- social vegan
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you look behind you to see the doctor clutching the blown-off stump that was his index finger
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Dec 2, 2016 18:55
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Apr 30, 2024 08:41
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- social vegan
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*fills crop with diamonds to help break up bigger pieces of food*
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Dec 2, 2016 19:15
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- social vegan
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I took 2 Viagra and I have an erection that has lasted far longer than four hours. Try since 2003. On the one hand I can sex 24/7/365, but on the other hand it's really difficult to pee!
I took 3 Viagra before I asked my boss for a raise and now I'm CEO
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Dec 2, 2016 23:28
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- social vegan
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eat vitamin d til i can photosynthesize
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Dec 3, 2016 02:10
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- social vegan
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I took so much metamucil I think I just poo poo one of my eyes right out of its socket
eat Metamucil til you can feel your blood moving
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Dec 3, 2016 13:35
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- social vegan
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I drank a gallon of cranberry juice, tomorrow I start my new job as a waterjet cutter
everyone else has a urinary tract infection relative to me
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Dec 5, 2016 16:02
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- social vegan
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gaggle of teachers: *walk up* Why hello, social vegan, and uhhh what have we got here
sv: Hi all, this is my science fair project!
teachers: ...strange, it looks just like you sitting in front of some bristol board with and open jar of TUMS
sv: ya'll are gonna wanna stand back for this one
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Dec 7, 2016 12:54
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- social vegan
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my doctor says, "one at a time, please" at my check ups
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Dec 8, 2016 03:26
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- social vegan
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three blind monks take turns feeling my body, they all agree, there are two men there
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Dec 8, 2016 03:28
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Apr 30, 2024 08:41
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- social vegan
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my lieutenant: it's over, general google this! we're dead! the doctor army has breached our walls and they're closing in on our position!
me: (pries the lid off a crate to reveal a full bushel of apples) not for long.
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Dec 8, 2016 19:12
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Dec 2, 2016 18:55
