Taiwan Number 1

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Taiwan Number 1

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Ceciltron posted:

God, yes, but why the hell can't anyone scramble a goddamn egg properly in the entire continent of Asia? The chinese are terrified of runny yolks. The Japanese love 'em. The koreans are busy making bad music and the rest of the world doesn't care. I just want a good, moist egg mess, and yet nobody can do this in China.

계란찜

Korean egg soup. Basically a big fluffy scrambled egg thing in a hot bowl. Really good on its own or with 쌈정.

# ¿ Sep 18, 2016 11:55

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# ¿ May 4, 2024 20:31

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

My wife owns a clothing store in Korea and I help out on the weekends. Yesterday a group of 8 older people came in wearing bright neon windbreakers and spent 30 minutes trying stuff on. During this time one of the men who had been loudly yawning walked over to the area behind the register where there are two .7m by .7m square seats. Connected them and then laid down for a nap. I looked at one of the Chinese couples with sort of a "you gonna do something about this guy" style forward shrug where you open your eyes wide and move your head towards them. One of the husbands walked over to his friend, looked at him for 15 seconds then decided he couldn't do anything about it.

He woke up 15 minutes later, walked out and smoked a cig. Then came back in and yelled at his wife to ask for more of a discount on a 89,000 won jacket. After they left my Korean wife said a bunch of racist stuff about Chinese people having no manners.

# ¿ Oct 4, 2016 07:21

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

THE PWNER posted:

When the #1 motivation for moving is because u can't get laid in a country where you're not a novelty just because of your ethnicity, yes it is

I agree all countries should remain homogeneous. Race mixing is a crime. Also this is the 1920s correct?

# ¿ Oct 23, 2016 13:54

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

I still dont understand why people think you will be drowning in pussy if you move to Asia. My experience from seeing people come and go in Korea is if you weren't getting any in your home country you sure as poo poo weren't gonna get laid here.

# ¿ Oct 26, 2016 09:33

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Sapper posted:

That would be because of all the GIs in Korea that act like the ugly American. They've given us a bad reputation. During my tour there, I got the best treatment when I went far away from where most soldiers go (Itaewon, TDC). I had no problems getting laid, had a girlfriend for a few months until I PCS'd. Honestly, I enjoyed Korea--best year of my career.

Were you getting laid before you came to Korea though? I am more getting at the assumption that some 120lb mouth breather with a black tshirt that says No I Wont Fix Your Computer lands in Incheon and is all of a sudden besieged by pussy that FBR and THE PWNER are espousing.

# ¿ Oct 26, 2016 18:08

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

I don't know if ya'll heard yet but the pres of Korea (PGH) has been taking orders from a weird cult leader and skimming a bunch of money towards him. Everyone is pissed.

http://www.latimes.com/world/asia/la-fg-korea-president-scandal-snap-story.html

# ¿ Oct 28, 2016 08:17

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Lil protip. If you are sticking your dick in crazy shell out the 200yuan for a love motel. I know you've never met a nickle you would part with but your gonna end up on the wrong side of a knife or a call to immigration if you keep picking up anything above a 6 on a dating app. There is a reason they can't find a guy normally.

# ¿ Oct 28, 2016 11:24

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

quote:

OK, Grandpa. LMAO. Scary internet apps that are wildly popular means everyone is broken, as goons like to infer. I promise I won't give out my credit card information!

I used them before I got married in Asia just like you. The prevalence of crazy/cheating girls vs normal was 60/40. This from a guy who had a much better response rate then "girls who work as a factory slave." But what do I know maybe Korea and China are drastically different. Anyways keep posting content its fun to relive vicariously without having to dwell on the negatives that come with being a single guy in asia who cant manage a long term relationship.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2016 13:53

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Thank you for this good luck page and God Bless all who post in this thread and also please remember dokdo is korea. Thank you.

# ¿ Nov 1, 2016 07:12

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

There has to be someone like them in the thread or people start jerking themselves off about how much better they are then everyone else. Every electric current needs a grounder. Thx FBR and THA PWNDER. God bless and 수고하세요.

# ¿ Nov 4, 2016 15:06

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Let it be known this is for typical POS goon apts. The apt I am renting they used a cement cutter and cut a small circle through the wall and epoxy'd it up after so no air comes through. This is less of an Asia thing and more of a lowest price option for whoever hired them since they dont have to live there.

# ¿ Nov 7, 2016 12:11

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

I dont know how it is in China but in Korea the nicotine content in cigs is bunk. I started smoking out here and when I went back to the states on vaca I bought the same brand and drat near coughed a lung out.

# ¿ Nov 27, 2016 07:43

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

I wish during my last 5 years here in Asia anyone ever tried to push me or walk into me here but everyone has always defered or moved out of my way. Perks of not being a beanpole or a manlet I suppose.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2016 10:49

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

With a dome that big it's a shame the inscrutable easterner is so against losing face.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2016 12:34

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Did he also slightly lower his sunglasses and say "ohh yeahh" in a super low pitch?

# ¿ Dec 7, 2016 03:41

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Are you telling me Whataboutism isn't a meaningful arguement??? Someone inform the wumaos before it is too late!!!

# ¿ Dec 8, 2016 04:07

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Pon de Bundy posted:

i thought the stereotype was that chinese men have really small dongs and foreigners have massive dongs

so of course you'd choose a huge handsome foreign dong

The stereotype is mixed race babys are very beautiful. Go to china and fight this stereotype pon de bundy, dont let the Chinese fetishize mixed babys.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2016 04:08

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

China already has over 50 unique ethnicities so I am sure it will be treated like all the other ones that aren't Han.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2016 04:20

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

I learned Korean so I am in much worse shape.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2016 04:35

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

I cannot comment because I am not a vet.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2016 10:45

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

My wife wants to take a day trip to Beijing from Seoul to eat some famous North Korean food there, do they still do those 72 hour free visas even for Americans?

# ¿ Dec 21, 2016 14:19

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

BMI is a flawed index and doesn't account for those of us with huge muscles *shovels 3rd hamburger in mouth*

# ¿ Dec 23, 2016 12:13

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Grand Fromage posted:

Korean sashimi comes with bones in it, at least where I lived. I've asked a couple Korean chefs about that and they both told me it's too much trouble to remove the bones. And with triggerfish specifically crunching the bones is apparently part of the deal. Koreans generally like sashimi in full rigor mortis or still half frozen so it's chewy. If she's had Japanese sashimi it probably just didn't occur to her to think about the lack of bones.

Gimbap is good though.

Check it out this dork couldnt afford good sashimi in Korea.

# ¿ Jan 4, 2017 07:05

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Do they have refried beans? They took the beans off the menu in Korea. I guess the shipping is too much for something only the palefaces enjoy.

# ¿ Jan 9, 2017 15:42

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Haiers stories are weird to me because he is always running into other foreigners. I see like one a month.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2017 12:51

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

In my first month in Korea I was getting some food with a weirdo brit expat (I later found out he was super into trains and nonstop posted about how good brexit is) who lived around my hood. On the way back I saw 2 sober 40ish Korean guys beating the absolute dogshit out of a completely shitfaced dude while a woman cried out hysterically. I am talking full force face punches and slamming his head into a car door and leaving dents. Eventually one the guys cocked back and accidentally elbowed the woman which put an end to the beat down. I thought Korea was gonna be off the loving chain after that, alas, 5 years later I aint seen anything I would even call a fight since.

# ¿ Jan 23, 2017 16:52

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

All the white people in my city are immigrant Russian workers. I dont even try anything past a mild *we both share a skin color that isnt average here* head nod.

# ¿ Jan 27, 2017 10:22

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

That aint an arranged marriage. That was tantan before the internet.

# ¿ Jan 28, 2017 05:01

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

All the goons I have met have been generally good people with the occasional weirdo sprinkled in but none of them were ever malicious in their weirdness. Maybe that has something to do with Korea but Haiers deep fear of meeting people from the internet makes me think it is more on Haier being a strange person who invites conflict versus goons actually being assholes [however once again maybe chinagoons are a lot different then korea goons.]

# ¿ Feb 2, 2017 17:06

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

I like Haier because everyone one has 1 or 2 wierd hook up stories (especially out here in Asia) and then they usually becomes traumatised and move on to something else but Haier's stories are like watching a bird fly into a closed window over and over and over.

# ¿ Feb 7, 2017 18:46

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

I came to terms with waygook and laowai when I stopped defining it as a label (foreigner) and instead defined it as a non inclusive grouping term (not east Asian/korean/han). When you grow up in a 99.99% homogeneous country and all you see is people of the same ethnicity for 18, 25, 40+ years it probably becomes hard to break the habit of pointing out something that is normally a surprise (seeing a nonchinese in the average town in China.)

# ¿ Feb 10, 2017 18:21

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Theyre saying Kims older bro got stabbed by 2 girls with poison needles who jumped into a taxi and got away. You think theyll get caught?

# ¿ Feb 14, 2017 17:04

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

I hate this conversation so much. Korean coworkers use it as a justification for making you do things, to try and guilt you into it.

"Fleta, do you want to come in on three or four Saturdays and teach a special English class?"
No, thanks.
"But you make so much more money than any Korean teacher!" (note: Not true, when you factor in all the bonuses and paid vacation time the K-teachers get compared to the NET)

Haven't had it with a Chinese person yet, though. Thank god. So uncomfortable and awkward.

I had that happen one time and I just told the girl she can eat her parents cooking on the weekend and see all her friends from school whenever she wants.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 04:26

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

angel opportunity posted:

My in-laws are staying with us, so gear up for a China story.

My wife and I decided to make steak and mashed potatoes for them, so my wife went to Sam's Club to buy top round steak. While she was there, I was at my laptop working at Panera Bread. I had an Earl Grey tea with two bags in it--you do NOT have to pay extra to take more bags. Anyway, it was raining outside. It had been raining basically all morning, so I was pretty surprised that it was still raining late into the afternoon. Definitely not typical for Florida. I call my wife just as she's leaving Sam's Club, and I asked her to pick me up because I didn't want to walk home in the rain. I usually walk to and from Panera to work so I can get some exercise and outside time in. I don't like walking in the rain if I can avoid it though.

My wife said she'd pick me up, but my laptop had just died, so I took my phone out and tweeted some while I waited for her to pick me up. She arrived and I got in the car with her and we drove home. Well, actually, she drove. When we got home, I helped carry in most of the groceries. As I entered the apartment, my in-laws said "You are back," to which I responded, "I am back" (this part was happening in Chinese.) My father-in-law was wearing silk, gold-colored pajamas, and my mother-in-law was wearing silk pink-colored pajamas.

My dog, Niuniu, came downstairs to greet me, and I gave him a classic "Corgi hug," which is when I reach down and he does a little hug at me and I say "Who's a good boy? Ohhh, that's such a big corgi hug, so impressive." After he was done hugging me, my wife was a little bit disappointed that Niuniu didn't want to give her a corgi hug.

I asked my in-laws if they ate already, and they said they'd eaten some mantou, but were saving room because they knew my wife and I were going to cook. I petted Niuniu a few more times until he got bored and laid down.

Once the groceries were unloaded: Top round steaks, some mayo, and spinach; I took the steaks out of the packaging and seasoned them with some Himalayan sea salt and some freshly ground black peppercorn. I told my father in law the salt was from "China's Tibet," which he quite enjoyed. It's probably from somewhere else along the Himalayas.

After I got the steak seasoned, I set the oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit, and I filled a big pot with water. I set the burner to 7 or 8 and got the water boiling. While the water was boiling, I got out the potatoes. They were growing roots a bit, but I just washed and peeled them anyway. What the heck, right?

I peeled six or so potatoes, and by the time I was done, the water was boiling, so I put those suckers into the pot.

My wife couldn't find the pine nuts she wanted for the spinach dish, and she was rooting through the fridge, and then the pantry. I told her they were in the fridge, and she said they weren't. I went into the fridge and they were right frickin' there where I knew they were going to be! She wouldn't admit that she was wrong or that I was right, but that's marriage.

I set a timer for 30 minutes, because potatoes take forever to boil. Since my laptop had run out of power at Panera, I decided to go plug it in upstairs and hook it up to my 24" monitor via an HDMI cable. I also attached my USB hub so I could enjoy my mechanical keyboard and high-DPI but not tackily-colored gaming mouse. I browsed the internet for a while and did a bit more work, and I went down to fork the potatoes after twenty minutes or so. Nope, still not done.

I went back upstairs and chatted with my brother for a while on Slack, and then I went down again when I heard the timer go off.

The potatoes were just about done by now, but I suddenly had an urge for Chimichuri sauce, so I asked my wife if she could make some. She got working on that while I got the potatoes out of the pot and into a big bowl to mash them. I used a too-small spoon, and one of the potatoes fell and broke on the floor. I got pretty mad, because it's such a waste of a potato, but Niuniu wasn't mad, he was right on that potato licking it up even though it was too hot for him. I told him if he ate the hot potato he'd be speaking Danish, lol (that joke is for any Swedes or Norwegians reading this China story).

I mashed up the potatoes and put some diced garlic in. I forgot to mention earlier that I crushed and finely diced some garlic while the potatoes were boiling. I put the mayo and some milk into the bowl, and I mashed the potatoes up with the potato masher until they were good and mashed. I then put in a generous portion of butter to make them nice and rich.

With the potatoes done, it was steak time. I got the cast-iron skillet good and hot, then I put a bit of vegetable oil on. Right when it started to smoke, I asked my wife to open the windows, cause this cooking method always fills the place with smoke. She did it for me, and I threw the steaks onto the skillet. I set a 2-minute timer while the steaks seared at high heat. My father-in-law came over to have a look, then went back to watch TV.

After two minutes, I put the whole skillet straight into the oven, and I reduced the heat to 425 Fahrenheit. I set another timer for five minutes. I wanted mine to be rare, but my wife and her parents wanted medium...at least. After five minutes, the timer beeped, and I took the skillet out and wrapped my steak in foil, then I put the others back in for another two minutes. When all of them were done, I put mine back into the skillet, and I put some garlic and butter in there. I let it all mix together, the garlic, butter, and steak fat flavor.

Then I took the steaks out and wrapped them so they could rest for a while. While they rested, I took the mashed potatoes and put them into the skillet to absorb that heavenly mixture of flavors.

While I was doing all this, my wife had gotten started on the spinach dish. She thought she toasted the pine nuts too long, and she told me she burned them. I insisted they were NOT burned, and I even ate one and told her how good it tasted. This reassured her a bit, so she continued blanching the spinach. She drained some of the excess water off into the sink, but it was a little precarious because I knew I had a cutting board I needed to clean, so I had to wait. I decided to put the board down and help her drain the water. It went a lot faster working together.

Once the spinach was drained and got cooking, I started to plate the food. I cut my steak up all ahead of time, put it onto the mashed potatoes like a bed, and drizzled it in Chimichuri sauce. I was looking forward to showing my in-laws this cool presentation (Top Chef style), but my wife said "Food is ready" (in Chinese) and they were on the plates like the Japanese on Nanjing in the Kang Ri film they had been watching. They ended up trying to emulate my plating style, which was kind of funny, but it wasn't as good as mine of course. This upset me for some reason, because I am an rear end in a top hat and a lovely GBS poster who wants other lovely GBS posters to like me. And despite how many words I vomit out, no one is liking me.

We sat down to eat once we plated the spinach dish onto our plates. I opened a bottle of cream soda and poured my wife and me a glass. Hot water for the in-laws, of course! My in-laws love mashed potatoes, but they have trouble eating a lot of steak. Mashed potatoes is one of the few western dishes I've really been able to cook for them and get them really into. Let's just hope they never find out just how much butter I put into those mashed potatoes!

I finished eating first, so I cleaned my plate and then cleaned up everything else from the cooking that still needed to be cleaned. I overheard my wife talking to my in-laws (in Chinese) explaining to them how to make mashed potatoes. I like to imagine my in-laws will go back to their small town in Shandong, and they will make my mashed potato recipe for all of their friends and relatives, and I like to imagine--wait--I'm falling into the trap of giving this story an actual ending. I shouldn't end this with like, a concise thought or actual idea that I express that will wrap the whole story up for you and end it in a way that leaves you feeling satisfied--or feeling like you didn't just waste a shitload of time reading this--so let's just say...

Stay tuned next time. Same corgi time, same corgi channel

I am glad you are finally enjoying your time in Florida.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2017 15:26

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

They do historical mangas for middle schoolers all the time. One of my students had a manga on noted wheel chair science man Steven Hawking.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2017 02:22

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Glenn Quebec posted:

If an maoi costs money then no, Haier didn't use it.

Was Haier miserly before he came to China or did seeing grandmas waiting in lines at 6am for free coffee influence him. Maybe he will take the worst part of China with him wherever he goes.

# ¿ May 30, 2017 12:23

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

In korea they only have access to your med records if theyre sponsering your visa.

# ¿ Jun 15, 2017 07:27

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

Maybe he is buying not renting.

# ¿ Jul 16, 2017 11:14

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# ¿ May 4, 2024 20:31

E_P: Feb 22, 2003

ladron posted:

As for the women with prostitutes, I mean, just a guess, but some girl going to a host bar with her friends and hooking up with the host or something.

I wish I had some actual stories but I knew a guy at my gym that worked at a host bar and he said the customers were mostly 40 year old ajummas and at the end of the day they would always get a table of young women who work at a female host bar who would come in and treat the guys like poo poo and just make them do all the things the girl hosts just had to go through that day.

# ¿ Oct 26, 2017 14:41

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