Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

RFC2324 posted:

he predicted he would be sending in a fesh before he went through the time portal

Specifically,

quote:

I am the time traveller.

I realise now that you don't know who I am. I am from the future (not distant, literally 30 days. I sent a confession on 22 June 2018 detailing my crude time machine. You won't receive that confession until that date obviously but for me it was minutes ago. I stepped through the vortex and arrived in your present so my machine was a success.

The only problem is, I can't get back to my "real time". My invention happened completely by accident as I detailed in my previous confession. There was a set of circumstances that cannot be repeated until that particular date. I'm currently keeping my past self under surveillance and waiting for him to create the vortex. I'm going to jump him from behind and leap through in order to get home.

Oh, and Henry Kissinger dies in the next few weeks .

Neither of those things happened, so...

# ¿ Jul 9, 2018 05:21

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# ¿ May 3, 2024 10:21

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Splicer posted:

If you're getting pinkeye from your own taint you need to get to a doctor

Sounds like he's cultivating his own taint jelly for that sweet aroma so maybe a brain doctor is in order.

# ¿ Aug 9, 2018 15:20

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Solice Kirsk posted:

Remember that goon that told the story about how he would wipe the sweat/discharge off of his pilonidal cyst and wiped it on his bedpost all the time and sent the picture of the bedpost and it was this weird discolored streak? Think that was in one of the bachelor threads.

Unfortunately.

A psychologist of strong stomach could make a case study, there appears to be a trend.

# ¿ Aug 9, 2018 20:32

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

sugar free jazz posted:

Grizzly goon, try cutting your dick off. It would be both healthier and less gross than dipping

Cut your dick off and then dip that

# ¿ Aug 11, 2018 17:00

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Got date raped into a cult, gonna stick around and see where this goes

# ¿ Aug 27, 2018 21:38

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

wesleywillis posted:

Office girl is getting the wife to drink to turn her into an alcoholic. That'll kill goon's marriage, and then she can move in to "console" her.

# ¿ Dec 21, 2018 12:48

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Shiki Dan posted:

Also, the chance that your wife and your co-worker haven't hosed is around 1% as well.

Solice Kirsk posted:

She's gonna bang one of his sons next. Work her way through that family like a recessive gene.

I saw this movie, Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried were hot together

# ¿ Dec 23, 2018 08:47

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

A Strange Aeon posted:

This used to happen all the time in the 1800s; through a religious loophole, this version of homosexuality wasn't prohibited by the church

It's not gay if the balls touch themselves

# ¿ Mar 4, 2019 04:25

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Baronjutter posted:

I know we aren't supposed to have any positive feelings or optimism, but I think the general improvement in the SA community over the last decade has been really nice. Angry edgy southpark libertarians turned into mostly thoughtful "SJW" lefties with well enforced rules against racism, sexism, homophobia, and so on.

I much rather have the forums way smaller than they were in their heyday than full of loving "gender critical" "race realists".

Hell, we've even gotten over our mockery of furries, and Juggalos, once mocked for their lack of education on magnetic fields, are now allies in the fight against fascism. What a world.

I don't think you have these relationships quite right.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2019 01:59

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

loquacius posted:

My canvas is my own body

Let your dick be your brush

# ¿ Mar 10, 2020 01:31

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Solice Kirsk posted:

I don't remember that one. Personally my greatest hits are:

1. Guy who decided to gently caress his therapist
2. Goon who got his boss fired and then dated her (I think he got her fired. Maybe he just confronted her and then they started dating and she was really into anime?)

I've heard about these two before but haven't read them myself, got any links to the first posts?

# ¿ Mar 11, 2020 04:36

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Bust Rodd posted:

Birds are amazing! Some species will swap genders on the fly by altering their diets in case their aren�t enough males to fertilize!

No, that's velociraptors

# ¿ May 9, 2020 17:29

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

purple death ray posted:

"how did natural selection produce an organism that actively tries not to reproduce", I, a person who had a vasectomy over a decade ago, type into my browser window without a hint of self-awareness

Don't read about the little bugs that literally have to chase down and stab the females with their horrifying stiletto-dicks to inseminate them.

e: oops

# ¿ May 10, 2020 15:44

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

AmbassadorofSodomy posted:

I wonder if road rage goon is still road raging or if he road raged on someone with a gun and got capped after trying to run them off the road.

Was this also the guy who routinely got into fights and got his rear end kicked, or am I conflating two variations on the "idiot with anger issues" theme?

# ¿ Apr 16, 2021 06:14

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Bugworld haunts my dreams (only figuratively, sadly)

# ¿ Apr 7, 2024 14:55

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Just watch anything starring Michael Douglas in the 90s.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2024 15:00

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Dang It Bhabhi! posted:

I love a gel mask it feels satisfying af.

That's a sludge mask

e: "too annoying washing your hands all the time" christ just wipe your face slime off on a tissue and then wash once at the end of the session, I would call it fake but that sounds like just the kind of wishy-washy self delusion that someone who knows they're disgusting and doesn't care would come up with.

McSpanky fucked around with this message at 02:13 on Apr 19, 2024

# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 02:10

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# ¿ May 3, 2024 10:21

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

If you've never sinkpissed then you've never known the joy of bisecting the faucet stream with a mighty pissblast

# ¿ Apr 20, 2024 06:31

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