/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

I'm curious about what legal rights the guy would have because yeah, loving off with the kid and cutting ties as much as humanly possible is the best thing he can possibly do. Probably wouldn't work well for the kid though.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2016 21:10

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 11:57

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

https://twitter.com/darbypumphrey/status/417325338314960896?lang=en

quote:

She [28F] is taking longer and longer to respond to me [24M]

It's like the guy version of Rebecca Bunch

"I'm about to tank a casual relationship. Wanna watch?"

# ¿ Oct 19, 2016 16:26

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

But does it break the deal?

# ¿ Oct 19, 2016 19:53

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Those assholes ruined it for the rest of us who are actually allergic. The eyebrow arch you get when you tell a girl that for the first time is ridiculous.

Carry a signed and notraized letter from your allergist.

quote:

Besides, Poly-Isoprene is cool and good.

Except if you're allergic to that too. Then you're stuck with Polyurethane which was developed by the Bush Administration CIA.

Well yeah at that point you might as well go back to using animal intestine.

# ¿ Oct 19, 2016 21:10

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

The kind drat well aware that she'll leave him for the intrepid Brazillian explorer they're bound to meet and leave him stranded with cannibals

# ¿ Oct 19, 2016 21:31

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

ikanreed posted:

Well that's only if he whines about everything the moment they hit the jungle. Jeez, it's not hard to avoid being the cast-off comic relief rear end in a top hat ex.

You're under-estimating how intrepid this explorer is.

# ¿ Oct 19, 2016 21:39

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Fenrir posted:

Are you from Arkansas by any chance? The same thing happened to my younger brother's teacher, in like 1999 or 2000.

That type of poo poo wasn't happening out on my part of the coast for sure. Every health teacher I ever had would tag an Abstinence section onto the end of actual sex education with the foreword "I'm legally obligated to cover this poo poo with you, so let's breeze through it."

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 00:12

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

His private collection, I'm sure.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 00:40

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

All the collective brainpower of firstworld internet randos, and he uses it to tell him what he already knows.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 01:42

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Not just that, but she sought him out and initiated the sex.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 02:39

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

There are probably chemical and engineering applications of their studies, especially in Agrarian sectors.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 03:00

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

This entomologist chat is legit but I have a long one to keep it rolling:

quote:

Just found if that my (30f) husband (29m) impregnated another woman (20f). He's been cheating for 2 years and they are engaged. All news to me. I need support and advice on how to possibly get through this.

My husband "Ben" and I have been together 6 years, married for 3.5, and have a daughter together (22 months old). I'm due to deliver our second child in roughly 3 weeks. Basically ready to pop.

I'm not going to lie and say that things have always been golden between Ben and me. Things have been a bit strained the past year. Our second pregnancy wasn't planned (thanks to a "migrated" IUD that was rendered ineffective, unbeknownst to me until after the fact). I'm lucky the baby (and me) is healthy and there are no complications because of the IUD.
Ben flipped when we found out we were pregnant. He pressured me heavily to get an abortion. I'm not against abortion and fully support my fellow women's right to choose. However, in my situation, I am a successful woman in my career, I love being a mother, I thought I had a loving husband, and, at the end of the day, it's my drat body. So I kept the baby.
We went into counseling to help us work through the issues my decision caused. That lasted about a month.

Ben is definitely resentful. He also started insulting my pregnant body and we have not had sex in 5 months. With my hormones, my libido is through the roof when I'm pregnant; I initiated sex constantly with him and he would act disgusted because of my body. People of Reddit who have been pregnant or the partner of someone who was/is pregnant know that things definitely do change. Some... things... are swollen, engorged, breasts leak at a certain point in the pregnancy, etc. The hurt I felt at his rejection was profound. It was so profound that I didn't gain nearly enough weight in my first 2 trimesters because I wasn't eating and when my doctor asked what was going on, I broke down in his office and told him everything. I told him that I didn't want to eat because the bigger I got, the more disgusted my husband became. I started at 112lbs (I'm only 5'2") and by 6 months pregnant, was weighing in at only 114.5lbs. That was significantly underweight. I should have been about 10 lbs heavier than that.

Side note: Doctor and I had a serious talk, the doctor made dietary suggestions that would help, he set a goal weight for me and I'm now up to 126lbs, which, while still under where I should be, is okay with my doctor.

The first pregnancy, Ben was great. Attentive and loving, he'd go out and get me food and supplies, he'd rub my (c)ankles. I was put on bed rest due to complications for the last 1.5 months of my pregnancy. That was miserable but he was really good to me during the ordeal. No sex during that time, obviously.
So the other day I was at the grocery store and this very gorgeous young woman approached me and asked if I was Mrs. Ben. I said yes.
She asked if she could buy me a dessert at the cafe in the store and talk to me. I was confused and asked if I knew her and she told me no, but that she knew my husband and that we needed to talk about some things.

I knew right then, I swear I did. So I followed this perky little blonde girl to the cafe and heard her out.
She was so matter-of-fact that I wanted to reach over and yank her ponytail right out of her head. She said that she and Ben were in love, had been for a couple of years, and that they were going to get married as soon as he files for divorce.

When I found my voice again, I asked her wtf she was talking about. She pulls up her "Insta" and starts showing me all of these pictures of them together. Ben has been pretty MIA during this pregnancy, which I chalked up to just him avoiding me since he is still angry about the pregnancy and doesn't want to have sex. Infidelity on his part crossed my mind, for sure, but I honestly didn't think he was. He's a great father and I thought a decent man, I really thought he'd divorce me before he'd have an affair.
I still don't know how he managed to make the time to go on all the hikes and swims, etc. that they were going on in their pics. He took her to Toronto a couple of months ago when he went for a work convention. They vacationed together.

So this girl met my husband two years ago when she was 18 years old at, I bet you could guess, the gym where she worked. By the timeframe I could pull together from her, they started seeing each other right around when I was on bedrest during my first pregnancy.

Then she flashes me the engagement ring and says they're engaged. She gave me a stupid, condescending face and said something like "I really am sorry it didn't work out for you two."
This girl had some nerve confronting me in person, 8 months pregnant. She's lucky I didn't choke her with the cookie she bought me. She said something like "you'll be okay, you two haven't been in love for a while. Ben has been really open and honest with me about everything."
So she knew about me 100%. She knew I was pregnant, she knew we already have a child together. And yet she still lives in some fking other world where this is fine, because she gets the "prize".

My hormones did not allow me to sit quietly and come up with a plan of action. I left this little twit and the grocery store, got in my car, and drove straight to Ben's office.
I marched into his office, grabbed his coffee mug and threw it into the wall behind him. It was not the best way to handle things, but I yelled pretty loudly about what I'd just found out. Ben's assistant, who is a lovely woman whom I love dearly and who loves me, was sitting at her desk outside his office. I addressed her and said, "Hey "Jane", do you know that Ben is a pos? Do you know that he's engaged to a 20 year old girl and he's been screwing her for 2 years?" Then I started shouting at the whole office, letting them know that Ben is a cheating, weasel of a man, that he's less than a man.

It was really bad of me, I know. I'm still embarrassed, humiliated really.

Ben got me out of the office and sat in my car with me. I asked him how he could do this to me and why didn't he just divorce me already. His response was that he wasn't planning on divorcing me because he loved me and our family. I told him that... we'll call her "Holly"... certainly seemed to think he was, so he might wanna let her in on that fact. Like, perhaps he shouldn't have proposed. Just a thought.

Ben starts crying and saying he didn't know why he let things go as far as they did with Holly, that it was a huge ego boost to his stupid dick that an 18 year old girl that looked like her wanted to fk him.

Anyway, he kept saying we can get through this. I was just sobbing because I'm literally fking weeks away from giving birth to this man's child. After all the stupid crying and meaningless words, he makes an offhanded comment about how he's pretty sure she'll abort the baby if he tells her that he's not divorcing or leaving me and that he's ending things with her.

Holly had failed to mention she was pregnant and she was wearing a jacket, I didn't notice a belly. That's when my tears stopped and I told him to gtfo of my car. He realized I hadn't known that fact and started to backtrack and kept pleading with me. I grabbed my purse and started swatting him with it (not hard, for the record). Every time he tried to talk, I'd swat him with it and just kept telling him to gtfo. He finally did.

I called my big brother and told him to come over. He essentially acted as bodyguard/bouncer when Ben tried to come home. Handed him a suitcase we'd packed for him and told him to stay away and to go fk himself. My phone has been blowing up with messages/calls.

My brother and his fianc�e have been helping out with taking care of my daughter and me. My parents are deceased, so no parents to lean on during this. My girlfriends have been great as well.
We are all shocked. I don't know if I want him even in the delivery room. My brother's fianc�e and my friends have already offered to step in and be there, no matter what time/when.

I can't express to you the stress I'm under right now. I have a daughter to take care of and a baby to deliver in just a few weeks. Now I have a divorce to think about, assets to divide, people to tell, and just complete and utter grief to go through. I'm going to be a single mother of two. Every time I say that I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. I started having pains a couple of days after this (it's been 2 weeks) and went to see my doctor, but he said everything was fine. Told me to, as silly as it sounds, take baths and just take the time to breathe. He told me to lean my head back so I am looking at the ceiling and then submerge my head until my ears are under. Then he said to listen to my breathing, take deep breaths in and out. He told me to calm down and to just catch my breath, to not allow myself to get so stressed that I put strain on this pregnancy. It is surprisingly effective.

Sorry this got so long but I desperately needed to get this out and to tell people even if you are all strangers. Any advice on how to juggle a divorce with all of this? Should I let him in the delivery room? I'm so stressed I haven't even talked to a lawyer yet, should I now or wait until after the birth? I'm so terrified and so lost right now, please, any advice would help me out right now.

TL;DR: My husband has been cheating for 2 years with a very young woman. They are engaged, they are pregnant. I am also pregnant and due to give birth in 3 weeks. The stress is crushing me and I've never been so scared in my entire life. I am divorcing him but I don't know if I should wait to do anything until after the delivery? Should I let him in the delivery room with me? I really need advice, please.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 03:48

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Every morning there's a panty hangin
from the corner of my not-girlfriend's four post bed

I blew my chances but I'll see if I can use it
To humiliate myself on the internet because I'm a loving moron

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 13:41

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

loquacius posted:

How hard can it be not to look at a guy's crotch all the time

I do this constantly and I don't even notice it

Cleavage.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 15:10

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Shut up Greg.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 15:23

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Jeffnote: every once in awhile I'm tempted to edit one of these to make it funnier and post it somewhere else as fiction, this one sounds like a curb episode

My [25M] boss was murdered, now I'm wondering how long to wait before asking for a raise.

I'm picturing that 9/11 Seinfeld script. In the next episode George is in this situation.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 16:10

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Khorne posted:

My [25F] husband [27M] is being really disrespectful of something I enjoy.

I think whatever the hobby is must be some weird poo poo for her to not want to share it.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 21:47

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Extreme Ironing

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 21:53

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Pvt.Scott posted:

I almost stopped reading as soon as she said she was a fantastic mother, though. I was like, "there's your problem right there, lady. You think you don't have any flaws."

I think it was Chris Rock who had the bit "I don't hit my kids, I give them food I give them shelter and clothes. I make sure they get to school and aren't wandering the streets aimlessly after dark." That's what you're loving supposed to do you don't get points for meeting the baseline.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 22:41

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Ah the wonderful "everyone has a legitimate and valid point so everyone loses in the end"

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 22:52

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Nuebot posted:

Being the poor friend of rich people kind of sucks because either you feel like poo poo when they pay for stuff. Or you feel like poo poo because they're constantly talking about how awesome their life is and about the new and expensive stuff they have and you're just like "That's cool. I managed to pay my bills on time this month, so you know. Life's great over here."

Yeah while the OP there might indeed be a shitbird her frustration over the lopsided class dynamic is understandable.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2016 23:45

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Game Freak plz make cuckolding sidequest in Pokemon Sun/Moon

# ¿ Oct 21, 2016 13:38

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Guys getting women to cheat on their husbands via Pokemon Go should go full-tilt and start doing Poke-rival poo poo. "Smell ya wife's pussy later!"

# ¿ Oct 21, 2016 15:24

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

I asked for Godzilla but all I got was Godzooki

# ¿ Oct 21, 2016 16:34

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Regulation Size posted:

She (31f) killed my (27m) nice guy side after a 2 year relationship. what do i do?

How the ever-loving gently caress did that guy not get the "nice" kicked out of him by life until he was 27?

# ¿ Oct 22, 2016 00:05

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Jim Jeffries had a show where he somehow landed a ridiculously hot woman with this exact problem. I forget how he solved it though, on the grounds that Jim Jeffries is not a good leading man and the show kind-of sucked.

# ¿ Oct 22, 2016 02:15

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

quote:

he dismisses what I say as "tumblr bullshit" and that "no one is getting hurt by me saying the n-word"

There is always a certain stripe of white boy...

# ¿ Oct 22, 2016 02:20

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

quote:

She's somewhat responsible as she posted about going on a medication to prevent HIV.

# ¿ Oct 22, 2016 18:54

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Underconfident young men tend to be convinced sex is some limited resource that is only worth having when you're young. The irony is that the anxiety trips them up from having and enjoying casual sex while they're young.

# ¿ Oct 22, 2016 19:12

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

But discussing views and values is unsexyyyyyyy

# ¿ Oct 22, 2016 22:54

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Yeah I don't know poo poo about the complexities of the region and even I know Taiwan is a crazy sore spot in Chinese politics on all levels.

# ¿ Oct 23, 2016 07:46

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

That's the way it almost always works out. I say let the poor idiot tank himself as countless sods have done before

# ¿ Oct 23, 2016 22:37

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

I bet blowjobs with a tiny wiener are awesome if you have a partner who is into you. It's a lot of loss but the payoff is uh... Big.

Also glad to hear the dude whose girl has an ex love coming decided to dump her. No one wants to be a Baxter.

# ¿ Oct 24, 2016 08:15

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

I have gone periods without showering. They were always when I was suffering from heavy depression. I'd like to say that this might be the same, but then again people like this exist:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY7m4KzYR4Q

# ¿ Oct 24, 2016 13:09

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Husband just realized that Cat Lady will let his pets die if he ever goes on vacation.

# ¿ Oct 26, 2016 02:00

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Defiance posted:

This one is hard to read because the writer is a mixture of stupid, foreign, and crazy.

I read recently that to a lot of guys they're taught to show "maximum intimacy" through sex so not being the guy she's most passionately, animalistically attracted to and pleasured by is the equivalent to being unloved/unlovable. I mean sometimes that is the case, but y'know if you're over the age of 25 years-old and still think marriage is about finding the person you're most passionately compatible with at any given moment then :lol:

to your stupid face.

Anony Mouse posted:

If you can't work through the most inconsequential of first-world relationship woes without consulting the internet then you probably shouldn't have a relationship.

Sounds like he's using a mechanical keyboard-- those fuckers do get loud. I don't blame her for hating it. The boyfriend is a loser if he can't switch to one of the types of mechanical keyboards that are designed to be quieter

.

# ¿ Oct 26, 2016 11:48

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

It sounds very much like a cyst. He could probably get it taken care of--lanced, drained, etc.--if he really wanted to.

# ¿ Oct 26, 2016 19:47

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Are we sure this isn't the synopsis to some 90s British Romantic Comedy?

# ¿ Oct 27, 2016 21:45

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Leon Einstein posted:

I genuinely felt like I had dodged a bullet, and was glad to not be with him, and didn't want to touch that ever again.

She was fine with it until he was getting laid.

2016, we've done it, we've found the GBS poster who cannot relate to a position of sexual inferiority.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2016 22:02

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 11:57

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

I've cut parents out of my life for way less. I'd say watching their hearts break as they realized their children felt nothing for them was satisfying, but that would imply I cared enough to feel that. I did notice it though. It was weird. Like they turned into children again themselves.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2016 23:59

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