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Bobbie Wickham posted:I should become a dentist, because getting you to be accountable to the lowest-effort commitment in your life is harder than pulling teeth. I don't really know what to add. It was over two years ago now so my memory had faded. Before the crush topic came up we had never talked about an open marriage. We had talked about the reality that we are humans and we will feel attracted to other people, and had talked a number of times about how it might be fun to have a threesome, but never as far as looking for one. And so when we said "Ive got something to admit, I have a crush on a guy at work", and I can't remember anything other than saying "pursue it". She was expecting the situation to be me saying "um ok, thanks for telling me", and if I had said that she wouldn't have pursued it. And then we had a house warming. We were both drunk as hell and she asks if she can go back to this dudes house and I was like "yeah go for it", I didn't care I was having a fun time. And then in the morning we were like "does this mean we're in an open relationship?" and then started learning a few things about it. I'm not making this up, it wasn't "planned" and not one of us presented the idea to the other, it just emerged from my lack of caring about what she was into. Lol my first "excursion" into the open relationship was with a girl in a different city from twitter. Never met her. Just talked a lot, it was like she was a long term gf. That ended badly lol. That was when we learned it's gotta be about sex mostly and not about finding a second girlfriend, realising that open marriage is NOT polyamoury and that we weren't into doing poly. Just sex hehehehe  I just wasn't bothered. And I thought maybe she'd have fun. It didn't occur til later than it would have benefits for me. Maybe I am an idiot for not considering other alterntaives or whatever. But I'm not making poo poo up when I say it just didn't bother me. Only ONCE in the entire time did I have a feeling of jealousy about her and another guy. It was a once off acute feeling that didn't last long. BECAUSE the entire time I never had any doubt whatsoever she would always come back to me. I had 100% faith in her commitment to me so jealousy would have been a wasted feeling that would have negatively affected her freedom to do whatever she wants. Imagine wanting to do something and someone else tells you you can't because it might make them feel bad, even though it's not to do with them. I don't want to be that person. Like first dates are fun. It's exciting and the first time you have sex with someone is cool as. We wanted to give each other the freedom to experience that. It really didn't seem unusual. Other people were shocked and the biggest lesson I learnt is that you don't tell people in real life about it.
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Oct 6, 2017 21:28
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 19:33 |
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bobbie idk what to say. poo poo is poo poo. but thankfully brain isn't as hosed. kids are happy, talking to them about it. they're not too fazed whatsoever tbh. life is going to be ok. not in poverty, things are moving forward. idk what you want me to say or do.
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Oct 12, 2017 08:30
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I don't think things were bad between us, we were very secure comfortable, and we were driving down the motorway and conspired to think it would be fun to both open our doors and dive out at high speed. there is no deeper meaning I don't believe. it's like the trust between us was too strong. we allowed too much. anyway now.. sister and laws wedding on friday in wanaka  but was asked not to go. tbh I was dreading it so I don't have a large sense of loss for myself but my sis-in-law is a gentle conservatve person and I feel guilty and poo poo about how it''s gonna be explaining how I didn't travel with my family to the wedding. regardless I have days and days off work with no kids etc. I wanna make the most of it. today is the ignore responsibilties and drink day. hallelujua. actually its halloween today.. gently caress lol
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Oct 31, 2017 07:03
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Antivehicular posted:"Ignore responsibilities and drink day" seems like the last kind of day you need right now bro I skated down to supie and got loads of candy and sat out on drive way for hour but I think I was too late. not a single candy given
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Oct 31, 2017 14:40
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my sad brains has improved massively since moving upstairs to be honest.. bit of ignorance is bliss in a way. when I think about the breakdown of the marriage it's very sad and can make me start to go down a hill, so I do what I can to avoid it. I am a total piece of poo poo etc etc for all the hurt I have caused my wife, that is harder on her than me but I don't just walk away from it with a calm conscience, the more I think about it the more I hate myself. it's a poo poo time, but it's a positive direction. my wife will never truly understand why it's happened. I've tried my best to explain it to her but end of the day we both have our subjective experiences and memories of the marriage
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Nov 1, 2017 01:24
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Mappo posted:Echi, you sound like my dad, who also is an addict. Please get help so that your kids don't have to deal with a father who has the mental capacity of a adolescent teenager. They know you are sick, they may not be able to articulate it, but it is affecting them. I'm curious here, what your Dad's addiction looks like? KoRMaK posted:e: woops ok. HIJK posted:Whatever effect this is having on Echi's kids won't come out until they're more or less adults. I hope the fallout isn't too bad but judging from how Echi insists on presenting this "I don't care about anything" attitude I wouldn't bet on it. Do the kids know that you love them still Echi?
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Nov 1, 2017 22:16
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There is definitely a factor where separated parents are normal at school and that the kids don't have massive preconceptions about what is right or wrong. They are 6&8 and very much into what they are into (soccer and minecraft respectively) and naively so, those are their interests, they're not old enough to be spending time contemplating relationships. I think what will happen is as they get older they will begin to resent me and my decisions, but hopefully they won't see it so black and white either. Like other's have pointed out, if things were so good then why did we have the open marriage in the first place? I mean that's what the evidence points to, although I still find it hard to believe at the time we were bad. Maybe too comfortable. Too trusting. Just being careless. Too much YOLO. Like a spoiled child who doesn't realise how good it he has it when his parents give him a supercharged mercedes as their first car.
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Nov 1, 2017 23:58
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while I am still have come around to it 100%, am slowly accepting that perhaps the open relationship destroyed us. and I look back at my wife and how she dealt with it at the time and IMO she had the correct mindset. she was there to have fun and the moment it was "more" or "less" than fun, she wanted out. But I, got much more carried away, and I let it change me. small crossings of boundaries set the scene for larger scale disrespect for my wife, a slippery slope. and so I imagine, my children are going to view me as the instigator of the separation, the person that screwed over their mother. hopefully as life trucks on they see the nuances of what happened and what didn't and how it wasn't black and white. I hope they see two parents who are both happy, and that they still become the best of both of us.
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Nov 2, 2017 02:12
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everyone except me mate it felt like an invincibility cloak. you want it? it's yours just chase it. the stability of family home like yet the freedom of being single? just go take it
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Nov 2, 2017 04:11
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no because my wife was an example of how to pull it off
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Nov 2, 2017 05:15
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its like communism has anyone pulled it off? does that put off anyone believing in it as an ideal?
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Nov 2, 2017 05:18
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Bobbie Wickham posted:Your wife obviously did not "pull it off" if she hated it and it ended her marriage. she hated my crossing the boundaries and going too far. she wanted space and I turned that into the end if I had had the same attitude toward it as my wife did, things would have been fun until they were not, and then would have entered back into "normal" monogamy
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Nov 2, 2017 05:34
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takes two to tango. idk how else to say she was doing it well and I was the motherfucker if it was two of her, it would have worked. too bad one of those halves actually happened to be me
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Nov 2, 2017 06:50
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mate wanna come around and say that to my face
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Nov 2, 2017 06:58
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 better adjust your assumptions "mate"
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Nov 2, 2017 07:11
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jus trying to get by. jus trying to find a place. jus trying to find a single rung out of this kia kaha
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Nov 2, 2017 07:33
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and the difference between you and me and why i can’t stop posting here i have a heart. it’s hosed and it’s too exposed, spread too thin can’t imagine what kind of piece of poo poo human being watches this and finds it amusing./ wow
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Nov 2, 2017 07:36
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[quote="Bobbie Wickham" post="477979660"] So, Echi, have you learned anything from this experience, or at least from this thread? of fuckin course. despite what you might think i'm not a moron. sometimes things take a bit of time to sink in but it all forms part of the picture of who I am and part of the reason I often avoid this thread is because the picture it paints isnt the picture I want to think about myself. if it were up to you guys I'd believe that I was a worthless cuck of a human being. I know that I am more than that, so I have to push forward despite how hilarious-in-failure my life us to all of you
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Nov 2, 2017 07:51
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that things clearly weren't good and that I need help
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Nov 2, 2017 08:02
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a lot of fuckin' self hatred. a lot of "when you said it like, wow, makes me realise I am a piece of poo poo" kind of things
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Nov 2, 2017 08:05
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aim of the game right?
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Nov 2, 2017 08:06
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can't really say im a cuck coz I don't sit around as a helpless begger while my wife bones, and if I still am, then she is too, at the same time? kinda totally undermines the purity of cucking IMO
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Nov 3, 2017 03:24
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but it also implies a one sided nature and also something akin to sitting in the corner in your underwear watching your wife get railed and that the humiliation is an aspect of it A 50S RAYGUN posted:the evidence you have provided itt seem to point otherwise
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Nov 3, 2017 04:47
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lol no not until you accept yours
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Nov 3, 2017 05:00
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Wrath of the Bitch King posted:Still laughing at his mood improving by moving out of the basement, lol. what who even lived in a basement
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Nov 3, 2017 19:04
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Nov 3, 2017 20:47
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 19:33 |
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i’m doing ok. trying to find a purpose to live when i am on my own, but when got kids and work everything is pretty good ☺️
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Nov 9, 2017 01:00
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