Let's read some weird 19th century German fairy tales!

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Sereri: Sep 30, 2008; awwwrigami

Commie NedFlanders posted:

this kid just doesn't ever look where he's walking

I never thought about struwwelpeter predicting smartphone usage. Incredible.

Mosch posted:

Frederick/Friedrich really sucks. The child that goes out with an umbrella during a storm gets carried off to god knows where with a questionable chance of survival, while Frederick, basically a total sociopath who kills animals for fun, has to take some medicine so the bite on his leg heals properly. Boo hoo, the dog he tormented bit him.

It's really weird, it is the only one of the stories I totally forgot about. But yeah gently caress that guy. At least the dog gets to eat all his stuff for some reason.

# ? Nov 7, 2016 07:50

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# ? May 16, 2024 05:47

Commie NedFlanders: Mar 8, 2014

Junk posted:

"Der Giftpilz" (The Poisonous Mushroom)

https://archive.org/stream/Hiemer-Ernst-Der-Giftpilz-Text/HiemerErnst-DerGiftpilz193847S.Text_djvu.txt

whoaa

i'm having trouble understanding what the mom says to the boy at the beginning

quote:

�Schau, Franz, mit den Menschen auf der Welt ist es genauso wie mit

den Pilzen im Wald. Es gibt gute Pilze und gute Menschen. Es gibt
aber auch giftige, bose Pilze und bose Menschen. Und wir miissen uns
vor bosen Menschen hiiten genauso wie vor giftigen Pilzen. Verstehst
Dudas?"

she says aye the people of the world are like mushrooms of the world. there are good mushrooms and good people. there are, however(?) also(?) poisonous, evil mushrooms and evil people. and we must :psyduck:

how we do(?) with poisonous mushrooms. Do you understand me boy??!!?

# ? Nov 7, 2016 07:51

Commie NedFlanders: Mar 8, 2014

oh drat it this story is going to teach me a lot of words i'm not gonna like......

drat you duolingo you didn't prepare me for this!! :froggonk:

i thought german was all about happy rear end B�ren drinking bier and eating fisch

# ? Nov 7, 2016 07:56

Sereri: Sep 30, 2008; awwwrigami

Commie NedFlanders posted:

she says aye the people of the world are like mushrooms of the world. there are good mushrooms and good people. there are, however(?) also(?) poisonous, evil mushrooms and evil people. and we must how we do(?) with poisonous mushrooms. Do you understand me boy??!!?

Yeah basically. She also says to beware of the bad people. It doesn't really help that all the umlauts are turned into normal vowels except for ü which is ii for some reason (probably because English OCR was used I guess)

# ? Nov 7, 2016 08:05

Commie NedFlanders: Mar 8, 2014

Sereri posted:

Yeah basically. She also says to beware of the bad people. It doesn't really help that all the umlauts are turned into normal vowels except for ü which is ii for some reason (probably because English OCR was used I guess)

Infidel Castro posted:

You don't since that's the correct word to use.

danke, meinen Fruenden

# ? Nov 7, 2016 09:24

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

qkkl posted:

Are there fairy tales where a character is Jewish? I read that Germans were obsessed with all things Jew in the late 1800s.

There's a Grimm fairy tale called Jew in Thornbush.

Our hero, a young man who has just earned his journeymanship, wonders through the countryside, and encounters a poor old man. Even though the hero is destitute himself and needs his hard-earned pay, he takes pity on the miserable old wretch, and gives him what remains of his money. The old man reveals himself as a good gnome, and gives him a magical fiddle that can make anybody who hears it dance against their will (what a lovely gift).

The young man goes on, and meets a suspicious Jew standing at the side of the road. The Jew is listening to a song bird, and talking how he would like to own this bird, to cage him and charge people for his song - as Jews are want to do. Our hero is outraged, throws the Jew into a thornbush on the wayside, and starts playing the fiddle. The Jew begins jumping around among the thorns, with no control over his own limbs, the bushes tear apart his coat, and cut his skin, and the Jew pleads for mercy. He even offers our hero his sack of gold. The generous young man accepts the offer, and leaves a rich man.

However, the perfidious Jew is angry that he got "robbed" by a righteous representative of the common folk, and he goes to the city, to the judge, and accuses the boy of theft and highway robbery. Guards hunt him down, and bring him to the city, where he is to be hung as a criminal, but the smart protagonist knows how to convince the judge that the Jew is responsible for his own trouble, and that he gave his gold to him willingly.

He grabs his fiddle and starts playing. Once again, the Jew begins dancing like a madman, and begins desperately begging for an end to his so called torture, as his torn flesh still aches with each movement, and he promises further riches and possessions just to end the humiliating and painful dance. Upon seeing this, the judge realizes that the Jew did indeed give his sack of gold to the hero out of his own will, and frees the sympathetic main character.

The Jew is hung the next day for perjury.

# ? Nov 7, 2016 10:06

Commie NedFlanders: Mar 8, 2014

if only germany nominated bernie sanders

# ? Nov 7, 2016 10:17

ANGRYGREEK: May 3, 2007; If you meet the Storm Spirit on the lane, gank him.

Schurik posted:

I probably sucked on my thumb as long as I did just to defy this loving guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwrXoslbdew

# ? Nov 7, 2016 12:15

tenspott: Aug 1, 2002; by FactsAreUseless

EorayMel posted:

You can read some here: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12116/12116-h/12116-h.htm

Let's take a minute to image yourself as a child in mid 19th century Germany. What stories would your parents read to you to make you fall asleep? A story about a knight fighting dragons?

No. You would've been read stories about giant tailors chopping off your thumbs and getting blown away in a thunderstorm to never be seen again.

The origin of these stories is traced back to a man named Heinrich Hoffman. He wanted to buy his son a fairy tale book for Christmas, but could not find any he liked. So, Heinrich Hoffman made his own!

I wonder if Hitler was read any of these stories as a child...

Here's one most goons can identify with!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zd9muK2M36c

# ? Nov 7, 2016 15:00

Hollow Talk: Feb 2, 2014

Commie NedFlanders posted:

whoaa

i'm having trouble understanding what the mom says to the boy at the beginning

she says aye the people of the world are like mushrooms of the world. there are good mushrooms and good people. there are, however(?) also(?) poisonous, evil mushrooms and evil people. and we must how we do(?) with poisonous mushrooms. Do you understand me boy??!!?

There are two hints that will tell you everything you might need to know. The first sentence:

quote:

"Wie die Giftpilze oft schwer von den guten Pilzen zu unterscheiden sind, so ist es oft sehr schwer, die Juden als Gauner und Verbrecher zu erkennen..."

"Just as poisonous mushrooms are hard to tell from the good mushrooms, it is often very difficult to recognise the Jews as rascals and criminals..."

And the other hint is the publisher, place and date:

quote:

N�rnberg

St�rmer-Verlag, 1938

This is 100% straight up Nazi propaganda, published by the same publisher who ran the magazine "Der St�rmer", the rather infamous Julius Streicher.

The actual bit without OCR errors after that is:

quote:

"Schau, Franz, mit den Menschen auf der Welt ist es genauso wie mit den Pilzen im Wald. Es gibt gute Pilze und gute Menschen. Es gibt aber auch giftige, b�se Pilze und b�se Menschen. Und wir m�ssen uns vor b�sen Menschen h�ten genauso wie vor giftigen Pilzen. Verstehst Du das?"

"h�ten" = "to beware of so./sth."

He of course then answers that "that's the Jews", for which she praises him and then starts to teach him about all the different kinds of poisonous Jews.

edit: And the last bit of the introduction, because it's really rather :psyduck:

-ish

quote:

"Die folgenden Geschichten erzahlen uns die Wahrheit �ber den j�dischen Giftpilz. Sie zeigen uns die vielen Gestalten, die der Jude annimmt. Sie zeigen uns die Verworfenheit und Niedertrachtigkeit der j�dischen Rasse. Sie zeigen uns, was der Jude wirklich ist: Der Teufel in Menschengestalt!"

"The following stories tell us the truth about the Jewish poisonous mushroom. They show us the many forms the Jew adopts. They show us the crookedness and ignominy of the Jewish race. They show us what the Jew really is: the devil in disguise."

Hollow Talk fucked around with this message at 17:19 on Nov 7, 2016

# ? Nov 7, 2016 17:13

Stanky Bean: Dec 30, 2004

While it's not German or 19th century I always thought that this part of Egil's Saga (one of the Icelandic Sagas) was pretty great. This is from the translation by Bernard Scudder

quote:

Everyone became very drunk, and for every toast that Armod drank he said, "I drink this to your health, Egil."
The men of the household drank to his companions' health, with the same words. A man was given the job of keeping Egil and his companions served with one toast after another, and he urged them to drink it up at once. Egil told his companions that they should not drink any more, and he drank theirs for them too when there was no way to avoid it.
Egil started to feel that he would not be able to go on like this. He stood up and walked across the floor to where Armod was sitting, seized him by the shoulders and thrust him up against a wall-post. Then Egil spewed a torrent of vomit that gushed all over Armod's face, filling his eyes and nostrils and mouth and pouring down his beard and chest. Armod was close to choking, and when he managed to let out his breath, a jet of vomit gushed out with it. All Armod's men who were there said that Egil had done a base and despicable deed by not going outside when he needed to vomit, but had made a spectacle of himself in the drinking-room instead.
Egil said, "Don't blame me for following the master of the house's example. He's spewing his guts up just as much as I am."

Afterwards Egil disses him in a verse of poetry then goes back to drinking

# ? Nov 7, 2016 18:25

e X: Feb 23, 2013; cool but crude

Cat and Mouse in patnership posted:

A cat had made the acquaintance of a mouse, and had said so much to her about the great love and friendship that he felt for her, that at last the mouse agreed that they should live and keep house together. "But we must make preparations for winter, or else we shall suffer from hunger," said the cat, "and you, little mouse, cannot venture out everywhere, or in the end you will be caught in a trap."

This good advice was followed, and they bought a pot of fat, but they did not know where to store it. Finally, after much consideration, the cat said, "I know of no place where it will be better stored up than in the church. No one dares take anything away from there. We will put it beneath the altar, and not touch it until we are need it."

So the pot was stored safely away, but it was not long before the cat took a great longing for it, and said to the mouse, "I wanted to tell you, little mouse, that my cousin has brought a little son into the world, and she has asked me to be his godfather. He is white with brown spots, and I am to hold him over the baptismal font. Let me go out today, and you look after the house by yourself."

"Yes, yes," answered the mouse. "By all means go, and if you get anything good to eat, think of me. I would like to drink a drop of sweet red christening wine myself."

All this, however, was untrue. The cat had no cousin, and had not been asked to be godfather. He went straight to the church, crept up to the pot of fat, began to lick at it, and licked off the top of the fat. Then he went for a stroll on the roofs of the town, looked out for opportunities, and then stretched out in the sun, licking his whiskers whenever he thought of the pot of fat. He did not return home until it was evening.

"Well, here you are again," said the mouse. "You must have had a happy day."

"Everything went well," answered the cat.

"What name did they give the child?" asked the mouse.

"Top-Off," said the cat quite coolly.

"Top-Off?" cried the mouse. "That is a very odd and uncommon name. Is it a usual one in your family?"

"What does that matter?", said the cat. "It is no worse than Crumb-Thief, as your godchildren are called."

Before long the cat was seized by another fit of longing. He said to the mouse, "You must do me a favor, and once more manage the house alone for a day. I have been asked again to be godfather, and since the child has a white ring around its neck, I cannot refuse."

The good mouse consented. However, the cat crept behind the town wall to the church, and devoured half the pot of fat. "Nothing tastes as good as that which one eats by oneself," he said, and was quite satisfied with his day's work.

When he arrived home the mouse asked, "What name was this child christened with?"

"Half-Gone," answered the cat.

"Half-Gone? What are you saying? I have never heard that name in all my life. I'll wager it is not in the almanac."

The cat's mouth soon again began to water for the delicious goods. "All good things come in threes," he said to the mouse. "I have been asked to be godfather again. The child is totally black, only it has white paws. Otherwise it has not a single white hair on its whole body. This only happens once every few years. You will let me go, won't you?"

"Top-Off. Half-Gone," answered the mouse. "They are such odd names, that they make me stop and think."

"Here you sit at home," said the cat, "with your dark gray fur coat and long braid of hair capturing fantasies. That is because you do not go out in the daytime."

During the cat's absence the mouse cleaned the house, and put it in order, but the greedy cat devoured all the rest of the fat. "One has peace only after everything is eaten up," he said to himself. Well filled and fat, he did not return home until nighttime.

The mouse immediately asked what name had been given to the third child.

"You will not like it either," said the cat. "His name is All-Gone."

"All-Gone!", cried the mouse. "That is the most worrisome name of all. I have never seen it in print. All-Gone! What can that mean?" Then she shook her head, curled herself up, and lay down to sleep.

From this time forth no one invited the cat to be godfather, but when winter had come and there was no longer anything to be found outside, the mouse thought of their stored food, and said, "Come cat, we will go to our pot of fat which we have stored up for ourselves. It will taste good now."

"Yes," answered the cat. "You will enjoy it as much as you would enjoy sticking that dainty tongue of yours out of the window."

They set out on their way, but when they arrived, the pot of fat, to be sure, was still in its place, but it was empty. "Alas," said the mouse, "now I see what has happened. Now it comes to light. You are a true friend. You ate everything when you were serving as a godfather. First top off, then half done, then ..."

"Be quiet!" cried the cat. "One more word, and I will eat you too."

"All gone" was already on the poor mouse's lips. She had scarcely spoken it before the cat sprang on her, seized her, and swallowed her down. You see, that is the way of the world.

# ? Nov 7, 2016 19:43

ScratchAndSniff: Sep 28, 2008; This game stinks

Gambling Hansel

Once upon a time there was a man who did nothing but gamble, and for that reason people never called him anything but Gambling Hansel, and as he never ceased to gamble, he played away his house and all that he had. Now the very day before his creditors were to take his house from him, came the Lord and St. Peter, and asked him to give them shelter for the night. Then Gambling Hansel said, "For my part, you may stay the night, but I cannot give you a bed or anything to eat." So the Lord said he was just to take them in, and they themselves would buy something to eat, to which Gambling Hansel made no objection. Thereupon St. Peter gave him three groschen, and said he was to go to the baker's and fetch some bread.

So Gambling Hansel went, but when he reached the house where the other gambling vagabonds were gathered together, they, although they had won all that he had, greeted him clamorously, and said, "Hansel, do come in." "Oh," said he, "do you want to win the three groschen too?" On this they would not let him go. So he went in, and played away the three groschen also. Meanwhile St. Peter and the Lord were waiting, and as he was so long in coming, they set out to meet him. When Gambling Hansel came, however, he pretended that the money had fallen into the gutter, and kept raking about in it all the while to find it, but our Lord already knew that he had lost it in play.

St. Peter again gave him three groschen, and now he did not allow himself to be led away once more, but fetched them the loaf. Our Lord then inquired if he had no wine, and he said, "Alack, sir, the casks are all empty!" But the Lord said he was to go down into the cellar, for the best wine was still there. For a long time he would not believe this, but at length he said, "Well, I will go down, but I know that there is none there." When he turned the tap, however, lo and behold, the best of wine ran out! So he took it to them, and the two passed the night there.

Early next day our Lord told Gambling Hansel that he might beg three favours. The Lord expected that he would ask to go to Heaven; but Gambling Hansel asked for a pack of cards with which he could win everything, for dice with which he would win everything, and for a tree whereon every kind of fruit would grow, and from which no one who had climbed up, could descend until he bade him do so. The Lord gave him all that he had asked, and departed with St. Peter.

And now Gambling Hansel at once set about gambling in real earnest, and before long he had gained half the world. Upon this St. Peter said to the Lord, "Lord, this thing must not go on, he will win, and thou lose, the whole world. We must send Death to him."

When Death appeared, Gambling Hansel had just seated himself at the gaming-table, and Death said, "Hansel, come out a while." But Gambling Hansel said, "Just wait a little until the game is done, and in the meantime get up into that tree out there, and gather a little fruit that we may have something to munch on our way." Thereupon Death climbed up, but when he wanted to come down again, he could not, and Gambling Hansel left him up there for seven years, during which time no one died.

So St. Peter said to the Lord, "Lord, this thing must not go on. People no longer die; we must go ourselves." And they went themselves, and the Lord commanded Hansel to let Death come down. So Hansel went at once to Death and said to him, "Come down," and Death took him directly and put an end to him.

They went away together and came to the next world, and then Gambling Hansel made straight for the door of Heaven, and knocked at it. "Who is there?" "Gambling Hansel." "Ah, we will have nothing to do with him! Begone!" So he went to the door of Purgatory, and knocked once more. "Who is there?" "Gambling Hansel." "Ah, there is quite enough weeping and wailing here without him. We do not want to gamble, just go away again." Then he went to the door of Hell, and there they let him in. There was, however, no one at home but old Lucifer and the crooked devils who had just been doing their evil work in the world. And no sooner was Hansel there than he sat down to gamble again. Lucifer, however, had nothing to lose, but his mis-shapen devils, and Gambling Hansel won them from him, as with his cards he could not fail to do. And now he was off again with his crooked devils, and they went to Hohenfuert and pulled up a hop-pole, and with it went to Heaven and began to thrust the pole against it, and Heaven began to crack. So again St. Peter said, "Lord, this thing cannot go on, we must let him in, or he will throw us down from Heaven." And they let him in. But Gambling Hansel instantly began to play again, and there was such a noise and confusion that there was no

hearing what they themselves were saying. Therefore St. Peter once more said, "Lord, this cannot go on, we must throw him down, or he will make all Heaven rebellious." So they went to him at once, and threw him down, and his soul broke into fragments, and went into the gambling vagabonds who are living this very day.

tl dr: Gambling owns.

ScratchAndSniff fucked around with this message at 20:02 on Nov 7, 2016

# ? Nov 7, 2016 19:59