futanari_Mod.EXE not found.


EorayMel posted:

>Hop across the pillars to make progress


You prepare to jump across the pillars... again.


Gah! poo poo!


Oh man! Not the Tutoriowl again! You already know how to do Double Jumps! from the last time he taught you!


Uxzuigal posted:

> /no-clip - fly into lava


Well there's now way you're putting up with his poo poo a second time. You activate Noclip Mode and sink through the pillar. Peace, motherfucker!


You pass through the floor of the lava chamber and into the space between levels. The corridors of the underground temple are spread out beneath you like a three dimensional labyrinth. You continue to fall.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Dongicus posted:

> gas and kill the furry op

Concept Art Unlocked! 2/9

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Outrail posted:

>Assassinate enemies with unlimited bullets from the safety of noclip

>drag enemies into walls to reenact The Philadelphia Experiment


As you phase through the ceiling of the passage below, you light up a Nazi Zombie with your Twin Desert Eagles.
The ghoulish gestapo is caught completely by surprise! Unfortunately, your rounds pass clean through him without inflicting any damage. Looks like your bullets are noclipped just like you.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Uxzuigal posted:

Wait what - where did the balls come from - You said no futunaria!?

Gameplay models are different from concept art.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Aiight this is where we're gonna have to leave it for tonight. Great progress today, team! I'm glad you guys didn't save after Butler O'Moustache died, I felt kinda bad killing him.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Game Saved

EorayMel posted:

>Noclip just inside of him enough then deactivate noclip to become one being


Phasing yourself through the Nazi Zombie, you deactivate Noclip Mode while still inside it. This is gonna be awesome.

Noclip Mode deactivated


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
OH GOD IT HURTS! ITS BRAIN IS TOUCHING YOUR BRAIN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
WHY DID YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?? What was supposed to happen??????

The Zombie also screams through a mouthful of your hair as what little consciousness it still possesses is overwhelmed by excruciating agony.


The infection from the zombie flesh seeps into your and within minutes you succumb to zombification. The horrifying tandem zombie continues to shamble around the halls of the tomb.

Restarting from last save.

Uh oh.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Hogge Wild posted:

> noclip just inside of it then deactivate noclip again to become one being
> repeat like 5 times or so


You have created a Shambling Leviathan! The monstrous beast lurches toward you, moaning piteously, begging for death while simultaneously unable to resist the urge to feast on your flesh. Looks like you're in quite a pickle!

Achievement Unlocked: "What has science done?"

Applewhite fucked around with this message at 21:13 on Feb 12, 2016

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

VendaGoat posted:

>Equip Camera
>Do a Sexy calendar photo shoot.


You Equip your Camera which you picked up while the story was following your butler and take some sexy selfies with the Shambling Leviathan. Apparently your love of doing selfies is something even zombie virus can't eradicate, and the many corpses of you that make up the beast quickly forget about their desire to devour you. Only the original Nazi Zombie still wants to eat you, but he can't bite you with his mouth full of hair.


With your help, the Shambling Leviathan is able to rediscover its humanity and overcome its primal urge to kill.


I.C. posted:

>Summon pizza.


You may not have found the Lost Treasure of the Temple, but in the end you gained an even greater treasure: a friend.

THE END

Deaths: 10
Concept arts unlocked: 2/9
Treasures collected:1/250
Ghosts Banished:0
Choco Bars Eaten:0
Achievements Unlocked:1/50
Abominations Created:1

Final Score: CHEATER!

Applewhite fucked around with this message at 01:45 on Feb 13, 2016

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Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
The loving leviathan took forever to draw.

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