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opus111 posted:I tried that but it doesn't work. Hmmm, well this is quite the pickle then. Maybe you could replace their shampoo with mayonaise? Pepper spray their underwear? Put their car keys in the oven and give them the ol' spicy key ring?
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Jul 18, 2016 20:29
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Don't refill the water softener with salt so the water gets hard and their showers are slightly unpleasant.
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Jul 18, 2016 20:31
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Nooner posted:One time we covered everything in one of our roommates rooms in tin foil while he was gone and another time we filled the room to the ceiling with ballons lol gross poor guy
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Jul 18, 2016 20:31
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neglect to pay bills/rent then say it's been a real rough month because of [some sort of policy that can be traced back to conservatives in some way] refuse to do household chores/dishes/take out the trash/clean up messes you made in the bathroom, claim you have real bad pain and fatigue due to not being able to afford health care too bad we don't live in canada basically just take full advantage of millennial wuss guilt and be a huge bum, they'll hate you and then hate themselves for being so intolerant as to hate you
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Jul 18, 2016 21:01
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Swap their bran flakes for crunchy nut cornflakes 
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Jul 18, 2016 21:16
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Steal their phones, then set all their Pokemon free. Claim you did it because Pokemon glorifies cockfighting.
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Jul 18, 2016 21:21
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SLICK GOKU BABY posted:Wait until they are a sleep and then suck their dicks. ... then hold the sperm in your mouth all night, and when they wake up show it to them & tell them they're homos.
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Jul 18, 2016 21:28
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jBrereton posted:Swap their bran flakes for crunchy nut cornflakes They're looking for ways to punish their roommates, not make their breakfast better. Bran flakes without raisins is an afront to humanity and should be purged from this earth like polio.
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Jul 18, 2016 21:30
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Make long distance calls with their phone and then kill them
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Jul 18, 2016 21:32
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Throw a raw fish behind the refrigerator. It will smell progressively worse and they'll tear their hair out trying to find the source. Also, it won't smell quite as bad to you because you'll be distracted by owning them so hard.
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Jul 18, 2016 21:34
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get three pigs and number them #1, #2, and #4
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Jul 18, 2016 21:38
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Slit their throat and take a bath in their blood. you're welcome op
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Jul 18, 2016 21:42
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eat a banana very noisily in their faces
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Jul 18, 2016 21:42
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give him a firm handjob
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Jul 18, 2016 21:42
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ghlbtsk posted:Throw a raw fish behind the refrigerator. It will smell progressively worse and they'll tear their hair out trying to find the source. Try some rotten asparagus, holy poo poo that stuff smells bad.
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Jul 18, 2016 21:44
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use teeth
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Jul 18, 2016 21:44
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ghlbtsk posted:Throw a raw fish behind the refrigerator. It will smell progressively worse and they'll tear their hair out trying to find the source. The correct way to do this to put it in the the air vents in their rooms. That will limit the smell that gets to you if you wisely picked the room closest to your central air unit.
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Jul 18, 2016 21:48
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Watch all of their VHS tapes and don't rewind them
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Jul 18, 2016 21:50
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Collect their dna/blood/fingerprints etc over the course of a few weeks. Then wait until your roommate is home alone and murder someone. Plant their dna/blood/fingerprints at the scene and call in an anonymous tip after a few days. They won't have an alibi and there will physical evidence at the scene, and they will go to jail for the rest of their life!
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Jul 18, 2016 21:52
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My ex years back was often away so I'd often house sit for him, so this was less my house mates and more so his. Still I was there an awful lot so they may as well been. Anyway, the girl who lived upstairs was god awful annoying. She was a nurse so she had a random schedule. No matter what, when she walked she would THUD THUD THUD around her place enough to shake the walls, time of day did not matter. I guess because of her random schedule that made her feel it was perfectly acceptable to have parties in her home on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights. The fire escape stairs were right outside the bedroom window and she and her friends would run up and down the stairs shrieking until well past 3AM. My partner at the time worked a lot of hours during the week and I was a student so neither of us were terribly cool with her doing this. He would often talk about doing stuff like putting fake deer piss that hunters use in the air vents of her car to make it stink but he never actually did that. Getting back to house-sitting though. I would generally make sure the place was okay, tidy up a bit, bring in the mail, etc. The amount of junk mail was already ridiculous, and I was kind of sick of my partner just letting it pile up for months on the floor before he took it out into the recycling. So I started putting all his "resident" addressed junk mail in her box instead, especially those thick and annoying coloured bundles that fall apart easily. The boxes were small so it was really easy to fill it up with just a few days of junk mail. Eventually she started getting notes from the postman about not taking "her mail" inside. Obviously there are worse things out there to do to a person (like fake deer piss in car vents), but sorting and dealing with junk mail is definitely a pretty annoying task on it's own and well, I gave it to her to deal with instead.
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Jul 18, 2016 22:05
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Get them to fall in love with you and then break their hearts
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Jul 18, 2016 22:21
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buy a juicer and use it at 3 AM
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Jul 18, 2016 22:53
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use forks on the teflon pans
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Jul 18, 2016 22:54
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Put an ISIS flag in their window and then phone in the FBI.
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Jul 18, 2016 22:57
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Before I even opened this thread, I knew the majority of responses would involve either a) suicide or b) the OP loving his roommates
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Jul 18, 2016 23:13
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Hey there little buddy. Sorry the other guys at the retard house are being mean to you, remember that they are having just as hard a time being retarded as you are. Instead of "getting back" at them why not do something nice like sharing your favourite toy with them? Maybe you could draw them a nice picture with your new crayons, so they know that you want to be their friend. Try really hard not to dribble all over the paper, they will appreciate that you made the extra effort. I'm glad we could have this talk. Now run along champ or you'll miss those Japanese cartoons you seem to like so much.
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Jul 19, 2016 00:28
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Try moving to a smaller cheaper place. like, really far away from wherever is expensive. ride a bike everywhere.
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Jul 19, 2016 00:54
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Love them then leave them
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Jul 19, 2016 01:01
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numberoneposter posted:-convince him into helping you overthrow the tzar and then use him as a scape goat later on and have him assassinated Revolutionary scum. You may expect a visit from the Okhrana.
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Jul 19, 2016 01:38
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stuff a hot dog down his throat and starving dogs up his butt
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Jul 19, 2016 02:37
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Offer to drive them to taco johns for lunch but drive them to taco bell instead and act like there isn't a loving huge difference between the two.
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Jul 19, 2016 02:42
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Arian_Samurai posted:Offer to drive them to taco johns for lunch but drive them to taco bell instead and act like there isn't a loving huge difference between the two. Nice 
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Jul 19, 2016 02:44
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piss all over the floor every day every time you take a piss, its what my brother does everyday since he moved in and boy howdy he sure is pretty much completely owning me
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Jul 19, 2016 03:48
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wait for them to get a haircut and then tell them it looks nice and when they say thanks tell them you're lying and that it looks terrible then high five yourself right in their face to drive home the sick burn bonus points: say smell ya later as you strut away like huggy bear in his goldfish platforms ghlbtsk fucked around with this message at 05:19 on Jul 19, 2016 |
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Jul 19, 2016 05:13
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AEMINAL posted:put milk powder under their sheets God drat.... numberoneposter posted:use forks on the teflon pans You bastard! BLARGHLE fucked around with this message at 06:00 on Jul 19, 2016 |
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Jul 19, 2016 05:34
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Always make sure to leave a pitiful amount of milk or oj in the jug to ruin their mornings.
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Jul 19, 2016 05:43
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Pretty sure there was an entire Jackass sequel t.v. show all about this. And then Ryan Dunn killed himself. It's not worth it, OP!
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Jul 19, 2016 06:01
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Decebal posted:Use their phone number and post some stuff to sell on your version of Craigslist. Do multiple entries in different categories. Laugh as they get flooded with calls We accidentally did this a lot, but without the phone. I lived in a remarkably sketchy punk house for a while and whenever one of our ten or so roommates would fail to come up with rent and take to hopping trains again, we'd usually just put an ad on craigslist advertising whatever relevant crawl space or unfinished basement area was for rent, address included. Then we'd post up on the porch and drink beer until somebody showed up and didn't run off screaming. We always had the vacancies filled within hours, but the downshot was dudes that were cool with living in that kind of house showing up unannounced for the next couple days. OP if you live in a city with an abundance of crusties and not a lot of cheap housing, maybe try this approach
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Jul 19, 2016 06:06
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Wait until your housemate falls asleep, then get his car keys. Some night when the tank's nearly empty, fill it with gasoline and don't tell him it was you who did it. He won't know how it happened!
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Jul 19, 2016 06:14
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King Possum III posted:Wait until your housemate falls asleep, then get his car keys. Some night when the tank's nearly empty, fill it with gasoline and don't tell him it was you who did it. Please take these ideas to the proper thread http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3781748
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Jul 19, 2016 06:16
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