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i ask everyone if this level of violence is necessary and if we've tried discussing our differences
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Mar 1, 2016 17:55
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| # ? May 9, 2024 19:48 |
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Isaias B walks over to Splatmaster and sees that the barbarian is... dead. He is a mound of broiled muscle, smoking and dead. Your attempt to animate his skeleton fails, as the muscles containing it are far too strong and dense. The skeleton just wiggles a little in the heap of cooked barbarian. Duckie, still on fire and frantic, quacks diplomatically about a nonviolent option [blank] begins slicing open the defeated dragon, who whimpers and feebly bellows great clouds of smoke as he is cut. What do you do?
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Mar 1, 2016 18:26
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 Splatmaster is dead!!
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Mar 1, 2016 18:37
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MrWillsauce posted:
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Mar 1, 2016 18:39
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Cry check... critical! Duckie mourns Splatmaster so hard that her relentless crying puts out the flames. She is missing most all of her feathers now, though.
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Mar 1, 2016 18:50
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The dragon now successfully sliced open, I begin to graft the pieces of dragon flesh unto my body. I also now begin to either raise the skeleton or, failing that, take some bones for crafting purposes later. (quick question: how big was this dragon actually?)
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Mar 1, 2016 18:58
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you just have to believe in yourself, there's a little skeleton inside of us all 
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the inanimate blue mask in constant pain begins to moan a tearful dirge for splatmaster, who seemed very nice, or at least, that's what one might assume from context. little magic tears dribble down from its eyeholes and aggravate citizen 11's burns. i am activating my nega bardsong ability |
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Mar 1, 2016 19:14
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WILL SOMEBODY AT LEAST PUT ME OUT???
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Mar 1, 2016 19:21
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super mario batali posted:WILL SOMEBODY AT LEAST PUT ME OUT??? i mumble in the general direction of my rear end in a top hat horde some vague instructions to do something about batali before conducting the final rites for Splatmaster! and stealing his shoes E: for a church tithe, naturally
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Mar 1, 2016 19:24
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Daren is freaking huge. Like really really big. You cut off a chunk of him and glue it to yourself in a really gross weird way. Daren moans in pain. No one has performed a coup de grace on him yet. You do not have the necromantic magic power required to animate a dragon skeleton. Citizen 11's face burns as magic tears of pure sadness and pain seep into her wounds. The ruined town is filled with a dreadful song of mourning that makes everyone uneasy. Isaias B tells the two rear end in a top hat skeletons to do something to Mario. They both look at each other, then look at Mario, then look back at each other and shrug. They watch Mario burning and are like "so..." The saint then steals Splatmaster's burnt high heels, the only article of clothing that survived the intense heat. They must possess some kind of magic...
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Mar 1, 2016 19:51
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Finish off dragon in ritual sacrifice to the ancient hidden gods, and continue to make the most out of the corpse with the skills available.
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Mar 1, 2016 19:59
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Now that my wounds are slightly feeling better and I have a cool mask, I attempt to meditate on the knowledge I gained during my near death experience and attempt to gain access to any or all of the seven secret dark arts of "sv_cheat 1" in order to be granted the power to kill this beast. Spell 1: The banishment spell "ent_cancelpendingfires" A powerful ancient incantation with the ability to dispel all fire from the entire planet. Written about only in the most ancient tomes and manuscripts, it is described only with the cryptic phrase of "Cancels all ent_fire created outputs that are currently waiting for their delay to expire." Spell 2: The summoning spell "npc_create npc_ npc_helicopter" Banned long ago by the wizard council for the terrify evil it could bring into this world, This dark art summons a flying hell-beast from another plane of existence. This creature, with a jet-black carapace hardened like iron, flies through the air with a storm of blades attached above it moving faster than the eye can see, while raining down destruction with firey shards of metal that launch out of the small tubes attached to its stubby wings. Spell 3: Movement to the world of the dead "notarget 1" By foolishly taking part in this damning spell, the user is thrust into the solitary world of spirits. The lost souls captured by this spell are completely unnoticeable by any mortal creature, and while they can influence the world of the living, they are forever cursed to walk the land completely alone. Spell 4: The psionic bound weapon "give weapon_physcannon" A dangerous device enchanted with some unknown dark ritual, this weapon allows its users to pull items from the surrounding area and then shoot them at a terrifying speed with intense telekinetic power. A group of genius scholars once attempted to dissect the weapon to better understand the enchantments used to create it, but once breached all they would was a bunch of useless metals and wires. Spell 5: The incantation of eternal life "buddha 1" By invoking the name this dark deity from beyond our plane of knowing, the user can achieve a state of permanent undying, so that no mortal means are capable of ending their life. This monkey paw of a spell entices in those who seek to live forever but comes with a dangerous side effect, as its users are unkillable, they are still capable of being harmed, and are usually trapped in eternal torment when they are struck with blows they cannot recover from. Spell 6: Ritual of become ethereal "noclip" This powerful spell places the user into the boundary between ours and another realm, causing them to no longer be bound by the laws of reality. These users are able to pass through even the thickest barriers and walk along thin air as if it were a well-paved path. Spell 7: The Apocalyptic "ent_remove_all" A spell so powerful and dangerous it has never been attempting. Legend tells that it would destroy the entire world permanently if it were ever used, and no one has ever been brave enough to try... shwa fucked around with this message at 20:35 on Mar 1, 2016
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Mar 1, 2016 20:27
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My actions: sneak behind Daren and whack him repeatedly with my morning star. E: Add players dead statuses to the OP. ---------------- |
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Mar 1, 2016 20:31
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Android Blues posted:the inanimate blue mask in constant pain begins to moan a tearful dirge for splatmaster, who seemed very nice, or at least, that's what one might assume from context. little magic tears dribble down from its eyeholes and aggravate citizen 11's burns. i am activating my nega bardsong ability ♫ |
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Mar 1, 2016 20:32
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leave church and look for enough gold to put even the poorest dragon to sleep for a millennium. |
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Mar 1, 2016 20:33
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[blank] stabs Daren over and over again with his sword, but the ginormous dragon just refuses to dry. It wheezes "I have lived for ten thousand years, and it all ends with-" he coughs up sparks, "a bunch of freaks... over not five pounds of gold..." And then Yobgoblin joins in and begins bashing Daren over the head with his morning star, him and the skeletal warrior just beating against the hard scales of Daren's head with their weapons in a display of inhuman brutality. Citizen 11 tries to go back to the mental space she was in right before she died, that peek at the subdimension that frames reality, perceived by none and known only to the truly enlightened arcanists. But she cannot. She knows that she must seek the orb of admin status, last seen in the possession of the dread cheatomancer Magister Newell. When she has that, she may access the six sv_cheat powers and use them all on a whim. Chair finds only the pile of gold that Daren stole from the townspeople, but it is a meager collection of a few bracelets and rings. All this while, Chuck has been sobbing uncontrollably over the loss of his community. What do you do? Did you make this for real? I couldn't bear to listen to the whole thing. You're awesome. Oh and I guess I could note in the OP that splatmaster is dead... maybe I'll wait a bit though. It seems disrespectful. I will at least wait until Splatmaster posts again.
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Mar 1, 2016 20:45
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I'm playing dead. I will my spirit to console those I left behind, and urge someone (with my spirit, of course) to put on my high heels...
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Mar 1, 2016 20:52
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those heels are prurient and would be an offense against my horrible skull god if i were to wear them, so i summon over an rear end in a top hat and tell him that the way to heaven lies in putting on the shoes and seeing what they do.
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Mar 1, 2016 20:58
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The assholes fight over who gets to wear the shoes, but the bigger rear end in a top hat gets the upper hand and beats back the other one with his femur. He dons the shoes, and suddenly a huge pile of assorted useful objects falls on top of him, shattering some bones. They must have been Splatmaster's High Heels of Inventory! The smaller rear end in a top hat skeleton laughs in the bigger rear end in a top hat's face. Or I guess he doesn't have a face. You know what I mean though.
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Mar 1, 2016 21:00
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MrWillsauce posted:Did you make this for real? I couldn't bear to listen to the whole thing. You're awesome. yes and thanks i think (it is literally just me improvising moaning sounds with some reverb on it) i also made a ten minute ambient version which is here |
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Mar 1, 2016 21:34
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Geoffrfy arrives on the scene.
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Mar 1, 2016 22:02
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thank god you're here geoffry. do something
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Mar 1, 2016 22:04
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LIKE PUT ME OUT - mario runs around with his signature hat alight screaming in pain.
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Mar 1, 2016 22:14
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I chase Mario with the intent of beating the flame out with my cloak, gibbering urgently yet incoherently. |
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Mar 1, 2016 22:21
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Mario is put out by the tiny kobold. [blank] and Yobgoblin continue to savagely beat Daren. What do you all do?
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Mar 1, 2016 22:54
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I'm gonna go check out the junk that's damaged one of my rear end in a top hat converts - is there anything there i can equip or pocket?
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Mar 1, 2016 22:57
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As revenge for being set alight - Mario runs at the nearly slain dragon waving his PLUMBERS PIPE --- MAMA MIA
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Mar 1, 2016 23:01
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there is a blessed mop, a steel umbrella, a summoning beacon, and a bunch of other super useful stuff that will conveniently solve future problems that I won't disclose here. Oh, and there's a super secret quiche recipe written in some kind of secret code that only a master cryptographer could decode.
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Mar 1, 2016 23:01
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*It was a good day to die *cheat code for invincibility https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Mar 1, 2016 23:05
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Geoffrfy the Werewolf Killer Geoffrfy greets the group with a maniacal smile not unlike that of Stan from the Monkey Island series of video games.  "Friends!" he says, "I applaud you on your recent victory! Clearly you saw through that dragon's disguise and determined its true furry nature! Thank goodness you were not fighting it during a full moon!" Still committed to his plan to eliminate one person in order to determine who might be a werewolf from the reactions of the rest, Geoffrfy ((rolls)) to determine the nearest person, and greets them with outstretched arms.  "Let us embrace to celebrate your victory!" Geoffrfy readies himself to grab his his werewolf-killing supplies tucked into his pants as soon as he is close enough: a sprig of wolfsbane, a Bible, and if those somehow fail, a gun. blaise rascal fucked around with this message at 23:36 on Mar 1, 2016
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Mar 1, 2016 23:06
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are there any gold mines or banks on that blessed map? we could apply for a small loan, get darren to sleep, take the gold back pay off the loan come back and kill darren in his sleep. c'mon lets roleplay a small 10 person bank loan ChairmanMeow fucked around with this message at 23:29 on Mar 1, 2016 |
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Mar 1, 2016 23:20
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i equip the steel umbrella (I think my class can equip those)
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Mar 1, 2016 23:24
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i take this moment of relative calm to reach into the veritable rental storage unit that is my hat, rooting around for any old thing. |
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Mar 1, 2016 23:30
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Splatmaster's ghost tries to enter a cheat code, but only tangible cheat arcanists like Citizen 11 can do that.  Geoffrfy greets the party, who probably all forgot he existed, and does his thing. Rolling to see who he hugs... It's the featherless ninja duck Duckie! "Geoffrfy, thank god you're here!" she says as she is hugged. He starts rooting around in his pants while they hug. Chair comes up with a solid plan, but must be confused. It is a blessed mop, not a blessed map. There is nothing written on it. There might still be sources of gold around, though. Isaias B equips the umbrella, which he is proficient with, as a saint. His broken rear end in a top hat apostle asks if he can go to heaven now. Lizard Wizard sticks his hand into his hat... and pulls out a jar of grease. Mario joins in with the other two guys in beating the dragon. What do you do?
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Mar 1, 2016 23:36
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i regard the jar with a look of consternation for but a moment, then attempt to open it. if i succeed, i sniff the grease. |
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Mar 1, 2016 23:39
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Roll for "is the dragon dead yet"
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Mar 1, 2016 23:40
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Geoffrfy is mortified to discover that his bag contains neither wolfsbane, nor Bible, nor gun! It seems that this morning, he must have accidentally grabbed the satchel of his brother Legrofflye, the ((monster)) killer. Inside the satchel is a variety of supplies used to kill ((monster)). Roll to find what ((monster)) is.
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Mar 1, 2016 23:41
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The lizard wizard tries to open the jar, but the lid is super greasy. ...he can't get it open. Mario... finally caves the dragon's skull in with his pipe and the help of his two friends. It must be dead now. Geoffrfy is in possession of a... cockatrice slaying kit. He continues rummaging mid-hug.
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Mar 1, 2016 23:46
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I smack geoffrfy for rummaging around in his pants while we're hugging I ask if anyone knows where the dragon's mom is. Does she know he's acting so badly?
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Mar 1, 2016 23:48
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| # ? May 9, 2024 19:48 |
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if that dragon's dead i want to go over there and try to free its skeleton or at least pray for it
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Mar 1, 2016 23:48
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