Dick Book

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Lazy Reservist: Nov 30, 2005; FUBIJAR

And this is the only time blue squares will ever have credit in a book.

# ? Aug 10, 2016 05:58

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# ? May 1, 2024 20:29

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Lazy Reservist posted:

And this is the only time blue squares will ever have credit in a book.

# ? Aug 10, 2016 07:38

Rude Dude With Tude: Apr 19, 2007; Your President approves this text.

Oh hey I'm in the thanks to. I'd be up for a second coming of the dick book

# ? Aug 10, 2016 09:43

RichieHimself: May 27, 2004; No way dude, she looks like Gargamel.

Pesticide20 posted:

I would buy dick book v2

# ? Aug 10, 2016 13:09

Hotel Kpro: Feb 24, 2011; owls don't go to school; Dinosaur Gum

NTT posted:

A kpro I'm going overseas until late next year, if you do a second reissue please save me a copy. I will buy it I promise

If you give me an address I'll make sure a copy gets sent to your deployed location in a care package full of stupid poo poo.

C'mon someone's gotta have some new material. 14 more pages and we'll hit 100 pages total.

# ? Aug 10, 2016 21:46

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

I'm still kicking myself for not getting the first one and it'll be perfect for a (non-GiP) Secret Santa.

Pesticide20 posted:

I would buy dick book v2

# ? Aug 10, 2016 21:59

Laranzu: Jan 18, 2002

A Kpro posted:

If you give me an address I'll make sure a copy gets sent to your deployed location in a care package full of stupid poo poo.

C'mon someone's gotta have some new material. 14 more pages and we'll hit 100 pages total.

Might have to go trawl the bathrooms on Pearl Harbor for ~~gay sex~~ dick art submissions.

# ? Aug 10, 2016 23:53

stinkypete: Nov 27, 2007; wow

I will buy a second version of Dick Book. Count me in! Dick book 1.0 was Marvelous! I still show Ramboner to people and they count me as weird.

# ? Aug 11, 2016 03:49

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013

I'd order a few copies if we went and did another run. Even if there's no new content. But we should probably update the Thanks To: section.

# ? Aug 11, 2016 04:04

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013

We could add some stories to the book, too.

# ? Aug 11, 2016 04:05

CHICKEN SHOES: Oct 4, 2002; Slippery Tilde

Only if the stories are submitted in a "Dear Dickbook, I never thought it would happen to me" format

# ? Aug 11, 2016 04:10

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013

Agreed.

# ? Aug 11, 2016 04:40

Slim Pickens: Jan 12, 2007; Grimey Drawer

I think I posted a couple that didn't make it in time for the first one, can't remember what they were, though. I'll repost the laundry bag when I find it, though

# ? Aug 11, 2016 05:27

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

The forward or afterword needs to be Schneider's family-style story.

# ? Aug 11, 2016 06:19

Mike-o: Dec 25, 2004; Now I'm in your room
And I'm in your bed; Grimey Drawer

Godholio posted:

The forward or afterword needs to be Schneider's family-style story.

# ? Aug 11, 2016 06:24

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013

I volunteer to write the Post Script. I'll take it seriously and give you a good post script.

# ? Aug 11, 2016 06:47

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013

This is Shim, BTW.

# ? Aug 11, 2016 06:48

Suicide Watch: Sep 8, 2009

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

This is Shim, BTW.

Thank you for your service

# ? Aug 11, 2016 07:02

Bolow: Feb 27, 2007

I would buy 2 dick books for sure

# ? Aug 11, 2016 07:07

its curtains for Kevin: Nov 14, 2011; Fruit is proof that the gods exist and love us.

Just kidding!

Life is meaningless

Choice GIP Quotes in gloss and typography would be imo a good addition to the tome

# ? Aug 11, 2016 13:20

stinkypete: Nov 27, 2007; wow

"Dear Dickbook, I never thought it would happen to me" but as they say It's not gay when your underway

I will have to go look to see what new "Art" has popped up to submit

# ? Aug 12, 2016 08:55

Nostalgia4Dogges: Jun 18, 2004; Only emojis can express my pure, simple stupidity.

Smoke crack is in charge of this right

# ? Aug 12, 2016 09:11

RichieHimself: May 27, 2004; No way dude, she looks like Gargamel.

Nostalgia4Dicks posted:

Smoke crack is in charge of this right

No, he's a bitch.

# ? Aug 12, 2016 13:23

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

RichieHimself posted:

No, he's a bitch.

# ? Aug 12, 2016 16:01

Hotel Kpro: Feb 24, 2011; owls don't go to school; Dinosaur Gum

Alright throw some more content my way and I'll throw it in. I'll update the special thanks section since I have no idea who's who anymore. Maybe someone will get lucky and be in there twice

# ? Aug 12, 2016 21:36

Richard Bong: Dec 11, 2008

I also missed out on the first run please make more.

# ? Aug 13, 2016 04:07

Smiling Jack: Dec 2, 2001; I sucked a dick for bus fare and then I walked home.

if that one post about "have you considered not marrying your fianc�e" is not in that book than v2 is a loving failure

# ? Aug 14, 2016 05:25

Smiling Jack: Dec 2, 2001; I sucked a dick for bus fare and then I walked home.

somebody repost that it's full of stars

# ? Aug 14, 2016 05:26

Terrible Robot: Jul 2, 2010; FRIED CHICKEN; Slippery Tilde

Shim posted:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice: Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit. There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you. And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you. You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker AFB.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian 5 and intel 12, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up everytime you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight-- this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his colleges football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris.

Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too. At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wind to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die. There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. And you'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.

# ? Aug 14, 2016 05:49

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

Simultaneously the most humorous and truthful post to ever grace this internet forum.

# ? Aug 14, 2016 05:52

Kung Fu Fist Fuck: Aug 9, 2009

except for the hpv part because she probably already had it

# ? Aug 14, 2016 06:02

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013

I was so stoned when I wrote that. :v:

# ? Aug 15, 2016 02:49

Smiling Jack: Dec 2, 2001; I sucked a dick for bus fare and then I walked home.

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

I was so stoned when I wrote that.

Doesn't matter. It's transcended you, it's like some pure burning bush Moses on the mount etched in stone pure truth straight from the dark heart of the universe, sent by an uncaring entropy through you to crush some humblebragging shitposter who decided to ask for some simple advice and instead had her entire future mapped out and stomped on.

I'm not in the Air Force, the only guys I knew in the Air Force were pretty cool (except Ryan but he got posted to some ICBM silo back in 1999 suck it you fuckin poser) but that post was just beautiful

# ? Aug 15, 2016 03:18

bloops: Dec 31, 2010; Thanks Ape Pussy!

Naked Bear posted:

Simultaneously the most humorous and truthful post to ever grace this internet forum.

Yea for real. That post was absolutely beautiful

# ? Aug 15, 2016 03:50

LtCol J. Krusinski: May 7, 2013

Guess I should smoke weed again.

# ? Aug 15, 2016 05:22

Smiling Jack: Dec 2, 2001; I sucked a dick for bus fare and then I walked home.

Nah, I don't think the greatness of that post had anything to do with weed

# ? Aug 15, 2016 16:04

Slim Pickens: Jan 12, 2007; Grimey Drawer

yo A kpro what's the exchange rate on shipping losses to reddit karma like these days

(sorry you had to eat the cost of shipping last time dude, that blows)

Slim Pickens fucked around with this message at 18:18 on Aug 15, 2016

# ? Aug 15, 2016 18:12

Hotel Kpro: Feb 24, 2011; owls don't go to school; Dinosaur Gum

100 upvotes and shipping's free.

It wasn't that bad last time, I had just gotten back from a deployment and had cash to burn.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 00:22

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

I assume it will include the Honeyboy Bradley "tearing books apart with our butts" post

# ? Aug 16, 2016 00:35

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# ? May 1, 2024 20:29

Lazy Reservist: Nov 30, 2005; FUBIJAR

Make it a pup-up book.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 01:49

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Dick Book

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