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Pick posted:She's doing what she can. Maybe she'd feel better if she realized a lot of parents genuinely don't like their kids either. She's not that strange. It sounds like that's not the problem though because she likes him, she doesn't love him. It sounds like the expected mother-child emotional bond just never formed in infancy, which is sad but makes sense given her circumstances and adding to that the potential of PPD. Really the only thing I think would help her at the point she's at now is actually good therapy that isn't going to judge her for the emotional circumstances she's ended up in, because as much as I can respect her putting in a lot of effort to keep her son happy and healthy, she's burning herself out by not addressing the underlying problem.
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Jul 23, 2017 17:49
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fruit on the bottom posted:Mittens is probably the worst therapy cat though. No matter what the problem is, she always reports you to CPS. Cat Protective Services
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Jul 23, 2017 21:03
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Bets on how many years until he cheats on the new partner because she wasn't able to completely fix all his mental problems?
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Jul 26, 2017 01:59
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Pick posted:actually it turns out you can keep hurting her feelings over and over and then tell her to take a hike and you don't even have to buy a sword This only works if you're an rear end in a top hat, though.
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Jul 26, 2017 04:57
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Could be worse. She knows what's going on and is starting treatment right as it develops.
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Jul 26, 2017 06:51
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Yeah like it's not the kid's fault and I don't even think it's the asker's fault, but a kid that's spent formative years in an abusive environment is going to have special requirements and interacting with them without knowing what sets them off is a bad idea.
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Jul 28, 2017 22:01
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Pick posted:You gotta enure kids to that kind of thing because otherwise they become weird reclusive freak shows that get an election when a girl brushes by them on an escalator I mean even leaving outside the reasons why a kid could not want to be touched such as autism or abuse history, it's kind of a bad idea to teach small children that people get to decide how and when to touch them and they aren't allowed to complain or fuss merely because the other person is an adult. That's how you groom kids for molestation. Should people be used to physically touching other people? Yes, obviously, except in cases where you've got sensory issues where it would literally physically hurt. Should people be taught that they have no say in how they are touched? Uh, no.
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Jul 28, 2017 22:18
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Pick posted:You know even an autistic child will learn how to be less of a screechy little horse's rear end if you loving make him hug and eat something other than chicken nuggies but god forbid you ever do anything but capitulate you spineless little poo poo, enjoy your monstrous Reddit posting blob child, sinc theyll be living with you until you die I'm autistic.
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Jul 28, 2017 22:36
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You know maybe someone who is still dealing with the fallout from parents not having super firm boundaries with them shouldn't be talking about how great it is when parents don't have firm boundaries with their kids. You'll notice I never said anything about not teaching kids to deal with things outside of a safe bubble, I just said people should listen to kids who say they don't want to be touched.
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Jul 28, 2017 22:38
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Pick posted:Sometimes you have to make kids do stuff they don't want to do, even inherently defective ones Yes. Learning how to cope with doing things you don't want to do is part of life. So is learning that you have the ability to place reasonable boundaries and have them be respected. I've lurked long enough to know that making GBS threads on people as a 'joke' is kind of your shtick, but please look up parentification and carefully consider why you have a less good grasp of boundaries and social interaction than me, an autism. This is probably upsetting coming from someone you don't know. I'm sorry!
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Jul 28, 2017 22:55
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Anyway sorry for derailing this. Have an apology gift! My [24] parents [50; 57] don't want me to move out because "I'm not done cooking," but I want out. quote:Hello, /r/relationships. I apologize in advanced for the length.
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Jul 28, 2017 23:00
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Pick posted:I have tons of IRL friends and good social skills, it's literally my job. But I also enjoy being an rear end in a top hat so I do that there. By the way I understand boundaries extremely well, sometimes I just violate them for fun because most people are too scared to stop me lol! Kay. Please refrain from pulling that with me, at least.
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Jul 28, 2017 23:01
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Absurd Alhazred posted:They only have one parent who carried them to term, though. I'm saying the current legal landscape is hosed up, leading to situations like earlier in the thread, when this dude forced his ex to sign over parental rights to him instead of giving it up for adoption, and then hit her up for child support. Yeah and that's a hosed up situation but I think it's unfair to respond to every case of a parent not carrying an unborn child wanting to raise the kid instead of having the kid go out for adoption as doing that to control the other parent. I think part of the issue comes from pregnancy being framed as like, a gift from god, so wonderful, glowing from within. Obviously pregnancy is natural and also necessary to reproduction, but it is also a huge physical strain that can and will go wrong a lot of the time. And unfortunately sometimes even the medical profession falls into the trap of 'pregnancy is natural and everything will be fine', like with pre-eclampsia, where the commonly cited cure is give birth and everything will clear up, which is actually not true, the mother needs additional medical care after birth and if that's not given it can be fatal pretty fast. So... I dunno! The base problems here go deeper than parental rights and child support.
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Jul 30, 2017 21:46
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That said if the concern is parental fairness getting first dibs on adoption would probably be the way to go, and then you get into the whole debate of like, maybe there should be a baseline of care for infants and children that the state helps provide, because otherwise it's really easy to say that poors just shouldn't have children because they can't responsibly care for them.
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Jul 30, 2017 21:48
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Avenging_Mikon posted:Doesn't have to be a gamer. When I was like 3, I got out the front door and ran down the street to the McDonalds parking lot to chase seagulls. My dad didn't tell my mom about it for months. Yeah as soon as kids figure out how to open doors as well as walk the potential for trouble gets a lot huger. But that's why you should probably be in the same room as the kid and if you're doing your own thing keeping an eye on them and seeing what they're doing if they toddle off. Being far away enough you can't even hear the back door opening and closing is not a great sign. Anything the wife would probably not be moving out and taking the son over this if there wasn't a pattern of the OP neglecting his childcare for his own personal interests. It reads like a last straw to me.
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Jul 30, 2017 23:25
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Pick posted:age gap, aspergers. they go hand in hand. every woman his age has already dated one of these and learned her lesson and got the gently caress out. he's a relict, let him die that way It's not even just the Aspergers though. I mean I am not discounting there being a physical biochemical reason for differences in presentation of symptoms in men and women, but Aspergers doesn't make you incapable of empathy. I honestly don't understand all these people who get away with horrific behavior bc Aspergers and then people going 'well it's the Aspergers, don't date a guy with Aspergers'. Like I've got autistic dude friends who aren't like that at ALL so honestly I think it's just like... a specifically toxic combination of symptomatic stuff with good old-fashioned entitlement? Why do people get in relationships with people they don't understand and who don't understand them in the first place? The expectation that things will change as they hit a certain intimacy level?
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Jul 30, 2017 23:34
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Absurd Alhazred posted:I blame TBBT, personally. They've normalized "Asperger's means you're allowed to be a douche". Yeah... like I've got understanding for tone mismatch and other symptomatic stuff but then there's people who just make no effort to treat other people decently at ALL and it's infuriating. Combine that with 'autism makes you a savant, right?' and 'smart people are allowed to be assholes because they're more valuable than dumb people' and you get, well. 
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Jul 30, 2017 23:39
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Absurd Alhazred posted:It's more than that. I think people use developmental disabilities or mental illness as a reason to tolerate abusive behavior. Yeah, I agree with this. Even in cases where someone isn't actually mentally ill! Like how with every time there's a mass shooting the media immediately jumps on 'so what mental illness did this person have that caused this', even when the thing that caused it is they're an rear end in a top hat who considers it appropriate to take their own issues out on unrelated people.
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Jul 30, 2017 23:52
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Pick posted:It's because when people, generally, get a diagnosis for a thing (and I'm not just talking aspergers) then they use it as an excuse for doing whatever poo poo they wanted to do anyway and not take responsibility for the things they can control. Yeah, but in that case isn't responding to stuff where women talk about their emotionally cut-off and self-centered male partners with 'ah, aspergers' part of the problem? Like, not this thread in specific, but just the general trend of people to go 'no, those bad behaviors are acceptable or inevitable bc [thing]'. Or is that what you're mocking with those responses? ITT I overthink jokes, sorry.
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Jul 31, 2017 00:39
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Pick posted:No one is unsalvageable, and everyone can choose to be better. However, that is the essential step of the process: the other person has to actually be compelled to change. Anyone can do that, maybe some people are more or less given to change in certain ways, but I 100% contend that any person can choose to take the hard road to becoming a better version of themselves. But yeah, you have to want to. But yeah I agree with this. Self-improvement is something that I think it's good for everyone to value, tbh, but some people really uh, need it urgently more than others.
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Jul 31, 2017 00:40
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Pick posted:my actual view on aspergers, as opposed to my GBS Hot TakeŠ, is complicated because members of my family have it and I love them, but they also do things that are incredibly hurtful all the time. I've seen them strive to become better, and truly become better, though, so I know it is possible for them to improve but I also know it's incredibly hard, takes years if not decades, and might never get them up to the level where a "normal" person might be. for them it is hard, hard, hard, god it is so hard. but it is doable and it makes life dramatically better for everyone, including them. I see. Thanks for answering my questions. I didn't mean to poke at sore spots.
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Jul 31, 2017 00:47
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ArbitraryC posted:All things held equal wouldn't you be able to argue that p much any disability makes you a worse romantic prospect than someone without? Not to try and open a can of worms here but I feel like it's a lot more kosher to write off people with mental issues as their own fault/problem than those with physical issues. Ehn. I mean it depends, and part of what it depends on is the person looking for a romantic partner. Like... if you're disabled dating someone else with the same disability and symptoms can be a tricky thing especially because in a long-term relationship you're expected to help fill in the gaps for your partner, right? If both people in a relationship have trouble with a certain essential task that's going to be bad, and it can be easy to fall into co-dependency. But someone else disabled might also be more understanding about the things you struggle with because of your own disability. Not even getting into stuff like deafness and sign language and about how if you're deaf dating someone who knows sign language is probably p appealing. Unless that's one of the equal things, fluency in sign language?
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Jul 31, 2017 01:00
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I (24y Female) feel like I can't meet my long term partners (24y Male) sex drive.quote:tl;dr: Feeling unable to have sex as much as my partner wants in our relationship. Relationship fine otherwise. "Waaaah my girlfriend only has sex with me 3-4 times a week, waaaaah." Like it's all about how he has an issue with her saying no (and 'gets all lovely over it' until she mollifies him), but not a mention of him considering her feelings, except in the form of complaining that she doesn't find him attractive.
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Jul 31, 2017 01:07
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Admiral Ray posted:What kind of dude doesn't understand that he can jack off to handle times like this? Though based on him acting lovely he'd probably do it in a way that was cruel to her or something. I also kind of have to assume that maybe her wanting less sex has to do with how much of an rear end he's acting over her only having sex with him 4 times a week and not 14. I'd want to stop having sex with someone over that, too! Permanently, because I'd break up with them!
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Jul 31, 2017 01:34
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Pick posted:Aye, I know enough people to have had plenty of exposure to the badbones and the badbrains community, and tbh the badbones tend to be down-to-earth and easygoing cool people, and the badbrains tend to make me feel ... so god damned tired One problem with badbrains communities, and I say this as someone who's part of one, is dealing with competing access needs. Even within the same disorders!
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Jul 31, 2017 01:39
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ArbitraryC posted:If he finds himself getting turned down a lot it could easily be wearing at his self esteem, and this is a p one sided account of the situation. He could also just be a sex fiend constantly pushing boundaries in their relationship who knows.
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Jul 31, 2017 02:09
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...I mean, it sounds like she did the right thing. That's, uh, pretty severe injuries, and it's unfair to your dog to make them go through a lot of pain and trauma to MAYBE recover. That said, the boyfriend's reaction is also understandable.  EDIT: Logically prolonging life in that situation is the wrong thing to do with the described injuries, because while intestinal spills can be recovered from any spilling of the, uh, contents of the intestine is going to cause massive infections. Emotionally it's very traumatizing to see an animal you care about in a lot of pain and lots of people's first instinct is going to try to be to treat the injuries and keep the animal around. PetraCore fucked around with this message at 00:47 on Aug 1, 2017 |
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Aug 1, 2017 00:40
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Maybe it was a small dog?
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Aug 1, 2017 00:47
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TOOT BOOT posted:I'm not sure if its the fact that she 'euthanized' her dog herself that bothers me or if its the fact that she was emotionally capable of doing it as a spur of the moment. That's like some pure sociopath poo poo to just make an instant decision to kill your dog with your bare hands. No that's a farm kid thing. It's... an essential skill when raising livestock that can get horribly mangled or just sick despite your best efforts.
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Aug 1, 2017 02:25
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Haifisch posted:
Mom's just upset she can't make a move on the friend for his money tbh.
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Aug 1, 2017 02:30
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Haifisch posted:I [16F] found out my boyfriend [16M] of three months asked me out because his brother [17M] was going to do it as a joke. If he's still dating her after three months I would say he actually likes her. Prank-blocking his brother didn't require a committed relationship, just one nice date. EDIT: Not to mention there's other ways to stop that bullshit.
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Aug 1, 2017 04:28
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:Most people already get a full 16-year education in how to not do the thing you're supposed to be doing when someone tells you to do it, that's a different life skill Pages late but Pedophilic OCD is a real thing where people have compulsive thoughts of worry where they're a pedophile. It, uh, definitely involves actually talking to a therapist to treat though. But if you go to a therapist that specializes in OCD they'll probably know what's up and how to treat it.
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Aug 1, 2017 23:45
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precision posted:People also compulsively worry about whether they're gay or not. Usually closet cases. Hmmm.... Either way actually talking to a good therapist that you trust is the way forward. Shrug?
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Aug 2, 2017 01:04
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The only way to feel good about putting a pet down is knowing you spared them some pain and struggling. It's hard even when the pet doesn't have a sentimental connection to your dead dad. I hope that 17 year old is getting some good words of condolence.
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Aug 2, 2017 02:47
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Hot Take: There can definitely be toxic greek houses because it's the kind of environment that encourages strong group identity and that can be a good thing or a bad thing. But lmao if you don't think the exact same stuff happens in nerd culture environments, and usually for the exact same reasons. It turns out people are people no matter what their superficial interests are. Like, have you never seen someone who identifies really strongly as a nerd/geek to the point that they start trying to gatekeep people for not being 'real fans' and excusing really lovely and dangerous behavior from people just because those people have hit the metric to be a 'real fan'?
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Aug 2, 2017 03:03
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new phone who dis posted:You aren't really a fan until you've written fan fiction and inserted yourself into the canon. Um, excuse me, you aren't really a fan until you've roleplayed OCs in an obscure corner of canon for over a year. Canon-compliant, of course. Mary sues gtfo. 
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Aug 2, 2017 03:30
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Pick posted:There's an actual public health crisis that people are trying to hide under a progressive label instead of acknowledge the epidemic of porn addiction. I actually agree with you quite a bit but I think you're mis-categorizing a bit. IMO the problem isn't porn itself or even more extreme porn, but the easy availability and promotion of extreme porn combined with a lot of, eh, prudity in mainstream culture in general? Like it's no surprising thing that modern American culture has an extremely polarized and simultanious relationship with sexuality and sexual pleasure, so people get exposed to weird poo poo in porn and then like, never get that course corrected. IMO it SHOULD be common knowledge that porn is not exactly shot or framed to feel good, but somehow you still get guys thinking that jackhammering away at weird angles is what women really want, or you get numbskulls insisting that what all women REALLY want is to be degraded to extreme amounts, they know this because it's in all their porns. I don't really agree with you that sex weirds is inherently damaging, but I think that societal attitudes towards sex rn are inherently damaging and that people mainlining porn while not actually bothering to learn people's preferences is both a symptom of this and a potential catalyst for some pretty nasty stuff. The porn itself isn't causing the sex bads. The sex bads are feeding into the porn.
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Aug 2, 2017 05:53
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Pick posted:One of the things tons of women goddamn said about 50 shades, which made it popular, is it made them do stuff in the bedroom that had never occurred to them before. It is the exact opposite of the example you think it is. Yeah and most of the actual sex in the book would be tame-as-gently caress light bondage except for the extremely bad actual relationship component. Like, you understand the bad thing about 50 Shades of Gray isn't people getting tied up and spanked, right? People getting tied up and spanked is perfectly fine in the context of a healthy relationship. Some people want to be spanked, not because they hate themselves, but because they genuinely enjoy the sensation. Brains is weird.
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Aug 2, 2017 05:55
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Pick posted:Marquis de Sade was jailed for being a loving creep, these days his work would be "empowering" The Marquis de Sade literally actually raped and tortured women which inspired his writing and his sexual philosophy was to do whatever you liked regardless of morality, consent, or legality. That's not exactly what people consider mainstream these days, Pick.
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Aug 2, 2017 05:57
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Pick posted:Except every single person who is into bdsm turns out to be a lame boring idiot with no aspirations who wasn't hugged enough as a child. hmmmm Correction: every single person who has the desire to tell everyone they're into bdsm is a lame boring idiot with no aspirations who wasn't hugged enough as a child.
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Aug 2, 2017 05:59
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