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the play is wired in and jay cutler cups his hands around his earholes because he can't believe they're loving doing it. he looks over to the sideline and the coordinator sort of silently confirms that it's coming, but it's all very clandestine because this is the league where coaches are so obsessed with secrecy that they talk exclusively into plastic cards but just the look there says run the goddamn play, cutler, and cutler turns to his team in the huddle and says, trying to sound at least halfway convincing when he tells them to run the wildcat. cutler's job in this formation is to act as a decoy in the slot. he can't leave the game because the other team would immediately know what's up, even though they'll see soon enough when he's lining up as a receiver because the wildcat's been mouldering around the NFL for like four seasons so his job is to go out there and just try desperately not to grievously injure himself while half-heartedly pretending to block. so cutler trots out there in the slot. he's not going to sell it because who gives a poo poo, it's not like they're going to run an end-around with him or throw it to him or do some sort of convoluted quarterback option play. forte's back there ready to receive it and cutler knows. it's the jet sweep to hester, and they'll toss it to him and hester will just get embedded into the field by a defense that absolutely knows exactly what is going to happen but the system is bigger than him-- he's the quarterback and he's got the contract and the commercials if he wanted them and the microphone and the praise and the blame, but he's also just an employee, no more able to make the decision than j'marcus webb who will probably get blown off his block and possibly into hester, permanently mangling him just so the coordinator can say he's being creative. cutler turns up his collar and lights a cigarette and knows, deep down, he absolutely does not give a poo poo.
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Sep 15, 2016 04:57
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| # ? May 2, 2024 23:26 |
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i didnt read all that but you never responded to my pm telling you joe flacco was elite rd
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Sep 15, 2016 05:00
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i am sorry, that was bad netiquette
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Sep 15, 2016 05:03
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rebert griffin
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Sep 15, 2016 05:05
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I look over at ha-ha clinton dix and shake his hand. important to know a person I plan on sharing the ball with later
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Sep 15, 2016 05:50
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R.D. Mangles posted:i am sorry, that was bad netiquette You are one of my favorite people
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Sep 15, 2016 06:02
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The CB lined up across from from me smirks like he thinks he knows something I don't so I blow a smoke ring in his face, well at least I try but it always seemed like too much work to learn how do that, so I end up exhaling it directly down his throat. I gaze listlessly over at Forte who is trying desperately to get Hester to line up right, then at the defense who have lined up all 11 within 5 yards of the LOS. I think about the absurdity of it all while this CB fake coughs like he thinks he's gonna guilt me into putting my cigarette out. I wonder what would happen if I stubbed it out on his eyeball. Maybe the ref would throw a flag. Maybe they'd fine me. Maybe they'd talk about it all week on ESPN. Wouldn't matter, of course. I'd just be here next week and the week after and the week after. I can't escape this any more than man can escape his fate any more than a tiger can escape his stripes. We are god's bastard children. No. We are our own bastard children, adrift in the meaninglessness of it all, hoping, waiting, praying, searching, never to find any comfort or relief. Never to find anything much at all really. Just to be. I take another drag off this cig and I wonder if I should switch brands. I'm not sure I like this one, but then again, I'm not sure I like cigarettes.
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Sep 15, 2016 06:09
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I love the bears
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Sep 15, 2016 09:58
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R.D. Mangles posted:it's the jet sweep to hester, and they'll toss it to him and hester will just get embedded into the field by a defense that absolutely knows exactly what is going to happen but the system is bigger than him-- he's the quarterback and he's got the contract and the commercials if he wanted them and the microphone and the praise and the blame, but he's also just an employee, no more able to make the decision than j'marcus webb who will probably get blown off his block and possibly into hester, permanently mangling him just so the coordinator can say he's being creative. cutler turns up his collar and lights a cigarette and knows, deep down, he absolutely does not give a poo poo.
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Sep 15, 2016 14:06
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I loving love Jay Cutler
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Sep 15, 2016 14:06
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I immediately ask for a trade.
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Sep 15, 2016 14:08
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What is my blood sugar?
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Sep 15, 2016 14:14
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Is this a recurring nightmare, or has Cutler managed to fall in a time warp again?
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Sep 15, 2016 14:44
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NattyBo posted:What is my blood sugar?
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Sep 15, 2016 15:21
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      please gas the Andy Dalton thread and keep this one, of the better quarterback and man, alive thanks and wishing everybody a good day
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Sep 15, 2016 15:37
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The only time I like Cutler is when he is playing against Rivers.
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Sep 15, 2016 16:09
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Jmarcus Webb is still playing professional football
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Sep 15, 2016 16:12
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The ball is snapped so I can walk around a bit now. I let out a single "heh" as the defense swarms. Then I see it, fluttering in the sky closer closer closer. It hits me in the chest and instinctively I bring up my left hand to catch it. The football. I'd seen it so many times before but it seemed different now somehow. "Hey Jay" it says. I don't reply. Not out of shock, just because I don't think a football is gonna be a great conversationalist. I kind of space out as it starts saying something and I look over at the pile of bodies. A few of the defensive guys are looking inquisitively in my direction now. That CB is standing over Hester and thrusting. One of the defensive guys starts to move confusedly toward me. "And this why you have been chosen to save my people, Jay" says the football. "A portal to the intergalactic trade federation will be opening in that end zone in exactly 17 seconds. We must away." I stare down at it. At its mouth. It is a blackness that is expanding, all consuming, and suddenly I'm not in me anymore, I'm out of me, looking at myself looking at this football. And then I see the entire stadium, and I see everyone in it and I see their dreams and I know which ones smuggled drugs in and which ones beat their kids that morning and one that smothered his mother in her sleep because the nursing home bills were too expensive. And I see the city and then the country and the world and the galaxy and the universe and I see everything and eternity and I see alien wars and the end of all life and emptiness and then I see nothing. True nothing. A void even of voids. And I see the football and it says "So now you understand what is at stake. We have no time to waste." I take a drag from my cig and I blow a smoke ring at the football, well at least I try but I never did bother to learn. Three defenders have realized what happened and are sprinting toward me. I toss the football over my shoulder and head to the bench. I hear my name being screamed by the crowd, then the defenders, then the football, then my coach. I consider switching brands of cigarettes.
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Sep 15, 2016 18:31
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I think back to childhood, to home, to all those cornfields out in the middle of nowhere that me and the boys would sneak out to and take turns puffing on Marlboros, laughing about this story or that, horseflies occasionally getting a bite in on our bare shoulders, and we'd have to swat them away. It was a nothing place compared to Nashville and Denver and Chicago and all that would come after it, but it was home, but that's not what's on my mind. What's on my mind are those cornfields. Acres of bullshit that, yeah, is necessary, but you look at it all and you wonder why you're here. Why you're in a mess of gold with no real people nearby, no real places to go, you're just surrounded by crops. I look down the field, and I'm supposed to be seeing a shitload of the opposing team's jerseys, but all I see is that loving corn.
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Sep 15, 2016 18:58
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sam bradford lmao
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Sep 15, 2016 19:05
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R.D. Mangles posted:the play is wired in and jay cutler cups his hands around his earholes because he can't believe they're loving doing it. he looks over to the sideline and the coordinator sort of silently confirms that it's coming, but it's all very clandestine because this is the league where coaches are so obsessed with secrecy that they talk exclusively into plastic cards but just the look there says run the goddamn play, cutler, and cutler turns to his team in the huddle and says DON'T CAAAAAAAAAAARE
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Sep 15, 2016 19:06
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R.D. Mangles posted:the play is wired in and jay cutler cups his hands around his earholes because he can't believe they're loving doing it. he looks over to the sideline and the coordinator sort of silently confirms that it's coming, Tell him I said gently caress you.
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Sep 15, 2016 19:45
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R.D. Mangles posted:the look there says run the goddamn play, cutler, and jay, in the so-much-less than a millisecond before he turns away to call the play, because he doesn't give a gently caress about much but he is a goddamn professional, gives back a look that says it all. the look knows how much the media doesn't give a gently caress, how much the vax-basher crowd doesn't give a gently caress, about how the fans certainly don't give a gently caress. It says aaron, look at what you're doing. look at them, look at me. maybe even you don't give a gently caress, but look at what you're doing with this offense. this offense has 5000 yards of talent in it and you want it to live and die in the hands of a man with more punt returns than receptions. you'll take the credit and we'll take the blame, but if you just let the men do the jobs they're supposed to everything could be so much better. there's also a flash of grim humor that he will block just as well as devin usually does and be applauded for doing the right thing. the millisecond is over. no one saw. no one felt the raw emotion that drives a man who looks like he wishes he could be anywhere else to be exactly where he wants to be. the loathing that he cannot do his job. the coordinator does not know. jay, in many ways, does not know. gently caress it he turns to the huddle
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Sep 15, 2016 19:46
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Why didn't the Bears sucker the Vikings with a Cutler trade.
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Sep 15, 2016 20:33
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>Examine chinstrap
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Sep 15, 2016 22:35
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NattyBo posted:What is my blood alcohol content?
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Sep 15, 2016 22:42
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i love this dumb forum and all of you knuckleheads
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Sep 16, 2016 02:30
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I. . . . . . . . . . . . prefer to call it the Sparky.
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Sep 17, 2016 06:11
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>Talk to cornerback
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Sep 17, 2016 06:13
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Detroit_Dogg posted:>Examine chinstrap The chinstrap of your helmet dangles loosely, you having just angrily unsnapped one end in frustration of your seventh sack of the game. Detroit_Dogg posted:>Talk to cornerback I don't know what "Talk" means.
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Sep 17, 2016 07:36
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Alaois posted:I don't know what "Talk" means. Intelligence check failed, roll charisma.
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Sep 17, 2016 19:56
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Jay Cutler owns. I hope the bears get rid of him, and go back to rollin out a new lovely qb every season.
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Sep 17, 2016 20:53
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Filthy Casual posted:Intelligence check failed, roll charisma. YOU ROLLED catastrophic skill check failure
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Sep 17, 2016 20:55
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NickRoweFillea posted:YOU ROLLED catastrophic skill check failure poo poo, poo poo! Roll Constitution check! Dice can't decide between "physical talents of NFL caliber quarterback" and "diabetic smoker"
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Sep 18, 2016 02:27
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> Use HAND on HELMET *Jay Cutler has injured his non-throwing hand.
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Sep 20, 2016 15:07
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| # ? May 2, 2024 23:26 |
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> don't care
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Sep 20, 2016 15:33
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