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FactsAreUseless

This is a real thing that is being made, an actual movie called Robin Hood: Origins. Millions of dollars, months of production, hundreds of participants. Grips, gaffers, caterers, people who put the sleeves on microphones, someone whose job is just to put little Xs on the ground in colored tape for blocking out all the scenes in Robin Hood: Origins. Multiple labor unions working in concert. Contract negotiations. It took multiple meetings on the topic of Robin Hood: Origins to create Robin Hood: Origins. Sets were created. Locations were rented. There was discussion: should we film in England or Maine? Georgia will give us a tax break, both the country and the state. A scriptwriter was hired, then more writers. Hours of tense discussion of particular lines of dialogue. Casting. Thousands auditioned for a chance to be in Robin Hood: Origins. There are people who will give up a major portion of their life to the creation of Robin Hood: Origins.

The film is titled Robin Hood: Origins, and it is real. It really exists. It will soon be consumable.

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FactsAreUseless

Robin Hood v. Zorro: Swash of Buckles

FactsAreUseless

Kevin Costner turns up as Robin Hood's old mentor or ally of some kind, maybe he's a villain, it doesn't matter, the audience loves it. He was in that movie in the 90s. He was Robin Hood. Do you remember, Jacob? Do you remember the movie in the 90s? Is this a joke? Am I joking right now? Or is this actually a thing that will be in the movie? It could be. Maybe it's a joke but it is real. Maybe I know it's real, and I'm pretending it's a joke. Maybe I don't know it's real, but it will be real anyway. Maybe Kevin Costner said no. Maybe Kevin Costner contacted them and they said no. Maybe it wasn't Kevin Costner and actually it was Kevin Bacon and I just don't remember properly. Maybe Cary Elwes will show up. That would be fun, right? It could happen. Robin Hood: Origins is happening. They're making a film called Robin Hood: Origins. That's the part of the post that isn't a joke. That part is real.

Nosfereefer

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i think exploring robin hood's shadowy past is a great way to grow the franchise

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FactsAreUseless

It is ten years from now and you are purchasing Robin Hood: Origins at Wal-Mart. Why are you doing this? Why does Wal-Mart still sell movies? Does it make you happy, at least briefly? Will you even watch it? It feels good to make a purchase. It feels good to be able to make a purchase, and to be able to purchase Robin Hood: Origins in a Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack. Yes, they still pack the DVD in there. Nobody knows why. But they do it. There are special features. The cast and the director and the main scriptwriter are all together, and they are talking about the movie they made. The director likes a particular shot. The director likes the female lead. She was so good, so talented. Whatever happened to her? She had brown hair, and she was in her 20s, and she was pretty. She got old, and then she went away. That Kevin Costner cameo was so much fun, wasn't it?

Nosfereefer

IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM
Robin Hood: Boy Detective (TV series) (2016): The story follows the young Robin Hood in his humble beginnings as a junior crime solver. The series introduces a host of previously unknown characters, including Rob the Slob, the Rowdy Rags Gang, and the mysterious Ms. Starsparkle. Rated G for general audiences.

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FactsAreUseless

Three Musketeers: Rise Of The Count Of Monte Cristo. Is that a real movie as well? Those are two different books, aren't they? How sure are you? How sure are you that they weren't in a shared universe? It was the same author, wasn't it? Do you know? Maybe it makes perfect sense, and maybe it's real, and maybe the following is real: ZORRO, a movie about Zorro, and it has a minimalist poster with the classic Z and it plays into America's economic frustrations. It could be real. Maybe it's not a joke, and maybe the Monte Cristo thing wasn't either. That could be true, because they're making a real film called Robin Hood: Origins.

FactsAreUseless

Here's something I'm going to throw out there: There's going to be a montage where Robin Hood tries different kinds of hats, and bows, and he won't say "that's what I'm talking about" because he isn't black, but he'll probably smile grimly at the camera and be like "that's the one" in a way that reminds us that he's pretty casual about different kinds of bows, but his friend/assistant, who will be the smart one and basically Q from James Bond but in a Robin Hood way, will say something like "Get Equipped With Bubble Lead." Do you remember that? Do you remember that from the video game in the 90s? It would have come out near when Robin Hood: Rise Of Costner came out. Here's something else: they probably won't say "buck-and-a-quarter quarterstaff" in the movie Robin Hood: Origins, and that's a shame.

Nosfereefer

IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM
Robin Hood Genesis (2018): This next addition to the critically acclaimed Robin Hood anthology teams up Robin Hood with the master detective Sherlock Holmes. Rated R for explicit sex scenes.

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Piso Mojado

FactsAreUseless posted:

Here's something I'm going to throw out there: There's going to be a montage where Robin Hood tries different kinds of hats, and bows, and he won't say "that's what I'm talking about" because he isn't black, but he'll probably smile grimly at the camera and be like "that's the one" in a way that reminds us that he's pretty casual about different kinds of bows, but his friend/assistant, who will be the smart one and basically Q from James Bond but in a Robin Hood way, will say something like "Get Equipped With Bubble Lead." Do you remember that? Do you remember that from the video game in the 90s? It would have come out near when Robin Hood: Rise Of Costner came out. Here's something else: they probably won't say "buck-and-a-quarter quarterstaff" in the movie Robin Hood: Origins, and that's a shame.

I dont see any reason why he couldn't be black. many great heroes start off black.

FactsAreUseless

Piso Mojado posted:

I dont see any reason why he couldn't be black. many great heroes start off black.
He's the guy from 50 Shades Of Grey and that's a real thing that I'm telling you.

FactsAreUseless

FactsAreUseless posted:

He's the guy from 50 Shades Of Grey and that's a real thing that I'm telling you.
Oh wait he's going to play one of the other characters, not the lead.

Chill la Chill

Don't lose your gay


I can't wait to see how Robin Hood meets Azeem, his Moorish best friend, in school. Turns out he was being bullied for having a different religion than everyone else and people would bully him for praying 5 times a day when it would interrupt class times. But Robin Hood stood up for him, fights the bullies, and makes an important speech in front of his peers saying perhaps their Gods aren't so different after all. Azeem swears a life-debt for this act, which later becomes useful as Robin tries to take back Nottingham castle from a corrupt Sheriff a la the "Dukes of Hazzard."

Apparently I'm #1 Kotori fan


thank you matoi and vanisher for the sigs, lovely dad for the cool av

Luvcow

One day nearer spring
so... this actually is a real thing:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4532826/


Jamie Fox is set to play Little John

FactsAreUseless

Luvcow posted:

so... this actually is a real thing:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4532826/


Jamie Fox is set to play Little John
An actual, not a joke, real film titled Robin Hood: Origins.

Bo-Pepper

Want some rye?
Course ya do!

Will Robin Hood call Maid Marian a chickenhead? You can only find out by watching real film Robin Hood: Origins.

alnilam

The film is mainly of Mel Brooks in a library with a huge pile of ancient books serious-library-sleuthing style, the books are all about middle english tales and yon legende of Robin Hoode, a long forgotten folk tale. "This will do, yes," he says.

Lawrence Gilchrist

Nobody wanted to see Robin Hood in his prime. People go to theaters to feel good. They want to see Robin Hood as a helpless infant, go home and write a funny post about it, like a cool thinkpiece about modern current millenial new media interpretations of what to do with a child's tale from centuries ago. I hear Male Cast Member is getting buff! Female gaze, anyone?

Lawrence Gilchrist fucked around with this message at 01:52 on Sep 21, 2016


tubbsthumping

i chow down
and i get up again

The X-man cometh
Will there be a credits scene where King John ascends to the throne, setting up the sequel and then the tie-in, Ivanhoe vs Robin Hood?

the unabonger
i didn't believe the title of this thread. but this is a real movie. i thought to myself, no way would jamie foxx ever play robin hood's trusty sidekick little john in a gritty reboot of the robin hood story. but i was wrong. its a real movie that is going to come out in 2017. no way would leonardo dicaprio help produce a movie that takes a beloved historical character and gives his story a modernization, but here we are. Robin Hood: Origins

Twerkteam Pizza

FactsAreUseless posted:

He's the guy from 50 Shades Of Grey and that's a real thing that I'm telling you.

Lmao

girth brooks part 2

Bush did 911
Leprechaun in the Robin Hood: After pilfering a pot of gold from the Sherrif of Nottingham's men Robin Hood and his Merry Men find themselves stalked by a malevolent sprite.


IMDB says Origin is a gritty reboot which is confusing me because I thought all the movies were already the gritty origin story of Robin Hood

FactsAreUseless posted:

Robin Hood v. Zorro: Swash of Buckles

I'd watch this

Twerkteam Pizza

This better have an abortion in it or I'll just watch Beowulf the movie instead

Sylvia Plathetic
Beowulf: Resurrection, a gritty reboot with Grendel's mother as the brooding conflicted protagonist.

social vegan



maybe i'll finally found out when he made all this dang flour

Applewhite

by vyelkin
Tristan Vs. Isolde: Dawn of Romance

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access: PERMISSION DENIED.





I have always wondered where Robin Hood originated from...

alnilam

Gilgamesh Returns: Rise of the Hittites

Luvcow

One day nearer spring
A young Robin is bitten by a radioactive deer while playing in sherwood forest

Nooner

AN A+ OPSTER (:
I can't wait to play Robin Hood: Origins the video game on my Xbox One. Do you think there will be stealth? I hope there is stealth! :peanut:


Mariana Horchata

Robin of Sherwood was my favorite version of Robin Hood

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8jmZ77-bvw

:420:

Victory Position

Hmm. I get it. So we get to meet Robin of Locksley, the lord of a small, but productive county in Britain. We get to see how he runs his town with a tough, but fair hand and gives King Richard his dues. Probably the best out of the lords, at that. Seeing Robin so courtly, so well-mannered? I guess that's new, but to see his fall would be the best part. We get to see him denigrated by the usurper King John, stripped of rank in a dramatic piece, and reduced to the rank of an outlaw. I suppose the Q-moments could come in the next movie, but I think he would be running for the most part.

Running away to get his revenge. Robin Hood: Origins 2 - The Merry Men of Sherwood.

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The X-man cometh
Does Robin Hood fight in the Crusades in this continuity?

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Luvcow

One day nearer spring

The X-man cometh posted:

Does Robin Hood fight in the Crusades in this continuity?

Childrens crusade i believe, its like Muppet babies but ultraviolent and gritty

Monkey Fracas

...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!
We need like a word for movies that never needed to be made and vanish out of the public consciousness within like a week after their release

Ephemerilms

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD

it's called the Dandolo Chronicles, a 1st person avant garde film that's just 90 minutes of darkness and the sounds of a cash register over waves at the beach

https://i.imgur.com/8cIhFxN.mp4

Sig by Literally A Person

Instruction Manuel

Yes, it is what it looks like!

FactsAreUseless posted:

Robin Hood v. Zorro: Swash of Buckles

I'd watch this.

hth posted:

it's called the Dandolo Chronicles, a 1st person avant garde film that's just 90 minutes of darkness and the sounds of a cash register over waves at the beach

Ooo, so serene :tootzzz:

jBrereton
They did Robin Hood: Origins in the first five minutes of Robin of Sherwood (v. much the "Battlestar Galactica" of its day), and frankly, it owned.

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FactsAreUseless

Joshy Bear posted:

Beowulf: Resurrection, a gritty reboot with Grendel's mother as the brooding conflicted protagonist.
I think this happened with Angelina Jolie.

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Mariana Horchata

jBrereton posted:

They did Robin Hood: Origins in the first five minutes of Robin of Sherwood (v. much the "Battlestar Galactica" of its day), and frankly, it owned.

yeah my bff introduced me to it and it was always been our go-to show to watch while chilling and getting high together



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrZO-BvqaXA

^ there will never be another Sheriff of Nottingham nearly as great as that one

also Will Scarlet being played by Ray Winstone was casting genius

actually p much all the regular characters were awesome, unfortunately the main actor gets replaced mid-show and the show suffers for it. oh and the synthy celtic soundtrack music by Clannad is top notch as well and compliments the pagan overtones of the show


The time has come for when the Hooded Man comes to the forest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1cFYJECV3Y



:swoon:

Mariana Horchata fucked around with this message at 01:02 on Sep 23, 2016

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