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Parallel universe goon, write what happened starting from waking up in the desert and ending with getting shot, then put it on kindle and maybe you'll get a couple bucks out the deal
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Feb 22, 2017 18:34
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 15:24 |
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In my second job I had in high school I found a case of really crazy incandescent bulbs. They were probably four or five times the size of normal bulbs, but with the same size socket, the glass was completely clear, and they were faceted, with no curved edges. I never found out what they were supposed to be used for, but to this day I regret not stealing them
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Feb 26, 2017 00:04
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thomawesome posted:I bought incandescent bulbs recently because I'm poor and it made me feel really guilty Ever since they came out with carbon offsets, companies have been trying to cancel out burning coal and poo poo by doing "green" stuff, otherwise they pay extra taxes. See if your electric company is in that boat, I got enough free bulbs to basically never have to buy them, the new ones last so long.
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Feb 26, 2017 00:07
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El Estrago Bonito posted:Cut glass bulbs, sometimes called Victorian Bulbs if you're old. They're used when people want an olde timey feel to their light fixtures. Usually for outdoor stuff or for lit chandeliers, sometimes for fancy sconces, lights built into porches and hot tubs or driveway lights. See the thing that throws me off is that they were nowhere near as fancy as what's coming up in gis. Think of an extremely simple cut gem with maybe 10-12 facets total. These suckers were big too, at least 6" long. Dunno. Ps clean yourselves and don't let parts of your body rot off. Not really something you can skimp on imo
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Feb 26, 2017 19:46
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CastleMania guy I will go there if you open the place up Please insure there is beer
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Feb 28, 2017 16:59
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Queers are alright I think
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Mar 2, 2017 06:13
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Woah sounds like a lotta bigtime mr moneybag 5 figgies posters in this thread. La-de-da
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Mar 4, 2017 00:07
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What are you guys, animals? Most bedrooms have a window, jfc
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Mar 7, 2017 02:58
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Drunken Baker posted:I'd love another ghost story thread but I don't know if enough time has passed for fresh stories... Or enough time has passed for CC goons to make new poo poo up. Remember the one where some goon liked to drop off groceries to local impoverished native Americans in Florida? One night he was walking back thru the woods and smelled something gross, but kept going. Later on he saw a dead animal but it didn't smell at all.... but then something came out, something that looked like a human with the head of a mountain lion. And the locals refused to talk about it. 2spooky4cliffs notes. Had a similar vibe to that scene in Pet Semetary with "whatever you heard was just loons across the lake" "whatever you saw was just swamp gas" There were a lot of ones where it was like "dude this is what happened, it was creepy as gently caress, I can't explain it, that's it." The ones that were blatantly made up were super lovely though. There was a point where motherfuckers were goddamn titling them and talking about the "gentleman's agreement" not to question them. Crap. A ghost story has to seem like it actually happened to somebody for it to work at all. Then fuckin 50' ant comes in. That's why I think the oldest threads were best and they all went downhill from there.
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Mar 8, 2017 15:50
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Also fry daddy dude get hosed. fry your disgusting "foods" like a normal motherfucker in a pot with oil goddamn
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Mar 8, 2017 15:54
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Pearnicious posted:What the hell do you think a Fry Daddy is? MacheteZombie posted:bougie scum
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Mar 8, 2017 19:39
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loquacius posted:Like, try to keep your "narrator is an idiot" red flags down to one per fesh, not multiple per paragraph There seriously are morons of this level with this exact attitude to booze that I've had to personally interact with. Dude's gonna have to step through the multi year process to get back to normal driving privileges and going to be a total cocksucking motherfucker to everyone involved until it's over or he permanently loses his license. Possibly her. I'd say it's a 1/3 chance it's a chick in this situation. Some people wake up and stop loving up. Some double down on the whole "everything's rigged, everything's a scam, I havent' drank in 78 months this is bullshit" yeah I eat rear end posted:I think the "your equipment was faulty/uncalibrated" argument may have been more likely to work in the past, but considering how many thousands of people have been trying that defense since that advice started circulating (although I mostly heard the advice for fighting speeding tickets), I'm pretty sure most departments have long since updated their procedures to make sure everything is done by the book with recently calibrated equipment. PA is going first offence = vehicle interlock. This means they're cracking down hard on lovely breathalyzer vendors because they know it'll be a pain in the rear end if the equipment isn't accurate enough. It was already mostly cut and dry before, now all the weird edge cases are just getting filed off so that there's no way to excuse blowing positive. If it's local cops who don't give a gently caress it might still be fast and loose, but anything state and anything directly court related is gonna be pretty solid, or at least legally unassailable, imo. The Management posted:I can't believe you idiots are taking the bait on this fake as hell drunk driving story. It's an exercise in being an unreliable narrator, where he denies something but then it becomes clear that it's true. Except he goes way overboard with it to the point of absurdity. There are literally actually people like this when it comes to driving drunk. I used to deal with this all the time on the job. One chick was loving ENRAGED because she "had dinner and one glass of wine" and the interlock wouldn't let her start the car. I had to carefully explain, yes, the thing is programmatically set to forbid start if it detects a certain breath content that is defined by law. Yes, it's actually pretty low. Apparently with your metabolism one glass will put you over the limit. And she completely lost her poo poo and decided to quit driving rather than go through the process and get her normal license back. Or fuckers that wake up drunk and are pissed they can't drive because they're still boozed up enough that if they got pulled over normally they'd be instantly arrested. Or they get so pissed they can't drink and drive they break the equipment and then are even more pissed to find out this makes their car completely inoperable. yeah I eat rear end posted:I think in many/most of these things the base premise of the story (in this case, being someone who drives drunk) is probably real but they add spicy bits because they feel like they need to make it entertaining. If we called out every "bait" confession we'd have to do it for pretty much every single one. People hardly ever seem to write in looking for actual advice, it's almost all people trying to get a rise out of us with the remainder being drunk sadbrains dumping their feels on us. Weither that confession is actually real or not... who cares? But IMO not only is it completely fundamentally believable, there is literally 100% probability there is an actual human being with that exact story in their life history or it's unfolding as we speak. Mr. F! posted:What I've heard you should do when you get pulled over drunk is exit your vehicle and turn it off, and within sight of the police officer chug a beer. Then he can't say you were drunk driving, only that he saw you chug a beer outside of your car. Depends on jurisdiction. Never, ever leave the keys on your person or in the passenger compartment. Ex: you can easilly get a dui if you have the keys on the seat next to you and you decide to sleep it off instead of driving. Throw that poo poo in the trunk. It may be possible to get reduced charges or somehow talk your way out of it under some weird circumstances. Like if you blow just over the limit and the cop knows how these things work and isn't feeling like loving you up you can say that you literally just had a drink maybe 1 minute ago & you just got in your car. Because breathalyzers will give elevated results right after you take a swig and with some this is actually a pretty big factor. Of course he can probably make you wait a few minutes and retake the test. Or he saw you chucking empty 5ths out the window while you were doing 85 in a 20 in front of a school and just never mentioned it yet. Dogbrisket posted:I believe you're also required to submit a blood/urine sample after being booked, so unless the cops are falsifying all of those tests, the "breathalyzer was broken/rigged!!!" excuse doesn't really fly anymore. This is another one where it depends. Refusal to blow means you're prob gonna get arrested p intensely and depending on the local poo poo it might actually take a while for them to set up everything for the serious fluid tests. This difference could be the little bit it takes to knock the charges to a less serious level. If you refuse the blood test they (depending on where) are able to assume you were MAXIMUM ILLEGALLY DRUNK and they can actually hit you with maximum level penalties. This poo poo is radically different across states and even between counties/municipalities. Atlas Hugged posted:My understanding of the current US legal system is that the technology works and is accepted, but a talented lawyer will find a technicality to call into question the procedure used to charge you. There's always going to be some missed signature or lost finger print or whatever and you can get a whole case thrown out from that. You'll end up paying way more than what the fine is just to keep your record clean which is sometimes worth it. This is true. There's a lawyer around here locally who basically saves peoples asses through this but also he tends to pull poo poo like, "well judge, you know this client is charged with drunk bullshittery and gently caress those assholes, but you know, disorderly conduct + xyz can really rack up extensive fines our boys in blue can surely use to help stop the truly criminal element...." loquacius posted:A lot of traffic tickets are basically a shakedown of the general public for more money -- in my case, I was stuck in traffic, checked my phone to see how bad the traffic was, and was caught by a cop who was cruising the breakdown lane scanning my lane for people doing that exact thing. I saw him pulling over some old lady for doing the same thing two minutes later. exactly. A lot of the system is like this.
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Mar 10, 2017 05:37
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I like the autismal one because I think some of them have a dumb inflated sense that makes them think they're better when in reality they're often just as dumb as anyone else and hosed up with a brain disorder. The coincidental finals week, woah it must be the fluoride making people study, the idiot drone rain thing. Fuckin fluoride causes autism, hah.
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Mar 14, 2017 19:17
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Electronic devices emit powerful anti-magic fields. This is related to how iron items are good against like fairies and poo poo
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Mar 20, 2017 00:00
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Helscape goon, you were drunk and walked thru a gap between realities the moon was green but that man in it seem different?
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Mar 20, 2017 00:01
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Fascist goon, you should abandon your bullshit ideology that literally completely reverses all civic values of the united states. If you're going to advocate for the removing of undesirables you should be aware that the sword cuts both ways.
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Mar 20, 2017 16:51
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PS get punched
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Mar 20, 2017 16:51
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I'm p sure the fact that the earth is round was proven in the time when "Jesus" was still just a name in the Aramaic book of baby names for expecting Marys. Like you ever see an old rear end statue or painting of the emperor holding a featureless sphere? That's the loving earth. It's featureless because nobody walked to China and came back with a map yet. They didn't even know what China was!
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Mar 24, 2017 02:26
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pube goon pubes drastically affect oils and smells and all that crap. Also I recommend burning the pubes off it'll be smoother and they'll be turned to ash so no disposal
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Mar 24, 2017 13:11
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pyromaniac daughter goon buy her a copy of firestarter
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Mar 24, 2017 13:12
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Solice Kirsk posted:I know the drunk driver thread which was sort of funny, but what the hell did you do to get the "child fucker"? They really don't driving drunk I guess, and i'll cop to that, but IMO extreme allegations should have some kinda evidence.
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Mar 24, 2017 22:02
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I've seen non-shitheads use degenerate. Some people are just garbage bag humans. Unless my ability to judge character is flawed. Unless, Unless I'M a shithead TOO
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Mar 24, 2017 23:17
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The Management posted:Vampire room was yawn. We get it, narrator is an idiot. Maybe take a writing workshop or something. See, I would have took it into a different direction. Instead of doing obliviously dumb poo poo like ant infested planks, I'd make it so it turns out the wife delusionally believes she's a vampire
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Mar 24, 2017 23:27
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I dunno man that poo poo looks fake as gently caress. Like the other vials are written with labels that are believably physical materials, but one is labeled "Vampirism" Like where they still calling it brimstone by the time hypodermics were invented? Maybe that poo poo is real I dunno. I'd think the kinda person to buy historical artifacts wouldn't make a blood fountain, but who the gently caress knows
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Mar 24, 2017 23:40
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I'm gonna go with that's a scam entry because the labels are not hand lettered, and some of that poo poo is spilled out on like the mallet I do believe actual ones exist and are probably worth money.
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Mar 24, 2017 23:42
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just lol if weak eyebrow game isn't a dealbreaker to u
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Mar 30, 2017 20:01
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Jim Barris posted:dat da da dat da da da PUPPY POWER!!! Dude should do the captain caveman
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Apr 6, 2017 07:58
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Drunken Baker posted:Let's be fair. It's bound to be a little baggy down there these days. nah he seems like a dude know how to keep his poo poo tight
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Apr 20, 2017 19:25
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also lepricon guy should just start leaving out cups of beer to appease it
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Apr 20, 2017 19:28
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GIANT OUIJA BOARD posted:🎶Eleanor Eggbee died in the church and was buried along with her time husk🎶
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Apr 23, 2017 15:21
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2UQ4-NOP9E
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Apr 25, 2017 16:20
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wasn't there a goon who's Halloween costume involved red lenses, and he said it completely hosed him up all night and it took a couple days to get normal vision back?
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Apr 26, 2017 16:19
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Controversial Jews opinion: pretty ok in general. Like the blacks. Or asians. Or whites. Or Cherokees. Or Uzbeks. Or what the gently caress ever. The thing that gets me with a lot of conspiracies in general is that, yes it's in the best interests of most ultra rich / powerful people to have certain kinds of goals and policies happen. It's also likely that most conspiracies in these theories end up having extremely similar goals. That's not evidence that there's a conspiracy, it's evidence that people are loving insane assholes and there should be protections put in place to prevent too much assholery from happening. Also it's a weird scene for people to honestly look at trump and think he'd be a dude who heavily cares about sanctified marriages. Although banging escorts like that would probably tank almost all marriages.
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Apr 27, 2017 03:51
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Weight of genitals in troy ounces
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Apr 28, 2017 22:48
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Doctor Malaver posted:He could donate a tiny fraction to Lowtax to keep Shitposting Reservation afloat. Rich goon should give like a hundred grand but pull a Carnegie hall or whatever and require it to be used to build a fancy new forum named after him
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Apr 29, 2017 17:50
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grumplestiltzkin posted:I'm 30. Assuming I die at 80, that's 50 years. Non anon confession: I cannot conceive of this amount of time as a feeling human being in any other way than a personal hell. Nazi goon: get punched, you deserve it.
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May 1, 2017 04:51
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Putty posted:how much sugar do you put in your coffee dude jesus christ sugar has no place in coffee. sugar is for the weakminded.
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May 6, 2017 03:55
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Hedrigall posted:Is anyone else picturing Carl as that really nebbish, bald, sweaty dude who works in accounting or something, who everyone has bets on whether he's a serial killer? lol you know the guy carl's a ripped baddass up-and-comer. Well, was.
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May 6, 2017 03:59
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KomodoWagon posted:Actually sometimes people need to learn to deal with grievances among themselves without some authority figure acting as arbiter. Running to the office every time some other kid knocks you around in recess is absolutely tattling, and people who raise their kids like that need to get hit by a truck Yeah kids like that won't ever be able to deal with poo poo irl
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May 6, 2017 04:04
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 15:24 |
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Teach them to murder imo. It's an important life skill that would rarely need use, but if you need it you NEED it.
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May 6, 2017 16:43
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