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I know he's out and all but we really missed our chance for some real solid humor here. Jim Webb, when not using the fact that he straight up killed a man for his country as if it's a qualification for president, also is a writer. Like, an actual published writer. He's a pretty generic 'yea man I'm gonna show the grit of war' kinda guy but in the slightly still sanitized way that sells to crotchity old men in bad hats and walking sticks rather than some kinda real 'exposing the truth' kinda thing. They are also loving bonkers. http://www.vice.com/read/weird-wild-novels-of-democratic-presidential-candidate-jim-webb-1121 And there's even a greatest hits. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/wildest-5-passages-books-ex-sen-webb-article-1.2030531  quote:"A shirtless man walked toward them along a mud pathway. His muscles were young and hard, but his face was devastated with wrinkles. His eyes were so red that they appeared to be burned by fire. A naked boy ran happily toward him from a little plot of dirt. The man grabbed his young son in his arms, turned him upside down, and put the boy's penis in his mouth."  quote:"Fogarty … watched a naked young stripper do the splits over a banana. She stood back up, her face smiling proudly and her round breasts glistening from a spotlight in the dim bar, and left the banana on the bar, cut in four equal sections by the muscles of her vagina."  quote:"(He) could see Jawbone and Ashley Asthmatic napping together in the grass. They faced inward, their arms entwined. It looked like they were masturbating each other. It didn't surprise him … It was common to see men holding hands, embracing, playing with each other. Some of them had wanted him. He could tell in those evanescent moments between his bao cao bow, the obligatory deference when a guard entered his cell, and the first word or blow that followed it … Quick, grinding voices, turgid with repressed passion. An exploratory reaching of the hand near his groin."  quote:"Nurse Goodbody, dark and voluptuous (Lenahan had forgotten her actual name, it was something long and Italian), was a bedtime friend to many of the doctors in Bethesda. She had hinted to Lenahan that she simply could not contain herself. Doctors tending to patients, she explained, aroused her. Morphine Mary (again Lenahan could not remember her exact name) was a thin, nervous drill sergeant type, a disciplinarian who did not allow her patients even to complain. Lenahan was convinced that Morphine Mary did not even sleep with her husband. She wasn't bad looking, he mused again, staring at her thin frame. If she'd just get laid every now and then she'd mellow out and stop being such a drat witch."  *quote:"He saw the invitation with every bouncing breast and curved hip … He was thirteen … She was fifteen … In a few moments she drew him to her and he murmured in his quiet voice, 'I am still small.' 'You are large enough,' she answered. And he found he was." *Please note that Fields of Fire was his first book, and is said to be based on his life story.
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Apr 14, 2016 23:34
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Tbh I don't want to talk about them but you go ahead 
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Apr 14, 2016 23:35
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OH JIM WEBB NO
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Apr 14, 2016 23:52
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Wheeee posted:OH JIM WEBB NO i am so glad that nobody actually thought this man should become president
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Apr 14, 2016 23:58
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That's bananas
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Apr 14, 2016 23:58
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Wheeee posted:OH JIM WEBB NO "His books are crazy", says goon. Well, how bad could they be?  ...I wonder how well they sold.
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Apr 15, 2016 00:15
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Hi, I'm Jim Webb, I wrote a simi-biographical book about how I had a monster hog at 13, vote for me because I totally straight up killed a Charlie.
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Apr 15, 2016 00:28
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he was an accidental senator who quit after one term basically a complete nonentity and if he hadnt been up against the guy who had to fight a rumor that he stuffed a severed deer head in a black family's mailbox, and factually had a noose in his office and a confederate flag in his home, and who also said macaca, this crazy book poo poo (which definitely made the virginia news back in '06) would've sunk him. he still barely won i think he had some write-up about how women can't fight from back when he was at the naval war college or whatever that people were also bemused by
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Apr 15, 2016 01:16
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oystertoadfish posted:he was an accidental senator who quit after one term basically a complete nonentity and if he hadnt been up against the guy who had to fight a rumor that he stuffed a severed deer head in a black family's mailbox, and factually had a noose in his office and a confederate flag in his home, and also said macaca this poo poo (which definitely made the virginia news back in '06) would've sunk him. he still barely won America.txt
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Apr 15, 2016 01:17
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Jim Webb is absolutely based. Trump/Webb 2016
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Apr 15, 2016 01:37
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I would like to know more about his shady Vietnam adventures.
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Apr 15, 2016 01:48
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Apr 15, 2016 01:59
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can.. can women really do the banana thing
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Apr 15, 2016 02:18
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Trumps Baby Hands posted:can.. can women really do the banana thing Webb fought in a war you idiot. He knows what he's talking about.
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Apr 15, 2016 02:29
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Trumps Baby Hands posted:can.. can women really do the banana thing women can do anything especially with that
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Apr 15, 2016 02:30
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Jim Webb Has Had Sex
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Apr 15, 2016 02:31
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Jewel Repetition posted:Jim Webb Has Had Sex With His Big Hog
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Apr 15, 2016 02:48
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 this . . . this was not what i was expecting when i opened this thread
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Apr 15, 2016 02:57
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Tatum Girlparts posted:
FOF is on the USMC Commandant's recommended reading list, but I'm not sure anyone in charge has actually read it critically. I read it because it was on the NCO reading list, and I came away thinking  and also gently caress draft dodgers and politicians. Everything else on the reading list is about leadership, selfless sacrifice and dedication to the corps (Rifleman Dodd for life, bitch); while FOF is largely about a green lieutenant watching people get chewed up in a meat grinder turned by uncaring politicians and an ungrateful populace. I guess one could interpret that as the importance of duty to country.The final chapter is the protagonist attending an anti-war rally, being pulled onstage to speak, then calling everyone in the crowd a coward who shouldn't care because the war doesn't affect them. Then he walks away  because he thinks that's a good way to honor all the people he saw die.Then I read Catch 22 while in Fallujah for maximum irony. red19fire has issued a correction as of 18:42 on Apr 15, 2016 |
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Apr 15, 2016 18:35
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no lets talk about gary webb's books
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Apr 15, 2016 18:55
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Show us that hog Jim.
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Apr 15, 2016 21:00
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Tatum Girlparts posted:I know he's out and all but we really missed our chance for some real solid humor here. I'd hate to think how people would react if, say, GRRM ran for public office.
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Apr 16, 2016 02:40
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Silver2195 posted:I'd hate to think how people would react if, say, GRRM ran for public office. Still a better candidate than Trump.
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Apr 16, 2016 03:01
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Grrm would probably mysteriously hwve to replace his cabinet every few weeks and infuse r&d into gentically modifying geckos into dragons
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Apr 16, 2016 03:03
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Silver2195 posted:I'd hate to think how people would react if, say, GRRM ran for public office.
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Apr 16, 2016 03:09
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Grey Fox posted:Killed too many white people, so instant disqualification. most of the Zodiac victims are white though
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Apr 16, 2016 04:03
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Wheeee posted:OH JIM WEBB NO Jim Webb YES
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Apr 16, 2016 04:29
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Better than I could have dreamed
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Apr 16, 2016 04:29
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CaPensiPraxis posted:Jim Webb YES 
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Apr 16, 2016 05:16
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Silver2195 posted:I'd hate to think how people would react if, say, GRRM ran for public office. You know, there is a slight GRRM-ish tinge to those excerpts
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Apr 16, 2016 20:44
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I don't think it's possible to write a satire of these. They're already their own satire.
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Apr 16, 2016 21:00
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I have many questions about all of these but the banana one is the most baffling of all
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Apr 16, 2016 21:10
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Tatum Girlparts posted:I know he's out and all but we really missed our chance for some real solid humor here. very funny worth a laugh thank you tatum i hope jim webb's charlie wife chokes on his hog when asked
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Apr 16, 2016 21:28
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Important question... the banana was cut into four equal quarters... with three width-wise cuts or with one length-wise and one width-wise cut? Like this:  I mean the former, right? But the latter would have been truly impressive
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Apr 16, 2016 21:37
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Nameless_Steve posted:Important question... the banana was cut into four equal quarters... with three width-wise cuts or with one length-wise and one width-wise cut? I'm just curious as to why it was even a part of the act. Like I get 'hey, check it out, banana in my vagina get it guys' and all but why go for 'and now it's cut up into pieces because it went into me!' Who sees that and goes 'oh yea, need to get in on that action'.
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Apr 16, 2016 23:10
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Wait, so why did the dude suck the baby dick in the one book?
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Apr 16, 2016 23:42
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Tatum Girlparts posted:I'm just curious as to why it was even a part of the act. Like I get 'hey, check it out, banana in my vagina get it guys' and all but why go for 'and now it's cut up into pieces because it went into me!' Who sees that and goes 'oh yea, need to get in on that action'. The woman generally isn't very attractive, and will usually try to get some drunk Marine or sailor to come up and eat the banana. Okinawa is a weird loving island, yo. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=banana+show
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Apr 16, 2016 23:45
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I've been trying to figure out how the vagina trick works, like geometrically, for days now and it still doesn't make any sense to me Like am I just completely misinterpreting vaginas or is this some kind of double-jointed thing that only seedy foreign strippers can do
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Apr 16, 2016 23:46
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Fullhouse posted:I've been trying to figure out how the vagina trick works, like geometrically, for days now and it still doesn't make any sense to me She's got razor blades up there.
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Apr 16, 2016 23:49
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Fullhouse posted:I've been trying to figure out how the vagina trick works, like geometrically, for days now and it still doesn't make any sense to me I'm really happy this thread has caused multiple people, myself included, to genuinely put thought into some weird rear end strip show trick and the core mechanics involved.
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Apr 16, 2016 23:56
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