Luvcow posted:

Luvcow posted:

joke_explainer posted:

Predators scrambling over surprising upset, "klllicklkikackikiktktkacktk!" Subtitle: There's no fundamental law that says a dog can't participate in the Hunt!"

google THIS posted:

social vegan posted:

couples therapist: hm, well why don't you try to say one thing aloud that you like about the other?

me: I...uh, hm, well I guess the cilantro. It's an unexpected kick but really makes the whole dish complex. I would never think I could find a sandwich refreshing

couples therapist: excellent! *turns to my banh mi wife* and what about you

my banh mi wife: ...

my banh mi wife: ...

my banh mi wife: ...

me: well gently caress here we go again, typical.

cda posted:

After 15 years I got burned out on smoking and decided to quit. It was just too much trouble buying the packs, and unwrapping them, and tapping them to make the tobacco denser, and opening the pack, and taking a cigarette out, and putting the pack in my left pocket and putting my other hand in my right pocket, and closing my hand around the lighter in my right pocket using only my tactile sense to guide me, and pulling upward with my right arm muscles to pull my hand out of my pocket, and adjusting the lighter in my hand with my fingers so that the strike wheel was situated near my thumb, and parting my lips slightly in preparation for placing the cigarette between them, and positioning the cigarette between the second and middle fingers of my left hand, and moving my left arm to place the cigarette in my mouth while with my right I placed the lighter in front of and slightly below the cigarette so that when I moved my thumb downward on the strike wheel, bringing it to rest on the lever that unblocked the chamber with the fuel in it, allowing a small amount of butane to escape just as the spark produced by the friction of the wheel on the flint came into being, a flame was created that began to burn the paper wrapping of the cigarette, and then at that moment, inhaling deeply so as to give more oxygen to the flame while simultaneously drawing it towards the cigarette and allowing the flame to catch in the tobacco so that the smoke would enter my lungs.

Too many steps. Now I just breathe.

joke_explainer posted:

One thing us new yorkers love to do is to visit the grand pyramids of the ancient pharaohs. You worried about osiris measuring your heart against a feather to grant access to the afterlife? Fuhgetaboutit!! this is new york baby!

google THIS posted:

Tantalus: (punching his time card) So, how's the old grind, Sissy? Going to get that big rock all the way to the top today?

Sisyphus: (chewing while also punching his time card) Same ol' same ol'. Mmm, these grapes are good, you should try one.

Tantalus: rear end in a top hat.

Disembodied voice: Mmm, these grapes are good, you should try one.

Tantalus: gently caress off, Echo.

alnilam posted:

cda posted:

FutonForensic posted:

and so it was that I did accompany the man who had delivered my buffalo wings into the rear of his Kia Sorento, whereupon he produced two joints of intense fragrance and substance, and we did partake, and I did sputter terribly, for I had only partook of fainter joints of yore, and thereupon my companion did laugh, and call me a pussy, and in this I felt the shame of his words

The Clowner posted:

lil Jon's interior decorator: "would you like me to put the painting of you next to the window, or next to the wall?"

weed cat posted:

FutonForensic posted:

*sam on mt. doom getting all weepy like a big bitch* what do you think they're doin back in the mos eisley cantina, mr frodo. i bet the jizzwailers are playing those great jizz songs, and ponda babu is holding a blue milk in each of the two arms that he has, and greedo is there and still alive

Evil Bob posted:

ABOUT HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I COULD GET FOR THIS GUN???

Evil Bob posted:

sing this post from the drat rooftops

FutonForensic posted:

mark rippetoe: squeeze your glutes, hard enough that you go crosseyed

me *squeezing my butt real hard*: hnngh

mark rippetoe: _{heh heh. mark you old scamp. made a fool out of them again with the old squeezy butt trick}

me *still crosseyed*: what was that?? what was that mark??

mark rippetoe: heh heh. nothing at all. nothing at all

Glutes Are Great posted: