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Fairly simple query. Who would win a no holds barred fight to the death? Brock Lesnar, or an orangutang. I'm leaning toward Brock Lesnar myself. On the one hand, you have trained to fight MMA/amateur wrestler/WWE circus freak Brock Lesnar  On the other, you have some mangy dumbass animal who will pee in his own mouth for the heck of it when the mood strikes  I'm sure some of you jokesters will say orangutang but it seems obvious to me Brock would murder that dumb ape fairly quickly.
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Sep 13, 2016 06:22
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im the dick-knife.
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Sep 13, 2016 06:28
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google says they're 7x stronger than an average man, so I'd estimate they're 3x stronger than brock. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfDxg0pJAX4 their joints are also built differently so grappling moves may not work well, something like an arm bar might not even be possible as they have much more leverage.
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Sep 13, 2016 06:29
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Brock Turner
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Sep 13, 2016 06:30
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jonathan posted:google says they're 7x stronger than an average man, so I'd estimate they're 3x stronger than brock. The parameters of this match-up isn't a fit ape, its the slovenly ape in the OP.
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Sep 13, 2016 06:31
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i dunno if the orangatang "chimps out" on brock he might have a chance otoh, brock has the retard strength of a retard
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Sep 13, 2016 06:37
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Kuato posted:The slovenly ape, the OP.
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Sep 13, 2016 06:39
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I thought orangutans just sort of sit there and smile at you like stoners.
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Sep 13, 2016 06:40
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didnt an orangutan ice a guy and shove him up the chimney in a Poe story?
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Sep 13, 2016 06:42
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I've been watching Orangutan videos on Youtube for 20 minutes now. Good thread.
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Sep 13, 2016 06:49
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Sep 13, 2016 07:05
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pretty sure based on their bite and muscularity alone the shittiest ape ever could kill any man though that one does seem to be lacking speed
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Sep 13, 2016 07:06
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I hope they shot that dangerous ape.
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Sep 13, 2016 07:07
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extra stout posted:pretty sure based on their bite and muscularity alone the shittiest ape ever could kill any man  
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Sep 13, 2016 07:10
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your average orangutan is four or five times stronger than a human being didn't any of you see that video where one escaped at a zoo and loving moved a car with his bare hands he'd stone cold stunner the loving poo poo out of brock lesnar
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Sep 13, 2016 07:13
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*begins rapidly tapping out before the fight begins*
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Sep 13, 2016 07:14
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8J7jxc8_Pw look at this fuckin dude he's gonna getcha
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Sep 13, 2016 07:15
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NomChompsky posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8J7jxc8_Pw 1:44 to 1:47 would make the sickest gif zoomed in slightly
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Sep 13, 2016 07:21
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But apes are all about grabbing and tearing stuff, sometimes throwing poo poo. What if this guy floats like a butterfly and all around nature's goon?
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Sep 13, 2016 08:21
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Bip Roberts posted:I hope they shot that dangerous ape. seriously, white people need to go back to the caves
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Sep 13, 2016 08:26
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the next evolution of mma's is obviously animal vs human battle royale
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Sep 13, 2016 08:40
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I kind of like that ape. He figures that he's in captivity, so he might as well not give a poo poo and just live it up as much as he can. I'm backing him.
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Sep 13, 2016 08:57
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i heard brock lesnar has a tattoo of a chest on his dick
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Sep 13, 2016 09:11
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the monkey will always win, something awful. they can pull a man apart like wet bread.
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Sep 13, 2016 09:19
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the orangutan
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Sep 13, 2016 10:33
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In lieu of conflict they choose to work together, co-launching a successful salad bar that gets franchised across the nation. Tensions would later emerge over the division of profits, which leads Lesnar to back out of the arrangement. They would nonetheless remain lifelong friends. Lesnar dies at the age of 65 from heart failure and the orangutan names a research foundation in his honor.
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Sep 13, 2016 10:34
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A bonobo monkey resolves conflicts with loving and mutual sack touching with other male bonobos. It's a start, Brock!
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Sep 13, 2016 10:36
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The company that buys the Pay-Per-View rights.
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Sep 13, 2016 12:42
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Orangutan
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Sep 13, 2016 12:54
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reallivedinosaur posted:i dunno if the orangatang "chimps out" on brock he might have a chance Most of that super ape strength is pretty much 'retard strength'. Humans can't consciously use all their muscles, we hold back to avoid hurting ourselves pretty much always and we don't even realize it. That's where those weird bursts of superstrength in extreme situations come from. Apes don't have that. It's not that their muscles are bigger or somehow better, they just don't hold back. They always just use everything they got. If you could find a big human who can do that, right off, you might have a real fight. Right up until the ape bites off his face and genitals, I mean.
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Sep 13, 2016 13:50
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The octagon? Orangutang. The jungle? Orangutang. The streets of LA? Now it gets interesting...
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Sep 13, 2016 13:51
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considering he's been TKO'd by humans I would go with the orange monkey
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Sep 13, 2016 13:58
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Brock is gonna get bitch tits if he ever stops working out. Just sayin. 
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Sep 13, 2016 14:06
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Kuato posted:The parameters of this match-up isn't a fit ape, its the slovenly ape in the OP. I don't think cardio conditioning is going to come into play after the ape bites off and consumes Brock's face in the first 4 seconds.
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Sep 13, 2016 14:07
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i read the thread title as brock lesnar vs. an orphanage. that would be a much more interesting match up.
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Sep 13, 2016 14:20
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NomChompsky posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8J7jxc8_Pw haha look at this video, no human could come close to hurting that crazy rear end thing without a gun
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Sep 13, 2016 14:22
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I dunno I bet Brock could pick up and throw the orangutang. I saw him do that to the Miz one time. Once the ref calls the three count this thing is all over.
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Sep 13, 2016 14:28
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heheheh which one is which? heheheh.
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Sep 13, 2016 14:33
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The ape will always win. No material art can overcome the fury of a berserk wild animal fighting for its life.
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Sep 13, 2016 14:45
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notZaar posted:The ape will always win. No material art can overcome the fury of a berserk wild animal fighting for its life. BUT ENOUGH ABOUT MY EX WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sep 13, 2016 14:47
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