/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Redjakk posted:

Here's some actual content.

My [26M] Girlfriend [27F] cut my Ex-FWB out of pictures in an album my mother made for me. She ruined pictures of my friend that passed away and I'm heartbroken.

Alright so I posted here a few weeks ago concerning my GF Melissa and my ex-FWB from college, Natalya. The jist of the story was that Melissa kept comparing herself to Natalya who is a grad student in her field of biology who she feels is basically the epitome of perfection. It got to the point where Melissa would spend hours staring at pics of Natalya and everytime I tried to be intimate with her she would shut me down saying she �wasn�t good enough.� I got a lot of sh*t in the last post because Natalya and I ate lunch together a few times a week but as a lot of commenters suggested, I eat at a different place now and no longer see Natalya. I think Natalya took the hint and we haven't spoken since I posted that.

Anyway, I�m posting now because I feel Melissa�s obsession with Natalya hasn�t gotten better at all and she did something that I�m not sure I consider forgivable. When I graduated from college, my mom made me a photo album of pics with me and all my friends doing whatever it is college students do. It means a lot to me, because I rarely see my old friends and unfortunately, one of them passed away so these are physical representations of cherished memories. Yesterday afternoon, I received a Facebook message from my late-friend Dan�s mother. She asked me If I had any pics of Dan from our fraternity events (we were in the same Professional Fraternity). I said of course and that I would scan them and send them over to her. I looked through my album and was suddenly shocked to find a few pictures in which Natalya was cut out of the photo. Some were just of me and her, some were of a group of friends. After flipping a few more pages I saw one that broke my heart, It was a picture of Natalya, Dan, and a few other friends during one of our formals as we were all in the same fraternity. I kept searching through and found that this was the case for maybe 12 pictures, 3 including Dan. It felt like I had swallowed a pound of rocks and I honestly just felt so angry. I knew it had to be Melissa as I would never have done this. I sent the uncut pics to Dan�s mom and texted Melissa, asking her if she was still on campus so we could meet.

When I saw her, I asked her why she cut my photos and she said,� what are you talking about?� but I could tell from her face, she knew she was caught. I was so furious. I told her that it was extremely disrespectful and that she had no right to destroy them the way she did. I even mentioned that some of the pictures she cut were taken with my friend who had passed away and now she had ruined them. She immediately started crying and apologizing, saying she didn�t know what came over her. She said she STILL has the pictures of Natalya and that she can put them back together! I felt like I was going to explode so I just excused myself and left.

Melissa has been blowing up my phone but I haven�t read any of the messages or listened to the voicemails. I feel so drained. I got a lot of poo poo on my last post so I bet a lot of you will think I had this coming. I know I can�t convince you of how hard I�ve tried to make Melissa feel like she�s the only girl I wanted to be with. No matter how many times she has asked me if she�s pretty, if I find her sexy, if I think she is smart, I always tell her how amazing I find her but it just isn�t enough. Maybe I should have never ever spoken to Natalya when I found out she was attending the same University as me, but I don�t think that gives my gf (ex-gf?) the right to destroy my property. The album has literally sat on my shelf for years. It�s not like I look at it everyday and fawn over my ex. I have never even shown it to Melissa so she must have been snooping through my belongings which honestly I wouldn�t even care about if she hadn�t destroyed the pictures of my dead friend because of her petty jealousy.

I just feel exhausted. I feel like I�ll never make Melissa happy. I could have done things differently, sure, but I feel like she never tried to work on her insecurities and confidence in herself either.

TL;DR: My gf cut my ex-FWB out of photos in my album and I feel like this is a huge over-step of boundaries. Some of the pictures she destroyed were of my friend that passed away and I don�t think I can forgive her.

It's ok to not forgive people for doing destructive, obsessive sadbrains bullshit

# ¿ May 14, 2017 06:44

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 06:40

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Haifisch posted:

Our [16M&17M] mother just hung up the phone when we told her about the party we threw and our siblings rooms. We don't know what to do

Can't believe dead people can post to reddit now.

You know what happens when you desTROY? a VALUABLE and SENTIMENTAL POSTER?
*crowds gettin worked up, im holdin my pen at the ready, kids r shaking their heads and beggin me*
YOU JUST MADE THE LIST
*huge pop, kids look on in horror as i add these stupid idiots to the List*

# ¿ May 16, 2017 17:55

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

zakharov posted:

I appreciated this post but sadly will now have to hit you with the pop up powerbomb

thank you for appreciating my jeriphost.

# ¿ May 16, 2017 19:44

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Milotic posted:

Denial

I [28/F] was a sugar baby in college. It is what it is but my friends, family and fiance [27/M] have all had a hard time dealing with it.

How to destroy a man: Pay for his meal after paying for his girlfriend.

if you're gonna do the literal prostitution thing, you have to go All-In or you end up with chucklefucks who feel good about acknowledging your working relationship out in public.

# ¿ May 16, 2017 19:47

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Ham Sandwiches posted:

The context of the story is that people want to fess up to her being a whore. But she wasn't a street whore turning tricks so she feels weird owning that. She had an arrangement with a wealthy guy, which is something a lot of people do, but people in this thread are being kinda weird about it. Yeah wealthy / rich / old dudes and young women don't happen? Some arrangements are more formal than others, sometimes it's a paid apartment and sometimes there's cash.

It's real weird watching people work the "Haha the whore doesn't think she's a whore angle" when it seems understandable what she's clarifying?

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Living in the SF Bay area I have seen lots of wealthy older men with very attractive younger men that seem to live with them. I don't believe they call themselves prostitutes, and yet there is very much an arrangement there. The term "rent boy" seems fine for dudes, is there an equivalent for women?

It totally happens its called "being a whore" lmao

EDIT: sex work is loaded with classism (and racism, and sexism, and good ol' fashioned agnostic violence/dominance/exploitation), it's a sad state of affairs but them's the breaks

im cute fucked around with this message at 19:56 on May 16, 2017

# ¿ May 16, 2017 19:53

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Being a whore is a specific thing though!! I'm not defending being a rent boy, I'm saying, you are using a word that means "street corner hooker" when you know 100% that's not what it is.

I get what you're saying. The problem is your definition/perception of whores as only being "street corner hookers" when there's such a rich spectrum of sex work we ~~denigrate~~ chit-chat about in this thread.

# ¿ May 16, 2017 19:59

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

[21 M] with my girlfriend [23F] of 5 months, racially charged conflict. I feel like she set me up.

Should've turned it around on her and asked her to call YOU the n-word, with the hard R.

# ¿ May 29, 2017 03:31

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Barudak posted:

Oh, hey its that girl my friend went on a date with once who became an emt "so I can watch people die"

that was a good post in a good thread. namaste

# ¿ Jun 23, 2017 20:42

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

InediblePenguin posted:

"i'm glad you came to this wedding where i married a bitch i hate and wouldn't have married if she didn't have red pubes" is not a cool and fun thing to say about your wife at your wedding, dude, you pick the weirdest poo poo to double down on

talking poo poo about your SO when you're drunk but still loving them and being married to them is an ancient tradition for people who aren't the "Boyfriend[23M] asks my permission before he touches me[22F]" type.

# ¿ Jun 23, 2017 21:14

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

ArbitraryC posted:

That 'monster' truck story posted a couple pages ago reminds me of that lady who harassed her grieving husband over his car hobby that his brother and recently deceased father enjoyed together as a family. Like she just kept busting into their garage and commenting about how their hobbies and posters and such were supporting the patriarchy, eventually the husband went to live with the brother and served her divorce papers and she just didn't know how it all ended up this way.

anyone remember that one

That was a whole long thing that started with this trio of posts and like any tasty story it spirals way downward the deeper you look into it. Long story short, it turns out she went (or was) absolutely insane and is now single and likely homeless after driving away her fiance and his family, assaulting her nephew and sister and getting booted from home, tossing around the idea of suing her ex for the home she has zero claim on and getting laughed at, and generally being an insufferable fucker.

im cute fucked around with this message at 01:43 on Jun 24, 2017

# ¿ Jun 24, 2017 01:25

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Lonely Virgil posted:

On her wedding that girl's sister is going to demand a husband too while pissing on the wedding cake.

Piss on the band.

Piss on the gifts.

Hike up one leg and take a good piss on the wedding dress.

Perth ess pip

# ¿ Jun 25, 2017 20:36

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Esoteric Scientist posted:

My (m/25) gf (f/25) of 4 years proposed to me and I don't know what to do.

lol

I like the traditional way that the man proposes because then I have control over when it happens (never)

i hope they end up married as further proof of the total worthlessness and decrepitude of that institution.

# ¿ Jun 25, 2017 23:26

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Yeah the church should just give people breeding licenses so they don't have to ok every little shotgun wedding.

buddy, I got news for you..... im getting pregnant without my license

# ¿ Jun 25, 2017 23:33

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

maskenfreiheit posted:

I [29 M] found out my wife [27/F] of one year is secretely attracted to thugs. We are a black American couple.Relationships

I love that the "thugs" she's attracted to are/were multi-millionaire celebrities.

# ¿ Jun 26, 2017 01:24

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

La Brea Carpet posted:

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it.

You. Dense. Motherfucker.

degeneracy is a mental illness

# ¿ Jun 26, 2017 21:17

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22F] Roommate [21 F] told me my boyfriend [21 M] accidentally kissed her when she pranked him.

Lemme smell yo dick

Bringing back some good memories

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6868zdkxBxE

# ¿ Jun 27, 2017 00:52

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My [22M] gf [23F] of 6 months just broke up with me because she said i thought she was racist. Was i wrong to react that way?

The twist is that he is dating an orc and she is 100% right.

# ¿ Jun 27, 2017 00:55

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Haifisch posted:

If Pick actually left, how could she derail this thread to be about her every ten pages?

Pick posted:

I've owed you an apology. I'm sorry that I gave you any reason to fear for your safety. It was wholly unintentional. For days, I couldn't conceive of what I had done that should have aroused such anger in you, and then it came to me. Here's what happened:

On that day last summer, the counter on your homepage registered an alarming number of hits. All of those were mine. My intention was to draw your attention to my homepage, where I had posted a message to you, a response to your final message to me. In my addled state, I saw myself as doing something akin to tossing pebbles at your window, hoping to draw you forth. While I held this naïve metaphor in my mind, I later came to realize that it must have seemed far more threatening to you, all of those hits coming from the faceless vastness of the Web.

After seeing the messages I had posted on that other forum, I imagine that you reached the logical and reasonable conclusion that I had compromised your privacy. I promise you: I hadn't. Your personal safety was my paramount concern as I crafted my message. It was completely anonymous regarding the addressee. There was no way anyone could have connected you or your homepage to my message; I made sure of that.

Besides, the number of hits on my homepage remained unchanged from just prior to my posting that message until after I deleted it. No one saw it. The message itself was a maudlin mess in which I accepted what you had written, wished you well, and said that I hoped we'd still have occasion to talk as we had done previously. It was a muddle and it's for the best that I deleted it unread.

There's more from that time for which I need to apologize. I'm sorry for my intrusiveness and presumptuousness. I'm sorry for not respecting your boundaries. I had no right to behave as I had.

I'm also sorry if my avoiding you and, until very recently, complete silence led you to believe that I held any resentments or grudges against you. That wasn't the case at all.

First, I assumed that I'd be the last person you'd want to see. Second, I just needed a time-out to sort through things for myself. It never occurred to me that you might have something further to say to me, or that you would have wanted me to explain my actions. I don't know if you do, but I want to acknowledge the possibility. I also acknowledge the possibility that this just doesn't matter to you, anymore.

So, that's it. I'm sorry for the hurt, fear, anger, and distress I had caused. You're one of the last people I'd ever want to hurt; I feel bad about how things were left. I continue to hold you in the highest regard. I've missed our conversations. I miss your light.

PS. I've taken some salsa classes. I'll be taking more.

Pick posted:

As I sit here thinking of my actions, I need to write this apology. I am incredibly embarrassed and shamed of the past 6 years of lies and cheating, more importantly the embarrassment, and unequivocal hurt and sadness it has brought to you and our kids. It is so hard to think of the tremendous damage I have caused to break apart every good thing you were trying to build for our family and our future.

I was feeling hurt and lost in our marriage, with finances and other worries not knowing how to reach out or talk to you, and a want to prove my desirability. Those are just my feelings and not excuses or blame. I take full responsibility for what I have done, and do truly want what is best for the entirety of you and the kids.

You are right, I am not a child and need to act like a grown woman, and I am going to act like one and own what is mine. What I did was the dumbest and most selfish thing a person could do, and I will never do it again. These are my words, which probably don't mean much to you now, but I will show you. You will say you've heard this a thousand times, but I will for once prove it to you, even if it means we are not together. Any woman would be lucky to have you, and I will be working toward deserving that once again if you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I Do Love You!

I have so much to learn, I want to be a person you can trust in and find love in once again. I can't thank you enough for not giving up on me, as I have felt like a lost soul, and now I see some light. I so often have been ready to just fall into the dark pit of despair and give up, but miraculously I saw a hand in the darkness, saying hold on and fight.

You are more than I could have ever imagined, and I have been so blind, you were right before my eyes and I walked right through you, on you. You don't deserve that, you deserve to be equally lifted and not brought down, a hand reaching out to you saying let's walk side by side, not one in front of the other. I'm so sorry so so sorry.

# ¿ Jun 27, 2017 20:03

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

What like at the same time or over the course of a couple years?

In a ROW?

# ¿ Jun 28, 2017 03:34

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

10 at once seems a little unrealistic. I mean I think the most partners anyone could satisfy at once is like 4, maybe 5 tops if they were like some really good sex haver. Anything over that and some of those people gotta be just a little

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfpVY_ZHGDg

# ¿ Jun 28, 2017 23:18

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

ranbo das posted:

I'm waiting for the twist where she finds out she's adopted.

Her boss is actually her dad playing an epic dadprank on her.

# ¿ Jun 30, 2017 00:09

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

therobit posted:

Young children do in fact imitate violence they see on tv though, so she is probably right to be concerned.

Too right. One time I was really into Mortal Kombat so I wrote "Johnny [Cage]" on my brown bag lunch and the camp counselors who saw it had to ask me if I stole some kids lunch. That was violence. Don't let it happen to you.

# ¿ Jun 30, 2017 00:41

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Dragon Ball Super is actually legit very positive for kids. It teaches them to never give up, try as hard as you can, trust and cherish your friends, respect everyone no matter their standing in life, train and study very hard, love your parents, and so much more. I'm not kidding. There isn't really much kicking or punching in Super anyways. Much more shooting energy beams or throwing silly anime poo poo.

Dragon Ball also doesn't actively and blatantly yell ethical lessons at kids like many other kids shows do. Not even close. My girlfriend is a nanny and the 2 year old she takes care of will literally mimic what the songs/characters say on Daniel Tiger or Thomas the loving Tank Engine. I wouldn't be worried about Dragon Ball in comparison to that crap.

Anime is for pedophiles. Hope this helps.

# ¿ Jul 3, 2017 04:24

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My[22m] roommate[21m] is really jealous that I am able to date women, and he isn't. All he does is complain about being friendzoned.

"my friend" is a great dude he's just righteously upset about being an 8/10 in Chad and Stacey's world, wait stop why are you calling him a creep

It's kind of fascinating to see this kind of person from the Chad's perspective for once.

# ¿ Jul 5, 2017 07:15

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Bogan King posted:

Wink at her as she arrives, this is your ticket to bone town buddy.

Hell yeah man

# ¿ Jul 6, 2017 04:02

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Zahgaegun posted:

I would watch a sitcom of twins who didn't like each other, like seething, comedic hatred of each other.

This is the plot of Catdog

# ¿ Jul 6, 2017 04:07

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

I was going to bold the most insane parts, but uhh..

Stockholm Syndrome-like relationship with [52]m and [26]f

quote:

Hi Reddit - Longtime lurker, created a name solely to ask for your advice.

This will probably be a novel, and I'm sorry. This has been going on for the past 6 years, and I haven't been able to speak to anyone about it. My boyfriend [53] and I [26] are both chronically ill. The age gap doesn't bother me whatsoever, and is preferable, as he is more understanding of the fact that I cannot do things that people my age normally do, as I'm just too sick and haven't the energy.

I cannot work. I cannot do something as simple as spend a day at the mall, nor can I just traipse off to the movies. As you can see, this greatly limits my ability to socialize, which is an important piece of information. Most of my friends from the past won't speak to me anymore, understandably, as the updates of 'Hey, how are you?' 'Still sick' got a bit old.

I am American. He is Canadian. We have been dating for 7 years long-distance, and I'm finally within the point in my life where I can come up to Canada to stay with him. I've been here for 6 months, and have applied for an extension to remain in Canada. Because of this, I am legally not allowed to work, to go to school in Canada, and several other restrictions.

Here's what's difficult:

My boyfriend, through his illness, has developed severe OCD and paranoia. I'm familiar with these traits from my past experience with him, but it's gotten exceptionally worse. Our house is trashed; there is trash sitting on the floor from a year ago because he's too afraid to pick it up (he worries excessively that it's contaminated). He has allergies that cause him to itch and burn, as if his skin is on fire, so he determines certain 'contaminations' and becomes deathly afraid to touch certain objects. I'm talking severe panic attacks - sweating, shaking, vomiting, etc. If I could post a picture of our house, I would, but he won't allow me to touch the camera in case that's contaminated, as well. I've suggested gloves, even protective clothing, but it's not enough - as if the contamination will seep right through.

It is quite trying, as every other sentence is 'Did you just touch that?' 'That' could be anything - a table, an errant piece of paper, the countertop, a chair. The floor is the worst ... God forbid the floor gets touched. I have to wear certain pants bunched up several inches from the floor, or else he goes on a cleaning frenzy that lasts for hours with chemicals so strong that the skin on his hands peel. There is dust an inch thick on just about everything. Receipts and trash lying everywhere. Stains from 9 months ago that would have been easy to clean in the moment, but now need a paint-chipper to get off. Here's another example: I bought a $2,000 computer for school (I needed power for design and video work). Within weeks, I wasn't allowed to touch it anymore for fear that it's contaminated. He tried to clean it, but he ended up breaking it as the chemicals he used completely fried the hard-drive. Now it's sitting on a table next to a chair. That ENTIRE AREA cannot be touched - this is like a 6 x 6 ft area that is not allowed to be approached - not the table, not the chair, not the computer nor the battery, not even the t-shirt hanging over the back of the chair. This has been like this for the last year. I am constantly washing/reassuring him/swearing that I haven't touched anything. I can't even do the dishes. The ONLY things I'm allowed to touch in the entire house are certain clothes that he has designated are clean, the toilet, the shower, the bed, an e-reader, my chair, and my computer (he purchased one directly after he broke my aforementioned laptop). I can't clean. I can't dust. I can't even do the dishes. He won't, either, so we're sitting in a veritable mold trap. The landlord, understandably, is pissed because there is trash lying around outside the house (I can only imagine how he'd feel if he looked inside! We'd be evicted immediately). The mail has been in its box for a year (he won't touch mail at all, in case someone contaminated it on purpose).

... which brings me to the next issue: the paranoia. He is CONVINCED that the government is after him. There are some things we can only speak in whispers in case someone is spying on him from the computer. We're not even allowed to talk in the car, in case it's being monitored. An example would be if we were in the main room and I mentioned picking up celery at the grocery store in a normal voice. Now, we cannot buy celery because he's afraid that someone will have contaminated it.

What's even crazier, these paranoia's are rubbing off on ME now - constant washing, mistrust, questioning, etc.

In the past (about 8 years ago), he had given an opinion on a VERY public forum that angered a great deal of people. Somehow, they found his address, and for months thereafter, his mail would be torn to shreds. Cryptic messages would be scrawled across them. Someone hacked into both his e-mail and his websites, where they left threatening words. He has a daughter, and feared that they would harass her, as well, but they left her alone and only targeted him and his wife at the time. Even though it only occurred for about 9 months, it's left a lasting impression that I believe led to all of the above issues.

He VEHEMENTLY REFUSES both medication and counseling, even though I have PLEADED him to access these routes. Even when he was pulled into the hospital twice for suicide threats by the police, I begged the doctors to put him on something, but he has a voice and a smile that can charm the birds from trees, so they believed him when he said that everything was fine and normal.

Before I moved here, I was a professional dog trainer. I've worked for years in behavior modification and animal nutrition, and it is my life's passion.

I haven't touched a dog since I've been up here. I touched a pet rabbit once, and he screamed so viciously that I have been too afraid to touch anything with fur (he thinks animals are contaminated). His last partner cheated on him with a multitude of men, so now he holds the same fears for me. I used to have a small social circle, but he became quite controlling of who I could speak to, so I've cut everything off (I tried to re-kindle a few friendships - they don't want anything to do with me anymore, which I understand). I used to have to keep my phone on 24/7 for years when I was in the States so that he could hear every word from conversations I would have with others. If the phone cut off due to low battery, or if it disconnected from poor service, he would scream at me for hours, calling me a slut, a whore, a cheater, etc, as he thought I was having relations with guys. This phone issue racked up serious bills (up to $800 a month), but I felt forced to continue due to his insecurities. He thought I was having sex with my roommate (my roommate at the time was 78) and my business partner. I even had to close my dog training business because he thought I was using my business as an excuse to meet men. I have NEVER, EVER cheated, and would NEVER consider it. It's an act that I abhor, yet no matter how much I try to get this across, he rips up the same old wounds that I am a harlot looking to get laid. The irony of this is that I have vaginitis - having sex feels like razor blades and sandpaper are tearing my insides - he and I rarely, if ever have intercourse, and it's only when I can grip the bed and bite a sock with tears streaming down my face with me begging him to hurry that we can do it!

I'm not even allowed to talk to the landlord. Whenever he see's the landlord approaching, he'll forcefully push or shove me out of his line of sight and tell me to stay hidden until he leaves.

I am not, under ANY circumstances, EVER allowed to leave the house without him - even just to pick up something from the store 4 miles away.

Since I've been up here for the last half-year, a lot has been revealed. I didn't realize how difficult it would be before, but I am terribly lonely. I have, quite literally, no friends to talk to (I'm not even allowed to try to make friends up here, as he feels that having friends are a bad influence and that I'm only trying to feed my ego and please people by having any friends). I'm not even discussing, 'Oh, I have 150 on my Facebook', I'm talking NO friends. NO outside contacts. Everyone that we meet, he has a problem with. I can't get a pet because of his contamination issues, so most of the day is spent browsing reddit. We don't really go out, and it's such a small town, there's no where to really go, anyway. I can't volunteer, as he feels I'm going to use it as a way to meet people. When I asked if I could volunteer my dog training services to people in need (and because I really loving miss it), he had a tantrum that shut me up for good.

My chronic illness has become much worse up here. I can't tell if it's because of the situation, or if it's just deepened in general. I just don't see a way out of this problem. I've become highly dependent on him - financially and emotionally. Since I can't work due to the worsened illness, I don't know where I would go or what I would do if I DID leave. I'm thousands in debt. I've tried disability, but it's such a harrowing process, and they don't deem my illness 'bad enough' yet. Because I've spent 6 years following everything he's ordered - from cutting off all friends, who I'm allowed to speak to, closing businesses, quitting jobs, purchasing what he's required me to, what I'm allowed to read or watch, even changing my major, it's become a bit of a Stockholm Syndrome issue. I'm exceptionally reliant on him, and in the times when I did try leaving for a few weeks here and there (on several occasions), I would have severe panic attacks, nightmares, and feelings of being trapped without him, so I always went back. Instead of feeling freedom, I felt caged, alone, insecure, and as if I couldn't trust anyone.

I can see that I am painting him as a terrible person. He pays for everything - the house rent, the food, my medical care, etc. He has spent thousands on clothes for me (I'm not used to Canadian winters) and has repaired my car on the several occasions it's broken down. At my sickest, he brings me home-cooked meals, laughs and jokes with me, caresses my aching body, brushes my hair, etc. He has never physically hit me (that would be a final straw - I watched my mother get beaten), is always telling me how much I mean to him, and he claims he cannot live without me (he has a Will ready to go if I leave, which feels manipulative, but he says I help him deal with his illness much easier, and with the severity of his suffering, I can see that he'd see it as losing one more thing and choose to end his life).

A typical day is me getting up before him, browsing reddit for hours until he wakes up, each of us puttering on websites that don't matter, me pacing the hallway, getting food from the grocery store, preparing dinner at home, and me going to sleep while he stays up 'til 3. The next day repeats. I've begged him to change our habits for the last year, but he is unwilling due to his fears. I even asked if we could make some compromises so that we can both do what we want, but he creates such a fuss over it that I drop it.

I've become highly suicidal and resentful. I feel trapped if I stay and trapped if I go. I have tried antidepressants (several brands) to see if it was just MY issue, but they have only increased my anxiety. Several family members and friends over the years have tried to alarm me over our relationship, but (surprise!) I was required to immediately discontinue speaking with them. A month ago, when I had tried to leave again, (he was screaming so loudly the neighbors phoned the police and they took him away), I got as far as 20 miles before I pulled out a knife and tried to end my life, I was panicking so badly. Of course, I slunk back to him, with his promises that everything was going to be all right, but it only seems to have gotten worse.

Every night I've been dreaming of suicide to escape this bleakness. I even had a breakdown so violent that I begged him for a hospital visit, but he doesn't trust doctors, so I sat in the shower for hours waiting for it to pass.

TL;DR: My paranoid, chronically ill boyfriend is excessively controlling, but I don't feel healthy enough emotionally nor physically to live a life without him.

Reddit, what in the gently caress do I do?

quote:

Update: Thank you very, very much to everyone who has posted opinions, advice, and encouragement. I truly appreciate it. I'm really sorry to take so long to answer. He got up after I wrote this and all day yesterday he has been reading over my shoulder the things I write on the computer, so, obviously, to have this in sight would have created an enormous issue.

The first comment I read was from 'JustSomeBadAdvice', which immediately inspired me to discuss with my boyfriend the choice of leaving him. He drank 13 (not kidding) shots of vodka, threw up several times, then passed out. I packed what I could, but there is a lot of things that I need that I don't have access to. This apartment is TINY - from every room you can see where someone is situated, so I can't just walk into the rooms (which have been sectioned off as contaminated) and grab my things.

I fear, though, that I am losing my resolve. Realistically, I am ill, and cannot care for myself. Where would I go? How would I support myself if I leave, etc?

I will respond to each of your comments sometime within the next 24 hours - again, thank you to all of you. I really appreciate it.

# ¿ Jul 6, 2017 04:57

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Haifisch posted:

You gotta admit, "Flee after your boyfriend gets passed-out-drunk as a response to you wanting to leave" is a novel strategy. Or it would be if she actually, you know, left.

[Update] Stockholm Syndrome-like relationship with [52]m and [26]f

Oh, he's being nice all of a sudden, surely this change will stick!!

Lol this is like, right-out-of-a-textbook abuser behavior, especially the unspoken stipulation that she doesn't get to leave. Legit thought she was going to be murdered there for a while. There's still time (to get murdered)!

# ¿ Jul 6, 2017 05:19

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

dudeness posted:

Pick a paragraph at random and read it, it's all insane so you'll find something crazy.

Somehow i missed the sentence saying that she has vaginismis and everytime they have sex she cries and screams at him to hurry up.

Yeah, you really only need one paragraph.

quote:

I haven't touched a dog since I've been up here. I touched a pet rabbit once, and he screamed so viciously that I have been too afraid to touch anything with fur (he thinks animals are contaminated). His last partner cheated on him with a multitude of men, so now he holds the same fears for me. I used to have a small social circle, but he became quite controlling of who I could speak to, so I've cut everything off (I tried to re-kindle a few friendships - they don't want anything to do with me anymore, which I understand). I used to have to keep my phone on 24/7 for years when I was in the States so that he could hear every word from conversations I would have with others. If the phone cut off due to low battery, or if it disconnected from poor service, he would scream at me for hours, calling me a slut, a whore, a cheater, etc, as he thought I was having relations with guys. This phone issue racked up serious bills (up to $800 a month), but I felt forced to continue due to his insecurities. He thought I was having sex with my roommate (my roommate at the time was 78) and my business partner. I even had to close my dog training business because he thought I was using my business as an excuse to meet men. I have NEVER, EVER cheated, and would NEVER consider it. It's an act that I abhor, yet no matter how much I try to get this across, he rips up the same old wounds that I am a harlot looking to get laid. The irony of this is that I have vaginitis - having sex feels like razor blades and sandpaper are tearing my insides - he and I rarely, if ever have intercourse, and it's only when I can grip the bed and bite a sock with tears streaming down my face with me begging him to hurry that we can do it!

# ¿ Jul 6, 2017 05:27

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Zazi posted:

"I spent HOURS getting this thing done."

The kind of person who runs to the loving internet to ask for anonymous relationship advice is very liberal with the meaning of numbers.

We are looking at someone describing a Petsmart chicken coop, 2 hens and a chili bush.

I don't know, those are some pretty exact and huge numbers for someone to just pull out of their rear end. I mean, sure it takes HOURS to start and maintain a garden the size of a four-bedroom house and a small factory farm by yourself, it just happens to be ~hundreds~ of hours of labor every week.

But seriously, I feel bad for X number of chickens that are being neglected by ADHD Girlfriend

# ¿ Jul 12, 2017 09:32

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

maskenfreiheit posted:

Wait, maybe I've been shooting myself in the foot. Why exactly is this a red flag?

(Back in grad school I had to fly a lot and used to really play up the world traveling scientist thing)

In my experience "love to travel and go on adventures!" means they are down to go to a (pre-Yelped) dive bar in a different neighborhood occasionally, and that 5 years ago they went to a Sandals in Cancun.

E:

I Was The Fury posted:

Because most of the people who put that on their dating profile don't know what an adventure actually is. Their interpretation typically boils down to "went to the mall on the other side of town instead of the one close by" or "tried a new restaurant"

The travel part is fine, imo.

Yah.

im cute fucked around with this message at 10:24 on Jul 12, 2017

# ¿ Jul 12, 2017 10:20

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Haifisch posted:

I [25 F] think i'm poly, my BF [29 M] of 3 years shot me down pretty hard, dunno what to do. [xpost /polyamory]

I've been searching for this post for a few weeks, since it warms my heart

# ¿ Jul 12, 2017 11:05

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Streak posted:

He either left out an insane amount of backstory and details - or she's loving insane and he's better off - but it's probably - the first one.

e: lol his own mother coached her on how to break up with him properly, god drat thats cold hahahaha

He probably stepped out to spend three days strung out in the trap while his wife and child frantically called his family looking for him, and Mom and Dad already know the story and are like "just get out while you can; you can't fix our addict retard son."

E: didn't see the update. Still maintain that the "hour and a half" was not at all an hour and a half.

im cute fucked around with this message at 09:44 on Jul 17, 2017

# ¿ Jul 17, 2017 09:41

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

This one seems as forgettable as they come at first, but then...
Me [40 M] with my wife [40 F] has no privacy MIL [70F]

*on the horn with your wife's mother* KEEP MY NAME OUT YO MOUTH

# ¿ Sep 14, 2017 00:09

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

maskenfreiheit posted:

american teachers are dumb as rocks and paid exactly as much as someone with their level of collective iq deserve

news flash: countries that pay their teachers better wages also have higher standards

(i may be biased because students from the school of education used to loudly piss and gently caress in the alley behind my apartment in grad school)

No, you�re right. The minimum requirement in my state is 12 units of early childhood education to become a co-teacher, though realistically they get left by themselves because schools are crowded and under-staffed. 12 units is basically a single semester of community college. There are A LOT of teachers at that level or barely above.

It also doesn�t help they are (all, like nearly 100%) pollyanna weirdos who resent parents and each other and people in general who do not take kindergarten teachers seriously, but strangely they don�t resent the hosed up system they volunteered to get stuck in.

# ¿ Oct 31, 2017 03:03

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 06:40

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

It's not from r/relationships but it is reddit as hell and now you have to read it too, fuckers

TIFU by inviting a Tinderella over on the day we matched

quote:

TL;DR had bad sex, it mattered a great deal

Ah, yes, my first Tinder hookup. This was before I learned not to invite strangers directly to my house for our first time (sorry r/TIFU it wasn't today, but a few years back).

Perhaps I should have known something was strange. I let my buddy open the conversation with the most off-putting line he could think of: "ay gurl you get freaky wit that chinchilla" (She had a guinea pig in one of her pictures). To both of our astonishment, she did not immediately unmatch. In fact, she played along! My buddy handed my phone back and I had to live this lie, to play the part of a man who knew not the difference between chinchillas and guinea pigs. Dear reader, imagine my horror.

Somehow, she agreed to come over that night. The second red flag came when she did not show up at midnight, as we had planned, but at 3 in the morning. For some, this may have been enough to cancel, but a 20 year old man discovers within himself an incredible reservoir of patience for anyone who has indicated the possibility of touching his penis. My friends, the depths of that reservoir were tested this night.

When she arrived, I saw that she appeared to have gained about 30 pounds, and not in the conventionally attractive locations, since taking the photos that she had posted on her profile. Again, I paid no attention. This lady was not the first big girl I had had over, and I knew that she was not to be the last. I finish what I start.

These petty concerns flew from my head as I led her back into the condominium, where we immediately took to the business of maximizing bodily contact. It quickly became apparent, however, that she was a sadist. This was not communicated with words as you might imagine, but directly with the pulling of hair, the biting of face and chest, the drawing of blood from back and neck with fingernails. Alas, I regret to say that I was not into it. I made a valiant effort! Bravely nutting one time and diving back into the fray. I weathered the storm of her love for as long as I could bear. My only hope is that she has forgiven me for the awkwardness of the exchange that followed as we continued in missionary position:

"H-hey, ah, that's kind of, um, killin' my boner, there..."

"Oh yeah? Does it hurt?"

"Yes ma'am, it does."

"Mmmm, but doesn't it feel so good?"

"No ma'am, it does not."

"Mmm, tell me that it feels good."

"...I would be lying."

Festivities soon ceased. We slept, and in the morning I got up without a word to wash the regret from my skin. She wanted to wait outside for her friends but it was too cold. We were forced to look at each other for about 20 minutes, the longest of our lives. Wherever you are, birthday girl, I hope you have found the man you hoped to find in me that night.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2018 11:59

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