/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Jeffnote: my hero

So we've been with eachother for 6 years. Our sex life is just as good as when it started, I just wanted to try out some kinkier stuff so I suggested roleplaying. Kevin (husband) was somewhat open to the idea, but also thought it was a bit ridiculous. This is something I've always wanted to try, sort of like a fetish. So we got a few costumes, a Cop outfit and a Spy trenchcoat for him, and a nurse and cheerleader outfit for me. All of our roleplaying revolves around one person being in character, and the other interacting with them.

But he takes his roles as a joke! He goes intentionally extreme with the roles. I know he thinks it's a bit ridiculous, and I know he has more fun when he does this, but I want a real roleplay!

For example, when he dressed up as the Cop, he was supposed to do a stop and frisk, arrest me, etc, but in a sexy way. But instead, he kicks open the door, screams "HANDS UP THIS IS A RAID" and basically tackles me to the bed (this is OKAY it's NOT ABUSE we have rough dom/sub sex all the time), handcuffs me, literally reads me my Miranda Rights, leaves me there and rummages through the drawers throwing stuff everywhere, pulls out a little baggy of weed and goes apeshit like a cop might. I play a long, try to get him to 'let me go' if I can do sexual favours for him. Then we have some rough sex with handcuffs and everything. The actual sex was good but he kept speaking into his fake radio calling for backup, when I was on top he would shout OFFICER DOWN OFFICER DOWN.

With the Spy outfit he would come in and check me for wires and do the whole Pink Panther thing where he says "It is lovely weather we are having" while sneaking to the drapes and then beating the drapes up. I was envisioning a more James Bond-eqsue seduction.

Like, I like the sex, it's good, but I wanted a more porn-like experience. And it was kinda funny but not what I thought. And I KNOW that he thinks roleplay is ridiculous, and that he is trying to have fun with it but I feel like he doesn't know what I want. And I don't hate him for it, he's a big fuckin goofball in or out of our roles, but I want to have MY experience. How can I tell him this?

the husband owns and she should go to therapy to help her realize this

# ¿ Sep 29, 2016 19:45

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 5, 2024 08:21

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

Here's a relationships legaladvice twofer

quote:

My crush [17 F] thinks I [17 M] am creepy, please help!Dating

submitted 3 days ago by brucewaynev3

They are a girl in my class that I love, but I have never talked to her because I am too scared. I spend all day looking at her Facebook pictures, and like to see her before I go to sleep at night. One of my favorite pictures of her is the wall paper on my phone.

I never talk to anyone at school and no one looks at my phone. But in just a 1 in a million chance the guy next to my asked to see my phone so he could check something on the internet. I didn't think anything of it so I said sure and gave it to him. The girl was sitting on the other side of him. When he opened the phone she saw her picture on my phone.

Lets just say she didn't like it too well. What can I do? I still have a huge crush on her but she thinks I'm creepy.

tl;dr: I had a picture of her on my phone and she saw it. Now she thinks I'm a creep

quote:

In Florida what would be the penalty for attempted kidnapping and impersonating a police officer? (self.legaladvice)

submitted 2 days ago by brucewaynev3

If someone pretended to be a police officer to handcuff a girl. But she either doesn't believe him, or she gets away. What would the punishment be?

I mean if she gets away it's not really kidnapping right? And they didn't hurt her or anything so it wouldn't be a bad crime would it?

# ¿ Oct 4, 2016 17:33

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

we get boat we get go posted:

This thread moves too fast, like so many of these terrible relationships!

Welp, my bad. It was really funny though.

Edit:

Just so I add something new to that piece of drama:

quote:

[�]electrobolt 86 points 1 day ago*

It doesn't just stop there. Something about this guy's posting style rang a really uncomfortable bell.

I submit that this poster is one and the same as /u/darylprat, who posted over and over again in /r/relationships and /r/legaladvice about the fact that he was stalking a minor celebrity and was trying to get her attention via social media. His behavior was so erratic and worrisome that mods actually notified the girl's employer.

Anyway, one of the fake accounts he made on Facebook to continue stalking his victim was Bruce Wayne.

I am certain it's the same guy, which unfortunately means that he isn't getting successful help for his mental illness and his victim might still be in danger (edit: or, as appears more likely, he has a new victim).

Apparently, his youtube account was named brucewayne, too.

Links to posts he made under his other account. Still stalkin', just changing up the targets. So uh... maybe not a troll. Or if he is a troll, he's pretty dedicated.

https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4htkj1/im_18m_and_need_help_getting_a_26f_on_the/

https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4hribn/im_a_18_year_old_m_and_need_help_getting_a_26/

https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4i7orq/if_someone_ban_me_on_facebook_and_i_make_another

https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4hfvy4/can_i_get_in_trouble_for_sending_a_girl_love/d2rqh8p

Adventure Pigeon fucked around with this message at 19:28 on Oct 4, 2016

# ¿ Oct 4, 2016 19:22

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

I liked this one

quote:

My[24M] fiancee[25F] wants me to cut my brother[26M] off because he dosed her friends with LSD.[new]

Kind of a hosed up situation but here goes. Fiancee and I have been together for 6 years. She has two friends, Stacy and Greg, who are a couple. Stacy and Greg are generally good people, but Stacy has a tendency to turn into a bit of a bitch when she drinks.

A few weeks ago, we were at a party and my brother was over. I'm not too exact on the details, but apparently he got into an argument with Stacy, and she just started insulting him, this led Greg getting involved and insults being hurled from both sides there as well. Apprently Stacy threw a drink in my brother face and slapped him, but there was nothing else that happened other than them all shittalking for while.

Ok so a week ago we were all at this cultural event, it was like a banquet type of thing, so we were all sitting at the same table. At some point in the night, we looked over and Stacy and Greg were just gone without warning. We tried calling them throughout the night but couldn't get into contact with them.

The next day my girlfriend called Stacy to ask her what happened, and apparently Stacy was very shaken up and seemed hosed up. She basically said she had no idea what happened but she thought she had a psychotic breakdown or something. My gf said she wasn't really making sense and wasn't really able to explain what the hell happened, but just kept saying stuff about how hosed up poo poo was and just apparently seemed super messed up. I haven't really gotten the chance to talk to them myself and neither of us have really spoken to or heard from Greg, but from what Stacy told us he's kind of hosed up himself right now too and very confused.

Well, I was hanging out with my brother later and mentioned that apparently Stacy had a psychotic break. He started laughing and said "yeah of course, I put a shitton of LSD in their water at the banquet" I was pretty shocked and got some more details and yeah, apparently he's had a dropper bottle full of acid and his way of getting back at them was to put "probably 10 hits each" in their water...

I should mention that while they both drink, Stacy has never used any drugs, not even weed, and Greg's expereince was that he smoked a handful of times throughout college, so they are both very inexperienced with stuff. I've done LSD and Shrooms like twice and even knowing what I was getting into with one dose still had many scary moments...so I can only imagine the terror that Greg and Stacy felt...

I told my gf later that night. She was obviously extremely mad, saying things about how my bro is a psycho, and is saying that she wants me to cut him off permanently.

The thing is, my brother is extremely important to me. He's never done anything like this, and is generally super nice, except for a few fights he's been in in the past 10 years, which like 60% of were defending me...

I really don't think I can cut my brother out of my life to be honest, but my gf is insistent. Reddit, I'm at a loss at what to do. Help.

tl;dr: Brother dosed gf's friends with LSD as revenge. GF wants me to cut him off.

# ¿ Oct 7, 2016 01:02

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

Tolkien minority posted:

I mean, you have to realize this is an incredibly biased account from someone who is quite obviously insane in which they still admit to stalking and harassing their ex/his new gf

Yeah, she can't even keep her story straight in the comments. The real story is probably more that she beat him when she was having episodes, he finally got out and met someone new, she starts stalking and threatening them. I can't imagine what it'd be like to date someone that crazy.

# ¿ Oct 8, 2016 17:13

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

Eh, the adult thing to do after someone says they're not interested in you is to move on. How she behaved after he said he wasn't interested just shows his decision was the right one.

# ¿ Nov 16, 2016 19:37

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

I found something special in /r/legaladvice today

A person said restaurants were conspiring against them but deleted their post, so I found the bestoflegaladvice thread then I went to their post history and oh boy

quote:

Title: [NY] Resturants are rotting against me

Original Post:

It probably sounds like I'm mentally ill and paranoid, but it's actually happening.

I used to have this favorite resturant I went to every other week (I don't eat out much). One day, the staff wouldn't serve me and asked me to leave. Before I even sat down! I tried to reason with them but the manager came and threaten to call the police. It was so embarrasing.

I found another resturant nearby I liked, and started going there instead. After maybe a couple of months they did the exact same thing! Again, I hadn't even been seated so it's not like I did something wrong. I didn't bother to argue with them, just told them to go hell and went to yet another loving resturant.

So far it's a weird coincident, but now it gets creepy. I went to a resturant nearby that I've never been in before and they also asked me to leave! When I asked why, they just told me they weren't interested in my service, even tho they server other people right at that moment. It wasn't full or even close either.

There has to be somekinda agenda against me here. This can't possibly be legal, right? How do I begin to take legal action?

Gee I wonder why she keeps getting banned from restaurants I guess we'll never... oh...

quote:

When I was actively a server we had to have an apron that held pen and paper, so to answer your question yes I always had pen and paper.>

You ARE NOT answering my question. Here's the question:

DO YOU EVERY SINGLE TIME COME TO THE TABLE WITH PAD AND PEN *********IN YOUR HANDS********* SO YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU AREN'T WRITING IT DOWN? When it's in your apron pocket, the customer doesn't SEE it therefore, to them, their impression is that you aren't writing things down. Also, what did you do if you went to the table, then they asked for something, did you take your pad and pen out of your pocket? If you did, do you have to make them repeat it due to you not remembering it during the time you wasted of theirs to take it out of your apron pocket?

I am asking if you had a pad and pen ****IN YOUR HANDS****, IN YOUR HANDS, IN YOUR HANDS********* so the customer can see that you are going to write down a list. Without that, how will they know they can tell you 10 things at once with you remembering them, because it APPEARS* to the customer you aren't willing to write things down if the pad and pen are in your apron pocket, huh?

If you continuously have bad experiences at restaurants maybe it's not the establishments but you.>

NO, it's not me, it's the lazy, uncaring, and dingy staff members.

quote:

You servers need to STOP LEAVING SO FAST SO WE CAN ASK FOR MORE THAN ONE THING! PLEASE! I think servers do this because they are TOO LAZY TO WRITE THINGS DOWN and truly don�t want to do these request, am I right that it�s all about LAZINESS?

Also, sometimes servers will only write SOME PARTS of your order and not others such as once a waiter didn�t write down I wanted 2 sides of tartar sauce, then OF COURSE HE FORGOT THEM. WHY not write down the ENTIRE ORDER? WHY BE LAZY? WHY do you feel you should get a good tip if you don�t get the order correct for things you can control?

Please tell me WHY servers at times don�t write down your orders or even requests down? I mean you expect to remember 5 things after taking several other table�s request as well? That�s pretty hard for most people to do. I know I couldn�t do that without writing things down.

You don�t know HOW MANY THINGS I WILL ASK FOR. That�s WHY you WRITE THINGS DOWN!! We had a waitress at Bonefish Grill that was attempting to take our food orders WITHOUT WRITING THEM DOWN and eventually she took her pad and pen out, because it was too much I guess for her. WHY DO THIS poo poo? WHY NOT JUST BE PREPARED TO BEGIN WITH BY GETTING YOUR PAD AND PAPER OUT? WHY BE SO LAZY AND UNCARING about the customer, but then expect the customer to care about you at the end with a nice tip? Does that make ANY SENSE? If you want a good tip, you have to CARE about OUR DINING EXPERIENCE IN ORDER FOR US TO CARE ABOUT YOUR TIP!

WHY do you all LEAVE BEFORE WE HAVE A CHANCE TO ASK FOR EVERYTHING? Isn�t it because you know you can�t remember all of that without writing it ALL DOWN? BE HONEST NOW!!

Don�t you all want to make LESS TRIPS? Don�t you all want a GOOD TIP? I REALLY DON�T GET IT? You servers complain at times about bad tips, but then aren�t willing to WORK for that tip, WHY IS THAT? Well, I am waiting�.. It�s just like not studying for a test and then expecting a good grade. You have to WORK for what you want in life! WHY can�t you servers out there not understand that, huh? By writing everything down, it would create LESS WORK and MORE TIME by combining things in LESS TRIPS, usually ONE TRIP rather than several and getting things faster means A BIGGER TIP IN MOST CASES. Makes EVERYONE HAPPIER, INCLUDING YOU ALL, THE SERVERS!

I am just truly frustrated with servers COMPLANING about this exact issue, but don�t want to actually *************DOOOOOOOO ANYTHING***** about it. If you want people not to run you, here are the things you need to do: 1. Have your pad and pen READY to write things down when you go to their table. 2. Ask if they need something. After one person speaks, say �anything else I can get you all� and if another person speaks, state again, �Anything else I can get you all.� Until they say �no� for sure. 3. OFFER specific things like get it in their mind like refills or another bar drink or a box, container for a condiment, more bread, etc. 4. Don�t leave BEFORE people have said their ENTIRE LIST either. I am so sick of servers that are doing that. I have that done A LOT! I mean, STAY PUT! I really think it�s that they don�t expect a list, but then want a list Either you do want to be ran or you don�t, PICK ONE! You can�t have it both ways to be too lazy to write things down, then want the customer to give you a list all at once of all the things they want. The average server is not going to remember 4 or more things especially after going to other tables that have called them over.

The main one is I really feel #1 that if you have your pad and pen, people will more likely tell you ALL the stuff they need, because they won�t be afraid you won�t remember all of that. Think about it. There�s no way I am going to give a list of 10 things if I see you aren�t writing them down anymore, I am just fed up with it! You either want to be ran or you don�t. You can�t have it BOTH WAYS! You don�t want to be ran, have your pad and pen. If you have dirty dishes, do like the Chili�s waitress I said that took my white russian order said �I have to write it down, because I won�t remember, so let me put these dishes down� is what she basically said to us. You can put them down on a dirty table or go to the kitchen and come back. I�d rather not have to tell you 2 and 3 times what I have already asked for and you�d rather not make more trips, so it�s a simple solution to try your best to remember what I said if you go back through your written list and get all the things you can out of that list to the customer.

Another time, I wanted to ask for a box, a bag, some containers for my condiments, and a refill on my soft drink, which all she got at first before she was going to run off was my bar drink order, which I got in at least the box and container request, she walked away BEFORE I could say more not wanting to get more request. I know why, she�s lazy and she doesn�t care. She WANTS to be ran and she doesn�t want to write it down either. You can�t have it both ways. I was going to ask for all of those things, which are 5 things. She wasn�t going to write my order down either, which she did, but I shouldn�t have to ask my server to write things down, especially food orders. I am just SICK of the servers like this that won�t LET YOU(GIVE YOU A CHANCE) to ask for everything you need at one time. WHY you servers want to complain about being ran, then not let us ask everything we need by running off so quickly?

I am just tired of servers complaining about this, then truly don�t want customers to ask them all at once. If you all did, you�d have your pad and pen READY to write down my every want EVERY SINGLE TIME you came to the table to ask us if we needed something. You would NEVER greet a table without your pad and pen, NOT EVER! You have NO CLUE if the customer is going to order a complicated bar drink with specific alcohols or an appetizer with modifications or fully order their entr�es or fully order their entr�es as well as appetizers or side salads, etc. or how many things they will ask for. BE PREPARED! Don�t act like you are perfect, NO ONE IS! A good server TRIES their best by writing EVERYTHING down. We recently had a time where I asked this waiter "Could you please possibly write my order down, because it's a lot?" His NASTY, LAZY rear end RESPONSE WAS "I HAVEN'T WRITTEN AN ORDER IN 12YRS." So he goes to get a pen and a napkin to write things down. Then he ask to ask AGAIN my husband's order that he ordered BEFORE he wrote mine down, which just *PROVED******* he ******NEEDED TO WRITE IT DOWN, that he *WASN'T PERFECT LIKE HE WAS ACTING LIKE. Instead of 25% he could have gotten, he got 18%-19%(can't remember if it was 18% or 19%). He didn't get 20% even, because of his nasty attitude.

So remember, when you want to complain about this issue, ASK YOURSELF***WHY****, is it *YOU or is it truly the CUSTOMER?

Now, have I as a customer unintentionally asked for things one at a time, YES, at a new restaurant for example, decided I wanted a margarita for example, but didn't when we ordered our non-bar drinks. Things like that, which was unintentional. Also, I have forgotten to ask for things, I am human just like everyone else. I do, HOWEVER, be nicer than most servers by APOLOGIZING when I do forget to ask for something. It's rare when I forget to ask for something, but when I do, I ALWAYS say I am sorry. I expect the same thing back from the server, but RARELY get it when THEY forget things. I am VERY NICE when I tell them about a mistake and when I order.

Plus sometimes when checks start getting past $100 plus and they only leave an 8 dollar tip it can be quite frustrating. >

It shouldn't be frustrating if you did a poor job. It depends on the service. If you did a good job, I 100 BILLION PERCENT TOTALLY AGREE with you, but if you didn't do a good job, I have to totally disagree with you on that.

quote:

lady.. youre complaining about free poo poo. gtfo.>

The ***SERVICE****** IS NOT FREE IDIOT! Doesn't the server want a tip DUMMY??? I am complaining about the SERVICE that I AM ****PAYING FOR******* YOU STUPID loving IGNORANT IDIOT that has to be explain this COMMON SENSE issue.

You are ignorant, NOT ME to have to be explained that service isn't free. Also, if you are in a large party or use a coupon that requires automatic gratuity, service isn't free if automatic gratuity is added.

It's not free, that's why I am complaining. MY TIME is being altered which I am PAYING* for called ******SERVICE********* you stupid moron that's getting DELAYED!

This is just a small sample of posts. All her posts on Reddit are about her being angry at restaurants. There are dozens and dozens of posts. They are spread out over several years

Edit: Holy gently caress I just went through five pages of her post history before I got bored and it was nothing but angry posts about restaurants.

Adventure Pigeon fucked around with this message at 02:17 on Oct 29, 2017

# ¿ Oct 29, 2017 02:15

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

Ok now I'm back to 3 years ago another 7 pages and she's still posting nothing except anger at restaurants except one post where she was angry about pizza delivery.

also lol

quote:

You are psychotic. I am VERY NORMAL. You are a VERY MEAN and HATEFUL person.

Just because I have common sense and told you the truth you have a problem with that, huh? Seriously, you are dumb!

And from four years ago:

quote:

H. I have ordered at Outback my fries "lightly cooked" "Not overdone and yellow not brown." I have had their fries before cooked the way I like them before many of times before this time I am talking about. This stupid waitress decided to blame the kitchen staff for REALLY DARK BROWN FRIES as if she was blind or something and my husband even told me he could see that they were really dark. My husband may not agree with me on every subject of course, but with that, you could EASILY tell just by LOOKING that those fries were overdone and very dark. She said she put in the order correctly. I am thinking, SO? I wish I could have said "Are you blind?" That was HER FAULT she DECIDED TO SERVE ME THOSE FRIES THAT WEREN'T CORRECT. I noticed the mistake within 3 seconds of my food being placed in front of me.

http://www.bunrab.com/dailyfeed/dailyfeed_images_feb-07/df07_02-04_baconn.jpg

You can tell in this picture above the bacon is very crispy just by simply LOOKING at it.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_vv2IGE5obwk/RwVi-0hZziI/AAAAAAAABjc/m6bP-Te_wJE/s320/IMG_8338.jpg

You can tell in this picture above the bacon is NOT CRISPY, just by simple LOOKING at the bacon.

Auugggghhhhh

quote:

"She's not pushing for restaurant patrons to tip more, she's pushing for servers' minimum wage to be raised so they DON'T have to rely solely on tips."

But that's not the employer's issue if the server decided to have kids, is it? If the employer paid more, the prices would go up in the restaurant, which means WE would be paying their wage in a way by the price hikes. We shouldn't be paying for servers to have kids. Servers having kids should NEVER be brought up in a tipping discussion, because it has nothing to do with tipping.

""Atlas Shrugged"

My husband read it, but I went see the movies with him(1st and 2nd movies). It was boring to me. I hate reading books, so you will NEVER catch me reading a book.

I never said I read any book, you do know that, right?

Adventure Pigeon fucked around with this message at 02:27 on Oct 29, 2017

# ¿ Oct 29, 2017 02:20

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

spite house posted:

Holy poo poo, is this the legendary Springs1? She's been around FOREVER. I remember her cutting up on Livejournal back in the mid-oughts. If a troll, the most dedicated troll who ever lived. Respect.

Bingo. I gave up after about 16 pages of her posts. I'm not terribly surprised that she's gotten famous.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2017 05:43

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

Weatherwax posted:

Uuuhhh that's a good question.
Oldie but goodies like birth el pup and eagle having boyfriend are great, but wanting to buy mom a boobjob and kids at wedding has potential for staying power.

Speaking of weddings... I don't care about your weddings, especially if you are a white American and no one was maimed.

I want to read about eagle having boyfriend again. That dude was cool.

# ¿ Nov 21, 2017 00:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 5, 2024 08:21

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

It's always funny looking at the post histories of some of the more ridiculous posters in a sub like JustNoMIL and seeing dozens of stories involving their mother in law, their friends mother in laws, their narcissist parents, their grandmothers, random wretched fat people, neck beards, people who think they work at places they don't, and every other reddit complain-about-other-people sub. No one calls them out because that wouldn't be supportive I guess, but you'd think people who genuinely do have hosed up people in their lives might get a false sense of standards for what is extreme behavior by seeing endless fantasies about people born from Hitler's rear end in a top hat.

# ¿ Aug 5, 2018 00:03

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna