one sentence horror stories

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joke_explainer

big black turnout posted:

it's horror because of the horrifically low prices

"No! Raise the price! Please! It's far too low!", he wailed as he struggled against his bonds in vain.

The inquisitor smiled grimly at him. "This is the future of the human race. Imagine mark-downs, piling on the price tag, from clearance rack to clearance rack, forever."

# ? Jun 11, 2016 06:35

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# ? May 9, 2024 16:01

joke_explainer

Your child feels they cannot truly express themselves and will remain under the yolk of oppression until they tell their grandmother about being a furry.

# ? Jun 11, 2016 07:08

Anoia: "Sooner or later, every curse is a prayer."

you see a dog but can't pet it

# ? Jun 11, 2016 10:53

big black turnout

After several hours of awkward attempts to hang out, the customer was relieved to finally see him go, but scant minutes later, his weed dealer was back at the door saying "hey, man, my car won't start, is it cool if I just crash here tonight?"

# ? Jun 11, 2016 11:17

shinmai: CHK Instruction

Anoia posted:

you see a dog but can't pet it

# ? Jun 11, 2016 11:44

Admiral_eX_laX: Historically Inaccurate

I... I think I stepped in dog poo

# ? Jun 11, 2016 11:57

peanut

Just as the baby finally fell asleep, the unmistakable thud of the door of a delivery van echoed from across the yard...

*ding dong*

# ? Jun 11, 2016 12:15

peanut

50 minutes until her flight starts boarding... 20% battery... and $1.60 equivalent in the local currency.

# ? Jun 11, 2016 12:17

peanut

# ? Jun 11, 2016 12:18

peanut

There's a mosquito in the car but you're all alone and driving on the highway at sunset with a dirty windshield

# ? Jun 11, 2016 12:20

Anoia: "Sooner or later, every curse is a prayer."

the game is exclusive to that one console you hate

# ? Jun 11, 2016 13:36

December Octopodes: Christmas is coming
the squid is getting fat!

Anoia posted:

the game is exclusive to that one console you hate

I hate bloodbox, and its constant demands for baby shoes!

# ? Jun 11, 2016 15:03

BoldFrankensteinMir

You don't have any private messages (because nobody likes you).

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jun 11, 2016 15:11

joke_explainer

December Octopodes posted:

I hate bloodbox, and its constant demands for baby shoes!

ERROR SHOES HAVE BEEN WORN *ejects shoes*

# ? Jun 12, 2016 01:28

Anoia: "Sooner or later, every curse is a prayer."

baby shoes: the revenge

# ? Jun 12, 2016 03:46

Scathach: You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

And then she realized that the existence of kittens had always just been her imagination.

# ? Jun 12, 2016 04:28

BoldFrankensteinMir

For sale: Hemingway joke, thoroughly depleted.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jun 12, 2016 04:28

Hogge Wild: by FactsAreUseless

joke_explainer posted:

Your child feels they cannot truly express themselves and will remain under the yolk of oppression until they tell their grandmother about being a furry.

iirc in one of lovecraft's stories the plot was that the great grandfather had hosed an ape and the main character's family was descended from that union

e: i read that wrong, i thought that the grandmother in your story was the furry

Hogge Wild fucked around with this message at 06:09 on Jun 12, 2016

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# ? Jun 12, 2016 06:07

Anoia: "Sooner or later, every curse is a prayer."

Hogge Wild posted:

iirc in one of lovecraft's stories the plot was that the grandfather had hosed an ape

lovecraft was a racist dickbag but that's nothing new

# ? Jun 12, 2016 06:09

peanut

Lol dank victorian self-insert fiction XD

# ? Jun 12, 2016 12:08

FAT32 SHAMER

I farted

# ? Jun 12, 2016 19:20

smoobles

50 dead in nightclub shooting

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# ? Jun 12, 2016 21:10

peanut

Trump & Palin 2016

# ? Jun 13, 2016 01:32

peanut

The plain brown paper bag was full of unsalted french fries, turned soggy by their own steam and the chill of a cloudy day.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 01:40

FutonForensic

i'm cancelling the wedding, for i could never consummate my love with one afflicted with such severe banana dick

# ? Jun 13, 2016 01:50

BoldFrankensteinMir

My manager was already 3 hours late when she finally called in, mumbling something racist about traffic.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jun 13, 2016 01:55

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

you cnt sleep b/c a mosquito is in the room but then you remember the mosquito HAS BEEN DEAD FOR 11 YEARS!!! :O

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jun 13, 2016 03:33

Anoia: "Sooner or later, every curse is a prayer."

I'm topical.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 05:10

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

My doctor confirmed I had a terminal case of ｖａｐｏｒｗａｖｅａｅｓｔｈｅｔｉｃ

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"The Bad Boy of Comics"

# ? Jun 14, 2016 18:28

I Was The Fury: Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

"Well, since the elevator seems to be broken down, why don't I tell you all about this new thing called vaping?" He said, the suspended car slowly filling with a sickly sweet smelling cloud.

# ? Jun 15, 2016 18:43

FutonForensic

c'mere son, come take a look at these asmr videos your old man's been working on

# ? Jun 15, 2016 18:48

bare bottom pancakes: Production: Complete

"my god it's horrible!" he screamed as he read the YouTube comments section.

# ? Jun 15, 2016 19:17

FutonForensic

better yet my boy, how about i lean in close and give you a live performance *smacks his gross old man lips into my virgin ears*

# ? Jun 15, 2016 19:22

HighwireAct: Pozzo's Hat

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

For sale: Hemingway joke, thoroughly depleted.

# ? Jun 15, 2016 19:31

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

On the drive to work after showering, dressing and having breakfast he heard the immistakeable sound of his alarm clock: he was having the dream again.

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
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# ? Jun 15, 2016 19:42

Scathach: You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

"And THAT is how much college will cost for Maggie!"

# ? Jun 15, 2016 21:21

Anoia: "Sooner or later, every curse is a prayer."

And now, the world premiere of Simpsons season 40 on FOX!

# ? Jun 15, 2016 22:11

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

He hated his sister's guts, but he was a zombie; he would keep eating.

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
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Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Jun 15, 2016 22:14

Robot Made of Meat

Splatmaster posted:

He hated his sister's guts, but he was a zombie; he would keep eating.

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? Jun 16, 2016 01:21

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# ? May 9, 2024 16:01

Ross Perowned: Shit in my hand and say yeah

she told me she didn't like anime and she didn't even attempt to go dutch on the bill

# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:26

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > one sentence horror stories

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