sweeperbravo posted:

I think as long as they're not dominating the thread they're fine

Paladinus posted:

probably the best dramatic reading ever

quote:

RANT TIME

Harry Potter book release: don't worry, no spoilers.

Showed up at seven, in full costume for a nine am release. Devoted no? I was one of the few to dress up, and I was the best-dressed. I'm not being vain, I honestly had the most detailed and accurate costume there.

We were told in line, that the best-dressed person in line gets to open the box and have the first Half-Blood Prince book. So, I'm a shoo-in, aren't I?

WRONG.

loving moo brings her bratty sprog in at 8:59am dressed in a generic Kmart cape with stars and glitter and loving gaudy BLAH. Twig for a wand.

OMG WITTLE PWESHUS SO CUTE OMG YOU CAN OPEN THE BOX AND HAVE THIS BOOK YOU CAN'T READ AND *fawning fawning, blatant breederism etc*

THE loving KID WON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS. THE BOX OPENING WAS MINE. MIIIIINE.

I wouldn't have minded if someone had said "Oh look Sass, you are best-dressed
but would you mind if this land-mine amputee opened the box instead?" I would
have said "Absolutely no problem. Go for it." But no. loving CROTCHDROPPING
GETS THE HONOUR. I'm furious. On principle of course, not out of any sense of entitlement. Well yes, entitlement also. But I WORKED FOR IT, I DESERVED IT.

I made an effort. I spent money making an effort. I showed up early. I will remember and treasure this event for ever and eternity. And I'm passed over for an ugly little brat with a sparkly tie. Woo loving woo.

I didn't stab her in the eye with my wand. I WANTED to. I talked about doing so
VERY loving LOUDLY. I was going to eviscerate her mother with the cover of my
brand-new copy.

I loving hate breeders and child-lovers. loving GO TO HELL.

I'm so pissed about this, sorry. It's just that in ten years time, this kid won't remember what she was doing on July 16th 2005. In ten years time, I will be remembering how I was deprived of this nerdly honor by an opportunistic twat breeder and her shitling. I'm hurt. All my life, nothing has gotten to me more than being deliberately ignored, or passed over. Honestly; that's the sort of thing that can make me cry in public. Or key your car. Or viciously murder you and your family in the heat of frustration and never-ending denial

Congratulations breeders, you win.

Edited to add: To all of you who are calling me immature etc, I'd like to add that you make a very good point, but have you considered GO gently caress YOURSELF? If you're so anal-retentive, go back to the other community and go on with your breeder-humping. Also, to the person who submitted this to fandom_wank, I seriously (no sarcasm) thank you. I've always wanted to be there!

Libandano Urfam posted:

My least favorite things in STDHes are overused ellipses.

AlbieQuirky posted:

The restaurant said it happened, the waitress said it happened. Not clear how much fact-checking you can do beyond that. I would just have not run the story.

Verisimilidude posted:

My general rule with those types of old GBS posters who made entire threads about the crazy stories they have is that they're all STDH.

kimbo305 posted:

http://imgur.com/gallery/4ghAxNS
When I make a romantic dinner for two, I also plate the forks the same way and put glasses on the same side.

EmmyOk posted:

That picture is so grim

Eponine posted:

What do people who think a mediocre spaghetti dinner is romantic and fancy eat on the regular? This is a serious question. I'm not a great chef and it's not like I plate my meals, but what do you usually eat that makes that special?

NAR posted:

PAWN SHOP, RETAIL | LOS ANGELES, CA | UNCATEGORIZED
(A customer enters our pawn shop, and I motion her over to my counter.)

Me: “What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna pawn my internet.”

Me: “Do you mean your computer? If it’s complete and relatively new we’ll take it. You just have to bring it in so we can test it out first.”

Customer: *getting angry* “No, man, my internet!”

Me: “Umm…do you mean your modem? Because we don’t take modems or routers by themselves.”

Customer: “No man, I wanna pawn my internet! My INTERNET!”

Me: “Like…your AOL account or something? We can’t do that either.”

Customer: “No! I wanna pawn my internet, man! THE INTERNET!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you can actually bring me the internet, I’ll give you $100 out of my own wallet and you can keep it.”

Customer: *happy again* “Okay, I’ll be right back!”

(She never came back.)

Khazar-khum posted:

Armor

flosofl posted:

And the very next year, her family moves away as she tearfully declares she'll never stop loving him.

Ten years later he's a high powered lawyer, and she's running a center for underprivileged children in the same city. They wonder about the other when reminiscing, but never realize they work only blocks away from each other. That is, until the owner of the building the Center for Kids Who Don't Have a Chance decides it's time to raze it to the ground. He sends Super Smart Lawyer Man to serve notice on Granola Girl and they realize who each other are.

Has their love survived all these years?

Bremma posted:

Found this one on Facebook this evening.

Drunk Tomato posted:

Yep, makes sense that someone would confuse these two totally identical looking pills.

FuckenPunchOn posted:

Fuuuck I was wondering when one of these would drop in the thread. Talk to any teenage/early 20s martial arts person and they'll gleefully tell you five or six bullshit stories about the time their sensei won a 4 on 1 fight against armed Triad members in a video arcade.

Give them enough time and sooner or later you'll hear that "his reflexes are so highly tuned that he tells his girlfriend not to sneak up on him from behind or he'll snap and kill her with his bare hands before he knows what's going on" or that "he has to register himself with the local police station whenever he moves house because his body qualifies as a deadly weapon" stories.

ibntumart posted:

divorce fantasy

EmmyOk posted:

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

there's a sprinkling of stolen valor in there too.

Josef bugman posted:

Lets just put the bone church in here before anyone asks about it:

Sedlec Ossuary

ibntumart posted:

And on the off chance I'm not the only Muslim who enjoys perusing this thread,
Eid mubarak! May we all get to guzzle our body weights in coffee to make up for a month of morning commutes without coffee.

quote:

I was perusing my favorite website forum today, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, someone posted some weird moslem stuff.

As a white male who isn't afriad he LOVES his country, I have to say I am offended.

OFFENDED.

I immediately posted "GO BACK TO ISLAMASTAN YOU FILTHY MUSTLEM!" and my post instantly got shared in twitter and facebook for three hundred thousand likes and shares.

how dare the people that run the site let this anti american s*** happen unpunished?!?! I WORK for a living and they just come over to blow us up.

They dont pay taxes or anything. I was so mad when i saw what was obviously muslin HATE SPEECH that my protective side took over and i immediately called homeland security. They said they saw it and that "eid mubarak" means "death to america" and that they were glad i told them.

I just got a call from the homeland security guy about it and he said they caught the musselm and had him deported back to wherever he came from. His last words as he got on the boat were "i am so sorry god bless america"

Afterwords I was given the contressional metal of honor, a million dollars, and they let me pick a celebrity to go on an all expenses date with. I get to go pick up bernadette peters at six tonight and we are going to cracker barrel and i swear to god if there isnt enough sausage in the SAUSAGE gravy like last time i will call border patrol and have them DEPORTED>

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Khazar-khum posted:

Huggy Wipes

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

There was talk a few pages ago of the creation of false memories and these stories are great examples of it. Most of them are beat for beat retellings of wild speculative "wouldn't it be funny if...?" stories made up before Go was released - the innocuous person nicking your rare Poke and being a Team Rocket member, scary person helping you out and you bond over Japanese cartoons, dropping sick Pokéburns on assholes and catching the rare Mon you've been after for hours. Even though it's observably not how that works in the actual game now. But it's got enough real elements and the original stories have been circulating for long enough that they fuse together and people are convinced they actually happened.

I wonder how many of these people totally did go to school with a La-a or an Abcde?

Tunicate posted:

Misunderstanding some pretty key mechanics of pokemon go in your anecdotes is not just for facebook anymore.

Ytlaya posted:

It seems like the "I knew black people with ridiculous names" people are especially common among health care workers.

CannedMacabre posted:

I've never come across a vagina that didn't have the tamper-evident seal already broken.

jodai posted:

Don't start trying to make troper tales more understandable, that way lies madness.

Paladinus posted:

Does anyone have that story where a guy and his sister go to the doctor, and his sister enjoyed every minute of it and pretended she did that thing with her hair?

quote:

My mom called my doctor and said to him "What's the most accurate measurement for weighing?"
The doctor said "An underwater weighing test"
And just like that, my mom said "Yes. When can my son and my daughter can take it?" and the doc said "Today at 2pm."

So, I didn't bother taking a shower and so did my sister too, so I had to get into a special swimming suit (tight pants...Ugh).

My sister said "Can I pull my hair down to a ponytail?" The doctor said "No."
So my sister with her long, blonde hair went underwater with 8 seconds and had she must enjoyed it..but I didn't.

Khazar-khum posted:

This troper started dating his current girlfriend through one. He'd met her when he was taking an entrance exam for a college (which I failed, by the way), and she was my neighbor. We started chatting between subjects, and kept each other's IM address after we'd both gone home. This troper never thought he'd meet her again, since we lived in different cities, but we kept contact through IM, and later, through text messages. We both went on our own relationships, but kept on talking as friends. Almost three years later, when this troper was about to go on exchange for a semester in Finland, he decided to see every single one of his friends before leaving, and told this girl, who decided to come to his city for a day. This troper waited for her at the train station, and when she got to the end of the platform, went up to her. We didn't say a word, just kissed. As of writing, I am setting up my marriage proposal.

HaB posted:

I've never really understood all the hate that video generates.

chitoryu12 posted:

Imagine if he had dropped a pumpkin on their fire instead.

chitoryu12 posted:

My Astronomy teacher was almost always in a good mood, but that's probably because he's a mega nerd who finds teaching about science to be incredibly fun. He would always get really giddy when talking about his personal projects. Like once he hooked up an electronically controlled telescope to a laptop and rigged up a PS2 controller to remotely turn it, and used this ghetto setup to take photographs (through screenshots on the laptop) of the ISS as it passed overhead.

Tracula posted:

Also I don't know if SJW still gets word filtered and I'm too lazy to check. You can figure it out if it is.

Hardcordion posted:

No joke, just this weekend I ended up waiting for a bus with a guy in a goggled top hat, suit jacket and skull-topped cane from the halloween store. I was on my way to a comic art show myself so I asked if he was heading there as well. He said no, he just likes wearing that outfit while going about his day. Then we stood there awkwardly until the bus arrived.

Tunicate posted:

I tried to pick and choose from these but they're all so incredible.

CannedMacabre posted:

Oh boy!

chitoryu12 posted:

As of February 2014, 6 states legalize it, 21 ban it, and 23 let the universities have the final say. The usual reason given for not allowing it is that classroom discussions will get so heated that someone will pull a gun and shoot a teacher or student over Philosophy 101

Atmus posted:

Doom is still on Mars/Mars's moons, right? How did they account for the difference in gravity?

Tunicate posted:

Khazar-khum posted:

Metal

Verisimilidude posted:

This is the exact scenario everyone I know who practices Kung fu fantasizes about.

life is killing me posted:

Also, knowing any form of martial art to any degree does not mean that you will unequivocally prevail in any fight at any time, nor again is any martial art intrinsically better than any other because of its techniques or the power of its kicks or punches. I cringe when some high school nerd thinks he can now beat up like 3 bullies at once because he knows how to block and do a side kick.

Khazar-khum posted:

Is it just me, or has there been a proliferation of 'Asian martial arts'? Some of the names, to be honest, look like they were made up while looking at a menu from Panda Express.