Address to the Plenary Congress of the Trotskyist Fifth International

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R. Guyovich: Dec 25, 1991

ed. note: this was written to fulfill the obligations of an ik challenge. the original challenge can be found here.

The editors of "Shrugging Towards Justice," a periodical of the People's International Socialist Society, a political party formed after a split from the Marxist Sectional Front (Neo-Brezhnevite), itself the product of a break in the New Internationalist Party for People's Liberation and Enlightenment, have come across an unusual document in their archives. It appears to be a planned speech to the gathered members of a new Trotskyist international regarding the correct line in the upcoming United States presidential election. PISS is printing the document in its entirety below for review.

quote:

Comrades!

First, let me welcome all of you to this historic gathering, an undertaking decades in the making and only possible thanks to the combined efforts of every Trotskyist party in the country. All should be proud that this soon-to-be-legendary venue, Conference Room C of the airport Hilton, has been packed tight with loyal revolutionaries.

Also I will take a moment to acknowledge our honored guests: leaders of every successful Trotskyist revolution in history. This row of empty chairs symbolizes the protracted, difficult struggle our tendency has gone through since its founding, and the future success of our tireless work for the cause. Our newspaper distribution campaigns in France, England and on E 12th Street by the guy who sells doner kebab will surely bear fruit, and we are proud to consider those brave agitators our brothers at arms.

I speak to you now in a time of deep crisis for the country, and the world. The liberal press has no doubt informed each and every one of you over the course of the last year how important the United States presidential election is for the health of this nation. Though we cannot agree with this claim � elections being supreme bourgeois spectacle � it is our duty for some reason to take a position in this contest, as our tendency has for many years. No doubt many of those assembled here, along with the world at large, eagerly anticipate the stance we will take on this pressing question, which is both completely irrelevant and the only way we have deemed it possible to get any attention from the public.

At present time there are but three options to consider for this election. Third-party choices exist, but we have found none that we can comfortably stand behind while also maximizing the number of unique visitors to our website. Rather than go into great detail about the candidates we have eliminated for consideration, we will instead articulate why our pick is the only revolutionary option in November.

Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton is the only principled choice for followers of our line, just as Barack Obama was in elections past and other Democratic Party front-runners in times before that.

Clinton, as the most openly telegraphed non-incumbent winner in modern history, will ascend to the presidency as the "inevitable candidate." This will do more to demonstrate the futility of bourgeois elections than victory for real estate mogul Donald Trump, who would lend legitimacy to the process as a "people's choice," the heir to Andrew Jackson as a dangerous and unpredictable white supremacist. We of the Fifth International prefer our white supremacy to be as safe and predictable as possible, which means the Democratic Party holds the only palatable candidates.

The same goes for Senator Bernie Sanders. Were he to win, class antagonisms would diminish and liberals would be, however briefly, convinced the system works. A mass of satisfied liberals would, of course, lower our recruitment numbers, but I can assure all of you this has nothing to do with our endorsement.

Furthermore, as the poster candidate for "crony capitalism" � despite running against a cartoon billionaire � Clinton would demonstrate to the masses the inherent corruption in the capitalist system. Clinton is the overwhelming choice of the ruling class. Were that group to get its way, the working class would at last understand how the economy is stacked against them, and begin the process of permanent revolution, which is a term I definitely understand and don't use indiscriminately.

A win for Clinton also puts the abuses of state power by capitalists in new light, thanks to past scandals in which Clinton took part. By taking advantage of her position as First Lady of Arkansas to trade cattle futures for an astounding profit, she has shown how easy it is for capitalists to accumulate wealth, even as a lapdog of the ruling class.

Her role in firing members of the White House Travel Office to facilitate patronage appointments as replacements make it clear that a capitalist government cannot be trusted to manage its own affairs honestly and transparently.

As this is a speech to a Trotskyist international, I am required by party rules to mention at least once that Stalin was very bad, and nothing the Soviet Union did was good. Thank you.

Finally, the manipulation of loans and investment by Madison Guaranty after the failure of the Whitewater Development Corporation is clear evidence of the lack of consequences for capitalists in the market. Bill Clinton's subsequent presidential election wins do their part for this argument, as well. How can the working class possibly trust their government to act in its interests after so many failures of stewardship?

It is unlikely, though outside the realm of possibility, that Clinton has participated in these abuses of power to bring these contradictions to light, and her subterfuge dates as far back as the early 1960s, when Clinton volunteered as a "Goldwater Girl." If this proves to be the case, our endorsement only grows stronger.

We would be remiss not to mention Clinton's foreign policy, which as a former Secretary of State, should indicate much about her character. We Trotskyists have always been, and continue to be, firm and consistent anti-imperialists. This is why we have aligned with the United States on every foreign conflict in the 20th and 21st centuries. We also believe every protest is extremely correct, no matter the issue or position. Clinton has supported protest movements across the Middle East and Eastern Europe, or at least the ones the CIA likes. We like them, too, and when defending them make sure to shake our heads very hard and equivocate multiple times to show our support is reluctant.

Clinton's strong interventionism on the matters of Iran and Syria will inevitably lead to the foundation of strong people's government in the region after American military campaigns, as there will be governments and those governments will, in all likelihood, have people in them.

Ultimately, there is only one revolutionary vote to make for President of the United States, and there is simply no better person for the office than Hillary Clinton. All power to the voting booths!

Again, we thank all of you for coming and hope you will do your part to advance the cause of proletarian revolution in 2016. Don't forget to grab your stack of poorly-Xeroxed pamphlets and calendar of left protests to ineffectually bother in the coming months. The ISO and SWP tables are available if you have a spare few hours for conversation about Slavoj Zizek, and books are available at two hundred percent markup outside the conference hall.

# ? May 18, 2016 20:22

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# ? May 4, 2024 12:40

logikv9: Mar 5, 2009; Ham Wrangler

nice

# ? May 18, 2016 20:23

a primate: Jun 2, 2010

I also like Zizek

# ? May 18, 2016 20:29

paranoid randroid: Mar 4, 2007

motion to declare everyone after this post a backslider revisionist and enemy of the revolutionary vanguard

# ? May 18, 2016 20:36

Radbot: Aug 12, 2009; Can't post for 3 years!

all in favor? [murmur] all opposed? [roaring crowd] motion passes! :peels out:

# ? May 18, 2016 20:40

Four Score: Feb 27, 2014; by zen death robot; Lipstick Apathy

vote PISS

# ? May 18, 2016 20:42

Captain_Maclaine: Sep 30, 2001; Every moment I'm alive, I pray for death!

The comrade has fulfilled the requirements of the original IK Challenge, and so as Permanent Temporary Chairman of the People's Revolutionary Vanguard I declare they are to be lauded, exempt from the banning they'd otherwise have incurred, and totally not certain to be purged the next time the Party schisms.

# ? May 18, 2016 20:47

stephenfry: Nov 3, 2009; I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.

the link to this thread

Homework Explainer posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3776559

is in the Trump TOXX thread, which is a different challenge:

Boosted_C5 posted:

Due to Zen Death Robot's show of mercy, your execution has been stayed No Mans Land 4.

You may pass my mod challenge. Within 24 hours, post a photo of yourself wearing Trump apparel of some sort (home made is acceptable given short notice and shipping times) holding an adequately large sign stating that you have dehumanized yourself and faced to Trump. Somewhere on the sign, perhaps in one corner, your forums user name should appear. You must have this photo taken in a public place with onlookers. Like a busy street corner, or if you're a student somewhere crowded on campus.

Failure to comply will result in immediate termination.

excellent speech though

:five:

V oh. oh my.

stephenfry has issued a correction as of 20:50 on May 18, 2016

# ? May 18, 2016 20:47

R. Guyovich: Dec 25, 1991

stephenfry posted:

the link to this thread

is in the Trump TOXX thread, which is a different challenge

excellent speech though

i respect the wishes of the thread ik to avoid cross-pollination and i toxxed for trump. if a hillary toxxer wants to link it there, be my guest

# ? May 18, 2016 20:49

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

tldr

# ? May 18, 2016 21:30

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

(Stabs u with ice pick)

# ? May 18, 2016 21:31

Thoguh: Nov 8, 2002; College Slice

The tears are because he is happy.

# ? May 18, 2016 21:50

R. Guyovich: Dec 25, 1991

stephenfry posted:

oh. oh my.

i toxxed for trump because i think he'll win. he's a trash neofascist and i despise him but it's impossible to underestimate the power of white supremacy

# ? May 18, 2016 21:53

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

trots scum will die

# ? May 18, 2016 21:55

R. Guyovich: Dec 25, 1991

Darkman Fanpage posted:

trots scum will die

*nods*

# ? May 18, 2016 21:56

Karl Barks: Jan 21, 1981

so begins the socialist takeover of msr

# ? May 18, 2016 22:05

Peztopiary: Mar 16, 2009; by exmarx

When you're the only non-hatter left on the forums you'll be the only member of the vanguard left. You've finally found a way to get rid of the splitters.

# ? May 18, 2016 22:09

stephenfry: Nov 3, 2009; I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.
I AM AN IDIOT.

^ well yes, but that's a just a first-order corollary of left politics having suffered every possible reversal at the hands of an increasingly vicious backbiting american right

Homework Explainer posted:

i toxxed for trump because i think he'll win. he's a trash neofascist and i despise him but it's impossible to underestimate the power of white supremacy

you are making this too real for me

I will never be ready

I will probably be killed in my sleep anyway

stephenfry has issued a correction as of 22:18 on May 18, 2016

# ? May 18, 2016 22:16

jarofpiss: May 16, 2009

as an accelerationist i find ur argument compelling and will be reconsidering my vote in november (I will not actually vote though)

# ? May 18, 2016 22:20

R. Guyovich: Dec 25, 1991

jarofpiss posted:

as an accelerationist i find ur argument compelling and will be reconsidering my vote in november (I will not actually vote though)

just to be clear, i don't actually believe anything in the joke post i made.

# ? May 18, 2016 22:36

Fast Luck: Feb 2, 1988

yes u do. u do believe trots endorse every imperialist intervention

# ? May 18, 2016 22:37

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

stephenfry posted:

^ well yes, but that's a just a first-order corollary of left politics having suffered every possible reversal at the hands of an increasingly vicious backbiting american right

you are making this too real for me

I will never be ready

I will probably be killed in my sleep anyway

hopefully your posts are really bad

# ? May 18, 2016 23:24

jarofpiss: May 16, 2009

Homework Explainer posted:

just to be clear, i don't actually believe anything in the joke post i made.

fuckin tankie!

edit: i was also joking in that above post because as an accelerationist i will be voting for danica patrick to be the first woman president in november and nothing anyone can say will make me reconsider that

jarofpiss has issued a correction as of 23:52 on May 18, 2016

# ? May 18, 2016 23:46

jarofpiss: May 16, 2009

also i believe donald trump to be the most revolutionary candidate with the best chance at enacting a maoist third world vision. he will cause cowardly liberals fleeing his reign to scatter to the four corners of the earth and punish those that remain with regressive policy. he will also reduce the violence done to the third world by us imperialist forces on the behalf of other western powers by forcing them to pay for us to do their wetwork. if all goes well we can revert to an agrarian society by 2020. maga.

jarofpiss has issued a correction as of 00:47 on May 19, 2016

# ? May 19, 2016 00:45

gobbagool: Feb 5, 2016; by R. Guyovich; Doctor Rope

Karl Barks posted:

so begins the socialist takeover of msr

Socialism functions best on autismal forums, so, yeah, what you said

# ? May 19, 2016 01:43

oystertoadfish: Jun 17, 2003

somebody shat in the autismal font

# ? May 19, 2016 01:48

R. Guyovich: Dec 25, 1991

Fast Luck posted:

yes u do. u do believe trots endorse every imperialist intervention

that's true. every joke about trots is objectively correct

# ? May 19, 2016 03:05

Trumps Baby Hands: Mar 27, 2016; Silent white light filled the world. And the righteous and unrighteous alike were consumed in that holy fire.

Homework Explainer posted:

just to be clear, i don't actually believe anything in the joke post i made.

yeah sorry op, I'm also convinced. Your post no longer belongs to you and now has a snowballing life of its own outside of your control, much like the actual Revolution

# ? May 20, 2016 06:39

Four Score: Feb 27, 2014; by zen death robot; Lipstick Apathy

Trumps Baby Hands posted:

yeah sorry op, I'm also convinced. Your post no longer belongs to you and now has a snowballing life of its own outside of your control, much like the Trump campaign

ftfy

# ? May 20, 2016 10:52