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browsing the ms thread got me thinking about how bad it must feel to be some no name dev working on a no name feature in windows 10 right now. "yospos bitch!" i thought smugly. then i sat back and recalled some of the doozies i've worked on, including - web mail client for blackberry users who don't read mail on their blackberries - wince drm for plays for sure devices - google plus lol hopefully someone can beat that
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Feb 21, 2016 07:35
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before I went on holiday [vacation ] I showed a statistical relationship between the price of petrol at the pump and the number of road accidents in the district.no one gave a poo poo.
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Feb 21, 2016 07:46
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training my replacements when, working for a canadian company, got bought out by an american company. since we didn't get any of the sweet govt money anymore we were hemorrhaging money, so they got rid of us that was a fun 6 months
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Feb 21, 2016 07:52
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- new certification rules for companies that make iProduct accessories transitioning to lightning connector - promotional email spamming based on what you've bought or looked at... Displeased Moo Cow posted:before I went on holiday [vacation what's the result in 1 sentence?
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Feb 21, 2016 08:18
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one time i was bored so i jacked off in the bathroom at work. i even managed to finish
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Feb 21, 2016 08:22
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price goes down, collisions go up.
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Feb 21, 2016 08:22
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Displeased Moo Cow posted:price goes down, collisions go up. but did you control for higher total miles driven?
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Feb 21, 2016 08:24
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one sentence.
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Feb 21, 2016 08:27
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I once worked on a web site in php
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Feb 21, 2016 09:14
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Same but in notepad
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Feb 21, 2016 09:24
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my new years resolution is going good: no pepperoni or anything with pepperoni!
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Feb 21, 2016 09:28
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An iOS app that charged a monthly fee so users could scan lottery tickets (poorly) and save them to check against the winning numbers and track how much you won they forgot the part where people who habitually play the lottery 1. can't afford monthly fees for anything, 2. don't use iphones, and 3. don't care about tracking their "winnings"(losings)
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Feb 23, 2016 18:40
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the best part was the idiot client somehow got onto fox business channel to promote his app on a news segment and claimed that there was some special algorithm that determined the most likely numbers based on previous drawings (which was complete bullshit and the app did no such thing), and then got reamed by the newscaster who told him that was impossible. when he retorted about it, the anchor was like 'yeah that's not true, i have a masters in statistics' and shut him down on live television
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Feb 23, 2016 18:43
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YA BOY ETHAN COUCH posted:the best part was the idiot client somehow got onto fox business channel to promote his app on a news segment and claimed that there was some special algorithm that determined the most likely numbers based on previous drawings (which was complete bullshit and the app did no such thing), and then got reamed by the newscaster who told him that was impossible. when he retorted about it, the anchor was like 'yeah that's not true, i have a masters in statistics' and shut him down on live television lol is this on youtube somewhere
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Feb 23, 2016 19:23
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the assignment: reading raiser's edge printouts, typing address labels from them into wordperfect, printing envelopes with those addresses on them, for six weeks the workaround: telling raiser's edge to print to csv, then writing a onebutan perfectscript macro to import it into quattro, rip out address label data, export it to txt, then import that txt into a wordperfect mail merge and print a whole pile of envelopes, so that thing that took three office ladies and a temp (me) a month and a half could now be done by a computer over the weekend so they fired the temp
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Feb 23, 2016 19:38
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"our communication protocol is really bad and broken and insecure and we finally (after 10 years) got a customer that gives a gently caress and is poking around with wireshark" so my boss made me write my own lovely version of TLS (running on top of actual TLS) built into our lovely protocol specifically so they couldn't look at how bad it was 
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Feb 23, 2016 19:43
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I write code that interfaces with ActiveX
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Feb 23, 2016 20:28
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i made python run on a 120mhz ARM SoC to please the whims of a startup CEO who thought python's yield keyword would be a better form of microthreading for subsequent C code
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Feb 23, 2016 20:47
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I designed the template for hotwire's seo farm so that if you search for "san diego hotel" you'll geet this generic landing page with wikitravel content and lots of links to listings the most shameful from the "it was a total waste of time" perspective was probably having to design a netware administrative setup UI for a printer server, can't decide if the java front-end or the embedded 4x32 screen version was worse, 2 months and I doubt if anyone outside of the company ever saw it, they had no known customers on netware by 2004 but were afraid to get rid of it also spent a year trying to make this not suck [and failing] 
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Feb 23, 2016 20:48
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I make boutique-y fitness tracking gadgets for rich people. Think $500+ pedometer. To be fair, they're well-made. It's just something I have no interest in. Related: I'm currently working on a "smart bed".
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Feb 23, 2016 20:54
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I invented google wave
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Feb 23, 2016 20:58
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lol zone alarm
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Feb 23, 2016 21:10
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craisins posted:I write code that interfaces with ActiveX present tense?
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Feb 23, 2016 21:20
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meatpotato posted:I make boutique-y fitness tracking gadgets for rich people. Think $500+ pedometer. To be fair, they're well-made. It's just something I have no interest in. i worked on the mobile site for a store that sells $7000 pillowcases to olds who will never, ever use the mobile site because they're olds
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Feb 23, 2016 21:23
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Parallel Paraplegic posted:i worked on the mobile site for a store that sells $7000 pillowcases to olds who will never, ever use the mobile site because they're olds what are they made out of?
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Feb 23, 2016 21:30
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BONGHITZ posted:lol zone alarm I was there for two years and accomplished so little that I quit because I could feel myself getting worse at my job and was concerned I wouldn't be able to get anything better in the future everything product proposed as ui changes got fought every step of the way by tech who could always just say "whoops there's a stability issue, all feature upgrades are off the table until next release"
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Feb 23, 2016 21:33
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PotatoJudge posted:present tense? the actual ActiveX code never changes, but the things I write that shove data to it do
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Feb 23, 2016 21:36
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at my first job out of school, i worked for a company making connection manager software for windows, for mobile broadband and then, when that became irrelevant, to find wifi hotspots. every one of their apps was on the list of poo poo you uninstall when you buy the laptop.
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Feb 23, 2016 21:42
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qirex posted:what are they made out of? i just went back and checked, the pillowcases are actually not that expensive (like $100), what I was remembering were pillows themselves. $6899 for a single "heirloom silk" pillow.
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Feb 23, 2016 21:42
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echinopsis posted:I invented google wave ... did you invent the scrollbars in google wave
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Feb 23, 2016 21:43
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microsoft added a generic mobile broadband driver to windows 7 and beefed it up in windows 8 and i'm pretty sure it was specifically created to make lovely programs like ours unnecessary. it was so bad
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Feb 23, 2016 21:43
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filled with "the rarest down in the world" which better come from literal golden geese for that loving price
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Feb 23, 2016 21:43
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Parallel Paraplegic posted:lol is this on youtube somewhere https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ffn006-1ww and for reference, the scope of the project was: build an app with a spinny ball-rolling animation that showed the winning numbers for whatever lotto you picked, then it had a "add ticket" function that allowed you to use the camera to scan in a ticket using OCR that was janky as gently caress because it was done with a public OCR library that we had to use out of the box given the $25k budget this client was on. The ticket image and read numbers were stored locally and the tracking of winnings was done locally on the device as well, so if you signed in on two phones you didn't get synced. And we had to implement a subscription service as well. the client was a loser and cashed out his retirement or something to pay us to make this app and then couldn't even afford to pay for the last couple build deliveries so he threatened to sue us while also trying to sweet talk us into being "partners" and that we'd get paid when this app went viral and made him a millionaire. i think we ended up writing off the cost as a loss and told him to gently caress off. THE BIG DOG DADDY fucked around with this message at 22:03 on Feb 23, 2016 |
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Feb 23, 2016 21:57
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Parallel Paraplegic posted:filled with "the rarest down in the world" which better come from literal golden geese for that loving price $2,699.00 - $7,199.00 for some special eider duck.
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Feb 23, 2016 22:27
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working on some science practices standards thing, so principals can keep track of their teachers or something there's all this encryption stuff, and it's so boring the gears in my brain are all too gooey and stuck together to even work on it
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Feb 23, 2016 23:14
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qirex posted:I designed the template for hotwire's seo farm so that if you search for "san diego hotel" you'll geet this generic landing page with wikitravel content and lots of links to listings you mother fucker
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Feb 23, 2016 23:34
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windows 10
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Feb 24, 2016 00:03
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actually in 1996 i did a freelance job where i made a website for some bullshit "natural" health products i didn't believe in and that really set the tone for a lifetime of 'work makes me feel icky inside' that i'm only just now getting over
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Feb 24, 2016 00:15
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i wrote the code for the something awful dot com forums
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Feb 24, 2016 00:46
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MrMoo posted:$2,699.00 - $7,199.00 for some special eider duck. yep that's the same stuff. different store though, apparently there's enough competition to warrant multiple old rich people ecommerce websites?
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Feb 24, 2016 00:53
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