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Opening the front door to find a woman without a shirt on delivering a brief message from a friend or loved one. She seems cold.
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Nov 28, 2016 18:25
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Apr 29, 2024 04:00
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I keep telling my grandmother that women under 30 shouldn't get mammograms, but every birthday she sends one to my apartment!
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Nov 28, 2016 18:31
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And who can possibly forget the famous "mammogram for Mongo" scene from Blazing Saddles?
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Nov 28, 2016 18:36
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getting my titty squashed between two giant radioactive plates? why not just press it in the pages of a book, as one would a delicate desert rose
tfw when youre at the mammogram shop and the doctor needs to really pinch your boob to get it to go between the plates, and the lady in the leaflet has these huge honkers, and youre like "man, some people have all the luck at being squashed tits-wise between these huge radioactive plates"
Wanted: Mammogram Model for Leaflet Photography (MUST have huge honkers - therefore to demonstrate the power of the mammogram, and cohere to the patient its true threat)
when i see a mammogram machine squashing those huge honkers its like the feeling a cave woman probably got when she watched a pterodactyl pick up a mammoth and carry it away into the sky. awe - dread - and like, the pterodactyl is eating the mammoth before its even dead
titty doctor: You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? The perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.
me: I admire its purity. A titty squashing device … unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.
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Nov 28, 2016 20:06
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Doctors couldn't care one way or the other about cancer, but I do know one thing: they love putting radiation inside some big flippy-flappy bazongas. Just batting them around with ping-pong paddles made out of alpha particles and having a real good time as they boing all over the place.
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Nov 29, 2016 01:31
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And if you do get cancer? Good news, the doctors have a different kind of radiation they can shoot into your sweater pupae while they chant and holler and your chesty breasties fly around like they're in a wind tunnel.
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Nov 29, 2016 01:32
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I thought a mammogram was when they cut off your breasts
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Nov 29, 2016 16:19
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BYOB/GYN
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Nov 29, 2016 19:14
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In order to find out whether you have the bad kind of tit, the nurse and I will go to opposite sides of the room and fling radiation at your bazoombas with these jai alai cesta. Then we will take a picture of them with a nuclear camera.
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Nov 29, 2016 21:58
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Excuse me, doctor? Doctor, yes, please listen to me, because it's very important and I'm in quite a rush. I'm a reporter, you see, a junior reporter with the Sun, and all the boys in the newsroom, see, they don't take me seriously as a reporter, no sir, not serious at all, and that's why I need you to give me e x t r e m e l y f l a t t i t s, yes indeed, got to have them, because it's a man's world, you see, it's a man's world and I'm just a woman, just a woman in a man's world and that's why I need to have e x t r e m e l y f l a t t i t s.
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Nov 29, 2016 22:54
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The scene in Mad Men where Peggy tries to get birth control, but instead it's Peggy trying to convince her doctor to really give her funbags the ol' heave-ho.
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Nov 29, 2016 22:55
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In order to kill witches, the people of Salem, Massachusetts invented the world's first-ever mammography device.
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Nov 29, 2016 22:59
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Fat Man, the atomic bomb dropped on Nagasaki, worked by using a conventional explosion to compress a small sphere of plutonium on all sides, which caused a chain reaction resulting in a massive nuclear detonation. The architect of the atomic bomb, John Robert Oppenheimer, inadvertently discovered it while using the same technique to put the whammy on a lady's rompers.
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Nov 29, 2016 23:11
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Apr 29, 2024 04:00
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My plan is to adopt Muhammad Ali's rope-a-dope technique, allowing my doctor to exhaust himself by wailing on my knockers for hours, then landing the final blow myself.
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Nov 30, 2016 17:18
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Nov 28, 2016 18:25
