- Ahundredbux
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The right to bear arms
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drank more than the recommended daily dose of milk and now I have indestructible bones and bone claws
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Dec 3, 2016 13:56
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Apr 30, 2024 05:33
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- Ahundredbux
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The right to bear arms
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Consumed 8 servings of fruit; double the recommended daily value. I've been on the run for a few days now. The FDA doesn't recommend; it commands. I bit off more than I could chew and now I know things I'm not supposed to. They can't catch me, though. I have so much potassium flowing through my veins that my muscles are infinitely efficient. So much vitamin C I can camouflage myself like a chameleon. The FDA made a mistake, and, one way or another, it will be their last.
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Dec 5, 2016 15:32
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- Ahundredbux
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The right to bear arms
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double shots of espresso, not only have I not slept in years, I've also literally awakened my inner self
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Dec 5, 2016 16:19
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- Ahundredbux
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The right to bear arms
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Every day for the last two years I've stubbed my toe on parked cars. I'm now immune to car accidents. I cross the street without looking, and a bus fruitlessly bounces off my shoulder. The street is a plinko board. My antibodies dissolve a semi. I cannot be stopped
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Dec 8, 2016 16:07
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- Ahundredbux
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The right to bear arms
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my lieutenant: it's over, general google this! we're dead! the doctor army has breached our walls and they're closing in on our position!
me: (pries the lid off a crate to reveal a full bushel of apples) not for long.
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Dec 8, 2016 19:20
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Dec 3, 2016 13:56
