Things about college you wish you'd known before you went

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3dou: The best kind of sex is VHS.

Text books are NOT the size of phone books, nor do they have Yellow Pages printed on them.

# ? Aug 31, 2016 01:23

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 03:00

google THIS

3dou posted:

Text books are NOT the size of phone books, nor do they have Yellow Pages printed on them.

also, "textbook johnny" who hangs out behind mcmillan hall does not in fact sell professor approved editions of most textbooks, and anecdotal evidence suggests that he has gonorrhea so keep this in mind when negotiating payment terms

# ? Aug 31, 2016 02:04

Chill la Chill: Don't lose your gay

Vynar posted:

Less seriously however if you are ever short on players for a Dungeons and Dragons game download the social app Grindr on your phone to meet new friends. Just make sure that you are very specific about only wanting to do table top roleplaying with dice and paper.

whoa I thought I was the only one who did this!

Apparently I'm #1 Kotori fan

_{_{thank you matoi and vanisher for the sigs, lovely dad for the cool av}}

# ? Aug 31, 2016 03:55

Bacon Taco: Now with extra narwhal meat!
HAIKOOLIGAN

drilldo squirt posted:

People might say that the library is for studying but they are filthy liars.

Everyone knows (especially at the University of Arizona) that the library is for masturbating like a crazed monkey.

# ? Aug 31, 2016 04:44

Bacon Taco: Now with extra narwhal meat!
HAIKOOLIGAN

College means you will get laid infinitely more than high school. That's because you had zero sex in high school and the single, uncomfortable, sweaty coitus you engage in at college and regret instantly is mathematically an infinite amount greater than zero.

# ? Aug 31, 2016 04:46

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

despite claims to the contrary all grades are decided through secret poker games @ the admin

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 31, 2016 13:44

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

if your professors are wearing pointy hats and starry robes, chances are your "university" is in fact a wizard school and any degree attain is worthless

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 31, 2016 13:47

FactsAreUseless

Early registration is incredibly valuable. Lucky students, or skilled drivers in the Race, may register up to 15 years in the past.

# ? Aug 31, 2016 13:50

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

don't trust the guy selling "smart juice" near the parking lot, no matter what he claims he's NOT a real doctor

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 31, 2016 13:50

FactsAreUseless

There is no such thing as the math lab, and if you are in the math lab you have made a terrible mistake.

# ? Aug 31, 2016 13:52

FactsAreUseless

There is a Denny's in the food court, but not the kind you're thinking of.

# ? Aug 31, 2016 13:53

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

enrolled in the wrong course and the personnel at the faculty of psychedelics are no help at all!

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 31, 2016 14:00

alnilam

Nosfereefer posted:

if your professors are wearing pointy hats and starry robes, chances are your "university" is in fact a wizard school and any degree attain is worthless

*looks at photos of professors from my commencement, sighs*

# ? Aug 31, 2016 16:53

darkarchon: My name is a trolling word

if your professors are only female and wearing strapless bras and sexy underwear, chances are your "university" is in fact a porn shoot and ~~any degree attain is worthless~~ you could make some money banging hot chicks

# ? Aug 31, 2016 17:34

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

darkarchon posted:

if your professors are only female and wearing strapless bras and sexy underwear, chances are your "university" is in fact a porn shoot and ~~any degree attain is worthless~~ you could make some money banging hot chicks

or it could just be your standard sexy university

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 31, 2016 17:40

darkarchon: My name is a trolling word

Nosfereefer posted:

or it could just be your standard sexy university

stupid sexy universities

# ? Aug 31, 2016 17:46

I Was The Fury: Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

darkarchon posted:

stupid sexy universities

Feels like I'm learning nothing at all

# ? Aug 31, 2016 19:22

Macnult

Pick your professors, not your classes. There are tons of cool professors who will gladly teach your required course if you throw them some extra cash under the table.

# ? Aug 31, 2016 23:23

google THIS

if you register for private string bass lessons most schools of music will allow you to drop it anytime, as long as you do some sick animation when it happens

# ? Aug 31, 2016 23:32

Kiryen

That it was hard. The first day the professor says "I want 300 pages on French Lesbian Dance Theory by Friday" and I said "WTF?" and he said "lol trolled" (the troll was the bill)

# ? Sep 1, 2016 02:52

clam the FUCK down

Apparently you have to pay back some money? Also you have to get a job to do that. You actually have to find those yourself? How do I register for the "job"?

# ? Sep 1, 2016 06:11

Senior Management

There is nothing that the janitorial staff loves more than cleaning out the drain from the designated communal jerk off shower in the dorms. Go hog wild!

:jerry:

# ? Sep 1, 2016 20:18

Senior Management

Chill la Chill posted:

whoa I thought I was the only one who did this!

When I was at university a friend brought over grindr on his phone but there was nothing on it but dude butts looking for man sex so your mileage may very. But it is still worth a shot.

:jerry:

# ? Sep 1, 2016 20:19

blaise rascal: "Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."

Ace of Baes posted:

On the first day of class, walk up to the professor and say, very quickly, "studentsayswhat", if they respond with "what" congratulations, you're the teacher now.

ty vanisher, ty khanstant

# ? Sep 2, 2016 12:26

blaise rascal: "Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."

Many college students experience loneliness and difficulty making friends. I recommend sitting down in the dining hall's dish dropoff so you rotate behind the wall and can introduce yourself to the kitchen staff.

ty vanisher, ty khanstant

# ? Sep 2, 2016 12:29

Palpek: Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Save as .pps instead of .ppt and watch the pussy roll in.

# ? Sep 2, 2016 13:19

Ahundredbux: The right to bear arms

it costs �3000 to build a college , and �1000 in upkeep (default budget)

# ? Sep 3, 2016 17:38

ThingOne: Would you like some tofu?

The basement of the engineering building is home to the Minotaur. His office hours are 4-6 Tue, Thur, & Fri.

# ? Sep 3, 2016 18:42

Ace of Baes

ThingOne posted:

The basement of the engineering building is home to the Minotaur. His office hours are 4-6 Tue, Thur, & Fri.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Sep 3, 2016 19:04

ThingOne: Would you like some tofu?

The anthropology department's been sealed ever since that disastrous experiment in cultural relativism.

# ? Sep 4, 2016 02:06

ThingOne: Would you like some tofu?

In the dead of night you can hear packs of English Lit grad students descend upon Creative Writing freshmen who stray too far from the herd.

# ? Sep 4, 2016 02:11

misty mountaintop: by Hand Knit

Keep your door open, or you will use up all of the air in your dorm room and suffocate.

# ? Sep 4, 2016 02:23

POOL IS CLOSED: I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.

fan death is real and that's why your dorm room doesn't come with one.

# ? Sep 4, 2016 02:40

peanut

Try to get along with everyone and don't be afraid of a commute. :/

# ? Sep 5, 2016 02:31

ThingOne: Would you like some tofu?

The winner of the trial by water gets their research grant approved.

# ? Sep 5, 2016 09:44

Ahundredbux: The right to bear arms

I think it's used in cosmetic surgery

# ? Sep 5, 2016 13:07

Senior Management

Many schools have gyms and pools for students to work out and become more healthy. But don't make some rookie mistakes that will make you the weird guy at the gym. Only work on your legs if you want to fit in. Upper body strength is out of fashion amounts today's college youths. Work those legs. Nothing will make you more popular than world class power legs paired with a slim and minimal upper body.

:jerry:

# ? Sep 5, 2016 16:48

POOL IS CLOSED: I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.

peanut posted:

Try to get along with everyone and don't be afraid of a commute. :/

Realtalk...

I commuted from Providence to Chestnut Hill in Boston for a year to go to grad school. I usually took commuter rail + the T. My daily commute often worked out to 5 hours or more, and since some of my classes were in the evening (starting at 8 p.m.), I was often at risk of missing the last train from South Station. There were also inclement weather considerations - poo poo got real bad whenever there was lots of rain (always) or lots of snow (christ).

Be realistic about the effects of your commute on your quality of life and your ability to be a good student and get the most out of your program. If you have a significant other and you commit to a long-rear end regular commute, you're not going to see them very often! Your commute can also be costly, and that poo poo is not tax deductible for my fellow 'Muricans. My schedule also meant that I didn't get to socialize very much with my classmates outside of campus, so I missed out on shitloads of networking. I don't talk to any of those guys now that we're all 5 years out!

All that said, I did enjoy my grad program and I learned a poo poo ton, but it was a real tough year and sometimes I'm not sure how I managed to graduate and not lose my scholarship.

# ? Sep 5, 2016 16:56

Miss Psychosis

I thought it was collage you did after graduating and I've learned I should've learned to pay attention to spelling more.

# ? Sep 5, 2016 17:08

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 03:00

Business Gorillas

FactsAreUseless posted:

It's widely known that college students love coffee, but here's something you probably didn't know: they're allergic to many kinds of nuts, but not peanuts.

Peanuts are a legume, actually

# ? Sep 8, 2016 17:48

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > Things about college you wish you'd known before you went

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