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Do I hold their hand hard or soft? EDIT: Do I acknowledge my privilege as a cis white male in a room full of the same or just be cool?
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Sep 27, 2016 20:38
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Dorkopotamis posted:Do I hold their hand hard or soft? Explain the origins of Slenderman
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Sep 27, 2016 20:40
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power stance while not breaking eye contact with your interviewer if he doesnt hire u on the spot then break his back to assert dominance and verify that he did, in fact, want to hire you
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Sep 27, 2016 20:43
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Walk in with a lil bit of your ball sack hanging out and ask if it looks like bubble gum. They'll know you'll be a hoot to have in the office and hire you immediately.
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Sep 27, 2016 20:42
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wear a suit made out of business cards to show them how serious you are
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Sep 27, 2016 20:45
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I like to pull the interviewer(s) in for a quick peck on the lips during the hand shake. It shows you are friendly, a good kisser, gives em a good wiff of your scent. Maintaining eye contact is key
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Sep 27, 2016 20:44
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Definitely fluff up your junk beforehand. Not like ship mast hard but like a decent chubs.
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Sep 27, 2016 20:49
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Definitely fluff up your junk beforehand. Not like ship mast hard but like a decent chubs. don't use a banana. they can smell that trick a mile away
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Sep 27, 2016 20:48
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When they ask you if you have any questions be sure to ask your interviewer to tell you about the last time they took a vacation, it's often extremely revealing in terms of the actual work/life balance and respect for employees a place has. Then look wistful and ask if you can join them on their next one.
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Sep 27, 2016 20:52
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I use half a cucumber
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Sep 27, 2016 20:52
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Ask whether the interviewer has stairs in their house.
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Sep 27, 2016 20:56
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Don't wear a white shirt or they'll think you aren't disruptive talent but don't wear a coloured shirt or they'll think you're a troublemaker. What I'm trying to say is go naked.
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Sep 27, 2016 20:58
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It's all about chill levels. You got to act like you don't want the job and the interview is a waste of your time, this will drive your potential employer mad with longing.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:00
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Dual wield bone daggers to maximize damage from secondary wounds.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:02
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sometimes interviews can be as stressful for the interviewer as they are for you so consider offering them a massage or maybe just a hit of your flask
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Sep 27, 2016 21:01
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Have a large imposing business card Like one of those publishers clearing house checks, and try to not pull your dick out during the initial introduction. just remember Meet and greet, not Meat and greet.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:02
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Don't use your real name. This way if you get the job you won't have to pay any income tax.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:03
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When they ask after your recent successes, say nothing and whip out your huge guns.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:08
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Try to figure out their favorite anime and talk about that.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:09
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Wrap your lips around your teeth, that way you won't scratch the head of the penis. Don't ask me how I know that.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:11
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Kieyen posted:Wrap your lips around your teeth, that way you won't scratch the head of the penis. Don't ask me how I know that. how do you know that?
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Sep 27, 2016 21:12
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Tell them you are very good at whatever it is they want you to do. Trust me on this.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:13
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Wuzzlez posted:Try to figure out their favorite anime and talk about that. This is a pro tip. Remember - if you can't figure out their favourite, if you jut move from one anime to the next in your conversation you can watch for them to perk up and you'll know you're onto something 
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Sep 27, 2016 21:13
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ROFLburger posted:how do you know that? they just said dont ask im assuming its private, special moments that are too intimate to share.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:13
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Bud K ninja sword posted:they just said dont ask im assuming its private, special moments that are too intimate to share. hey bud this is an A and B conversation so beat it
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Sep 27, 2016 21:16
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Keep insisting they "get down to brass tacks" with increasing passion and volume
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Sep 27, 2016 21:18
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When asked what you're best qualities are simply reply: "Isn't it extremely questionable to use a superlative for something that is based on my own subjective and inherently biased judgement?"
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Sep 27, 2016 21:23
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Don't wear pants
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Sep 27, 2016 21:22
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Try real hard not to fart but if you just have no other option, be a man and own it, don't try to hide it.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:24
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Sweat a lot
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Sep 27, 2016 21:25
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bring up that you're kinda a big deal in the general discussion forum of an internet comedy website
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Sep 27, 2016 21:25
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Stay cool and rest assured that you are a good team leader like this guy:
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Sep 27, 2016 21:25
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pull out a dinky little synth, but then when you start playing its like the heaviest poo poo in the world
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Sep 27, 2016 21:30
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Get in there, get real hard and excited, and then bend over and suck your own dick. You get the job if you can finish yourself off before security throws you out.
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Sep 27, 2016 21:42
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Dorkopotamis posted:Do I hold their hand hard or soft? How many windows do you think are in New York City ? ? Quick !!
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Sep 27, 2016 21:50
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Decebal posted:How many windows do you think are in New York City ? ? Quick !! more than 2. 
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Sep 27, 2016 21:51
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Every job interview:
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Sep 27, 2016 21:58
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bring this  baby. http://www.budk.com/Secret-Agent-Tactical-Ninja-Sword-5926 
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Sep 27, 2016 22:01
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Remember Goebbels's first rule: if you're going to tell a lie, tell a big one and stick to it. For example "I am the CEO of the company and I order you to hire me."
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Sep 27, 2016 22:03
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Bring a printed copy of your resume.
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Sep 27, 2016 22:07
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