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I love when video game characters are hilariously indestructible. Like Walker(?) from spec ops couldn't be killed by a car door, and Alan here has immunity to all barrels and barrel flavored objects. Literally what the gently caress were the game devs thinking about collectibles though? Coffee thermoses? Really? And why one hundred of them? It just seems like such a forced achievement grabbing optional side quest thing. I suppose spread out, one hundred thermoses aren't that bad. I think something else might've been more appropriate, though I can't recall the entire game. Maybe crow feathers as a collectible and once you collect enough you can make your own crow shaped friend you stick over that gigantic rear end writing desk instead of the freaky owl thing. Also I don't think they could ever bone. Alan is wearing like seventeen layers of clothing based birth control. You need a loving pick axe to uncover his beefy man bod.
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Dec 5, 2016 01:20
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Agreed. We're not going anywhere, and you have more important things to think about. Also.... CJacobs posted:
Same. Banish those pants and bring out the pajamas!!
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Dec 8, 2016 02:20
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As we've [you've] established, Alan has arthritis so his punch would probably hurt himself more than the other person.
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Dec 19, 2016 00:39
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He stole his own wife's coffee thermos. What an rear end. You know, lord knows when Alan dies he's going to be like V.C. Andrews and have his children or wife ghostwrite using his name. ....is that a loving QR code in Alan's office where he was looking at the book cover mock ups. Oh. The fishing man doctor combo is offering Alan drugs. Max Payne sequel bait? Aww is that a missing cat poster in the police station? :C Go home cat, go home! AHHHHHHHHH BARRY!! Third best character. Well, maybe fourth. That deer float was pretty sweet. But Barry's shirt is pretty sweet also. "Listen Barry, I was partying with Max for a whole week. Sure there were drugs, but we needed them after getting shot a whole lot by these gang members." Man I love that lodge. Everything is so pretty there. Look at that view of the mountains and the trees and sky! And the bear. I love that bear. There's so much variety in plants and the bark on felled trees is jacked up and look! There's moss! It might be dark as gently caress at times, but it's so pleasing to look at. The night sky is great, too. Are there actual constellations or just random scatterings of stars? Either way, so nice. Also, Skippy had a good point about how creepy Stucky is. Either the person infected by the darkness is trying to break through, or the darkness is trying to make constructs that look and act like normal people but just can't get it right. Or maybe I'm giving the writers of this game too much credit.
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Dec 19, 2016 01:30
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Yikes, that's awful! I hope your recovery is quick!
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Dec 21, 2016 06:49
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CJinkies! It lives!! And it's doing its best Max Payne impression, good gosh. I'm bummed I missed the stream and chance to yell at you for not petting the 
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Dec 24, 2016 01:40
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I don't know if it's confirmed or maybe it's obvious, but I like to imagine Alan took a swing at a paparazzi because they talked poo poo about his dear wife. Awww Why come we have to scare Max and the dog's human friend? OH NO MAX. Is the dog ok? Please spoil the entire game so I know the reincarnation of Max Payne is ok. I know I heard barking after Rusty went coo coo for coco puffs, but that was it.I do like how Alan pulls out his phone. Such a sassy flip. And how powerful his legs are to easily tramp over a huge loving boulder! Good lord you're past Nordic walking! I think the caffeine is allowing him to phase over physical objects. Eh, I've never read Stephen King. I did watch Rose Red or whatever it's called. I've recently read Codex by Lev Grossman and it's leagues better than Alan's lovely writing, which I have also never read. I don't know if it's much of a spoiler if you already know the 'quest'. You know you are heading towards the kidnapper, and you know Alan is going to ask about the kidnapping victim. Scalding Coffee posted:
Wow what a dump. I'd hate to see what the roach infested place looked like! And ha, in the video Dark Rusty was kind of sliding off five feet above the roof.
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Jan 2, 2017 02:23
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CJacobs posted:No, no he is not. I didn't notice this until literally today as I watched the video back while waiting for it to upload, but Max is actually in the video after Rusty gets taken by the darkness: NO. MAX. I didn't even notice poor Max on the ground, he just blended in. This game does not like dogs. I can only hope the birds and guinea pigs are safe from The Darkness.Maybe there's a fanfic which solves the issue of Max dying. Something cute and light! quote:Go Gentle Into That Good Light by A_M_Kelley Uhh.... Nevermind. [That story might have character spoilers? Not sure, but be careful if you go looking for it.]
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Jan 2, 2017 03:26
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God loving drat it! I just realized Skippy said 'Ia Ia redwood pthb thagn'. Because it's a redwood named after a lovecraft critter joke  Oh god that's a great one!!
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Jan 2, 2017 05:25
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Oh CJacobs. I'm sorry to hear about your janky rear end kidneys and their terrible ideas of what constitutes piss. And gently caress going to school in your condition, unless there's copious amounts of painkillers involved. Like, you're going to be distracted enough by the pain that you might not pay attention and what's the point of being there if you're too sick to be engaged? Ugh. Sometimes sick days are ok. Haerc posted:CJacobs, maybe you will pee out a miraculous stone... A Philosophers stone perhaps? If we're going the magic route, it might have to be the seventh stone of the seventh stone....  Get to pissing, PissJacobs!
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Feb 16, 2017 07:00
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White Coke posted:Glad to see you're back ÇweetJacobs and Skippy Granola. OHHHHHHH!! We had walking pants enemies, now we need walking / floating tweed jacket enemies! Gotta complete the outfit! And I'm glad tip cobalt have my suspicions confirmed. Cjacobs is a sweetheart  I hope it's not going to turn out that Alan had been lifting paragraphs from this Thomas Zane fellow. That's the real monster of the game: plagiarism!
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Mar 2, 2017 19:02
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Fish Noise posted:Since this is more or less The Current CJacobs Thread Demon Jacobs is a gassy boy :O Need more peppy doggos, imo. Honestly why does this game hate dogs? Heal the doggo! Heal them! The highest quality 'shops for the highest quality Canadian Guinea Pig Wranglers
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Mar 4, 2017 06:58
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That was very useful. I now know that cannibals have yellow teeth, and probably terrible dentistry in general, and will be able to avoid them in the future. I do love the whipping out the license like he's loving Yu Gi Oh or something. I can only assume that every single character is Alan's self insert. The hollywood levels of hot dad who pulls in all the ladies, the dramatic son unable to stop from pawing at other people's belongings, the old, teleporting woman. All Alan, all the time!
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Mar 6, 2017 23:06
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'this is stupid' was something I whispered often while making this. Also I typed in 'tremors' instead of thermos twice and I blame you, triCkster Jacobs!! This is Alan and he is a Mii. This is a canon appearance and this happens in chapter 26 when Alan uses a Nintendo Switch to fight off The Darkness via the screen's brightness. The thermos and coffee cups are secret items you can only get while you are Alan Mii if you have a save file of Breath of the Wild on your Nintendo Switch *looks at the camera and smiles really widely* The coffee cups feature Iconic I made with with this thing tho. Less authentic, I'm so sorry! http://www.wiiplayable.com/playgame.php?gameid=157
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Mar 21, 2017 01:28
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http://cjacobs.wikia.com/wiki/Cjacobs_Wiki 3,000 canines, huh?
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Mar 29, 2017 22:08
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Consider this...... Cjacobs is a tall fellow. All the dark souls bosses are taller than the playable character. Therefore cjacobs is secretly a Lord.
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Apr 17, 2017 17:03
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I think that test was the equivalent of the professor realizing they left all the tests in their office across campus and doesn't feel like a fifteen minute jog to go g wait what were the last few moments of that clip CJACOBS YOU BUSY BEE YOU HOLY poo poo
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Apr 20, 2017 22:10
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Antistar01 posted:Good luck with finals - and take your time, etc. Seconded. Really, we're not going anywhere. Unless we start WW3 and get drafted Best of luck with your finals and junk!
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May 12, 2017 02:58
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Holy poo poo! Congrats on blazing through your classes, Smart Jacobs! I hope your summer is good and chill. You deserved it! Well, as chill as no A/C can be. CJacobs posted:....A CERTAIN OTHER SPECIAL LP I TEASED A LITTLE WHILE AGO staring whenever the heck I have it finished. CJAcobs presents: Nintendogs the LP confirmed for early 2018! Bork bork!
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May 20, 2017 01:30
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OH MY GOD I screamed at my laptop and had to try and lie to my room mate why I made dinosaur noises. jesus christ the bubsy parts and the fucing max payne parts and the loving special effects jesus christ I don't know what we ever did to deserve CJacobs, but I'm glad we did it because you are loving amazing also gently caress YOU SKIPP THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL THAT WAS ART. I can't believe CJacobs modded Max Payne to recreate the hypothetical conversation between Payne and Wake, as mentioned seven years ago in the first episode. Amazing. edit: what does that say "episode 5, part 500 - let's play alan wake " Jesus christ how long has this LP being going on? value-brand cereal fucked around with this message at 02:46 on May 31, 2017 |
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May 31, 2017 02:42
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....Convergence?! Well that explains why I have the desire to cosplay a certain bobcat and wax noir-ly while making ear wax candles from freshly harvested Unitologists.
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May 31, 2017 05:29
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AHHHH IT'S THERMY! I'm so glad Thermy will also be made whole!
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Jun 3, 2017 17:43
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Wow! I can't believe you have time for another LP in between murdering your neighbors children! Unless child murder is the reason you ended up in Silent Hill. RIPJacobs. Have you planned any co commentators or is it a chill solo run through fog city? Is Fae's sparkly pen available for a death / bad joke counter?
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Jun 6, 2017 03:18
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I'm so, so happy to hear CollegeJacobs has graduated and is taking a year break to find himself in the happy town of Silent Hill! I hear they're finally reopening the amusement park after that unfortunate incident.... Don't forget your sunscreen and umbrella! Forecast says it'll be a bright, sunny summer, with absolutely no fog, clouds, or bizarre fetal golems angling for blowjobs in sight! That joke will only makes sense if you follow cjacobs on twitter
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Jun 11, 2017 23:40
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I wanna say that the poem is the Darkness trying to write itself into existence and keep itself from being fully... erased? Deleted? The whole 'it's not a lake' thing is just Alan himself writing in a continuation because he's an author and needs a steady paycheck.
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Jul 5, 2017 02:19
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Yeah! I remember Kamoc doing that ages ago, and it's too bad it wasn't a more popular way of making LPs interesting, and be able to show off info or backstory with the viewer having to pause the screen, or having to stop the gameplay and explain stuff. God these new 'cards' thing sound awful. [ps, I love the slow fade in of the dude holding the money bag. Nice.] Scalding Coffee posted:Youtube UI changes, censorship, and now cards. It just can't help itself in getting worse every year. Yeah, start nabbing urls and user names on other sites just in case there's migration. Future-proofing yourself, so to speak.
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Jul 13, 2017 01:32
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I was thinking about it, and you know what? It's kinda nice Alan tried to write that Barry and Sarah the Sheriff might end up together, romantically or friendshiply. Thanks Alan, for looking out for the most important character: Barry.chitoryu12 posted:Some interesting fan art from toteczious.tumblr.com: I'm the pupper cradled in that guys arms, safe and unmurdered
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Jul 21, 2017 01:34
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