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When I was growing up in High School I met my High School sweetheart. Unlike a Bruce Springsteen song, she was called Sue, not Mary. Sue and I were going steady for months and one night I took her down to the creek in my 396 Chevy and we knew that night we were gonna go all the way. We parked up, made some small talk and were both nervous. I had the World Series on the radio and goddamn it, it was a close game. It was the bottom of the ninth and we thought that they'd never win. As they played through the tenth innings, the squeeze play paid off and for the life of me I can't remember which darn team won that night. What I remember is Sue's body glistening through the moon roof on that darn Chevy as I climaxed inside her sinewy body. Eight months later, I flunked High School. Sue was pregnant and for my birthday I got a union card and a wedding coat. My dreams of being a high falutin' Wall Street trader doing coke off the exquisite tits of hookers were dead and buried. Her parents had made me promise to marry her to make sure that there was no bastard child and I lived up to the responsibilities that I had saddled myself with. When it came to Sue giving birth, the child came out of that once sweet cooch dead. Our child was a stillbirth, a dumpster baby to be thrown out because our darn 1950s medicine couldn't prevent it or find any medical use for the organs that had just been spat out. To this day, I still get PTSD flashbacks every time I open a can of Sweet Sue's Whole Canned Chicken, which is pretty much what I live off these days. The fleeting moment of hope that a live chicken will slide out of that opening, only to be greeted by the horrific reality. A dead animal sliding out in fluids.    Anybody else got any Springsteen/Meat Loaf/Officer and a Gentleman inspired tales of teenage woe they'd like to get off their chests?
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Nov 4, 2016 21:32
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| # ¿ May 3, 2024 23:30 |
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Ben Smash posted:I had canned smoked oysters once... would not recommend I often wonder who in the blue hell sees that poo poo on a supermarket shelf and thinks "yeah, that looks good, let's give that a try."
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Nov 5, 2016 19:29
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Sheep-Goats posted:I'm buying Thephany posting stock if anyone's selling I literally have no idea what a squeeze play is. I just shitpost whilst drunk out of my gourd, listening to the Eagles and wake up afraid to refresh GBS in case I've been an unspeakable arsehole.
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Nov 6, 2016 01:34
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That is exquisite. Like, Donald Trump levels of luxuriousness.
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Nov 6, 2016 01:45
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Doctor Discomfort posted:I got them once because I really like oysters. But those weren't oysters. They were an abomination. I guess my point was more like "hey, I like Oysters, they are expensive, if they're a dollar in a can then I'm pretty sure they're gonna be poo poo." If you have that thought process and still buy them then you're arguably worse than the naive people who buy canned poo poo expecting it to be anything other than gut wrenchingly awful. ETA: I usually buy those dollar packs of formed ham, swimming in water, carry them to the cary in a bag full of bourgeois groceries and then sit in my car, in the parking lot, stuffing that poo poo pork down my throat because goddamn it tastes good. It's a problem, sure, but I'm not buying loving canned oysters.
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Nov 6, 2016 02:05
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T.S. Smelliot posted:My son was stillborn like the day after he was considered "old enough" to be stillborn rather than miscarried OP, I delivered him and cut the umbilical cord, I don't think I recall anything remotely like what you suggest in the OP, I think you're full of poo poo tbh and I hope you die horribly irl lol Sorry for your... loss.  
Theophany fucked around with this message at 12:13 on Nov 7, 2016 |
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Nov 7, 2016 12:02
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| # ¿ May 3, 2024 23:30 |
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Holy poo poo
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Nov 7, 2016 22:38
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