- somekindofguy
- Mar 9, 2011
-
-
Grimey Drawer
|
Have you ever encountered a rant or screed posted online by someone mad about a small issue or with way too much time on their hands? Or have you encountered a post that was probably meant to be epic and stirring, but only ended up being an embarrassment for everyone? Post your favorites here!
I know the forums already have several classic essays worth putting here (SMG, Adaptive Systems, etc.), but we'be probably seen them a few times or in the funny forum quote thread. Feel free to reference them, but I'd like to focus on non-SA material.
I'll start with one of my recent favorites, from Reddit of course:
a brave man posted:
They targeted gamers.
Gamers.
We're a group of people who will sit for hours, days, even weeks on end performing some of the hardest, most mentally demanding tasks. Over, and over, and over all for nothing more than a little digital token saying we did.
We'll punish our selfs doing things others would consider torture, because we think it's fun.
We'll spend most if not all of our free time min maxing the stats of a fictional character all to draw out a single extra point of damage per second.
Many of us have made careers out of doing just these things: slogging through the grind, all day, the same quests over and over, hundreds of times to the point where we know evety little detail such that some have attained such gamer nirvana that they can literally play these games blindfolded.
Do these people have any idea how many controllers have been smashed, systems over heated, disks and carts destroyed 8n frustration? All to latter be referred to as bragging rights?
These people honestly think this is a battle they can win? They take our media? We're already building a new one without them. They take our devs? Gamers aren't shy about throwing their money else where, or even making the games our selves. They think calling us racist, mysoginistic, rape apologists is going to change us? We've been called worse things by prepubescent 10 year olds with a lovely head set. They picked a fight against a group that's already grown desensitized to their strategies and methods. Who enjoy the battle of attrition they've threatened us with. Who take it as a challange when they tell us we no longer matter. Our obsession with proving we can after being told we can't is so deeply ingrained from years of dealing with big brothers/sisters and friends laughing at how pathetic we used to be that proving you people wrong has become a very real need; a honed reflex.
Gamers are competative, hard core, by nature. We love a challange. The worst thing you did in all of this was to challange us. You're not special, you're not original, you're not the first; this is just another boss fight.
Show me your best. Let's hurt together!
|
#
?
Apr 28, 2016 08:05
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
May 3, 2024 21:04
|
|
- Vincent Van Goatse
- Nov 8, 2006
-
Enjoy every sandwich.
-
Smellrose
|
Triticum Guzzler posted:
There's a lot of hosed up and weird people, on this comedy forum website, who do not ever post jokes, do not enjoy jokes or indeed even laughing, and have coined a derogatory term for people who make jokes. They're all missionaries drawn here by the allure of the fertile lands of videos of a severely asthmatic man playing Megaman games, and interesting philosophical quandries posted by the fake PTSD guy about the nature of doors and windows in Dungeons and Dragons. They are wise men here to educate a savage, uneducated, indigenous sort. It is a sonorous, musical form of education; a greasy collective amasses on the front line of the battle against social injustice, the video game subforum on a message board that has a drop down menu that makes light of the holocaust on every single page, and sings a shrill harmony that permeates the very aether, making my pets feel unsafe, when a video game muscle man calls Catwoman a bitch. They have picked their battles well, and I note from my foxhole that I am running out of ammunition, chiefly in the form of the increasingly finite number of ways I can frame this absurd situation with the English language. I clench my fists and yell "anime" towards an uncaring, absent God, and swear solemnly to press my thumbs into Chocolate America's eyeballs until he is blinded, to directly emasculate sporting figures, to beat the poo poo out of tumblr users with baseball bats, and to quietly appreciate what Waylon Smithers being gay means to me.
|
|
#
?
Apr 28, 2016 08:29
|
|
- Scathach
- Apr 4, 2011
-
You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.
|
quote: To My Fellow Co Worker With the 36 C's and Fine Body:
Thanks for the constant cock tease. I really do enjoy the extremes you go to show off your smoking hot bod, e.g. the see through blouses, painted on pants, thongs, shirts that are super low cut to the navel, mini skirts, (last week I saw you skipped the panties . . . . Thanks and nice trim job by the way), braless days, the hole nine yards.
Yet it's time to stop the double standard. As I explained to management, for every action there is a reaction. It's a physical law. Allow me to explain: Ater witnessing you parade around the office all day, stopping to pose across my desk to chat with your female colleague whilst you bend over to display an rear end that I would crawl a thousand miles to rim, don't be surprised and pissed off and run to the boss to tattle on me. It's only natural that I have become . . . . well, engorged.
And in my state of turgid arousal, I remain where I am, at my desk, trying to hide a throbbing member who's need to plunge itself deep into every orifice of your body, cannot be so easily hidden or controlled. I am a man. I like to gently caress women. I especially like to gently caress pretty women.
Yet off you go to the boss to complain about my boner. A boner you only witnessed when you made it a point to come over to my desk, show off those lovely fun bags (it was a bra less day), and make an effort to ensure that I notice your Playboy-esque bod.
You don't see us guys walking around the office showing off our wood, do you? I don't prance in and announce to all within ear shot, "Gee, Bob. These new briefs really accentuate the length and girth of my now steel like cock" or "I'm not sure, but I don't think these slacks make my dick look big, what do you think Ted?". To do so would be, well, let's just say "inappropriate". Yet, you feel compelled to do just that after having made your latest purchase from Victoria Secret.
You got the reaction from me you so desperately wanted. Yet, Management gets it. They understand what you're doing and why. You'll do anything for attention.
Your boss asked me if I thought you had been hugged enough by your Dad.
quote:Nasty A$$ B*tches!!! Stop squat'in & sit!!!
Why The Ladies' Room Is Always Worse Than The Men's :
This has been a long time coming... it has pissed me off for AGES. Here goes.
Ladies, Listen Up!
Next time you use a public bathroom, do us all a favor... stop being a pussy and sit on the fuckin seat. Really.
What the hell are you so scared of that you can't just sit on the seat? Science has proven that you can't catch anything from sitting on a toilet seat. Unless you can visibly SEE crabs crawling around on it, just sit the gently caress down.
Let's just say that this is your fear... catching something OTHER than crabs. Then answer me this: What part of your anatomy actually touches the seat?! Your thighs and part of your cheeks. That's all. Do you know of any woman who makes a hobby out of rubbing their junk all over the seat? Didn't think so.
So please stop hovering 3 feet above the toilet and spraying like a water hose refracted by a thumb. Because ladies, let's face it... we are not built like men. We do not have a nice, straight stream. Our pee flies in every direction, which is the reason why the toilet is a BOWL. Please utilize it.
I am tired of entering the restroom and opening every stall only to find that each toilet seat is covered in piss. I am also tired of having to grab a huge hunk of paper towels so I, a non-wuss who has no fear of sharing thigh space with a stranger, can pee without having to squat and wobble like a gyroscope losing its momentum while spraying pee all over the room.
Which brings up another point... If you're hovering and spraying it all over the room, how do you NOT get some on yourself? You must be kidding. Do you mean to tell me that pissing all over yourself is a better option than sharing thigh and cheek space with a stranger? There's no way you can weigh those 2 options and come out with the former. Unless you're clinically insane.
So if my argument up to this point has not convinced you, and you still insist on spraying your urine all over, fine. Do what you want. But at least have the decency to CLEAN IT UP. I am sick of doing it for you. It's just a matter of common decency.
And speaking of common decency... you know how you always bitch about guys leaving the seat up? Even though all it takes one simple hand motion to lower it again, you still must nag and bitch about this constantly, right? Well, I say if you're not even USING the seat, just put it up like men do. Seriously. This way you do not leave your piss for the poor, unafraid woman like me behind you in the bathroom. And get this: Aren't the odds of the piss actually getting INSIDE the bowl much greater when the seat is not blocking the target?!? Hello... simple laws of physics here.
In short, I want to piss without having to clean up mess, and I want you to be able to do the same. If we can all just share thigh space without all this nonsense, maybe the lines wouldn't be so long. I think that's the reason why women take so much longer. You scaredy-cats are squatting and spraying and taking ten minutes to clean yourselves off, and we non-pussies are cleaning the piss-covered seats.
So please, nasty rear end bitches, STOP SQUAT'IN & SIT THE gently caress DOWN!!!
THANK YOU.
That second one has it right though.
Scathach has a new favorite as of 08:55 on Apr 28, 2016
|
|
#
?
Apr 28, 2016 08:50
|
|
- Stex T
- Mar 7, 2005
-
Shut the fuck up and get out. Have fun being a slave of the rich and powerful.
|
SPORTS rants = the best rants
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2f7z_zxQ4c8
|
|
#
?
Apr 28, 2016 09:14
|
|
#
?
Apr 28, 2016 08:05
