- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I'm married to a woman who hates cats and claims she's also allergic to them. I don't believe her, I think she just uses the allergy claim as an excuse to not let me get a cat (and if I can't have a cat, there's no loving way she gets to have a dog. Fair is fair.)
We went to this restaurant and sat at a table outside. There were several cats just kind of walking around from table to table, obviously begging for food from guests. One affectionately brushed past my wife's leg and she shrieked a little because she was scared kitty was going to scratch or bite her leg. During dinner while she wasn't looking, I was discreetly feeding one of the cats some of my table scraps out of my hand, and petted the cat many times. Of course that just caused it to sit there and stare at us, meowing because it wanted more foot and back scratches. My wife shooed it away.
That night I made it a point not to wash my hands. My wife and I had sex, and after I came I fingerbanged her until she came as well. I wanted to see if she was really allergic, because the cat was eating out of and licking my hand earlier that night. I jokingly mentioned later my penis felt a little itchy and asked if her vagina felt itchy as well. She said her vagina felt fine.
I'm pretty sure at this point she has been lying to me about being allergic to cats, and it upsets me that she's some sort of cat hating buzz kill.
quote:I posted several thread iterations ago. I am a young black goon who was at the time living in a really poor neighborhood outside of Pittsburgh. I mentioned that I lived on a block that had a liquor store, a KFC, and a Popeye's chicken and nothing else. That's not a joke - if you look up Wilkinsburg PA you'll see what I mean. There's since been a pawn shop, a Boost Mobile phone store, and a check cashing place added to this little slice of Hell.
I worked fast food and considered killing myself several times.
Just following up to say I got my life in order since then. There was a mass shooting in my neighborhood a few months after posting my confession, and that woke me up. This was not a life I wanted to lead and, more importantly, I didn't want to die and become just another statistic.
I kept working fast food to keep the lights on, but I also began volunteering in a community outreach program. Through that, I was able to start building my confidence and, more importantly, I met a few people that got me a much better job AND got me in to a car pool. I am now working as a driver for Fedex - I make almost double what I was before, I have guaranteed Sundays and Mondays off, and I have a retirement plan in place. I realize now this sounds like I'm advertising for them lol - but I'm just so drat happy.
The lease for my apartment runs out in December, and I've already found a new place to live. I am not giving up on this community though, I still volunteer. But I also realize I need more things in my life - a library, safe places to walk at night, etc. I hope we can change things but I realize this will take time.
My life isn't perfect, but it's getting better every day. Thank you for this thread, I honestly think writing down everything months ago helped me take stock of my life and decide I needed to change it.
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Sep 30, 2016 06:09
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Apr 27, 2024 17:50
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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On a personal note, if this thread (and the ones preceding it) helped even one person to actually do something about their lives rather than just complain to online strangers, then all the effort has been worth it.
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Sep 30, 2016 06:13
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I really hate the movement behind the ; symbol. Not because I have anything against the depressed or mentally ill, but because I think it is cheesy and hokey and kind of loving annoying. It's pretty much my favorite punctuation, but it's been co-opted by attention-seeking brokebrains. I have not met a single person who associates with the symbol that I would not describe as insufferable.
If you're suicidal, get help. Call a hotline, get therapy, join a support group. If you've been suicidal and you've gotten help, I am absolutely thrilled for you. But don't rub your victory over yourself in everyone's face, jeez.
Preempting 3 pages of discussion:  honeypot warning , a serious discussion about incarceration and treatment is encouraged, but don't let the stated intent of this confession (i.e trolling the hell out of ephebophilia defenders and other weirdos) derail this thread.
quote:i cant seem to stop defending pedophiles
really its because theyre people too and its pretty well proven that ostracizing them and punishing them too harshly actually has negative impacts on recidivism rates (increasing them)
but its really a nice side benefit that it trolls the living poo poo out of goons
adios
ps ive never harmed or considered harming a child
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Oct 1, 2016 11:30
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I am quite terrible at my job. But there is very limited oversigth so i have been able to skate by so far. Some of the things i have done to paper over my mistakes are actually illegal. On paper i am the best qualified member of my team. Second to the boss i am by a significant margin the best paid. But i am also the least productive because i have no loving clue what i am doing. A few months from now i will get transferred to a new location. I`ll get paid even more and my responsibilites will increase. I am terrified because i have already been promoted too far. I`ll get caugth now i am sure. I am the Peter principle in action. Appearing competent and motivated and leveraging that into professional sucess is my only real skill. Its almost as good as being actually competent and motivated.
On the plus side i just bougth a bedpan so now i only use my teapot to drink. More hygenic that way and the bedpan can take a greater volume of piss which is handy.
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Oct 4, 2016 20:56
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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One of those last two confessions really topped the other
I mean, medieval Latin? drat, I'm impressed.
Medieval Latin is actually much less grammatically complicated than Classical Latin.
I should know, I took all of my twin brother's Latin exams for him.
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Oct 9, 2016 20:12
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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It actually really isn't.
Six tenses, six cases and a million declensions is your idea of easy?
Name one modern Romance language that is harder to master.
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Oct 10, 2016 06:55
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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More like a hobby, I would say.
A vocation, perhaps, if you're really into it.
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Oct 10, 2016 08:30
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Arabic is much simpler, at least the colloquial version.
If we're comparing Classical to Classical, I would argue that on purely technical grounds Latin is more difficult: twice as much cases, twice as much tenses and a bit less declensions.
Obviously that's not an absolutely objective way to quantify difficulty of language acquisition, but it is indicative of complexity.
I dunno, when I studied Arabic it seemed much easier.
I don't know Mandarin, but my friends who studied it say that the morphology is very simple. The difficult part is pronunciation and writing.
Any Chinese speakers who can verify this?
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Oct 10, 2016 13:30
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Sorry about all the Latin chat, it's a sore spot with me.
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Oct 11, 2016 13:16
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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IIRC the Iranian government performs free sex change operations on gay people. Since it can't hang all of them.
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Oct 13, 2016 14:46
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I know this is me being very late to the party, but I have something for all you monkey-torture goons:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY
spoiler: the video contains no actual torture.
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Oct 19, 2016 19:25
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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loquacious is n/a for a few days and asked me to fill in for him, here are the next two confessions:
quote:I'm not sure if you're still checking this and posting, but just in case, here's mine. For background, I'm a 32 year old guy with a decent career, but I have no friends and have never had sex or even been on a date or kissed anyone in my life. I don't want to say exactly when this happened in the unlikely event that an internet detective wants to find who I am, but not too long ago I attended a work related conference in Thailand. For weeks I researched and fantasized about getting a prostitute there and finally losing my virginity. Even more pathetically, I had plans to ask her to come back with me and marry me in exchange for a greencard if we got along well enough. I had about 20,000 dollars in savings I was willing to part with in case she had a pimp or something I'd have to buy her from, plus travel costs.
So, I arrive in Thailand, give my talk the first day there and hit the streets that night to see what I could find. I quickly met a beautiful girl in the first bar I went to, basically the exact face and body type I had fantasized about. She could tell I was nervous, I could barely even hold a conversation, but eventually we head to her room. She gave me a price of 2000 baht (roughly 60 USD). I handed her 5000 because I thought that would guarantee a better time. She acts confused and tries to give it back and I try to explain it's a tip. Eventually she just shrugs and puts it in her bag and tells me to get undressed and heads to the bathroom to do the same I guess.
I get naked and lay on the bed. When she comes out and sees me I can see a look of revulsion she failed to hide enough. To the surprise of probably nobody, I am quite obese and very hairy. She manages to go back to her professional face and gets in bed. She starts doing her thing, but all I can think of is that disgusted look she gave me and I can't get hard, at all. After like 5 minutes of that she says "whats wrong? you gay?" and I decided I needed to get out. I said sorry and started putting my clothes back on while she keeps asking me what's wrong. I started to cry a little and kept saying I'm sorry and gave her another 2000 baht which made her even more confused. She followed me out and started getting kind of mad and calling me names, mostly accusing me of being gay. I spent the rest of the trip holed up in my hotel room drinking.
Anyway that's my confession of the time I paid a Thai prostitute about 200 dollars for 10 minutes of humiliation and an unsuccessful handjob while getting called a "big gay baby".
quote:Sleep molesting guy here again. To clarify, apparently whenever I "molest" my gf I grope and dry hump her for a while, then I just abruptly stop after a while and fall right back to sleep. It's really weird
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Nov 5, 2016 18:14
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Don't get married, boys and girls!
quote:Sorry this is a rant and a confession together.
I never really thought I should get married to my wife (soon to be ex). I did it for several reasons that didn't include because I thought we should be together for the rest of our lives. When dating there were several times if poo poo didn't go the way she wanted it to go, then there was a fight or an argument triggered by her. These arguments were batshit crazy, her eyes would pop out of her head and I"d hear for an hour how lovely of a person I was I'd also hear how stupid I was while she ranted and raved and went insane for that time.
She was lazy, in our 10 years together she's probably worked a full 1 year of that, while we had kids (More later) together and I understand that she was taking care of the kids during the day, I was working 2 jobs at times for about 2.5 years while she worked 0. When she did have an idea for a way to make money from home I'd help her, I'd build a website, update it and told her the only thing she needed to do was promote it on forums etc, and write articles and get her name out there; this was always too much work and 3 months later she'd be on to the next thing because surprise.. money didn't just come rolling in.
She was terrible with money; when we didn't have much we both sacrificed towards our child. When I started making decent money it felt like it was a race to spend the money. If I wanted to buy clothes, I'd go right after work on payday, because I knew she'd be stopping at the clothing store, or the beauty supply store, or the salon to spend a few hundred bucks. I then wouldn't buy clothes or anything for myself because I wanted to make sure that we had enough money. Even now I expect that when school tuition comes out on Monday her account will be overdrawn by a few hundred dollars because since last payday (support and alimony gets direct deposited) she dropped ~450 on Haircuts, clothes, and beauty supplies.
She was still a terrible and selfish person (again also lazy). I worked a full time job, she was a stay at home mom and 40-60% of the time, I came home and cooked dinner after working a full time job. 90% of the time I did dishes, 98% of the time I put the kids to bed and read and sat up with them. On the weekends EVERY WEEKEND she'd sleep till 10-11am, I was up at 7 with the kids, wake up and have a cup of coffee, maybe we'd talk, maybe she just wanted to be left alone, then 2 hours of shower and getting ready and shopping. She'd come home at 4 from shopping, and either sit down and do nothing and it was a waiting game to see if Dinner was going to be made (I'd usually do it so I lost). Then I'd do dishes and put the kids to bed. I was always made to feel like I didn't do enough, when in reality I did 80% of the housework, home repairs, cleaning etc, on top of working a full time job.
The kids: Please don't take any of this out of context I still love each and everyone of my children and don't regret anything.
I wanted kids, and I thought (stupidly ) that it would make our relationship work, and I really deeply just wanted to make her happy. We had one child not too long after we were married, I wanted to wait a bit. The second child I wasn't ready for, I needed our relationship to be fixed first, but she wanted another one, and went after it in a poo poo way. One night while watching a movie she climbed on top of me and started riding me. I told her hold on I wanted to get protection (Didn't want to risk having a child) but she gave a few more pumps so that I'd finish then said sorry. Personally I think she knew exactly what she was doing. our third child was unexpected by both of us.
Confession
I married her because:
1. she was a pretty attractive woman (Until she let herself go) that for the most part wanted to spend time with me and I was never good at dating.
2. I felt guilty because I had her get an abortion and I felt I owed it to her to have a relationship
3. I had a deep seated need to be liked, I wanted her so badly to like me and be okay with me, I wanted to prove I was a good person and that she was wrong about me.
I was to afraid to get divorced because I was afraid of how nasty she'd get, and that I was then not going to see my kids on a daily basis.
Don't be like me goons, be 100% secure in your relationship and marriage, and fully understand your partner or  because it doesn't get any easier or better. I learned a lot about what I want in a relationship, about myself (Be careful of following that need to be liked, and say gently caress you if you don't like a person), and came out stronger and I'm 100% put together and ready to face life happier than I've been in 10 years.
Personally I hope she finds someone who is as bad to her as she says I was to her.
I also feel like she's an evil evil person, she planned on marrying me because I'd support her and do it all. She wanted kids with me so she could lock me in. She planned this divorce for awhile, making sure we bought a house that she liked so she could try and keep it, making sure that she had bought clothes, and started working on looking better so she could jump to another guy. She plays the victim, and my mindset on life doesn't let me think there are people this evil.. but In the back of my head I still think she planned everything as an evil evil person and I got hosed over hardcore.
quote:Will try to keep this short and to the point. Five years ago and two years into our marriage my wife told me during a fight that I was bad in bed and that she's had "so much better." She's said a bunch of other terrible poo poo about our sex life but I don't remember the details. At first I wrote it off as her slinging poo poo because she was mad at me for going out and drinking with some old friends. But after a few months what she said started to eat away at me because when we started dating she claimed she had only been with 3 other guys.
Time passes and we have our first kid. More time passes to bring us to about a year ago and she gets pregnant with our second child. When women are pregnant they tend to sleep a lot and one night she fell asleep really early and left her computer and phone open. The ever burning thought about what she had said was still in the back of my mind and I went through her computer to find something. I found she was logged into a gmail account I had never seen before. It took exactly 5 minutes of digging to find out that during college she was a prostitute on craigslist/adult friend finder and this was the email account she used to contact Johns. Judging by the huge volume of email she had easily slept with hundreds if not thousands of men. There were recent emails from guys asking if she was still around but it looks like she stopped responding to anyone a few months before we started dating. I'd guess she still looks at it to feel good about herself? Going back further in her email there was a ton of depraved stuff like scheduling gang bangs, unprotected anal , etc. At one point a few years ago I saw an amateur video on xvideos with a girl that looked like her getting a train run on her at a frat party (she's a small asian woman with a unique birthmark.) Now I'm quite certain it was her. When we've had sex she only wants missionary, lights off, no oral/anal.
I haven't confronted her (and it's been a year) but it eats me up inside. I can't confront her because I know it'll end the relationship and she'll take me to the cleaners in divorce court. She's said if I cheat on her I'll never see the kids again and I know she's serious enough to make that extend to any form of the relationship that ends. My kids are my world and I've been plotting to flee the country with our children and ghost her completely. I've already dissolved and re-established the company I own in Tallinn in Estonia to take advantage of their residency/citizenship program in secrecy. I've been siphoning off tons of money into bitcoin or cash to help hire a nanny and take care of life once we're there. I took us on a family holiday to Toronto recently to get the kids their passports. I'm hoping in the next few months she'll take a girls weekend and I can be done with her forever.
Anyway goons, don't get married or have kids!
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Nov 6, 2016 06:25
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:Follow up from Jock Itch Goon:
Hello Goons,
Thanks for the advice. I just wanted to let everyone know that after a month of over the counter anti-fungals I am jock itch free for the first time in memory. It is nice. Call this one a goon success story. BTW jock itch does not make you grow mushrooms on your testicles you daffy bastards.
Cheers.
quote:So one day when my son is five, there is this huge storm hyped up on the news and it was all the children at school were talking about. My son was in kindergarten and he's very sensitive, so he came home a few days before this huge storm is supposed to hit and he had an absolute meltdown about it. Crying, screaming, had to be held and coddled, and no amount of reasoning would assure him that we would be all right, that this storm wasn't a mile-wide tornado like he'd seen on tv or whatever. We do live in a heavily wooded area, though, and the power was almost certain to go out. I didn't have anything stocked up and was annoyed with myself for putting it off, because now I had this hysterical child in my arms and no non-perishables in the house and we needed to go to the store in the next few hours because the storm was supposed to start that night. I tried to tell him that we needed to get supplies so we could be prepared for the power to go out, but that upset him even more. He thought we were going to get sucked up by a tornado and blown to bits.
I've always been someone who tries to be very rational and think through things. When I was little I got over my fear of monsters in the closet by assuring myself there was nothing there in the dark that wasn't in the light. But as I was looking down at my son with tears on his face I had a completely crazy idea, the sort of thing I told myself I would never do to my child: I lied.
You have to understand my husband and I never even told him about Santa Claus, just let him get the idea and then never confirmed it. By the age of three he knew there was no Santa. He had a vague idea of God, and was very open to spiritual things, which surprised me, sort of, but then it makes total sense because he is human with a human brain. I didn't want him to believe I would lie to him, though.
But this time he couldn't calm down and couldn't calm down and I am a writer by trade and I realized that he just needed a new story to tell himself. So I let him think I was a witch.
I told him I knew a spell to keep the storm away. He immediately calmed down and looked at me in wonder. I told him he could do it with me and we would keep our house safe and the storm wouldn't be as bad as everyone said it was going to be, and that we would all be fine. He seemed a little skeptical about it, but he was game. So I took a knife from the kitchen and went out into the back yard. I pointed at the southwest corner of the back yard and I said, "The storm's coming up from that way, so we have to put the blade of the knife in the ground facing the storm. That way the knife will cut the storm in two and it will part and go around the house and we'll be safe."
I stuck the knife in the ground, tied some pine needles to it, and drew a circle. I said three times: "O great storm, pass us by, pass us by, pass us by." Then I clapped my hands, told him it was done, and that now we should go get supplies. He got excited, and off we went to the store to buy mac and cheese and little treats and stuff.
This was a few weeks ago. That storm turned out to be the Great Seattle Storm of 2016. You know, the one that ended up being less than a goat fart? That storm.
The worst thing that happened was our power went out, and we had a sleep-over in the basement so that the wind wouldn't scare us. Also we do have trees around our house and had to replace our back deck last year thanks to the huge maple tree right next to my son's room losing a huge branch and smashing poo poo up. So it really was safer down there.
Anyway we had a blast and now my son thinks I'm a witch. I feel bad lying to him, but my confession is that I really, truly want to keep up the charade, because I'm basically a witch out of Terry Pratchett now and just a little childhood magic would go a long way toward calming his irrational fears.
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Nov 6, 2016 16:55
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I'm a 20 year old goon with a degree in "MARKETING AND MANAGEMENT" and I loving regret it so much. It's a poo poo defree, I can't get a job because I don't have any job experience and my old asian parents won't let me get a low income job because I would throw their face or some bullshit.
On another note, dog shooting confession on page 1 made me sad
quote:I'm the tranny that confessed a long while ago about being massively turned on by and kind obsessed with he idea of a gangbang since reading that weird thread about some goon going to one.
Well my confession this time is that I'm going through with it, I've got 11 guys coming to gently caress me and 2 who are just coming to help organise things (already had more than one 3some with them)
The weirdest part is that even though I should probably be scared about STIs and the likes, my biggest fear is one of them wanting to touch my dick in some way.
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Nov 6, 2016 20:31
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3786131
there is a reason it's in the goldmine, it's extremely pro-click
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Nov 7, 2016 04:09
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Among the more extreme consequences of Trump's election is that it's really bringing out the crazies in the confession thread
he's like the inverse of Superman I guess
he's Bizarro basically
I think I read this mystery novel
Jon Pop, a space odyssey
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Nov 23, 2016 06:17
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I started to dream again after I stopped regularly smoking weed.
Not advocating this, just saying.
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Dec 12, 2016 06:25
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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It is, makes you feel like you regain a fuller cognitive day-to-day experience.
Also, great username+post combo.
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Dec 12, 2016 07:37
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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loquacious asked me to help him out during the next few weeks. Here are are two perverted normal fetish confessions to start us off:
quote:I have a powerful, all-consuming fetish that basically runs my life. I have changed jobs to accommodate it, have moved across states, ended and begun relationships, and spent thousands of dollars.
I have a fetish for women with unusual colored skin. Think the green alien women for Star Trek, I think that's what first got me going. Since then I've gotten really involved in the cosplay scene, moved to San Diego to be around for Comic Con, and started working at a factory that produces mannequins. I've also ended a few relationships with women when they refused to body paint before sex.
I was really motivated to send this in because, last night, I was watching FaceOff and they had a challenge to make the Monster High girls in to movie ready makeups. I got a huge boner and started researching those dolls. Long story short, I have around $1400 worth of Monster High Dolls coming to my house. For me to cum on of course.
quote:Hey - just another goon here who also j/o's to the TV show Mighty Magiswords.
It's good, the character design is top notch, it has some amazing waifus in it, and the voice work just adds to it. There's not really a big community online for adult male fans but I think we're starting to pop up (pun intended).
I'm not a pervert but I do like to chill out and watch it after work while playing some pocket pool. It gets me relaxed by the time my wife gets home from her job.
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Feb 12, 2017 09:03
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I love the smell of cuck in the morning:
quote:1) I can only orgasm if there's emo music or a My Chemical Romance song playing. I like sex so it's no big deal if there's no music playing but sometimes I have to get a song I really like stuck in my head if I want to get off.
2) My boyfriend recently said he'd like to see me get hosed by another guy and while I said no to that, I am kind of curious about it. He feels bad because his dick doesn't work well due to a medication issue so I'd rather not do anything like loving another guy because who knows if it's some weird guilt driven kink that will just make things worse.
3) I pretty much only take shits at work, in public restrooms, or at friends and family's houses because I don't want to have clean my toilet more than once every two weeks.
4) I really love my job, which shouldn't be a secret, but it's social services and I feel a little bad for not aspiring to work in a STEM field because so many people in my life do. I'd probably kill myself if I worked in STEM to be honest.
quote:My husband has become a racist, right wing psychopath over the last year and I'm finally going to leave him.
It started as the election heated up, and we argued over that a lot. I will spare you that since I'm sick of it, but my husband was extremely pro-Trump and based this solely on his feelings and his thought that a woman couldn't be president. He told me, and I quote "I love you honey and you're the smartest woman I know, but I sure wouldn't trust you with the nukes on your period". This lead to the worst fight we ever had.
Since the inauguration things have only gotten worse. He is constantly on facebook posting things along the lines of "Liberals are the real racists, against white men like me." and just today claimed that Trump is so hated because he's a tough dad in an unruly house full of spoiled millenial brats. My husband and I are both in our mid 20s.
Today he posted an article from Fox News that was an excerpt of a book about how "Alpha Women are ruining marriages" and tagged me in it. He then posted a bunch of comments with stuff like "Women need to be soft, isn't that right Kim???" and "Kim understands a woman's place."
Yeah, I do understand a woman's place, and it sure as gently caress isn't taking your bullshit.
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Feb 13, 2017 08:42
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Wrestling fans are weird:
quote:My boyfriend and I have a perfect relationship except for one thing - he is imitating Ric Flair almost all the time in his free time.
He considers Ric to be some kind of gay icon to him - between the robes, the blonde hair, and the wrestling tights.... my boyfriend was really deeply closeted growing up and I think wrestling was one of his first outlets towards understanding himself. So he's loved Ric Flair since he was a kid. That's awesome and I'm glad he has a hero.
What I'm not happy about is randomly getting chopped across the chest (my boyfriend fakes these, but it's still annoying), being put in the Figure 4 leglock, and being "Woo"'d at. My boyfriend also took one of my favorite bathrobes, bedazzled it on the back and added a bunch of feathers to it. ADMITTEDLY THIS LOOKS PRETTY AWESOME - but it's a bathrobe that's no longer functional and he did this without asking my permission.
At one point I said gently caress it, I'll fight fire with fire, and dressed up like Ricky "The Dragon Steamboat" with the goal of annoying him so much that he'd see my side of things. Unfortunately he really enjoyed it, thought I was roleplaying to come on to him, and he now is constantly asking me to dress as Flair's various rivals from the past (Steamboat, Sting, Dusty Rhodes, etc).
We have discussed this many times. I'll usually get about a week of freedom. Then I'll come home from work and find him cutting promos on the cat or Flair strutting around the house.
quote:I jerk off to pictures of women's feet. My girlfriend and I were discussing fetishes and she said feet were gross, so I just laughed and said they were.
But I like massaging her feet a lot, I stare at the when we're watching TV, and I jerk off into her socks before I do the laundry. If we could incorporate them into our love making I would be extremely happy.
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Feb 13, 2017 14:41
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I'm a youth minister who's pretty respected in my community. I volunteer, I work with kids, and I preach the word of God to people who need it.
I am also currently having 3 extra marital affairs.
I fully admit I prey on women at their lowest, which I come in contact with quite a bit at church. I'm somewhat good looking and pretty charismatic, so I pepper that in with some alcohol and sometimes a little weed. It's usually pretty easy to seduce those women, or at least get them to admit they'd consider it.
My wife and my kid have no idea and, honestly, gently caress them. I made the mistake of marrying a woman who hates sex for anything but procreation, and refuses to do anything "degrading" like kissing in public, letting either of our hands go below the waistline of the other, or even snuggling up on the couch or in bed.
We've had sex exactly 3 times in our 6 year marriage. The first time led to her crying in the shower and making me sleep downstairs for a month, the 2nd time was a year later and led to the birth of our son, and the 3rd time was on our 5 year anniversary. I have discussed divorce several times, especially in that first year, but she has threatened to leak some information online if I do so that would lead to me losing my job. That information is the fact that, in my younger years, I posed nude in a magazine for gay men. I am not gay but I needed money at the time.
My son is basically raised by my wife and her family and, despite only being 4 years old, is a good little Christian in their eyes. He hates other religions just like they do, and I even saw him shy away from a black family at the grocery store. Wonderful.
I am an awful person and am definitely going to hell for my affairs, and I know my wife is going to hell too for blackmailing me and for something really bad she did back in college. So this is middle america for you, a bunch of miserable sinners who hook up and make each other more miserable.
quote:I'm really bad at cooking despite constantly trying to improve and watching Food Network in my free time.
I think the biggest issue is I don't understand what makes some flavor mixes good and others bad. My sister's birthday came up and I wanted to cook something. I thought - chicken and waffles is a popular dish. Sweet and savory. I'll make my own spin on it!
I kept it simple and mixed one savory thing (shrimp) with one sweet thing (cocoa puffs) to make chocolate glazed shrimp. I tasted one and almost threw up. But I had made almost 3 lbs so I decided to take it over and hoped somebody else liked it. Nobody did. The dog got into it and even he spit it up. I guess it didn't help that I slightly burnt some too.
I've made similar gently caress ups in the past, usually mixing flavors that end up not tasting good. I tried making peanut and pepperoni pizza to similar issues before.
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Feb 14, 2017 07:05
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:My confession is that I think I'm breaking. Years ago I was the most confident I had ever been. I was working out, doing OK career wise, married, it was all coming up milhouse. Then I was blindsided by some unpleasant family history.
Many years ago, my single mother lost her job and had to move my brothers and I to a duplex my aunt owned. My aunt and uncle were much older and my uncle was my hero. He was charismatic and loyal, he taught me about jazz and baseball. He drove us to school every day, picked us up, and every Friday he took me to Blockbuster to rent a video game. He taught me how to shake hands and look people in the eyes when I spoke. One of my brothers, "Bob", was very ill and my uncle acted as his caretaker and would bring him to his doctor's appointments. My uncle passed away over a decade ago and I was honored to be one of the paul bearers. There was a line of people out the cathedral and down the street to pay respects to him. A local basketball court is named after him.
He raped my brother. He raped my sick, little brother. He spent 5 years molesting Bob, until he was old enough to be a teenager. No one in my family knew this until a few years ago, when Bob finally spoke out. He sat with that burden for 15 years and no one knew. Everyone thought my uncle was a saint. But he was a drunk and a pedophile.
I haven't dealt with this at all. I made a mental deal with myself that I would try not to dwell on this info until I had to. My aunt passed away in the last few months and I no longer have that excuse not to think about this. It's eating me away. I have a large extended family and none of them know. Bob said when the time was right, he would tell them. With my aunt passing, there's been a lot of family drama regarding money and property and I'm afraid Bob will get angry at one of our other uncles and drop this bomb in the worst way imaginable.
Here's my confession: Before we lived in the duplex, I visited my uncle every summer. My first orgasm was in his home. I was young, I couldn't even ejaculate yet, I'm not sure I even knew what sex was. But one morning I woke up with this insane, intense feeling on my penis. It's very foggy, but it was almost like a wet dream but without the puberty part. In my memory, there's a vague shadow that someone else was in the room. Since I was a child, I haven't been able to sleep. I wake up shaking. If I sleep and the covers are too tight or my wife is too close to me, sometimes my heart starts pounding and I freak out. I often wake up choking myself. I get this uneasy feeling someone is near me. I'm terrified that I was molested and cannot remember. Can that even happen?
I'm all sorts of hosed up and I'm dreading when this news becomes public. I don't know what posting this will do I just needed to tell someone. I can't talk to my family about this, I can't get myself to open my mouth. We're moving my mother out of the duplex and there's so many old photos of my uncle. It's breaking me down. By the way, I did just schedule an appt with my PCP to get a referral to a therapist, so I'm ahead of you one this one.
quote:I just loving love stealing.
Except I'm really particular, I've only ever stolen from employers or family members. Basically, I only do it if I know I can get away with it or if I know I'll be forgiven if I'm caught.
I would steal small things from the retail place I worked at a few years ago. Mostly just snacks and small things that I would need. Packages of screws or small tools, that kind of thing. I knew where all the cameras were, and I knew I could get in and out of the back to stash things in my purse or coat pockets without looking suspicious.
I would also steal tips like a fiend at my last job. It was a dog groomer's. It was really loving easy to steal cash tips, because there was never any record of them coming in in the first place. Usually what I'd do was I'd split the tip in half if it was a big one and give half to the groomer that it actually belonged to and half to myself. I quit about a year ago but I wonder if the groomers realized that they were getting bigger tips after I left?
I don't really have an excuse, but when I was stealing tips I was basically just living paycheck to paycheck and really needed every extra dollar I could get. I would often spend half of the stolen money on booze anyway, but whatever.
I haven't really stolen anything from my current job. I work in a nursing home for Alzheimer's patients, they don't really have anything I could use and I actually like them so I won't take anything from them.
The worst thing I do is steal from my girlfriend. We split everything 50/50, but it's my job to divide up the grocery bills and other incidentals. I usually weigh everything really heavily in my favor, and sometimes I arbitrarily decide that she owes me an extra ten or twenty bucks. I know she'll never actually double check this, and I also know that even if she does discover that I'm doing this, she won't dump me because she's extremely dependent on me.
tldr I'm a garbage person
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Feb 14, 2017 10:20
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:My wife cheated on me with a coworker. She broke it off, confessed, and asked for my forgiveness. I forgave her but I couldn't get over it so I left.
The confession is that I told our family and close friends that I was the one who cheated. Everyone loves her and I didn't want to ruin that. Hell, she's closer to my family than I am and she hasn't spoken to hers for years for very good reasons. I figured I'd rather be the dumbass that threw away his marriage than have her be the cheating whore in everyone's eyes. Maybe that's just me being cynical and assuming everyone would be sexist but whatever.
I don't think I'll get back with her but she was still my wife and the mother of my children.
This may not be that interesting of a confession but I will most likely take this secret to the grave.
quote:This friend of mine used to work at Bullfrog Games and there was a building anti-Peter Molyneux sentiment. After their games were gaining popularity it seemed like at every turn there was a new announcement or media release by Molyneux. This ended up with a fucktonne of work being dumped on staff in order to try and keep up with his ever increasing crazy visions.
Staff still respected him as a passionate designer and manager but just wished he would shut the gently caress up around media. Anyhow I don't know if it was at one of their drinks nights or one of their grandoise release parties. I don't know if it was Lionhead Studios at this stage. But I do know that the vexation towards Peter had reached breaking point for one staff member who took advantage of the open sunroof on Peter Molyneux's new sportscar to Chicago Sunroof that son of a bitch.
The incident wasn't mentioned but it is suspected it was blamed on a homeless person or transient of some type.
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Feb 14, 2017 14:46
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I find Kellyanne Conway extremely attractive in a "trashy milf porn star" kind of way.
I hate her and all she stands for, but I could j/o to a video of her getting nailed. I probably wouldn't want to do it myself because I could see her being a dead fish in the sack too.
When I see her on TV my brain is just screaming "Shut the gently caress up you idiot fascist" but my dick says "How you doin??".
quote:I hated going to work every day. I had a long commute, my office didn't let us leave on our lunch break, and I felt like I was wasting my life in a cubicle.
I decided to take a page from the one thing Homer Simpson did correctly - I decided to become obese enough that I would be medically disabled and qualify for our company's Work From Home policy. I was already a little overweight (around 280 lbs) and just had to bulk up to 350 to hit the company guidelines.
It was difficult but I was super motivated to do this, and I did. I removed any kind of calorie burning exercise by incorporating food. I put a mini fridge in my bedroom, during the walk from my bedroom to the bathroom in the morning I would eat cookie dough. Same thing walking downstairs and getting dressed. On the car ride to work I'd stop at McDonald's and get around $40 worth of food. I'd snack constantly at work on high calorie items like cookies, cakes, ice cream, and sodas.
I was gaining weight but not fast enough, until I unlocked a pretty cool secret. Grease by itself is tough to swallow, same with pure butter. But I made a mix - 70% Dr. Pepper, 20% butter, 10% bacon grease. loving DELICIOUS and it helped me really pack on the weight.
I am proud to say that I'm now a happy 388 lbs and typing this from the comfort of my bedroom. I am more productive than ever and I get an extra 1-2 hours a day from not having to commute. I've beaten video games that were sitting unplayed for years, watched every movie I want to on Netflix, and have even had time to start up a new OKCupid profile (I'm single atm but looking).
The Simpsons was forced to tack on a stupid "happy" ending where Homer is brainwashed into thinking being fat and working from home is bad. But my life story is much happier - I'm still working from home, I have no shame about who I am, and I plan to stay this way for as long as I live. Speaking of - I went to the doctor the other week and guess what? I'm not in as bad as shape as you might imagine. Yes, I have to take some meds, but who doesn't?
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Feb 15, 2017 07:43
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I agree. Let's get on with the confessions:
quote:Following up from some time back - codeword is Hotdog Water.
I'm the goon who discovered he was an alien baby. I originally wanted to go discuss this with Obama to try and get reparations, then with Mr. Trump as I believe Barron is also an alien baby, and had some car issues along the way that prevented things.
My parents forced me to get a job in the last few weeks, which is a great way to try and distract me from the cause. Good news - they didn't care where it was, so I'm now working at Burger King. Good food, good people, and it's not too distracting a job. It's also given me some spending money above their allowance, which I've been able to use to buy some actual evidence of alien contact on ebay.
I have an alien implant coming in the mail withing 7-10 business days. I'm excited for this because I'm thinking I'll be able to intuitively understand it, or maybe communicate with my home people via it.
I also saw the movie "Arrival" at the request of someone who reached out to me on another forum I post on. Pretty good movie and I'm wondering if that's similar to the pact that led to me being on Earth? Maybe one of the filmmakers was involved? Will have to research further.
Also I believe I may be going through an alien metamorphosis, that's the real reason for this confession. I have never, not once, woken up with 'morning wood' as people say it. However, last week I did and at one point in the night I had what's known as a 'wet dream'. I'll admit, I was loving terrified when I woke up. On top of that, I have a really godawful rash over my buttocks and my feet are both covered in blisters.
quote:I'm a nearly 30 year old hugless, kissless, friendless virgin. Every day I wish I could have a virtual girlfriend. Some ideal, perfect woman I deserve. Someone who, when I'm not around her, doesn't exist. No chance of cheating, no boring interests outside of me,no chance of me raising someone else's kid.
I realize now that my only hope of having a traditional relationship is, if in the next 40 years, holograms or robots become so advanced that they can be considered citizens. Which I could see happening.
I have nobody to spend money on except myself and have a good job, so I've got about 30 thousand dollars just burning a hole in my pocket. I don't trust the banks after the Obama administration so that's just sitting in my house while other idiots at work have a 401k that's losing money every day.
I would trade every penny if I could get my robot wife and lose my virginity to her.
I get really lonely a lot though, and sometimes go into a pretty dark place. High School was bad because of bullying but I had a few friends that made it okay. College was free of bullying but every girl I asked out said no. 4 rejections in 4 years, really crushed my spirit and made me realize I was born a loser in that regard.
My life now is pretty boring and I realize it'll drive me crazy at some point. I get up, go to work, come home, play some video games or watch some TV, then jerk off and go to bed. I might talk to my boss for 10 minutes a day, and that's usually my only human contact for the day. Weekends I won't see a single person since I like using self checkouts at stores.
Here's hoping robo vaginas come soon or else I'll never know what it feels like.
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Feb 15, 2017 13:22
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:There are 6 dead cats in my fridge right now. 5 are strays I lured in via a raccoon trap. I used a nailgun to humanely put them down.
Tonight I'm going to make ground beef with them and turn them into meatballs.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and my ex wife loves meatballs. It was one thing I cooked that she wouldn't criticize. In a gesture of goodwill and mending our relationship for our son's sake, I'm going to give her the meatballs.
The 6th cat, the one that isn't a stray? Well that's just her beloved kitty Francine. Francine is pretty nice and chubby and should make for some tasty meatballs. She was also quite fun to capture and it was a TON of fun to put a nail between her eyes.
My ex wife ruined my life in a lot of ways. I pay child support so I can never get ahead in life, she convinced my own family I was a bad person, she convinced my son I was a bad person, and she made sure I lost my job before the divorce was over.
So I hope she really loves my meatballs.
quote:I was 7 years old when the Nintendo 64 came out and Star Fox 64 was my favorite game. I played it every day after school. I beat it hundreds, maybe thousands of times. I memorized each and every level - I could play through the entire game without taking a single hit after a few years of practice.
I started having dreams at night where my bedroom window would open and tiny Arwings would fly in and start dogfighting with Andross' evil ships. As I got older the dreams got more vivid - I'd start dogfighting with them. I'd be teleported across the universe and have to engage in space battles. I'd be at the end of the game, getting a medal form General Pepper.
Then I went through puberty and the dreams started involve Kat. The pink cat from StarFox 64 who helps you out shooting the spotlights on a mission. I'll spare you the details but these were my first adult dreams.
Flash forward nearly 20 years. I'm a proud furry (this is why this is anonymous) and my fursona is a dalmation. I thank god everyday for the N64 and Starfox - without it I'd probably still be struggling with who I am inside.
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Feb 15, 2017 22:40
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:A few months ago, for no reason at all except we thought it was hilarious, my girlfriend and I shaved her dog's arse with her father's beard trimmer.
quote:I work in a health screening lab. I was trying to figure out when I had completed a proficiency test (which has my last name attached to it - my last name is not common), and was searching through our records when I came across the name of my sister in law. Had her address and phone number. We handle testing for some of the free clinics, not nice hospitals where my brother and his family would normally be seen. My SIL was seen for an STD test. What I've done is a huge HIPAA violation. I do not know what to do. Part of me wants to tell my brother, but I'm risking my career and his marriage. Right now I'm leaning towards taking it to my grave.
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Feb 16, 2017 06:16
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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I apologize in advance if the confessions won't be updated as regularly as you've come to expect since in the next few days loquacius is away and I have a throat infection.
I'll try to do what I can. Here's the latest batch:
quote:I live in a wealthy, upscale neighborhood that also happens to be almost 100% white. Last year a new couple moved in and they were black.
I was part of a cycle of abuse, criminal activities, and intimidation to get that couple to move out. It has been eating me up inside ever since and, thanks in part to this thread, I'm finally confessing to the police.
As soon as they moved in the whispers started. Old couples saying "there goes the neighborhood" and worrying about crime and drugs. People started parking their cars inside instead of in the driveway. And every time we heard a police siren on the highway somebody would wince and look over at the new neighbor's house, expecting something to happen. And I fully admit I was a coward and joined in with them. I was scared of what might happen if I fought against the majority, and I also bought into the fear mongering and started to believe the insanity.
We left threatening letters in their mailbox, we called in false police reports saying we heard screaming in their house and feared spousal abuse. We spilled chemicals in their yard to kill the grass and dropped ants and wasps in their yard hoping they'd nest there.
Our HOA busted them for every tiny infraction - grass was a centimeter too high, bushes were slightly untrimmed, a fallen branch sat on their lawn for a weekend (nevermind that they were on vacation at the time), and they were too loud past 10 pm on a week night.
And we got what we wanted - they moved away after just under 5 months there. The house is still unsold but the neighbors all pitch in to make it look nice. Sure is wonderful of them to do it for an empty house but not for 2 neighbors. The day after they moved out the HOA threw a party under the guise of it being an anniversary event. But we all knew what it was. And I sat there and started feeling disgusted with myself.
It's taken me 6 months to build up the courage to admit what a coward and reprehensible human I am. I hope the whole lot of us get thrown in jail for this.
quote:I have transcended the need to sleep and now can be productive 24/7. Nobody believes me but it's true.
I started slowly weaning myself off sleep when I realized I was wasting almost half my life in a coma.
I started getting 6 hours of sleep a night, and got adjusted to that. I started off needing 3-4 cups of coffee a day to function, but then cut that down to just one in the morning. I kept at this 6 hour stretch for about 2 months, until sleeping any more than 6 hours became almost painful for me - I'd wake up feeling groggy and confused, not unlike being hungover or having consumed some bad drugs.
I then cut that down to 4 hours a night on weeknights and 2 hours a night on weekends, when I was less mentally active. This was a big adjustment, especially for the weekends. But I upped my coffee intake to 4 cups a day and handled it fine. Weaned myself back down to one cup of coffee on weekday mornings, one cup weekend mornings and one cup weekend evenings. I also made sure to keep my sleep time consistent, so my biological clock stayed consistent and stopped bugging me by closing my eyes or shutting down my brain.
After that the next step was obvious - no sleep at all. I tried that but found myself passing out randomly at work, at home, and most frighteningly - on my bike ride home. I woke up as I slammed into a ditch, that wasn't much fun and almost completely turned me off the no-sleep diet. I had some random passer bys try and convince me to go see a doctor, but I explained I was just tired and they teleported outta there pretty fast.
So I adjusted things to handle my biological issues. Monday thru Friday I take a 15 minute power nap at noon, and then a 30 minute power nap around 11 pm. Weekends I don't sleep at all. I've cut my total sleep down from ~60 hours a week to less than 4 hours a week. I've effectively freed up an entire working week, which I take full advantage of.
I've started up my favorite hobby again - bug collecting. I think we all know there are more bugs in your house late at night, but I think you'd be surprised by HOW many are out there. I've started really digging around at night and found so many beetles, roaches, spiders, and some cool unidentifiable (by me) things too. I've got a little terrarium set up so I can catalog them and watch them do their thing. I even found a lobster crawling in the walls one day. No loving clue how it got there, but I cataloged him and then cooked him up for dinner. This will be a weird sentence - but wall lobster is delicious. I assume he was eating mice and some smaller bugs, but I didn't really research too much as I was pretty hungry. I've heard more scratching in the walls so I think I've got another nest forming.
This has also helped my social life a ton. I used to have to cancel events because of work or because I was just too tired. But with all my free time I get to hang out online, go to the bar, and go to the dance clubs a lot more. I feel way more social and it's nice to know that I've got a direct line to the past, present, and future via the internet.
The second confession basically describes polyphasic sleep and is 99% likely to be bullshit, but I found the second part to be entertaining, so I still posted it.
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Feb 17, 2017 08:44
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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guys with the help of coffee and this other magic substance I've been sleep free for the last week you'll never guess what I found when I disassembled all the clocks in my house
Lmao
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Feb 17, 2017 14:23
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I am super depressed almost 24/7 and the only thing keeping me from sticking my head in the oven is The Legend of Zelda. I love those games so goddamn much and I can't wait for Breath of the Wild. Thankfully Nintendo keeps new Zelda games flowing every few years, and I'm compelled to beat them 100%, because otherwise I'd be dead.
The first day I get a new Zelda is like Christmas morning. I'll play through it and devote some time every day to it. As I near the end I get really excited but also can feel my depression coming back. When I finally hit 100% I get really depressed, and that's when the oven thoughts start up. But usually, Nintendo will have a new game coming down the pipeline and I vow to stay alive to play through it. Breath of the Wild looks pretty massive and filled with secrets so I think Nintendo's bought me another year or two at least.
quote:I have a very very wonderful sexual fetish. I am a beekeeper and want to make love to a queen bee, turning the hive into a race of man-bees. The beekeeper is not part of the fetish, I am actually a beekeeper and my daily contact with queen bees has made me realize how sexy and attractive they are to me.
I know this is biologically impossible but I have attempted to make love to a queen bee. I've figured out a relatively safe and enjoyable method. I manually masturbate myself while the queen sits on the head of my penis. When I ejaculate some of it hits her, and the rest I just let lay where it will. Then I put her back in the hive. I've had some issues but by slightly drugging her, she doesn't fly away or try and fight back. I feel pretty bad about this as I'm effectively slipping a roofie to my date, but until bee/human communication exists it's hard to get consent from her.
There have been many stories that show a man becoming a bug and falling in love, or a male bug falling in love. Things like Bee Movie, Antz, and many episodes of TV shows. But they have never shown the love between a human man and a bug woman. So a lot of people think I'm strange for this, but a male bug loving a woman is the basis of a family movie like Bee Movie. Hypocrisy is never ending in Hollywood.
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Feb 17, 2017 14:30
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I'm convinced my girlfriend is cheating on me.
For the first few years we dated, she would slobber all over my dick like it was a popsicle in the middle of summer. She would lie on the floor in a skirt and tank top and look at me with those "do me" eyes, her chest getting flushed red as she scratched her nails down my back.
These days, though, all we ever do is watch TV. When we go to bed, she immediately wraps herself in a blanket and goes to sleep.
Recently, it was my birthday. She gave me a dry three-fingered handjob, then, as usual, mummified herself and went to sleep.
Two days ago, on Feb 13th, she asked me what time I'd be home from work the next day (ie Valentine's Day.) I thought it was weird, I get home at around the same time every night. I asked her why, and she said "Just wondering." Then winked at me.
Driving home yesterday, I was thinking that maybe she was going to surprise me with some sexy lingerie or something. But when I came in, she was half asleep on the couch. I gave her the flowers and chocolate I'd gotten for her, and told her that I was going to make a nice dinner. But she told me she'd already eaten.
So I made myself some scrambled eggs and we spent the night watching TV. She went to bed not too long ago. I attempted to lie down with her, but she took up most of the bed and didn't even try to move to make any room for me.
Now here I am, typing this in a different room, wondering what happened. I am fairly fit, maybe not as cut as I was when we first met, but the years will do that to you. I make delicious food, and as I was taught to believe, women love men who cook. I've never hurt her, physically or mentally.
Perhaps I'm just a big teddy bear in her eyes. That ratty old one she would rather just stuff in the attic and forget about. It's how it seems these days.
quote:I am currently dating my former Aunt.
She married my mom's brother. They were together about 15 years, then he passed away.
There was definitely always an attraction between my "Aunt" and I, but we both respected her marriage and never acted on it. We had a few weird encounters, mostly at family pool parties, and I did finger her one time. But I was 17 at the time and would have fingered anything with a pulse, so I brushed it off and we never spoke of it again.
My uncle passed away in 2014 and we started secretly dating a few weeks later. We are considering becoming public but society looks down on us for the obvious reason of our age gap. She's 48 and I'm only 29. Couple that with how close we were when I was growing up, and some people incorrectly see her as some kind of pedo, or me as some kind of weird gold digger.
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Feb 18, 2017 10:37
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I live on a hillside and chuck a lot of my garbage over the hill since the city charges extra money to throw away big items like furniture, etc. It's easier to just toss these things over the hill than drive out to the landfill or pay the ridiculous fees for using the garbage truck. It's out of sight for me, nobody lives further down the hill as it's all wooded and just has one rural road on it, so nobody gets hurt.
This has been no issue for the 3 years I lived in my house, but we've gotten some really bad weather lately and a bunch of rain has washed away some of the leaves and fallen branches which was covering the garbage. Some lookie-loo was driving by and noticed my garbage pile on the hill. He specifically noticed the pile of tombstones there, proceeded to call the police, and now there's a bit of craziness locally as this has made the news.
So anyway, the confession. When I first moved in I was exploring in the woods to scope out my property and realized that my property is really close to the back of a modern cemetery. No big deal, I'm not spiritual or superstitious at all. I started walking the perimeter and, tucked a few hundred feet back in the woods, there was a smaller, older cemetery. The tombstones all had dates of death around 1820 or even earlier, so it was pretty cool. The place was really beautiful, it was this little untouched meadow that I don't think people had visited in decades, since there was a ton of overgrowth all around it.
I went in there the next day with my power tools and cut back all the overgrowth and realized I had a really beautiful view over the hill from here, so I decided to install a hot tub up there for chilling out. However, the scattered tombstones kind of hosed it up and I didn't have anywhere to put the tub.
So, and I fully admit some people might consider this kind of bad, I dug up a couple of the tombstones and tossed them over the hill. Just 7 of them, out of almost 20 in the cemetery. I didn't move any bodies and nobody was using the cemetery anyway.
So now the police are investigating and of course I've been talked to a few times. I've told them I never saw anyone dump anything, and they don't seem to suspect anything yet. The day after they talked to me I considered tossing my hot tub over the hillside but thought that might be suspicious, so instead I mentioned that "some college kids" used to live in my house and I noticed they had installed a hot tub on the hill, and that maybe that had something to do with it? The first part is the honest to God truth so hopefully the cops bust them instead of me.
quote:With all my heart, I wish Goku (From Dragonball/Z/Super) was the President.
I am utterly terrified with the state of US Politics right now and I know Goku would fix it. He's not a smart guy but he's not evil and at least he's got smart people (Piccolo for VP?) that can back him up.
Every morning I wake up and look at Trump's tweets. And I'm praying for the day he tweets something like "Anime is dumb, Goku is dumb. Freeza had some good ideas". Because I honestly think that might do some kind of magic where Goku would become real and Kamehameha Trump right out of the White House.
I am a 33 year old man saying this.
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Feb 18, 2017 17:53
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:My best friend is really creepy around women and it's starting to negatively affect me as well. I am thinking about cutting him out of my life but feel really awful about it.
We used to hang out constantly in high school and college and I never really noticed the creepiness back then. But as we've gotten older he really hasn't matured much and he's gotten some really weird and backwards views on women and socialization in general. He always wants to tag along with me when I go drinking, which is awesome since I hate going by myself. But I'll start chatting up a girl who looks single and he'll inevitable mess it up. Either saying something really creepy or trying to hit on her awkwardly while I'm doing the same thing. Several times this has led to a drink being splashed in my face and being accused of trying to get a girl into a MMF threesome.
I got really frustrated over New Year's Eve because he most definitely blew a sure thing for me and I ended up leaving a really cool party completely alone before midnight even happened.
So I started asking him why he does this, and he started lecturing me on stuff like "The Red Pill" and how society is training people to be docile breeders. Then he launches into this whole thing about women only want to sleep with the top 1% of men, while men would sleep with 99% of women, then said there was a "sex economy inbalance" due to feminism.
We haven't hung out much since then and it really bugged me on a deep level, but I still feel awful about losing my oldest and best friend.
quote:There's an internet meme about "penis inspection day" where people jokingly say they had their penises inspected at school, then people who don't know about the joke are shocked.
From age 15-18 I was forced to have a similar thing, but the school nurse called it Uromisatices Awareness Testing. About once a week I'd be called into the nurse's office, she'd take off my pants and play with my penis, and ultimately masturbate me.
I realize now that it was molestation and rape, but at the time I thought every kid had to do this. I didn't question it, never asked another kid if they went through it. I didn't have a lot of friends and no siblings, so I never really talked that deeply with anyone anyway.
I already talk about this with my therapist a lot. What I don't mention is just how much this has hosed me up sexually. I am basically terrified of women and disgusted by intimacy of any time, even basic hand holding or kissing. If I watch a movie with anything like that I have to fast forward or I get light headed. A girl talked to me at the bookstore and I just mid-sentence walked out the front door and drove home, then cried in the bathtub for a while.
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Feb 19, 2017 14:53
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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We know. We all know that 90% of these are fake. You really don't need to prove how smart you are by calling it out for every confession.
A million times this.
We don't need a Kitchner for this thread as well.
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Feb 19, 2017 16:49
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 27, 2024 17:50
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I live a pretty normal life. I'm a straight white man, age 33. I work from home doing medical transcriptions and make pretty good money.
I also have massive breast implants.
It's a fetish, I enjoy playing with them constantly and get turned on when I do. I like to masturbate and blow my load on them too, which is pretty easy given the size.
I'm lucky to see 3 people in person each year, so this isn't really too big a deal.
quote:I leave my computer at work turned on when I leave at the end of the day.
For the past 4 or 5 weeks there have been weird files saved to the desktop every few days. Some random excel files with nothing in them, but the ones that prompted this discussion - several word files. I started opening and reading them and believe I am being contacted by a spirit of some sort. Here are the contents of the files in their entirety.
"wotueoierwetyower HELLO FROM @!)( PLEASE SLEEP ALONE TOMORROW NIGHT"
"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE"
The following file was 30 pages of the letter "f"
"I am contating you at greet risk to myself and to you too. Please do not discount this contact as it is quite painful. I cannot share any more but to know that God, HE or IT, has nothign to do with this."
The following file was the alphabet typed 26 times, double spaced.
This was 2 weeks in and I was convinced the cleaning crew or another IT guy was loving with me. So I wrote a note in word that said "Prove you are real, why do you want me?".
The next day there was a .txt file that said "You are the first part of a massive tower of humanity. In 1985 you would understand but now it is too complex. Wait for the signal. Do not question me again or I will leave, this is a large risk for me."
I was convinced it was a joke and left my webcam running for the next few days. Nobody came by but I still got 2 files. One a massive excel file with 3300 cells filled with random numbers. The other was a word document saying "PRINT THIS AND LEAVE IT ON THE CHAIR."
That was a week ago. I printed the files and left them on the chair. The next day they were gone, nobody on webcam, the chair just moves out of frame once and then the papers are gone. No contact since then.
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Feb 20, 2017 07:14
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Sep 30, 2016 06:09
for a while and paranoid that they were looking at me strangely. I guess I'll never found out how they interpreted the strange stain.