sk posted:

sk posted:

Teddy Thunders posted:

[Scene: a dimly lit fast food restaurant in the middle of the Tehachapi Mountains, five AM. You are alone. You approach the counter. A mechanical clicking and whirring begins. The dessicated corpse of Worker, suspended from cables leading into the ceiling, is brought out from a sliding wall.]

Worker (from a crackling radio around the corpse's neck): Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, it is, Arby's. Have some meats.

[A large pile of shaved protein is shoved into your mouth by a robotic arm attached to the worker's back.]


Worker: Biscuits. You will ingest biscuits.

[Small, hard discs of indeterminate origin pelt your face. You open your mouth to protest, but the biscuits enter your body. You feel them writhing down your throat, descending into your stomach, where they quickly multiply and swell your body in preparation for The Sauce.]

Worker: Please enjoy your breakfast sauce.

[A yellowish-gray slurry is pumped into your throat via a sluice, jammed into your face, descending from the ceiling.]

Worker: mmm mmmm, that is some meat.

[Your blood is thick with the meats. Your organs are failing. Your eyes become heavy and your lungs gasp for air as you become one with the breakfast menu.]

Glutes Are Great posted:

Escape From Noise posted:

I met a traveller from way down yonder,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless pyramids of cans
Stand in the pale moonlight. . . . Near them, on the muddy water,
Half sunk a shattered truck lies, whose fogged windows,
And grape snow cones, and sneer of cold burger,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that lived for the minute, and the heart that laid rubber;
And on the Georgia asphalt, these words appear:
My name is Alan Jackson, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
But he never got caught. Round the decay
Of that colossal hoochie coochie, boundless and bare
The lone and level muddy waters stretch far away.

Macnult posted:

Macnult posted:

interviewer: it says here you’re bilingual?

me: cum. nut bang cum

interviewer: you’re hired

your friend sk posted:

How Wonderful! posted:

me and the girls playing the ultimate prank in this mischievous maelstrom known as college... that's right... climbing up into a tree with our trusty binoculars and spying in on the yobber house, trying to catch them in their Deadpool boxers prancing around... oh here we go Aubrey get up here you've got to see this... one of them is smelling under his fingernails and laughing.... oh my god check it out one of them is watching a shaky camrip of Boss Baby 2 with his left nut hanging out and affixed to his chair... drat where'd he get that camrip... I want to see Boss Baby 2... AND I want to see that nut.... oh girl D-Bog is in the corner there trying to photoshop a frog onto a speedboat... wonder what the caption's gonna be... can't wait to find out... oh oh oh quick quick quick get up here Trudges is on the move... holy poo poo check him out is that a Stone Cold Steve Austin crop top? And the boots from the Matrix...? where's that boy goin.... ooohhh nice he's trying to send a letter but he doesn't know how... ok ok give me some space, don't crowd me.... ok he's writing the address on the envelope... it's to America's Funniest Home Videos, is that even on anymore...? drat a classic, that boy's got refinement.... ok he's pausing... he's writing "please" at the top.... ok ok.... he's bending over... shhh Stacy you perv don't laugh so loud they'll hear... ok he's taping the letter to the front door... and leaving spare change for a stamp on the ground in front of it.... oh poo poo I think that just might work....

Nosfereefer posted:

instead of legs, the horse is supported by four, somewhat smaller, horses

google THIS posted:

It's horses all the way down

Finger Prince posted:

Just an ever-expanding fractal of horses sprouting from horse legs for infinity

Viginti Septem posted:

A nice Mandel-trot set.

Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

i've had my sctoch
https://vocaroo.com/1baQsaOptG60

Activia posted:

Forget it, Jake. It’s ‘ginatown.

Heather Papps posted:

O what can ail thee, yobber-at-desk,
Alone and barely posting?
The blue fluid has dried from the pad,
And the mangoes ripe with pest.

O what can ail thee, yobber-at-desk,
So haggard and so woe-begone?
The gas’s chamber is full,
And the gold mine is less than empty.

I see a kitty on thy hammock,
With cheerful face and weed-dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading post
Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the threads,
Full beautiful—a faery’s child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She looked at me as she did love,
And made sweet posts

I set her on my posting chair,
And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A faery’s song.

She found me chips of dorito spicy,
And honey wild, and mountains-dew,
And sure in language strange she said—
‘I emptyquote thee true’.

She took me to her Elfin thread,
And there she wept and sighed full sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With jokes voted more than four.

And there she lullèd me asleep,
And there I dreamed—Ah! woe betide!—
The latest dream I ever dreamt
On the cold hill side.

I saw pale mods and idiot kings too,
Pale posters, death-pale were they all;
They cried—‘La Belle Dame du Shitpost
Thee hath in thrall!’

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,
With horrid warning gapèd wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill’s side.

And this is why I sojourn here,
Alone and palely posting,
Though the goldmine is empty from the jape,
And no probes sting.

Finger Prince posted:

Cider-Man, Cider-Man,
Drinking his cider from a can
Spins a yarn, any size,
Catches hell from his wife
Look Out!
Here comes the Cider-Man.

Is he strong?
Listen bud,
He's got alcohol instead of blood.
Can he walk to the door?
Take a look on the floor.
Hey, there
There goes the Cider-Man.

In the chill of night
Drinking down at the pub
Apples back at the farm
Fermenting in the tub.

Cider-Man, Cider-Man
Friendly neighborhood Cider-Man
Wealth and fame
He's ignored
Scrumpy is his reward.

To him, life is a great big piss up
Wherever there's a knees up
You'll find the Cider-Man!

Finger Prince posted:

cruft posted:

This fsaturday!

https://voca.ro/133TRUi9sj6d

It's kinda quiet, sorry, I couldn't figure out how to boost the volume.

watho posted:

if it takes several hours to play a game of monopoly you're doing something wrong

your friend sk posted:

yeah, playing monopoly

vanisher posted:

dweepus, reciting their wedding vows: "Hayley Williams, the American musician, best known as the lead vocalist and one of the founding members of the rock band Paramore, in which you also play the keyboard, I wish to commit my life to you. I know in late 2007 you began dating New Found Glory lead guitarist Chad Gilbert, and I know Chad's infidelity was revealed as the reason you divorced in 2017. Look me in the eyes Hayley. I will never do that to you, or so help me my name isn't dweepus. I know you previously publicized your decisions not to smoke, drink alcohol, or use recreational drugs, though you now drink alcohol. I'll never judge you for that. In 2022, you endorsed Democratic nominee Beto O'Rourke in the Texas gubernatorial election. I praised your efforts even though his policies were a little heavy handed for the state at the time."

FutonForensic posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hxd0WyJUK7c