/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

its super easy to avoid groping, any time a woman gets too close to you or touches you just freeze up and hold perfectly still.

# ¿ May 4, 2017 19:58

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 03:43

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Elsa posted:

back away like a cat after you put a sock on its head

amateur move, going in a direction you can't see just increases your chances of accidental groping.

# ¿ May 4, 2017 20:28

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Waiter: Here are your drinks
me: *raises both hands in the air until they are placed in front of the proper persons*

# ¿ May 4, 2017 20:35

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Me [24/F] with my coworker [32/M] showing me unwanted attention. Nice guy or creep?

quote:

So I've worked at this office for about 7 months now. It's really small and only has five employees. From the beginning my coworker has taken a liking to me. A little background that might be necessary for explaining who he is: he's 32 yo Mormon, virgin, and relatively all around "nice guy". I'm in a relationship and my coworker knows that, as I've taken my SO to Christmas dinner and other work-related dinner parties/get togethers. My coworker also avoids my SO at all costs whenever he comes in to the office to visit me for lunch.

At first he it was the usual: long stares, pointed sighs, pretentious conversation starters, and telling me I'm some variation of beautiful or hot every. Single. Day. In the beginning I was gracious and said thank you, but as time wore on and he wouldn't stop with the compliments, I became curt with him and eventually began ignoring the compliments altogether. He would put his hand on the small of my back, squeeze my shoulder, touch my hair. He would bring me little gifts everyday. He bought me a facial for Christmas, chocolate every day, medicine when I came into work sick, and even bought me hand-warmers because I complained about being cold in the winter. He is so alert and observant to any little passing comment I make. I was torn between thinking he was just a really sweet, genuinely nice guy and thinking he was paying too much attention to me as a taken woman. Eventually after talking with my SO I told him to stop and that I didn't like it, and that if what he was saying/doing to me couldn't be said/done to any of our other coworkers, then it should be kept to himself.

One day in our tiny office kitchen which is the size of shoebox, I was making lunch and he came inside and shut the door. I immediately became on edge. He said he wanted to apologize for his behavior and making me uncomfortable. I said I appreciated it but the fact that he was closing the door and having a hushed conversation in a tiny room with me made me more uncomfortable.

Things got better for a while. Then when I got accepted to a college he bought a custom made college acceptance chocolate cake to work the next day. When I got a second college acceptance letter from another school, he ordered a custom made Hogwarts acceptance letter made into a plaque with my full name on it (he knows I'm crazy about HP). When a crime happened in our neighborhood he bought me a stun gun the next day. When I mentioned I left my migraine medication at home he bought some and put it on my desk the next day. Master Sword from Zelda-themed letter opener. Majora's Mask themed paperweight. Ravenclaw-themed bookmark. Gift cards. I can keep going, but the point is, I have told him already that the compliments and the gifts are just too much and while I'm appreciative, it's just not appropriate! He doesn't get it. And he's ultra-sensitive. Boss already got involved when he noticed the excessive gift giving and said that it was just "weird" and to not do it anymore. After that, my coworker gave me these other gifts and whispered, "Don't tell (our boss)". I have saved them all but don't use them.

I feel guilty because I'd like a normal rapport with him but all the attention, stares, compliments and gifts have made me be a bitch to him because I don't know any other way to act toward him without encouraging him.

tl;dr: Coworker is gratuitous with gifts, compliments after already telling him twice to tone it down.

# ¿ May 4, 2017 21:21

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Me [34 F] with my [38 M] Husband, His anger terrifies me

quote:

My husband has been sort of off the last few weeks, just down. I'm not sure how to describe it. Last night we were sitting on the couch and he asked me to watch a video he thought was funny on his phone. I'm sitting there waiting and then finally he starts showing me the shake it off cop video. I said, "Oh, I'm not watching that, it's staged and stupid." Which was rude but apparently he was so upset over it he threw his phone down on the floor. I said I was sorry but he still had this furrowed brow and he was looking at me like he hates me.

We've been together for over 12 years, this isn't the first time I've hurt his feelings over something that seems insignificant. Well it snowballed from there to him throwing the coffee table and yelling at me about how he's going to kill me if I don't let him see his daughter from a previous relationship. For the record, I never said this. I wouldn't say that.

We happen to have this 4 foot long sword, it's like a prop sword, well he goes into the room to get it, I literally have no idea what he's thinking. At this point our kids both wake up and I'm holding just under the hilt of the sword trying to get it away from him. Our 8 year old child is screaming at this point, and I got the sword away from him and grabbed the phone to call 911. Somehow I hit redial or something and the call didn't go through. After that it's like a blur, I just kept asking him wtf he was thinking, what's the actual problem.

At some time in there he was muttering, "I've always wanted to go out this way." And he was talking about killing a guy that sells drugs on our street. It was so disturbing
Needless to say, I'm terrified. I don't remember him ever saying he'd kill me before. This isn't normal and I don't know what to do. I really can't leave him. I'm scared to bring it up to my parents because I don't know what long term solution that will provide. I'm just, idk. I fell asleep last night pretty sure I wouldn't wake up.

But then this morning he's like, everything is fine.
tl:dr husband freaked out last night over me not wanting to watch a youtube video, threatened to kill me and terrified our children, now acts like it was nothing even though my trust in him is shattered.

If only there was some way to beat this relationship into a plowshare.

# ¿ May 4, 2017 23:00

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

fruit on the bottom posted:

let's palate cleanse

Oh yes, i got something for your palate.

My [25 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] and his friends [20s M] ate all the hot dogs the night before house-warming BBQ

quote:

Throwaway because bf knows my account name.
I feel silly even typing this so I will keep it short. I have been dating "Tim" for 3 years and we have had a good relationship. We are emotionally compatible, we have the same exercise and dietary habits, and have a good sex life. We just signed a lease last month on a condimunium and have not had a house-warming yet because we had still been moving in. I decided I would host a Memorial Day BBQ! Our plan was to have some close friends stay over Sunday night and on Monday we would have more friends and our families over. I have a large extended family so it was a big deal to me.

Saturday we went to the store and picked up all the regular simple BBQ foods- burgers, hot dogs, chips, and I was going to make macaroni salad and other sides. The Sunday night crowd all got pretty drunk because we had a keg and everyone was staying over. The girls all went to bed before the boys, who stayed up late. I slept through it.

Family and friends started showing up the next morning (to the boys' credit, not much cleaning was needed the next morning) but when I started getting food out, all the hot dogs were gone! It turns out Tim suggested having a hot dog contest the night before and ate 50 hot dogs!! Aside from how horrifyingly disgusting that is, Tim tried to explain that it wasn't a big deal because he won the contest. I don't get how he could appreciate such a gluttonous reward, let alone try to explain why eating all the hot dogs before a BBQ that he knew was important to me was okay!

I was upset and a few family members asked if I was okay and I just said I was. Tim and I got into a bigger fight about it while cleaning up after the BBQ. He just kept saying it was not a big deal and that I shouldn't be so mad about it because they were just having a good time.
Reddit! Am I over reacting? It seems so weird to get into such a big fight over hot dogs but his reaction to me being upset is a red flag to me.

tl;dr: Boyfriend and I were having a Memorial Day house-warming BBQ for friends and family. He and his friends ate all the hot dogs in a "hot dog eating contest" the night before. He doesn't get why I'm mad.

EDIT: Since a few of the early comments asked, he only offered to replace the hot dogs after I found out they were gone and friends and family were showing up. Immediately after he offered his friend volunteered to go instead since he felt guilty that he was part of the contest as well and Tim's family was arriving. He had plenty of time in the morning to replace them before I found out though

# ¿ May 4, 2017 23:20

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

La Brea Carpet posted:

Fifty drat hotdogs. I'm still not sure why she was upset if both he and the friend offered to replace them? I mean it was a stupid and immature, but impressive thing to do, but no harm no foul.

I probably should've posted one of the follow up comments she left.

quote:

Yes he came with me to store to get everything. He knew they were for the BBQ.

He did offer to drive to get more, but not until after I found out they were missing. He had plenty of time in the morning to go back out to get more hot dogs. His family was already there so one of his friends went to get them because the friend felt guilty.

And I agree with "not a big deal" response. It's that type of reaction that brought me to post here. He usually is communicative about the few minor disagreements we have so I don't understand why all of a sudden it's something that can't even be discussed at all.

dudeness fucked around with this message at 23:43 on May 4, 2017

# ¿ May 4, 2017 23:38

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Haifisch posted:

Mostly posting because what the gently caress is a Moo?

Mother of one?

edit: apparently FOO is family of origin, so i'm even more confused now.

dudeness fucked around with this message at 23:48 on May 4, 2017

# ¿ May 4, 2017 23:44

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

brakeless posted:

Our best hope for a long-term future is that it plays out like one of those sci-fi stories where a race of supremely harmonious beings uplifts humanity only to realize too late that they just handed the keys to the galaxy to a bunch of horny violent apes.

I thought your username was braless and it inspired this next find.

Me 18f with 21m bf of 9 months

quote:

We have been together since January. And even tough its only been a short while and I am still a baby I can tell you that this is who I am spending my life with.

I should probably add in that we live together when I'm not at school. So really this shouldn't feel this weird but it does.

But I attend uni. I'm broke. Boyfriend works full time. He is not broke. Seriously he is rich, he sucks. I don't have a bra that fits or shoes without holes. I poo poo you not, I've been braless for weeks now. My tits just wont stop growing. Stupid birth control and fries.

I talked about getting a second job. He offers me money, I tell him no. I pay my own way in this world. I don't ask people for money, its not who I am.

And yes, I already have a job. Including tips and salary, I average about 150 a weekend and only work 7.5 hours. But alas it is not enough.

I legitly spent my last $50 of tip money last weekend on a hamster. He now loves our hamster. I continue to talk about getting a second job or selling our hamster. The hamster is so costly actually.

He then decides to wire me money.

I say no and its still happens. After an hour of me saying no I finally just accept it.

His reasoning was: all my coworkers support their girlfriends.

It was so hard to not tell him that his coworkers girlfriends are jobless losers with no license or drive in life (no drive cuz they cant drive haha). Seriously, I'm not being mean here, those girls are a piece of work.

I told him its a loan and whatever he wires will be paid back in full + 5%.

He says whenever, Im not worried. Dick. (kidding)

Which is true, I will pay it back after working all summer or after I am finished school. I am keeping a record of it. I know he will not let me pay it back to him in person so I will sneakily etransfer it to him.

But, why do I feel so weird about this?
tl;dr: bf gives me money

(emphasis added)

# ¿ May 5, 2017 00:29

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

This ones a bit :nms:

Wife caught me cheating and now i don't know where she is

quote:

I know I am an rear end in a top hat and cheating is stupid but now it's too late. There's no need for condemnations I just need your advice.
So here's the story:
Me(26) and my wife(25) live together for 3 years in our own house, no kids. Last wednesday she went to visit her parents for a week. I didn't come with her because I had work to do. So yesteraday, stupid me took a prostitute home with me. It's not that I don't love my wife, but I'm into some "extraordinary" stuff, and my wife prefers usual (aka boring) sex. However, like in a bad movie, suddenly my wife stood in the room and before i realize it she left without saying a word. Now she's gone (with the car) and she doesn't answer her phone. I called the parents but they also don't know where she is.

TL;DR Wife caught me with a hooker. Nobody knows where she is now

What should I do, should i call the police? I'm pretty sure she's shocked as hell, I mean she saw me doing this crazy stuff with a hooker. I don't want her to hurt herself.

UPDATE: Now she has turned off her phone. Guys, should I call the cops?
UPDATE: I'm relieved, she called. But now it's getting ridiculous, she wants to stay with her friend and doesn't want to come home. She could at least talk things out with me.

Oh wow that's bad i hope it wasn't anything too crazy

quote:

Hell NO. Just to make this clear and no one else has to ask.: I was about to have a crap on the prostitutes belly, when the wife entered the room. And gently caress, I can understand that this must be disturbing but I really didn't want to hurt her.

oh, oh no. But obviously this ends with her leaving right?

[UPDATE] Wife caught me cheating and now I don't know where she is

quote:

TL;DR Wife caught me with a hooker. Nobody knows where she is now

Hey guys, even though none of you gave me any helpful advice I want to give you an update. My wife stayed for two days at her friend but we had contact via phone. Yesterday she came over and we talked things out. Well actually, we yelled at each other for a while. But finally we came to the conclusion that we both made a huge fuss about nothing. I will never cheat on my wife again (I'm serious) and she agreed to respect my sexual interests.

To cut a long story short: We are back together.
And hey Reddit, thanks.

well gently caress, there goes my faith in humanity. Oh also he posted some pics of "chocolate cookies" he made in the r/food subreddit and i don't know if they are or aren't and i don't want to know.

# ¿ May 5, 2017 01:43

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Elsa posted:

Homeboy's marriage got owned by MLP porn

I guess the lesson learned is that a marriage can survive poop but not furries.

# ¿ May 5, 2017 03:55

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Troposphere posted:

I wish it was eggs, or poop, or pee

just anything other than ddlg

I don't remember this Doctor Seuss book.

# ¿ May 5, 2017 08:41

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Whenever i see someone driving a truck i think they are exactly like this annoying loving couple.

My [23 M] boyfriend sold me [21F] his 2012 diesel F350 for $1.75?!? How do I pay him back?!?!?

quote:

My guy knows that I "lurk the depths of the internet" (reddit) and I think he knows my normal username so I made this throw away
This sounds absolutely ridiculous, but this happened today. He is a heavy equipment mechanic at a fly in work camp in the really far north and he fly's in again this week and will be gone for another two weeks :/ but then has 6 straight weeks of paid holidays when he comes back. I just moved into his house during his last 2 weeks home and he JUST told me that he owns the drat place. I only ever asked why he was doing renovations all the time (before I moved in with him) and he just said "well the landlord is kinda a dick and is just fixing the place until he can sell this house and build a real home with his 'special lady' (!) when the time comes. Also kinda because this ghetto area is pretty lovely" I feel stupid for not registering something in my head......

He came back to his (our?) house today in a brand new Platinum F450 (I asked why not just a new F350 and he just said "my dick felt small when I was ordering a 350 so I compensated" [its not]) after his friend picked him up this morning just before lunch. I know he can afford it because he isn't even a journeyman yet and I sneaked a look at his pay stub once (I wanted to make sure he wasn't like a drug dealer or something) and he earns almost $80 a hour regular time with overtime written as "2.5x Reg Rat". I know he works 4-6 overtime hours a day to. But showing up randomly in a new super expensive vehicle is still showing up in a new super expensive vehicle and him saying "yeah well I got 2 years to finish paying for it" is supposed to make me feel better about it or something?

He never lets me pay for anything. EVER. He wanted to pay for my classes at University too but I wouldn't let him, but my bestie told he me said exactly this when we were all drinking once: "yeah well when I steal her away those loans are paid a week after its all said and done and I don't care what Martha Stuart has to say about it". I don't know anyone named Martha so I don't know why he would be talking about the cooking show lady, but I guess he was slightly drunk and his sense of humor is pretty weird in the first place. I really don't know what to think about that, and all my BFF said was "well duh he like really really likes you"....thanks Sherlock! But as I was saying I have to physically hand the cashier/waitress/bar tender/gas station people the money I want to pay them. If I don't and I hand it to him the same EXACT paper money bill will end up in my purse like a day later even thought the till people got paid!?!?. It is pretty frustrating not being 'allowed' to pay for anything (he has never actually said that I am not allowed to do anything), but he says he should pay for stuff because I am a "broke rear end student with a expensive coffee habit that needs her cash in her pockets in case the soviet union attacks like in red dawn from the 80's". When he said that I just gave him the "wtf" face and blank stare and then shook my head. Then for a week straight he would randomly text me "Wolverines!". I pretty much gave up trying to pay for stuff when we go out and do stuff together.

But to the title of this, he was "trying" (as in he put a contact email that he never checks like ever) to sell his 2012 Ford king ranch F350 because he "wanted a new one and because the 2012 is like old"..... Yesterday I was driving in MY cute little 1996 Chevy S10 mini truck and it broke down. My boyfriend looked at it with his "magic eyes but mostly just tools" when he picked me and my truck up with his trailer and told me that the "tranny grenaded finally". I know that the transmission was bad because like a week before I met my boyfriend my dad paid to have it taken to a shop to have it checked over because it has almost 300,000km on it. I guess its a safety thing, and that mechanic said the transmission had "a couple weeks left in its life left". Anyways fast forward a week or two and I met him and we were talking (obviously) and it eventually got on to me going to school and him working etc etc etc. He said he could "swap that poo poo out dawg" (if he wasn't 6'5 and super jacked he would probably look and sound like a super nerdy ultra loser suburban kid) which he did. Three times (well kinda 4 times). First two were from wrecker yard and the third was like one that made totally new from a old one? All three of those broke and each lasted no longer then 2 weeks (he only put them on he didn't open them up or anything). They usually broke just before or just after he would get home from work, so I think he was getting kind of frustrated. He ended up putting on the original one and put almost no actual oil in, but he almost filled it all with "Lucas oil" and it worked for a long time. He ended up putting the original back on 1 1/2 months into dating, and that was 8 months ago. In that time he replaced pretty much everything on the front of my little truck on the front bottom part where the wheels turn and go up and down on the road and stuff for "safe safety reasons so its safe".

BUT THEN YESTERDAY, I was pretty sad because that was MY truck that was being hauled on the deck of his trailer (it was pretty fun steering while he pushed it up onto the trailer though) and I wasn't sure what I was going to do because my boyfriend lives kinda far from the university and the bus service here is horrible and the connections are even worse and I started having a panic attack. I cried in front of him for the first time yesterday. He ended up just picking me up like I weighed 5 pounds and sitting me on his lap, told me "you look really pretty when you cry, but I don't like seeing you sad" then said "my 5 foot princess, we will figure something out. We always do". It was a pretty good cuddle, pizza and other stuff night after that.

THEN TODAY when he came home and showed me his new truck and stuff and said "do you want to go buy a coffee? I'll drive" (he doesn't drink coffee) and I said yes (because as lame as it sounds I was excited that he actually wanted me to pay for something when I am with him) and brought my "European - lipstick and 500 other things bag" (my purse). Off we went to the tiny little "hipster shack" (as he calls it) coffee shop that we go to often [that he just drinks iced tea at lol]. I got him his ice tea and me my coffee and he didn't complain about me paying for something for once. Then he said "how much change do you have with you?" I looked and I had 7 quarters for a total of $1.75. I told him I had 7 quarters and he said "want to buy something right now?" I said "YES" (I know I shouldn't be excited over spending $1.75, but I was). He said "hand it over then" and I gave him my 7 quarters with a weird look attached and he reached into his pocket and took out his keys for his 2012 F350 and set them down on the table in front of me. He said "You need a vehicle, and I can't just give away the king ranch for free. So you just bought the bro wagon, don't worry about fuel for a while thought, that is included in the price".

I think I looked like a loonie toon cartoon because my jaw probably dropped to the floor. I tried to take my 7 quarters back but he took them and put them in one of those jelly bean machine things and bought 7 quarters worth of jelly beans (that he tormented me with all day by tossing them at my bum whenever I stood up/walked past/did anything). I tried to say more then once that he can't just give me his truck for 7 drat quarters, but all he has said all day was "Nope the contract is sealed in the blood of jelly beans young one".

I don't know what to do really. I know he has done a whole lot of stuff to his (my?) old(?) truck because he showed me a video of his truck at the kinda close drag racing place from last summer. The time was just over 10 seconds and I know its crazy fast because he likes to race pretty much everyone at every intersection ever. I know its a very expensive vehicle that my boyfriend gave to me for the price of not even a handful of jelly beans. How in gods name do I pay him back? What do I do for him in return? He won't let me spend money on him ever except like Christmas time. He will be gone pretty much all of tomorrow helping his uncle fix something and then will be gone off to work for two weeks. I want to do something nice/awesome for when he gets back (I will admit though I do not have a lot of money to do much with), but I don't know what to do. Yes the obvious will get said and it has and will be continued to be done (we both agreed that doing that often is part of a healthy relationship) often. He gave me one of his credit cards to use for "fuel, lady daily survival products and like some pizza if your hungry yo" too.
tl;dr boyfriend of almost 10 months sold me a uber 2012 diesel F350 for $1.75 because my 1996 mini truck broke badly and I need something to do/give to him to make up for being handed a truck and use of his credit card + living in his house and eating food for free.

EDIT: He does actually save money. He has a tax free savings account and a RRSP and savings accounts and a tiny government pension from service. He doesn't just throw money into a trash can.

# ¿ May 5, 2017 20:02

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

I'm [m15] worried my friend [F15] is getting too sucked into her ideology and don't want to lose her friendship

quote:

I'll start with a little background.
I'm fifteen, and a year and a half ago I moved a state away from my hometown. One of the few people I stay in the regular touch with is my female friend and close confidant, let's call her Sally. About a month before I moved Sally came out to me as bi. I had absolutely no problem with. What I did have an issue with was her newfound self being sparked by frequent and romantic conversations with a girl three years older than her in the UK.

After I moved I did the best I could to stay in touch with Sally, and her relationship with the British girl ended a year after that. We talked a lot, and for a long time she was the only person who knew I was also bi. But since then she's been getting less and less rational and more robotic, I guess is how I would describe it. She mindlessly parrots stuff that you would regularly see on TIA, and she identifies as a demiboy now. She also recently dated a HAES, nonbinary girl named Andi (formerly Alyssa) with black hair and a choker necklace. The other day she lectured me about the wonder of the female orgasm and how women's bodies are all magic. I tried to tell her they're just bodies like anybody else's, but she dismissed me quickly.

I consider myself fairly liberal on all of these issues, but she's entering an unhealthy and illogical state of mind. In one week I will be visiting her, and will have plenty of time to talk with her alone. Is there anything I can do to help her stop driving herself into SJW-ness, or should I just let her burn herself out, as she's not actually hurting anybody. The most important thing for me is not losing the friendship (until reasonable)

Thanks so much for the help
TL;DR: I want to pull my friend out of her ideology that's corrupting her personality without losing the friendship.

Gird me with knowledge to counteract this independent thought.

# ¿ May 5, 2017 20:41

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

*catches a trout*

oh man this fish is so big and succulent, i could never hope to cook it properly

i'm just gonna let it go and hope that a famous chef catches it

*dumps fish*

# ¿ May 6, 2017 01:03

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

BF stole my lube - am I right to be mad? (25F with 25M, 1 year) NSFW

quote:

I'm 25F, my boyfriend of 1 year is 25M. NSFW and may be TMI.

I recently started medication which has caused vaginal dryness. Sex has become painful, and much much less frequent. I bleed a lot after sex and it hurts, which means we have to wait a few days to have sex again. My boyfriend is getting unhappy with this.

I tried a popular brand of lube but it didn't help, it was sticky and also I developed a reaction to it. After a chat last week when he told me how unhappy he was, I researched different brands of lubes and found a highly rated eco-type brand. So we went out and bought it.

We went back to his place and I left the lube on his bedside table. He joked he wanted to try it for masturbating. I told him, get lost, this is expensive stuff, use moisturizer. I wanted to do a patch test for a reaction, since I wasn't going to see him for a few days - I told him this, and that I would do that so we use it the next time we met. When I left, I didn't see the lube on the table. So I assumed I had put it in my bag already. When I got home I couldn't find it. Figured I'd forgotten it, I was pretty tired when I left. I mentioned it to him a couple days later.

Turns out - he had hidden the lube with the hope that I would forget to take it, and so he could use it for masturbating. He'd already used it a couple of times since then. I'm really pissed. I bought this lube for him (because sex doesn't interest me much now, as it hurts so much), I was going to do a patch test, and he basically stole it so he could get himself off in private. I'm also pissed because this was something we got for both of us and he took it for his own pleasure. I absolutely flipped at him but he just turned it round and said that I made him feel undesired. He didn't address the fact that he basically stole it. I'm also hurt because he manipulated me.

What do you think? Should I get over it? What should I do?

TLDR: bought new lube for my boyfriend's benefit, needed to do a patch test before use, he hid it so I forgot to take it from his house so that he could use it for masturbating.

sold my car to buy gas

# ¿ May 6, 2017 01:34

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

My [45F] Husband [45M] was involuntarily committed Christmas Day. Feel partially responsible because I kept his drug use secret.

quote:

Ugh. I've typed and re-typed this multiple times and it's always too long. If you want details or history, let me know. Basic info: Husband and I have been together 20 years, married for 10. No children (unless you count our cats. I count our cats. We have two.)

Long story short(er), Husband suffers from anxiety and an unspecified/un-diagnosed MI. Maybe it's depression (per psychiatrist circa 2000). Maybe it's PTSD (per psychiatrist circa 2003). Maybe Borderline Personality Disorder (per our marriage counselor circa 2012). Maybe it's Bipolar disorder (per psychiatrist circa 2014). His current psychiatrist doesn't think it's bipolar but he's only been seeing him for 15 minutes once a month for the last six months.

Except for the guy who got him hooked on 8mg of Klonopin a day (watching him withdrawing from that was super fun), I do not fault any of his previous doctors for not diagnosing him because he was never honest about his drug use.

Again, I can go back through his history if you want but, to cut to the chase, he has been a chronic weed smoker for a good 15 or so years and has added PCP into the mix the last several years. Needless to say, he's had many ventures to CrazyTown (excuse the completely un-PC term. Inappropriate humor is the only way I'm dealing with this right now.) but this is the first time that he has not been able to hold the facade of normalcy (great band name!) in place when it counts.

In other words, he went to CrazyTown in public (well, an ER after I asked to have him psychologically evaluated, but he still tried to take down 5 security guards. Go PCP!) and someone who had the power (what power?) FINALLY saw what I had been seeing for years and was able to step in and have him committed.

So, he's on a 72 hour hold and actually thinks he's getting out on Monday. If I'm reading the mental health law of our state correctly, he can be held involuntarily up to 60 days. I can only hope that he will be held because he desperately needs help.

I have always been too afraid to be honest with anyone other than my BFF and another forum board about his drug use. But his doctor and therapist need to know what's going on. I realize that my fear may have kept him from getting the necessary help earlier but there is nothing I can do about that now. I plan on telling both his doctor and therapist about his drug usage. They already know at the in-patient facility although he's trying to downplay his use. (But I know he's pretty far gone because he's trying to get me to contact his weed guy to get something for his roommate at the treatment facility. (WTF, dude?) And he doesn't understand why I won't do it. Or that there is anything at all wrong with him asking me.

He calls me at least twice an hour and asks/demands all sorts of things. Some of them I understand (get the car fixed, don't forget to pay the bills, get him out there) but others I don't (repeated requests for items not allowed on the floor, calling repeatedly to ask what time I'm going to be there for visiting hours).

He also insists I don't clean up "his" room (i.e. where the dust and weed are smoked. He wasted probably $500 worth of weed during his latest dust smoking. It's all over the carpet. And I think I washed two things of dust by accident today because I didn't clean out the pockets of his pants) and that makes me concerned that he still doesn't see that his drug use is a problem.

Anyway, this is all much longer than I meant it to be.

Mandatory tl;dr: MI sufferer and chronic drug user husband was involuntarily committed to an in-patient treatment facility. What can I do to help him without continuing to enable him? And should I clean up his drug room even though he insists I don't?

dudeness fucked around with this message at 04:46 on May 6, 2017

# ¿ May 6, 2017 04:17

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Me [22F] with my BF [22M] of 2 years, argument about me moving out

quote:

Okay so my BF and I live together in a house in a crappy neighborhood with a few of his friends. He's lived here for the past year and a half with them, and I joined the lease about 6 months ago. Our lease is up in June, and my BF and I were planning on moving out to an apartment just us two. I want to move out early becaaaaause....

Our street has seen its share of poo poo. In the past year and a half, this is what has happened (to my knowledge): * Two house break ins, one across the street, and one next door. * My car getting rammed into while parked on the street in the middle of the night. * Homeless people regularly walk past our house, going through our trash, and one slept on our neighbors' lawn furniture. * There's a sex offender living on our street * And just last night, some teenage thugs who live two houses down threw a rock and shattered my back windshield of my car.

So about the back windshield last night: we call the police, the kids never admit it, but the cops and their moms know they did it. The mom, who lives at the house, was super nice to me and gave me her number so she could pay for it to get fixed. She then proceeded to cuss out her kid and his friends in front of me, my BF, and the cop, saying she was going to "beat their asses" for it. At that point, I was starting to get scared because the boys are ghetto and they walk through the neighborhood wearing hoods and crap, and now I'm scared they have it out for me.

So that incident on top of all the other crap that's happened is making me want to get the hell out of here and into a safer area. My parents pay my rent right now since I am in school, and they have been pressuring me to move out for a while now, but this incident has sent them over the edge.

My BF, on the other hand, is taking the whole thing kind of personally. He thinks that I want to move out because I don't think he can keep me safe, but that has nothing to do with it! We fought about it, he ended up admitting it was wrong of him to say that. But we still fought after that about it, and it's making me feel like crap.

I don't think it's wrong of me to want to move out after all this crap. I don't feel safe here anymore. But my BF is offended and upset. We had this same argument when my car got ran into on the street in the middle of the night a while back, but I stayed because I figured the chances of something else happening before our lease is up (in June) are small. I can see why he'd be sad we wouldn't be living together anymore, but I just want some support from him through this because it's not easy for me either.
Should I move out for my own safety? Or should I stay and hope nothing further will happen?

My BF browses this subreddit occasionally, so I'm really scared he is going to see this. IF YOU DO, please see that I am trying to get advice. I am not trying to put you down in any way. I just want objective advice from people who don't know us.
Thank you guys for reading this, I know it was so long. I'm just desperate for some advice.

TL;DR Live in a lovely neighborhood with BF and friends, where I don't feel safe. Number of stuff has happened, including my car getting back windshield smashed in last night, just adding to my discomfort. My lease is up in June, but I would move out early, alone with my cat. My BF isn't being supportive. Should I stay?

Sympathetic 'til the racism.

# ¿ May 6, 2017 17:31

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Me [30f] with a very brief former fling [39m], his most recent ex [22f] contacted me about abuse and STI's a few months ago

quote:

I'll start with the TL;DR: I had a week and a half long fling with a guy so riddled with red flags (including STI's he lied about) that I put it to a halt almost immediately. He remained obsessed with me even after getting a girlfriend and I just blocked him on everything. I was recently contacted by his most recent ex-girlfriend who he basically destroyed with abuse and left with an incurable STI. I want to make sure he stops this behavior or warn young women about him but I don't know how.

On to the full story: I met Jack through a shared hobby about two years ago. We were friends for several months, doing little excursions and whatnot, and he seemed totally fine. I was going through a really hard time in my life and he lent a listening ear and eventually I became attracted to him and told him so while blackout drunk. We messed around, I don't know the extent, he was totally sober (red flag #1). I'm going to just list how the week went after that:

Red flag #2: First attempt at sober sex he stated "I don't really do condoms" and that he "hadn't been tested in a long time." There was something fishy about this to me, the way he said it sounded like an often-delivered line. I lectured him about sexual health and told him to get tested.

Red flag #3: a friend was talking poo poo on him without realizing I'd started seeing him. Apparently he "chucked and hosed" a mutual friend and didn't help her pay for the abortion.

Other red flags: he was really pushy about everything, from forcing kisses by grabbing my head to insisting on making me try food by practically forcing it into my mouth. He talked a lot about how all of his exes were either crazy or evil.

Anyway, his STI results come back and he has chlamydia. At this point I break it off nicely and say I don't want to pursue a relationship. I test negative for chlamydia, get treated anyway, try to move on. He continues to text me, alternating between guilting me for "breaking his heart" and apologizing and wanting to be friends when I hold my ground. The last straw is when he tells me he's seeing someone during a daytime outing to the museum, I say that's great, he mentions she "hates me" because he told her he's still hung up on me. I ask him why the hell would you do that, say I'm not impressed, and stop speaking to him. He continues to text me guilt trippy bullshit so I block him. I move several hundred miles away, start a new relationship, everything's fine.

A few months ago I received a DM on Instagram from a younger girl apologizing for hating me. It's his ex-girlfriend. I tell her it's fine and she probably heard bad stuff so it makes sense. She proceeds to detail how he:

compared everything she did to me, and told her constantly that I was better

acted like our "thing" was some long mutual true love relationship when it was shorter than most people's Tinder dating experiences

told her I have mental health issues and am generally "crazy" (specifically manic depression? I have nothing close to that, at worst I get depressed when bad stuff happens, maybe he meant me being sad when my sick kitten died while I knew him)

kept a totally nonsexual "nip slip" photo of me that he PRINTED OUT, tacked on his wall and frequently showed her

would dump her then keep sleeping with her while telling her she couldn't see other peopl
e
gave her herpes

So of course I'm listening to all this poo poo and thinking great, I need to get tested again for this other STI he neglected to tell me about, so I do and I'm in the clear thankfully. That's even more money and time and stress spent on this steaming garbage pile. He contacts me sometime after this telling me she's crazy, "has an evil in her," don't believe her, etc. I tell him to leave me alone. I also find out that he gave a friend herpes, the same one he got pregnant, so he's had it for a while and probably knew when he told me he didn't know his status which explains the weird scripted "disclaimer" before sex.

Anyway, from what I've heard he continues to use Tinder and seek increasingly younger and more naive women. I don't think this dude should be even allowed NEAR women, and feel guilt over not contacting this ex sooner and warning her. Is there anything I can or should do to minimize this psycho's path of destruction?

EDITS: just seeing grammar and formatting flaws from writing this on my phone

Man, it must suck being a woman with boobs.

# ¿ May 6, 2017 17:48

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

NomChompsky posted:

My boyfriend (22M) touches me (22F) too much

Some pretty choice comments.

Hmmm yes I too was a lovely poo poo moron fucker. No biggie, you outgrow it.

# ¿ May 6, 2017 22:24

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Me [22 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] 1.5 years, just moved in together- having problems

quote:

I have experienced a significant decrease in my desire to have sex because A) I feel unattractive and B) boyfriend has been harassing me.

A) Two weeks ago, my boyfriend brought up that I have a mustache and asked me to remove it in a less than polite way. I explained that I know about it and haven't removed it because my skin doesn't react well to waxing, shaving is out of the question etc. Basically, I didn't do anything about it.

Maybe a week ago, he said that my pubic hair (unshaved) is unattractive and asked me to trim. I am planning to do that, but sort of resent his requests and sudden commentary on my body hair. Now I feel gross and unattractive to even myself when previously I was pretty happy with my body. How do I get over these new feelings of self-revulsion?

B) We just moved in together and several new behaviors seem to suddenly have appeared. It could be that he was always like this and we just only saw each other a couple of days a week so I didn't see this behavior. Here is a list of things I find rude/ inappropriate that he does:

1. Physically interrupts me while I am doing tasks.

2. Gropes boobs/butt.

3. Takes off my underwear in a non-sexual context (ie making dinner)

4. Says "I do what I want. You do what I say." I think this is sort of a joke but I don't find it funny.

5. Randomly pulls on my pubic hairs.

6. Calls me autistic.

7. Pokes me in the butthole.

Traps me under him or holds and squeezes me too tightly for me to escape (he has 70 pounds on me).

Should I present it as a list or try to bring it up as he does these things?

The gross, unattractive feeling makes me self-conscious and not all like having sex. He pokes on me like a perverted old man and at the end of the day I am annoyed. I don't feel aroused when he tries to initiate sex. I used to be interested in sex, but I feel like that has been drained out of me. I think he feels rejected, but I don't know how to explain why I am not interested without hurting feelings. Especially because a significant amount of why I don't want to have sex is related to his behaviors and how he treats me. He likes talking about everything the very instant it bothers him, but I need time and space to sort out how I feel.

How do we work on this? I know I need to discuss this with him, but I feel like it would be constructive to present solutions, rather than complain. I just don't know how to change the way I feel now. Does anyone have strategies for changing the way I feel about myself?

tl;dr: I feel unattractive after boyfriend brought up body hair. I don't feel like having sex after he pokes on me all day. How to solve?

dudeness fucked around with this message at 23:03 on May 6, 2017

# ¿ May 6, 2017 23:00

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

enough of this gross stuff, lets have a nice story.

I [28f] work as an escort. I�m falling for a lovely lady client[3?f]

quote:

With my escort work I give the gf experience, I�m not just a hold to fill. I provide a service for lonely people who need it.

For almost two months now I�ve been working with this lovely lady. I take her on a date almost weekly and she treats me like a princess. We go to fancy restaurants, parks, shows, whatever she thinks of. After that we go to her condo and spend the night together. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes we just snuggle.

The conversations we have are one sided mostly. Either I�ll talk to fill the silence and she�ll listen, or she�ll talk about work and I�ll listen. She�s a scientist(Chemistry I think. She has a lab and does experiments.) and is really smart so I don�t understand everything but it�s just nice to listen to her talk. She says she likes to bounce ideas of me - saying them aloud helps her think.

With most of my client�s it feels like a job. Like a chore I need to do to get paid but with her I look forwards to it. I�m catching strong feelings for her and want to spend more time. I�ve started being more affectionate with her but I don�t think she noticed. If she did she might just think it�s part of the act.

I�ve been wanting to ask her to stop paying me and actually be my girlfriend but don�t know how to go about it. I don�t want to come across as a gold digger. I don�t know if dating a �hooker� would be an issue for her. Right now she thinks it�s all fantasy but I want so much more. Every time I�m with her I feel like I�m being swept off my feet by my charming princess.

She�s smart, attractive, wealthy, has a good job and owns a condo so it�s weird that she doesn�t have a girlfriend or wife. I asked her why she�s single and she said she�s a skizoid and has issues with people. I tried goggling what it was but didn�t find anything so don�t know what it means(it was all in a weird language), but she doesn�t have issues with me so I was thinking I could ask her out.

What do you think about giving her money back? Like next time she pays me hand it back or slip it in her pocket and say �this is pleasure, not business.� all seductive like.

Or I could wait outside her condo for her to finish work and do the whole, �I missed you and needed to see you� thing.

Or I could not leave in the morning. I actually like this idea just thinking of it. I could get up before her and make her a nice breakfast and help her dress for work. Since I�m not on the clock in the mornings that could tell her how I feel without telling her.

So what do you guys think? Do I have a chance with her? I know she likes me because she keeps coming back for more, just hope she likes me as much as I like her.

tl;dr: Falling for my smart, sexy, classy client. Do I have a chance?

# ¿ May 7, 2017 02:22

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Tacky-rear end Rococco posted:

I wanna watch this movie.

You're in luck, i know of something similar and it has 19 sequels.

# ¿ May 7, 2017 02:34

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

I've never been faithful in any relationship. Is that just normal for me?

quote:

Edit: TL;DR2: Bad guy looking to change, but wife doesn't seem to see any problem.

Far from Steve Carell's 40-year-old virgin, I've had tremendous amounts of sex, wherever, whenever, and with whomever.

I'm a 40-year-old white American, married seven years to someone I've known for 15. I'm from a well-known resort area near a large city, non-smoker, light drinker, make a six-digit salary, speak three languages fluently and conversational in a few others, play several musical instruments, fairly conversant on art, wine, and foreign travel, play tennis and golf, and ski, drive a mid-range German car, am well over 6 feet tall, in good shape, and most people rate my looks an 8 or 9 (mostly when I was younger). But my ego is secretly a little weaker than the image.

I'm on my second marriage, one child from each. First marriage broke up over her hating that she was married to someone outside their race. I live overseas so rarely see my first child. Mainly for family events.

I'm straight, and especially love going down on women, but have experimented with everything short of anal sex with a man. My first full-on sexual experience was at age 12 with a 10-year-old neighbor girl. I have no memory of being molested, don't know of anyone close to me who was either. Condoms are a must, which is a trick because I need a large size so usually have to bring my own. Keeping my wife from finding them, or course, since we have sex so rarely we don't have any in the house. Fear of AIDS means STD checks every few months (off insurance of course) and I've never caught anything.

When I go out with friends, I'm completely involved with them, but when I go out alone, it's only to look for hookups. I go from spot to spot, chatting up whoever I can wherever I can. Even on the way between different bars. I rarely go home without having at least gotten one phone number or contact info. I also rarely follow up, because honestly I can't keep all the people I meet straight.

Most of my relationships are strict one-time hookups, mainly because as a married guy it's hard to have the time free that would be expected for straight-up dating. Mainly I go to her place or a hotel. The relationships that last longer are either the long-distance ones where we don't have too many chances to meet, or where she's also married.

Right now, there are two different women I'm sleeping with outside my relationship, and I already have a date set with another next week. My second phone is not for work like I told my wife, it's a prepaid throwaway that I use for dating. I usually either tell women I'm single, or married but just visiting town. At first I was surprised how often "married but leaving soon" actually worked well. Have never worn a wedding ring, and never wear any other metal jewelry either. I tell everyone I'm allergic to it, and only have leather band watches.

Since about age 25 I've been keeping a list in an old art notebook with name (if I remember), race, hair and eye color, place she's from, place we met, and places and number of times we hosed. It's written in a language and alphabet my wife can't read. Right now there are 112 entries (I think; there are some crossed-out/edited parts). At least 36 of those are since I was married. Most are since I met my wife, who is entry #18.

I'm slowing down a bit though. There was a time that I had a different one-night-stand every weekend. I have no idea how many women I slept with during university. These days, I get a new hookup once every two months or so. But I go out with women a lot more than that. Most weeks I have at least one lunch, drinks, or dinner date.

About five years ago my wife accused me of cheating on her, but I denied everything and showed her proof she was wrong, and the topic disappeared. She actually was wrong about when and with whom, so I was able to prove my "innocence". But that innocence is long gone. I lost my virginity to five different girls in high school and college (or so they thought), have slept with the wife of one friend, girlfriend of another, and ex-girlfriends of two more. Plus, the wife of another friend, but that was in a foursome with him and her best friend.

I don't feel any significant sense of guilt or remorse, but I do fear getting caught. There's something exhilarating about, for instance, taking a woman on a date to somewhere my friends might be, or a bar close to the office where someone might see me. I've only knowingly been caught one time by a coworker, but he didn't say anything and I never heard from anyone else about it. I had another acquaintance who knew I was married run into me with a woman and just assume she was my wife. It was an brief conversation that may have sounded a little strange, but didn't trip any red flags with my date.

Oh, and I've never had a job until my present one where I didn't sleep with at least one co-worker either during or after employment there. But I've only been at my new job a year, so we'll see how that goes. I've been grooming a few prospects.

I have no bad things to say about my wife other than a complete lack of sex since she got pregnant with our child. It stopped completely at that point. I think I had been faithful for about one year right after we were married, but of course that stopped once she was pregnant enough to stop having sex. She never got her sex drive back after giving birth. I would say maybe once in six months or so when I pressure her enough that she gives in. Normally she says something like "I'm a mom now, not your girlfriend. It's weird to have sex when you're a mom. None of my friends have sex with their husbands either." Which explains her friends' husbands emasculated "Okay." faces.

Our child is the greatest thing on my mind all the time. The reason I work, the reason I come home, the reason I'm more careful with money than before and the reason I drink less. And my wife is a really nice, thoughtful person. I appreciate everything she does, but there is no physical affection of any kind. Rarely only a brief platonic kiss. But she's a wonderful mother, cook, and hostess; everything a 1950's guy would ever want.

So I don't want to mess that up. But if I get caught, I'm sure it's all over. So should I try stopping? But life is so much less worth living without any physical contact with another human being.

Maybe this is just what's normal for me?

Edit: Question: Other than "hey, just stop doing it," is there some legitimate actual advice about what I should do? I'm pretty sure that the biggest issue in the relationship is the lack of sex; if there was any at home I doubt I would be so obsessed by it. I suggested my wife see a doctor about it, but she doesn't see lack of sex as a problem. I disagree: it's our only problem, and the biggest one at that.

Edit 2: I'm sure the anxiety that brings me to ask the question is from having turned 40. I'm not going to still be able to find the intimacy I need at 50 or 60, am I? I've never been to a prostitute, but I can't imagine it in any way fills the intimacy gap, only the physical need. For intimacy it needs to be someone who is actually into you. I fear that as I grow older, the only way to find that will be with a new wife. How can I bring my wife's old desire back, especially as she grows older?

TL;DR: I'm a slutty guy and my wife hates sex. Is that normal?

That post is 6 years old. Judging by his most recent postings he hasn't changed at all.

# ¿ May 7, 2017 17:01

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Why would women need to put talc on their vaginas?

If they need to dry out they can just read this thread.

# ¿ May 7, 2017 18:12

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Boyfriend wants to end our relationship over disagreement on what happened during 9/11. Reddit please help me.

quote:

I am 24 and my boyfriend is 21. We've been dating for 9 months today actually but we've known each other for about 2 years. We get along great...barely fight, are madly in love with each other and treat each other with the utmost respect. I moved out to Arizona to be with him and we are just really happy. Until today...

We don't agree on what caused 9/11. I believe it was an inside job and he doesnt...he really doesnt. I have never seen him the way I saw him today. He told me that I have a weak mind and he can't believe I was stupid enough to be brainwashed by conspiracy theorists. He couldnt even come near me and said that if I dont re-evaluate my believes and my opinion on the matter then he can't be with me anymore. He said he couldnt even look at me. It was like he wasnt even the same person.

Now Im not one to ever change my opinion about something because of someone else but Im not sure if I want to end our relationship over something so trivial. We have very different views on politics and religion and we can discuss those fine with nobody getting upset. Its just I guess I touched on something very sensitive here. I dont know what to do...and I promise promise promise I am not a troll and I know it's a coincidence that this happened today but we never discussed this before. I am so heartbroken and Im afraid he'll never be able to look at me the same again. I dont want to break up and we are perfect for each other in ever other single way.

# ¿ May 8, 2017 01:04

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

If you have to research state law before you start a relationship then just don't.

# ¿ May 8, 2017 17:28

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

My [24/F] co-worker [mid-thirties/F] is becoming harder and harder to work with because of a recent ban of e-cigarettes at work. She claims our assistant manager [40/F] is out to get her and is now trying to get her fired for harassment. Should I intervene for the sake of my manager?

quote:

I started working at [GENERIC WINE STORE] just a little over a year ago as a cashier. When I started, there was a co-worker there five months my senior. We got along really well, but I'm not the type to warm up to co-workers because I believe in keeping all relationships in the work place at a co-worker only level to avoid emotional disputes. I did notice, however, that she (we will call her Cat, because she has one and it's obvious) has several problems related to her job such as dealing with hygiene, work appearance, work-appropriate conversations, attitude, and resentment towards handling authority figures.

I will give a few examples.

Hygiene: I'm not sure how many cats Cat has, but I know she must have at least one. I can usually tolerate someone having a "bad smell day". It happens to the best of us, but for Cat, it's a repeat offense daily. She comes to work unwashed, greasy hair pulled into a messy bun, clothes covered in cat hair, and she usually has a two to three feet smell aura that smells like cat urine and excessive cigarette use. From time to time, there is also an extreme smell of sour body odor, dried spit, or sour mildew of clothes that dried on their own in the washing machine (I know the smell all too well, because I'm guilty of leaving clothes overnight in the wash once or twice, but I'd never wear them to work.)

Work Appearance: I'm not one to judge or tell someone they can't wear the clothes they want to wear, but our store has outlined in our rule book that we stick to jeans, khakis, and a polo shirt of blue, black, brown, or grey. Sometimes, we break the rules to wear nicer clothes, such as cardigans or flowing blouses, because we do work at a store that deals with more expensive merchandise and a richer public.

However, Cat will wear v-cut t-shirts to work without an undershirt to cover her cleavage. This isn't usually a problem, except that Cat is extremely busty because she is a heavy set girl. She probably weighs somewhere close to 210 - 230 lbs. She is also very disillusioned when it comes to how she looks in these clothes. As I said before, I try not to judge and I am happy for anyone who feels confident with their body, but she tends to lean over the counter as she's working on something and the tops of her nipples are always visible when she does this.

A lot of our co-workers and some of our customers complained about her appearance and we had our assistant manager (we'll call her Judy) sit down with her to talk to her about this. Cat's response? "You're just jealous because my tits are bigger than yours and you wish yours looked as nice as mine. You're not perky like me. Your tits sag." My assistant manager (who is the same size and just as busty as Cat) was very taken aback and tried to assure her that the talk wasn't to compare breasts.

Work-appropriate conversations: There are multiple instances I could list, but I'll just go to the two I remember most. One day, I'm stocking our front cooler and I notice her vigorously holding her legs together. I jokingly ask, "Do I need to hold the front while you go to the rest room?" She replies, "No, I have a urinary tract infection, so it feels like I need to pee, but I know I don't. You know, my boyfriend was just too rough with his hands when he was diddling it for me the other night." I just said, "Okay," and quickly walked away.

Another instance involves a customer we have who is very elderly. I assume he is about mid-seventies. He comes in about twice a month to buy one case of Three Girls Cab wine and every time, he requests that I be the one to check him out. On a regular visit, he accidentally walked through the wrong check-out and I jokingly said, "Oh, I see, you're cheating on me now?" He laughed, but Cat touched him on the arm and said, "Don't worry. I am always down for threesomes." I'm not even sure how I responded to that at the time. I brought it up to management, but they decided to give her a vague talk that didn't mention the incident, but her speech in general.

Attitude: At work, we have a free rewards program that only requires a customer to put in a ten-digit number (usually a phone number because it's easy to remember). The computer tells us if the number is registered as a member. If not, then we ask the customer for an e-mail to sign them up. Part of our performance is based off of these numbers, but only for the amount of customers not already signed up. We are expected to reach 35% a day. For example, I have twenty customers come through my line. Ten are already a member. I sign up five, and the other five refuse the service. That means I am currently at 50% of goal.

There is a repeat customer that works next door at the hair salon. She comes in almost every single day and buys a bottle of water and a bag of chips for lunch, but every time she comes through the line, she refuses to sign up. She's become very noticeable when she comes in, so most cashiers try to pawn her off on someone else so their numbers don't drop for the day.

Cat got stuck with this customer one afternoon and decided to try and sign her up very eagerly. Just to make it clear, Alabama state law says you are not allowed to ask a customer for a phone number to complete a transaction. Cat asked her to input her member ID into our pinpad. Salon-lady refused. Cat said, "It doesn't have to be your number. You can put in an old cellphone you don't own anymore." Salon-lady refused again. Cat says, one more time, "You could even put in your work number. I'm sure someone over there has an account using it already." Salon-lady becomes upset and says, "I'm only trying to buy my items. I'm not giving you my home number, my cell number, and I'm sure as hell not giving you my work number. Please, just give me my total and let me check-out in peace." Cat starts huffing and hitting the buttons into her cash register very angrily and says loud enough for the customer to hear, "There goes my 35% for the day." Needless to say, we heard an earful from this customer.

When management confronted Cat about the customer complaint, Cat responded by saying, "She's only complaining because she doesn't like me. It's because I'm way more attractive than her." Not to be the type to stereotype body types, but Salon-lady is a 5'8, extremely fit and athletic white girl who wears track clothes. She's drop-dead gorgeous. Cat doesn't even compare.

So, here lies the problem. My assistant manager, Judy, used to get along really well with Cat when I started working there. However, Cat had all these problems and complaints she was receiving and no one really knew how to deal with it. Judy decided to step up and offered to be the one to talk to Cat about the complaints. Any time she smelled bad, any time a customer said she was showing too much cleavage, Judy would have to be the one to pull her aside and tell her the problem.

Cat began to immediately think Judy was purposely targeting her and harassing her at work because Judy was "jealous" of Cat's appearance. Now, anytime Judy assigned Cat to do something at work, Cat claimed she was being assigned that project out of spite, when in fact, we all do the same projects and tasks as Cat.

Very recently, Cat decided to take up vaping. Our company has a very strict policy about smoking indoors, but we allow our coworkers to smoke outside the building, front or back, as they choose. Smoking coworkers also receive an extra break to smoke outside.

One night, as Cat and Judy are closing together, Cat breaks out her e-cigarette while counting her cash drawer in the office. Judy asked her very kindly to put it away as it was causing a smell in the office and making her uncomfortable. Cat became hostile about how vaping was nothing like cigarettes and shouldn't be treated as one. She continued to vape in the break room while other people ate, or vaped during closing hours in the food sections. Sometimes, she'd even sneak vapes in between customers at the cash register.

Not just Judy, but EVERYONE became annoyed with the vaping. A lot of the smokers thought it was unfair that she could use tobacco products indoors while they had to still smoke outside. A lot of the workers were concerned about the health risks associated with being near vaping because it only recently became popular. A lot were just annoyed with the constant cigarette smell it left behind.

Not wanting to overstep her boundaries, Judy sent a letter to our HR to ask what our policy on vaping and e-cigarettes were. HR replied four words, "Treat it like cigarettes." Two days later, when Cat returned to work, another manager informed her that vaping would no longer be allowed inside the building. Not only was Cat furious, because for a full hour before the store opened, she threatened to sue the company, to tell all her friends they should no longer shop there, and she was going to, one way or another, have our assistant manager fired for harassment.

Usually, I would say something like this would figure itself out, but because none of my other managers have stepped up to the plate to handle Cat's customer complaints and coworker complaints, it does kind of look like Judy is harassing Cat. It's not intentional, but Cat is only being harassed because she's loving up a lot. I'm worried without help, my assistant manager could actually lose her job over actually doing it.

tl;dr Assistant manager is the only one to handle unhygienic, rude employee. Employee thinks assistant manager is singling her out because none of the other managers ever call her out. Assistant manager asks employee to stop using e-cigarettes in the building. Employee tells other coworkers she plans to get assistant manager fired for not letting her vape inside work and for constant harassment.

If i was a woman this would be me.

# ¿ May 8, 2017 20:29

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Pick posted:

We were alone together at a rainy, remote campsite and when I beckoned for him to join me in the tent, he instead wordlessly crawled under his truck.

When you say beckon do you mean with words or did you do a "come hither" motion with those crypt keeper claws you call fingers?

# ¿ May 8, 2017 23:32

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

SO and I [22] don't know what to do after big fight with his mothers [51] live in "friend" [30m].

quote:

tl;dr SO's mothers friend is mentally and emotionally abusive to her and his 2 young children. SO's mother says "that's just the way he is" and deals with it. He kicked me out of the house. SO and I at hotel for the night. Don't know where to go from here.

I apologize for long read in advanced.

My SO and I have been living with his mother for about 2.5 months. We moved in with her because the rent in her city is a lot cheaper than most towns in the area, and it also has a very reasonably priced university which we are planning to attend next fall. She offered us a place to stay, and we took her up on the offer.

His mother separated from his father 13 years ago and has a man and his kids [6&8] living with her also for about a year (They met on a MMO 7 or so years ago and she took them in due drama with family/money). Space is a little tight, but we've all done our best to make the living situation as comfortable as possible. My boyfriend just got a job, and I've been searching everyday for one as well and we are trying our best to get out of the house and on our own ASAP.

This man, we'll call him Brandon, has been living with my SO's mother for a year with his children. He started taking online classes to be a game programmer, which she paid most/all of. But he quit the classes months ago, and now is either lounging around the house using my boyfriend's fathers netflix account, or playing video games. The reason for him being here in the first place was for my SO's mother to help him get his feet on the ground, but he has shown no intention on getting a job or continuing with his school. The only income he has, other than food stamps, is the "job" my boyfriends mom gave him to do landscaping for the homeowners association she is part of (basically, he blows leaves once a month for 200 dollars. That's all anyone has seen him do thus far).

My boyfriends mom goes to work 5 days a week and makes just enough to support them. While his mother is at work, Brandon plays his video games until he has to pick his kids up from school. Both kids are doing poorly in school because in the past, Brandon has taken them both out of school during the middle of the school year and they really haven't had a chance to learn anything. So the kids both need a lot of help with reading/homework after school, which he does not put any effort in to. Instead, he waits for SO's mom to come home from a 9 hour day at work and basically teach them how to read and do all of their homework with them. He often makes fun of his kids, calling them "retards" and telling his little girl "I hope you have nice tits when you grow up, because you have nothing else going for you". When they need help with reading a word, they will stand by his desk for 5 minutes saying "dad... dad.. what does this say?" before he even acknowledges their existence, and once he does, he yells the word at them and tells them to "go do your loving homework in the other room". A lot of the time, my SO and I feel obligated to step in and help them since he wont. Also, he refuses to do any of the house work, instead, pushing all of the work onto us and SO's mother. He doesn't even bathe his own children.

It's pretty clear to my SO and I that he is emotionally abusing and manipulating SO's mother. He yells at her, calls her a dumb rear end constantly. Orders her to get him food. She even bought him a truck over the summer, which no one in my SO's family is allowed to know about. The constant yelling in the house has caused my SO and I to feel anxious and clammed up, and we often need to get out of the house or stay in our room.

Up until now, we have been doing our best not to overstep our boundaries and live with the situation because we don't plan on staying here much longer. But tonight it got way out of hand. Brandon was going off about how Michael Jackson was part of the Illuminati, JFK was killed by Bush, and Obama wasn't a citizen. I told him I thought what he was saying was "Bullshit" and that it didn't make sense. He then started raising his voice, called me a "lazy little bitch" among other things, slammed on his desk, it got to the point where I felt physically threatened by him, but yelled at my boyfriend to "sit the gently caress down" when he went to defend me, and Brandon told me that my SO's mother and him thought I am "disrespectful, lazy, complain all the time, treat my SO like poo poo" etc. This just isn't the case. And I feel like it's just him projecting his own issues on to me. On top of all that, he told me that I had to be out of the house by tomorrow. Thing is, it isn't even his house. My boyfriend and I are sitting in a hotel right now trying to figure out what the gently caress to do about this. And his mother is so caught up in his delusional fuckery that she will not even stand up for her own son, and lets this man use her to no end.

We are at a loss of what to do. My family lives 2,500 miles away, and we are entertaining the thought of moving back there. Or maybe once things cool off, I'll be allowed to stay and I continue my job search and get out ASAP. Either way, it breaks my heart to have my boyfriend cry on my shoulder because he feels his mother is being taken advantage of and manipulated by this douche bag. He feels like she is choosing Brandon over him and as much as I hate to say it, I feel like he is right.

I'd appreciate any advice on the matter, as this is tough for both of us and we don't know what to do anymore. Thanks to all that took the time to read this wall of text.

I like that thing that finally set her off was talkin' trash about Michael Jackson. This dude sounds like a cross between a goon and some sort of mythological creature.

# ¿ May 8, 2017 23:55

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

[M24] I love my [F26] girlfriend, but her general immaturity is causing me to question our future

quote:

She's a great girl - on an emotional level, we're perfect. However... there's a reason I'm turning to Reddit for some advice/perspective, and it's not because everything's sunshine and roses. But first, some background:

I can be fairly introspective. Intellectual, if I were to toot my own horn with the word. I like to think things through, I like to know things, I like to learn things. My brain's my pride and joy. That's not to say I'm one of the stereotypical dreary library-bound types - I work a bar (and I've run a couple in the past) and nothing teaches you your social-fu like having your earnings depend on it. Plus, y'know, cocktails and flair are wicked. But that's me: I like science, I devour books (and I keep attempting to get one of my own finished, amongst the mess of half-finished freelance articles that fill my free time), I tend bar, I mix cocktails, and I try to flair them without smashing anything.

My girlfriend, on the other hand, is almost the polar opposite. She's a Disney girl, with a heaping helping of Michael Jackson and all manner of 50's accoutrements and culture, with a garnish of various assorted anime and cartoons. And, like most Disney girls past the age of 20 (in my personal experience, of course), she's also fairly immature. Childlike, I'd say, if I was in an ungenerous mood at the time. She's always been her parents' little girl, and she never really grew past that, even now she's driving and working full time in her own right. The posters covering the bedroom, the plush toys crowding every corner, those I don't mind. They're her equivalent of my bookshelves and overflowing notebooks - it's good to have diverse interests.

The interests I can deal with. Where the issues creep in is when the interests become her entire character. Sometimes - and I speak candidly here - I feel less like a partner and more like a childminder, shepherding her bouncy naivete around such thorny issues as 'why other people don't share the same views as you, and why that doesn't automatically make them terrible people', or 'if you go to an anime convention wearing a nearly-transparent Princess Jasmine outfit, you will end up with some guys creeping on you, please be careful'.

But that's just most of the time. There are times when we can sit down and have adult conversations. Namely, the times when she hits a patch of anxiety or stress or she gets upset when something clashes with her view of how things should be. Then we get to sit down and I get to play counsellor and talk her through her issues as calmly and rationally as I can. And then she cheers up, and it's back to bubbly bouncy silliness. And, well, our interests don't match up in the talking-about-stuff arena. I like physics and literature and a smattering of psychology and sci-fi/fantasy. She's never really been interested in that whole area. So when we talk about things I'm interested in, it turns into me explaining about those things, instead of a two-way conversation, because while she says she does like hearing me ramble on, the last book she picked up was fifty shades, so she just doesn't have the background knowledge to converse properly on the subjects. And I'd like, just for once, to have a proper conversation as equals about something. Because even when it's Michael Jackson or Disney or psychic healing or clairvoyance (don't even get me started on that angle...), the things she immerses herself in, it's less a conversation and more 'fangirl' gushing with no room for anyone else's perspective.

It sounds like I'm being harsh. I don't mean to be, but the whole forum-for-laying-out-the-problems-in-your-relationship thing going on here doesn't lend itself much to rambling on about how she gives me much-needed emotional validation and how great the sex is and how mutually-supportive our relationship is. It's more about what's not going so well.

What I'm looking for, I guess, is some perspective and some advice. The general mismatch between us is causing some misgivings on my side, especially now talk's turned to moving in together and things getting ever more serious. We've been together for nearly two years, and I'm seriously questioning whether I could do two more.

Like I mentioned, emotionally, everything's fine. Intellectually, the stresses are mounting. Is there any way past, or will the straws keep on landing on the camel's back until one day down the line... it breaks?

And if it's going to break, then really I'd rather break it myself before we get tangled in rent agreements and contracts and the general snaggle of two lives tangling tighter together. Which is a terrible thing to say, because I do love the girl.

I just can't bloody put up with her most of the time.

TL;DR: relationship is fine, except gf is immature as all hell and I'm not sure how much longer I can deal. Is there a way past it, or cut my losses?

Ugh i hate my girlfriend for not liking enough sci-fi, as her intellectual superior i realize this is okay but i am not satisfied, also i love her despite hating her. How do i turn her into a simulacrum of myself so i can gently caress myself.

# ¿ May 9, 2017 02:09

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

I found a folder in my boyfriend's hard drive of random fb pictures of girls in bikinis with their bikinis photoshopped off. Is this weird or is this something guys really did?

quote:

Hi all. I am using a throwaway. I am 29f and my boyfriend is 32m. We have been dating for a little over a year. He lent me his hard drive and of course I gone and did what I shouldn't have. I went snooping. In his Pictures folder in his hard drive I found a folder of many different random girls I am assuming he found on facebook. all of the girls were originally in bikinis but the bikinis have been airbrushed out and replaced with basically what should be under those clothes. I was a bit shocked because this guy is a complete gentleman, or so I have been led to believe. The creepiest part is I saw some pictures of his ex as well. I guess I would probably have been more accepting of this album if he was doing it to random girls but this was a girl he had a connection with, a girl he loved, a girl who he supposedly have respected and still should respect.

I am equal parts disgusted and creeped out.

So reddit, what the hell? Men, do you really do this? Could he be practicing his photoshop skills or something? Why use his ex's pics?

Oh and I guess this should also be a commentary about not posting your bikini pics on facebook, girls. I am now very happy and proud that I am very careful with the pics that I post.

How will I approach him about this? Should I even?

TLDR: Found innocent Bikini pics of girls in my boyfriends' hard drive which he photoshopped showing titties n bushes
Ps. I also found a picture of my friend in there. I also found a picture of myself but it is unedited and I was fully clothed.

# ¿ May 9, 2017 03:01

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Haifisch posted:

The update is sure something.

[update] [case closed] I found a folder in my boyfriend's hard drive of random fb pictures of girls in bikinis with their bikinis photoshopped off. Is this weird or is this something guys really did?

Shiiiit, i forgot to check for updates. Have an even worse one in the same vein to make up for it.

[Non-Romantic] I (20/F) am thinking about confronting my cousin (21/M) about his sexually modifying pictures of his underage cousins.

quote:

I (20/f/American) starting traveling to Rome, Italy frequently when I was 16 to visit my large family there. I have gone every summer since except one. One of these relatives is my 21 year old cousin Francesco, who is born and raised in Italy but speaks perfect English. We talk a lot when I am home in the US and I know him very well.

I am back this summer because I am a college student spending the semester in Rome. I went over a little earlier to stay with my family for a bit. I had been sleeping in Francesco's bed while he slept in other places, but then one night he wanted his room because he has musical equipment in there and he needed it to study for upcoming exams.His younger brother (19), Lorenzo, has two beds in his room and said I could stay in his room for the night. Everyone else goes to bed and Lorenzo and I have some pretty deep conversations about people in our family. This includes Francesco...we talked about how he has anger and control issues, problems with girls (he has never had a girlfriend) problems being arrogant and narcissistic....and how we worried for him. And then I ask him what is the worst thing Francesco has ever done. Lorenzo doesn't want to tell me so I ask if he'll tell me if I guess correctly. I ask did he do something physical? Something he said? Did he damage someone's property? Lorenzo says no no no....I then ask "Is it something sexual?" and he hesitates. So now I know I'm warmer.

Lorenzo is saying things like "You can't know...he would kill himself" but after a couple minutes he eventually tells me Francesco was taking pictures of girls and women he knew, including his mother and his 16 year old cousin and his female friends and his friends mothers and basically modifying them so they were naked and stuff (I don't know exactly how he did it) and then one of his friends found the pictures (which had his own mother in it) and he told another friend who told his mother about it. Francesco's parents end up being told.

They confront him apparently and he cries and says he needs help. They go to two therapy sessions as a family. I ask Lorenzo if he did one of me, and he says no but who knows if thats the truth. Now he hushes me and is getting texts from Francesco that reveal that he was standing outside the door and heard everything. I can't tell you everything he was saying to Lorenzo because it was in Italian but there were things like "I thought you were my brother...you destroyed me...everyday I wake up trying to make things better for everyone and I fail everyday" It was the first time I had ever seen him say negative things about himself. Lorenzo assured him everything was alright and we went to bed.

The next morning Francesco took me to the train station to return to Rome and acted as though nothing happened. I stayed in contact with Lorenzo that day and he said he was being nice and acting normal. On the train, I sent Francesco a message that said

"Hey, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about what happened last night. I pushed Lorenzo into telling me. I just want you to know that even though you make mistakes, you aren't a bad person or a failure and I know how you feel. I don't know how much you heard and I'm sorry we upset you. You know you can't please everyone everyday and that's ok. What you can do is try to respect everyone's feelings more and not say such hurtful things sometimes. Anyway, I love you a lot and I always will. I'm always here for you"

He responds that night saying "Thank you (my name)...it really means a lot. I love you too and I want you to know that. Hope you have a nice Italian lesson "

I have my first week of school and all seems well. According to Lorenzo, the whole picture scandal incident happened last Spring. Lorenzo says Francesco is fine and then he drops it. One thing I did learn the night we were talking is that Francesco starting keeping a passcode to enter his iPhone after getting caught. This to me was a red flag that he was hiding something. The following Thursday I am sitting behind him in the car and I see him enter the passcode to his iPhone. Now I normally understand its wrong to hack into someones phone/computer or whatever, but his 16 year old cousin also from the States that he had made photos of in the past had just come and gone for 3 weeks that summer (I'll call her Marie) so I was a bit concerned.

So during the weekend I am staying with the relatives, Francesco and some friends go outside and he leaves his iPhone in his room. I take it and go to his photos....there were about maybe 15 pictures of Marie, and all of them she was either in a bikini, there were a couple rather risque ones of her with a friend, and photos of her in a bikini top using her arms to make it look like she had big cleavage. Most of these photos I did not recognize from her Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram (I went and checked) so I then checked his Facebook to see his messages to her. She isn't sending them. So I have no idea where he's getting them. She wouldn't send them to him. And what else I also found in his photos were a bunch of his 14 year old cousin Emily (Marie's sister) that he took while she was visiting. These weren't sexual in nature, just of her sort of standing around, they were kinda blurry. It was clear she did not know he was taking these photos.

I know he is going to take these photos of Marie and Emily and modify them further (essentially making fake child porn) and I know that it would really hurt the family if their parents found out. Marie/Emily's father is close to Francesco and really loves and respects him. Francesco's parents and Lorenzo all I assume think that he isn't still doing this. I didn't say anything to Francesco the day I saw the pictures because of a music exam he was taking today. I decided the timing was bad so I want to tell him this weekend that I know about the pictures. I don't see the need to tell anyone else in the family unless he continues to not stop doing it. Any advice? Am I doing the right thing?

tl;dr: Found out cousin in Italy was taking pictures of girls/women he knew and sexually modifying them, his family thinks its in the past but I broke into his phone and saw pictures of 14 and 16 year old cousins that were recent. Plan to confront him this weekend and need to know if I'm doing the right thing.

# ¿ May 9, 2017 03:30

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

My [F25] best friend (?)[F25] threw a basketball at my face and is upset with me about it.

quote:

I'm mostly confused. We were out celebrating my birthday. Things were rocky and she caused some drama with another friend that didn't show up but we moved past it

We were at Dave&Busters arcade cashing in tickets and she took one of the basketballs and threw it at my face. This wasn't a "hey catch this" it was downright malicious. It hit my nose which is very tender. I've broken it twice and it was knocked a few days ago pretty hard and was still a smidgen sore.

I called her out and stood up for myself. I said something like "that's Not okay with me, please don't do that". I didn't get an apology, I got an eyeroll.

We left shortly after because I was tired from working and driving around all day. I tried to hug her but she folded her arms across her chest and didn't respond.

I don't want to feel bad for standing up to her. I'm trying to understand her perspective. I live far away (I have for two and a half years now) and have another life away from her. I have a relationship and lost weight, which I thought she may have been jealous over. She kind of saved my life at the start of the year, but I don't want to feel indebted to her over that if she physically hurts me.

Tl;Dr: best friend threw a basketball at my face and is giving me attitude over my displeasure of it.

If you can't slam with the best, jam like the rest.

# ¿ May 9, 2017 04:29

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

I know he isn't cheating, but I can't help feeling he is hiding things from me.

quote:

My significant other and I have been together for over 4 years now, and throughout our whole relationship we have loved and admired each other to the full extent. We still act like giddy teenagers in love. We have a huge age difference and neither of us notice it...we just honestly love each other, and i'm convinced the age gap has even helped us stay interested.(I know that sounds cheesy).

I am 25 and my man is 43. He is extremely handsome, smart, funny, strong, etc etc etc. And he is a successful business man. However, my family hates him and at one point convinced me he was an awful person (near the beginning of the relationship) because they didn't like or approve of the age gap. I soon found out none of what they were saying to me was truthful, and majority was way over-exaggerated out of worry. I did the snooping myself to come to this conclusion, with no help from my boyfriend or family.
I have never caught him lying/cheating. The only issues he has is anger, but would never be violent towards me, and what man doesn't have anger issues right?

However, no matter if it's been 2 months or 4 years there is part of me that doesn't want to believe he is telling me everything about his life...I don't know why, but I keep wanting to catch him in this big lie. I don't know if it is because of my family's input early on in our relationship, or just me being overly-cautious of my heart. Either way I can't ignore it anymore, but I don't know what to do without feeling like an OAG(Overly Attached Girlfriend).

There are a things about him that I find hard to believe: 1. He states that he sometimes helps out with FBI/GOV. things...because of his shotokan skills. I know he has amazing shotokan skills as I have seen them, and he is a 10dan master black belt...which is crazy. He trained his whole life though practically. He can also speak arabic, farsi, urdu, and hindi. So it's not impossible that he is involved in government things, but I can't help but be suspicious when he is gone for days at a time or over-night.

He told me at one point he had gotten a yacht, and then also told me at one point he got a suuuuuuuuuper expensive car, however I never saw either of these in real life. The car is apparently over-seas because that is where it was assembled and it wasn't matching up with the American regulations of blah blah blah, and the yacht he sold for reasons I'd rather not go into because it was my fault he didn't want to keep it.

I KNOW he is not cheating on me for a fact..because he is CONSTANTLY in contact with me, and if I look through his phone there is never anything that points towards another woman. It is all just business stuff. He always answers my calls too, and there is always the way he looks at me...

Reddit please help me understand why I have this suspicion all the time. It's almost like he's too good to be true because he's perfect for me, but I don't want to believe it...I want to find something hugely wrong with him. WHY? Do you think my gut instinct is right and maybe there is something he isn't telling me/something he is lying to me about? What should I do about this? Should I look into technology to snoop his phone, etc? Just to calm my nerves?

Tl;Dr- Been with bf four years. Part of me is still very suspicious that he is too good to be true. Don't know what to do to kill the suspicion.

# ¿ May 9, 2017 19:40

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Pick posted:

I wish Hugh would text me

My (20F) friend is obsessed with someone who doesn't want to be her friend anymore & won't stop texting me about her (20F)

quote:

Hi, thanks for reading! I'll try to make this as concise as possible.

So, we're all in the same sorority. My friend Layla has a "little" named Monica. They got along really well, but had a falling out in January. Basically, Layla got too attached and started blowing up Monica's phone with texts when she didn't respond. Monica told her that she was getting too intense for her, and asked her to stop. Layla then told me all of this, and I advised her to stop texting Monica for awhile. Well, she didn't stop.

One night, Monica didn't text her back and Layla sent her close to 20 texts and snapchats of her crying on the floor. Layla did later admit that she went overboard and regretted it. Surprisingly, Monica agreed to meet her to talk about everything, but it didn't go too well (obviously). Monica said she didn't understand why Layla was so emotionally invested in her when they'd only known each other for a few months. Long story short, Monica made it clear that she wanted space. I, again, advised Layla to STOP texting her but she wouldn't. She'd send texts asking her if they were still friends, if things were fine, etc.

Now, she texts ME every single day talking about Monica. "I saw Monica." "Can I text Monica?" "Monica is so confusing." "Why doesn't she want to be my friend?" "Can I text her?" "Do you think we can work things out?"

I tried to be nice at first. I really did. I told her in simple terms that it would be better to give Monica space so she can think. And then she'd say okay, then text me 15 minutes later to say she ended up texting her. Now, I'm bluntly telling her that she needs to back off and that Monica does NOT want to be her friend. She still won't stop. She's going to counseling but from what it sounds like, her counselor is just validating her feelings. But, that may just be what she's telling me.

It's worth noting that she's done this before. Our other mutual friend, Becca, went through this with Layla. Layla would send her lots of texts and when she didn't reply, she told Becca that she was hurting her feelings. Becca simply wanted to cut off the friendship and Layla would text me every day this summer asking if she could text her. I said no, she still did it, asking if they were still friends. When poo poo hit the fan all I heard about was Becca. Now, Monica.

GOOD GOD I'M SO loving SICK OF TALKING ABOUT MONICA. EVERY DAY. This morning, I was at the gym and got 17 texts from Layla about Monica. 17.

We're all on exec together and their positions require them to work together a little bit. Not much. Layla keeps thinking this is a good way for them to reconnect. I've been telling her that Monica doesn't want that but there's nothing I can say.
What do I do? How can I help her? I want to go to Monica, but I don't know her that well. I wish Monica would straight up tell Layla that she doesn't want to be her friend at ALL. I think it would be best if they communicated strictly over email and not text to eliminate any personal aspect, but Layla won't make that leap. Monica has to.

I've asked her to stop texting me about Monica but surprise surprise, she won't stop. Even if I don't reply.

TL;DR: Monica doesn't want to be Layla's friend because Layla is too clingy and now she won't stop texting me. I'm tired of hearing about Monica.

# ¿ May 9, 2017 20:26

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Girl Trouble: Help me stop making a fool of myself

quote:

I met a beautiful girl at an all night coffee bar, she took me home that night and introduced me to lesbian sexuality. I'm 5'4 250 lbs and she's 5'0 120 lbs. I feel massive compared to her sometimes. Anyways, I digress.

She has some bad mental issues. She's deeply into the occult and at 21 she vehemently believes she's a "demon, dragon, werewolf, insert something here" these believes change from day to day. Her last few relationships were all with drugs addicts and abusive people. I just want to love and pamper her.

Since I've been with her I've literally gotten on my knees and sang to her at an amphitheater, took her out to a 50$ lunch on 2 occasions, and bought her expensive jewelry. However.. She never wants to experience me and what I enjoy, we go where she wants to. I would love to share with her the joys of swimming, mountain hiking, and rock band for ps3. Instead she's spoon fed me Super Gals Anime for 2 weeks now and I can't take it anymore.

I can't take that she has no interest in officially calling me her girlfriend. I feel like this beautiful young girl just picked me out because I was moderately unattractive and I'd fill her lonely bed at night without her having to tell anyone we're dating. It's killing me inside, do I continue to beg and plead for her to be my woman? Or do I just grow a pair and say gently caress it?

I really would like to see her in a healthy relationship with some one, some one who doesn't encourage her delusional tendencies. It doesn't even have to be me, It just hurts to see her struggle with reality.

Edit: So I need to love myself, I need to not put this hosed up girl before me. I can see these things now. This relationship was a dead end before it even started. It just makes me so sad I can't save her. I guess I'll always be a hopeless romantic. I wish I could help her, I wish I could make her see that I'm not just.. some person and that I want to help her live a better life..

A happy ending at least.

# ¿ May 9, 2017 23:28

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

goons have a long and storied history of being way too bitter for their age + life experiences tyvm

yea, this forum is basically cigarettes for the soul.

edit: by which i mean it slowly kills you and makes you seem old and ugly.

dudeness fucked around with this message at 00:09 on May 10, 2017

# ¿ May 10, 2017 00:05

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Please Help Quick -- My boyfriend (25) is "revenge" masturbating to Facebook pictures of girls he knows...

quote:

My boyfriend will be home soon so I'm trying to get as much feedback as I can.

A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend of 4 years let me (24/F) use his computer to edit some photos for work. When I right clicked to re-open a file, I saw a string of photo files in his history that I recognized as being from Facebook. I clicked on one and saw it was a photo of a girl he knows from high school. And so were all the rest. When I attempted to open the folder they were in, it was hidden on the computer.

I confronted him immediately as I (correctly) assumed he was using these photos to masturbate, and he ultimately fessed up after the initial fib that they were "really old" (some where saved as early as a week before). I was pretty hurt, especially at first, because one of the girls I was worried about posts provocative photos on Facebook and was hitting on him at a party last year and he told me back then I had "nothing to worry about."

He said he does it because he used to be in the shadows in high school (he has since come out of his shell, is good looking and confident) so he "revenge" masturbates to them as a way of getting back at those who never noticed him before. He really put himself down and called himself a pervert. I didn't name call, I didn't yell, I tried to understand. I reminded him that there is someone (me) who notices him every day and loves him. I told him I didn't think he was a pervert as I wasn't interested in comparing what "normal" is...but that I was NOT okay with this behavior as I felt it wasn't healthy for our relationship. He agreed, deleted the folder, and promised to earn my trust back and stop. He did let me know that this has been habitual for him for years, so I told him that I wanted to be open about it and that he could talk to me if he was having trouble breaking the habit. He promised he would.

I caved. I've been traveling a ton for work and I had a moment of lack of trust today. I admit it. I just looked at his browser history and he looked at at least 100 photos of two girls he was pining after before we started dating and about 50 of his best friend's girlfriend who frequents our house. I'm heart broken. Would anyone else consider this a deal breaker? I'm hurt because he promised he'd be open with me if he was doing it again. He started up the night I went out of town for work (it was late at night, so I'm assuming he wasn't looking at 100 pictures of these two girls for any other reason)...

I know I looked and I will take responsibility in my part for that, but your help is appreciated.

TL;DR: My boyfriend admitted to revenge masturbating to Facebook photos of girls on Facebook when he was caught. He promised to stop and talk to me if he was having issues stopping (it's been a habit for years) and started up the day I went out of town this week for work. Dealbreaker?

the best revenge is a dick slapped hard.

# ¿ May 10, 2017 03:27

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 03:43

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Me [late-20s M] with my MESSY Brother [mid-20s M] and his GF [mid-20s F] Am I a horrible Person? Non-Romantic

quote:

I'm using a throwaway account...

I am late 20s guy, and my brother is mid-20s, and he is a MESS! Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street would call Consuela from Family Guy to clean up his place, and she would then say in her way "NOOOooooo..."

Crap, upon crap, upon more crap, upon more useless crap, upon dirty dishes, upon more crap. One would need a bleeping geologist to sort through all the strata he's built up.

I'm not going to lie, I'm the neatest, and cleanest out of my siblings and I. I've taken the Japanese style of Washitsu to a whole new level that would make a Zen Master agoraphobic, I'm so neat and clean.

My brother's lack of cleanliness drives me up the bleeping wall my entire life.

Next comes his girlfriend who has entered the picture.

I met her over Thanksgiving recently, and I hate to admit it, but I'm overjoyed, and dancing on the inside with happiness at the prospect of someone else taking him and his mess far, far away from me.

She seems decent enough, a good looking enough, but honestly I don't really care about her and my brother's happiness. The only thing that I care about is that she's going to take my brother's mess away! My happiness for them is a distant second to the prospect of me not having to deal with my brother's mess anymore!

We can dance if we want to!

We can leave your friends behind

'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance

Well, they're no friends of mine

His mess is going to be someone else's problem now! I almost feel sorry for his new girlfriend, she doesn't know what kind of mess she's getting herself into...

I'm almost ready to just say to her: "Hellllllloooo My Future-Sister-in-Law!" With a big car-salesman grin on my face as I wrap my arm around her shoulder. "Let's get that ring on your finger, and find you two a nice apartment to live in!! I think there are some openings in the Himalayan Mountains! Or how about the Australian Outback! Welcome to la familia!"

tl;dr: Am I a horrible person because I'm overjoyed at the prospects of my messy brother's girlfriend taking him and his messy-ways far far away from me?

Is there a word for someone that makes a legitimate complain but they do it in such a way that you suddenly don't give a poo poo?

If only his post was more empty like a Washitsu

# ¿ May 10, 2017 04:33

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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