Old Pros at Michaels

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vanisher

Hey there. Oh me? I just like to come down here on the weekends and chat it up with the staff here. I've been doing friendship bracelets and bead designs since you were in diapers haha. Whatcha got there, oh some birthday invitations? Lemme give you some advice. You're going to want to go with a 100lb cardstock and a 1/2mm glitter to get the best finished product. There are some handy stickers down aisle three as well, no need to thank me just pass it forward.

# ? Dec 13, 2016 02:49

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# ? May 5, 2024 00:46

MrWillsauce

can you help me make a tiny picture frame? like 3 by 1/2 in or so

# ? Dec 13, 2016 02:51

vanisher

Hey Jimmy! How's that backswing? Haha. Oh man I was down at the shop today and there was this gal oh don't even get me started. She had a 10 inch necklace starter and she was trying to get these quarter inch glass beads... oh man I almost lost it. Everyone knows you gotta run 13, maybe even 14 if you're going to go glass. But hey wouldn't trade it for the world, gotta love what you do right Jim.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 13, 2016 02:53

social vegan

*turns head suddenly mid-conversation so you get a glimpse of my neon coloured croakies hand weaved from gimp*

# ? Dec 13, 2016 02:53

vanisher

MrWillsauce posted:

can you help me make a tiny picture frame? like 3 by 1/2 in or so

Oh hoho let me stop you right there mam. 3 1/2 frames are going to get waaaaay less picture per square inch out of that frame. You need to run a multi-frame solution lemme point you to some of my work here on my Etsy. See this? I went with a hedge cut on the left frame, what's a hedgecut? Haha maybe that's too advanced. Here let me get Bob to show you some prefab stuff down Aisle thirteen, hey pass it forward god bless

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 13, 2016 02:57

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

*rearranges large, wooden letters to spell out rude words* that's right, I'm a Michaels rebel. "Hey honey, I'm just going to go looks at the model cars and airplanes and poo poo." haha. Little does she know that I'm secretly placing the Christmas figurines in suggestive poses. Those rubes will never catch me.

# ? Dec 13, 2016 02:58

MrWillsauce

how do you put a picture in multiple frames

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:00

vanisher

MrWillsauce posted:

how do you put a picture in multiple frames

Haha hey, I gotta tell Jim this one. Look you gotta use your creativity I can only show you the water I can't make you drink, get it kimosabe

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:07

MrWillsauce

I guess i'll just buy some glitter...

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:10

vanisher

MrWillsauce posted:

I guess i'll just buy some glitter...

No problem mam you keep paying it forward and blessing please

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:13

social vegan

and this right here this *wipes a tear from his eye* is the wall of buttons.

*rests hand on customer's shoulder* hey, have fun.

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:15

social vegan

oh and if you can't find a replacement button in our huge and thoughtful selection here at michael's, maybe ask yourself if the button is worth replacing in the first place

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:16

social vegan

*says, "holy moley, you must have some tiny pipes!" to every customer who buys pipe cleaners with the same fervour as day one baby*

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:17

vanisher

social vegan posted:

*says, "holy moley, you must have some tiny pipes!" to every customer who buys pipe cleaners with the same fervour as day one baby*

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:18

social vegan

*sidles up to customer looking at safety pins* psst, don't be fooled *winks to customer and points at scar tracing over my left eye*

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:18

social vegan

*sets up a bunch of styrofoam shapes on a bookshelf behind me and puts on silly glasses*

"Hey look, I'm vapourware"

*hopes no one asks him what vapourware is*

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:20

vanisher

Oh hey I can't help but notice you picked up a decorative basket from aisle 9, that's a nice choice. You plan on using that outdoors? The reason I ask is because those stained birch weaves they warp like the dickens if you leave them filled with a decorative moss or arrangement of stones out on your patio. I recommend one of the naturally sourced bamboo options. Heck, you can even throw a bit of wood stain from Aisle 3 on that to get the same effect. These baskets are a birch aren't they?? haha hey you stay safe out there.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 13, 2016 03:23

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

*wanders up and down aisles humming tunelessly, occasionally straightening the endless rows of haphazardly-placed faux greenery*

# ? Dec 13, 2016 05:32

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

*spritzes self with entire wall of home fragrance multiple times per day*

you know it's just like autumn tropics in the rainforest where i hang out my fresh cotton and blueberry ice linens

# ? Dec 13, 2016 05:33

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

*audibly scoffs at people picking up I Can Knit! Kits by Red Heart, fondles lovingly Learn To Knit Kit by Bernat*

amateur knitters. i bet they don't know the difference between worsted and dk weights.

# ? Dec 13, 2016 05:34

City of Glompton

Well sure you could buy a prepackaged kit, but that doesn't give you the flexibility of choosing your own supplies. You might as well just head across the parking lot to Target and buy a finished jewelry box and save yourself the effort, if that's all you can muster. Oh, it's for your granddaughter to make? She's 5? Lemme tell you--if you expect her to make a go of the craft bazaar circuit, it's never to early to learn good habits. Let's head to aisle 8, she can start easy making her own ballerina, any color tutu she wants.

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? Dec 13, 2016 06:09

Plebian Parasite

man wearing suit of pipe cleaners: "Who run Artertown?"

manager [shamefully]: "Master Crafter runs Artertown"

# ? Dec 13, 2016 08:24

social vegan

*rings up decorative wreath* ...wow, what a beautiful wreath, it's great no really it's great, I would definitely consider picking it up myself if I didn't have access to this amazing collection of dehydrated flowers, berries, and a near endless plethora of fresh boughs in aisle 5 but no you're right this is great

# ? Dec 13, 2016 13:04

FactsAreUseless

Michael's Customer Service Representatives:

I went to Michael's today to buy some tiny trees for a model I'm working on. It's a large number of tiny trees, to model what a lot of tiny trees would look like. But that's not important. What is important was my experience at your store (Michael's in Bloomingdale, IL, which I believe to be the only one, but should you find a conflict in your records it's the Michael's next to Jack-in-the-Box on Streamwood Drive, next to where the Joann's used to be - a store I did NOT patronize, for the record, as until this most recent incident I had always preferred Michael's service and selection, but THIS INCIDENT MAY CHANGE THAT!) - which was NOT a satisfactory experience. While looking for tiny trees (1/256 scale and mostly maples, though not entirely), and finding only a selection of small-to-medium (largely conifers, I should add, in case you are able to contact your inventory management department), I was approached by a Michael's employee (Janet, or possibly Janice, I will admit that I am not good with the memorization of names and faces, due a mild face blindness which is NOT a full aphasia, but merely a difficulty in remembering the faces of people I encounter) who asked if I needed assistance. When I inquired about tiny trees, she informed me that they did not stock what I was looking for. However, this is NOT the incident to which I referred earlier in the letter with regard to the incident, to which I will now refer. The incident was this: Janet, or possibly Janice, then asked if my wife would be okay with another tree selection. I would like to write that again, as I fear the FULL GRAVITY of the incident. Janet, or possibly Janice, asked ME if MY WIFE would prefer another tree selection. I am NOT my wife! Was my wife at the store that day, purchasing 1/256-scale maple models? NO! She was NOT! I, a 56-year-old retirement account manager and VERY WELL RESPECTED in my community, was at Michael's that day purchasing 1/256-scale maple models!

I would thank you AND THE STORE YOU REPRESENT to PLEASE consider that not all your customers fall into the STEREOTYPE of the Michael's customer - middle-aged scrapbooking administrative assistants named Brenda, I WOULD ASSUME AS JANET, OR POSSIBLY JANICE, MADE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME. Perhaps if you were willing to employ a more DIVERSE selection of representatives, rather than staffing your stores entirely with women like Janet, or possibly Janice, who share the same backgrounds and FALSE ASSUMPTIONS about their customers, we would have a more SATISFYING Michael's experience.

I do not ask for recompense, but would appreciate it if you could direct me to a selection of 1/256-scale maple models, possibly on your website.

A LOYAL customer,

Peter Hernandez

# ? Dec 13, 2016 13:05

alnilam

FactsAreUseless posted:

Michael's Customer Service Representatives:

I went to Michael's today to buy some tiny trees for a model I'm working on. It's a large number of tiny trees, to model what a lot of tiny trees would look like. But that's not important. What is important was my experience at your store (Michael's in Bloomingdale, IL, which I believe to be the only one, but should you find a conflict in your records it's the Michael's next to Jack-in-the-Box on Streamwood Drive, next to where the Joann's used to be - a store I did NOT patronize, for the record, as until this most recent incident I had always preferred Michael's service and selection, but THIS INCIDENT MAY CHANGE THAT!) - which was NOT a satisfactory experience. While looking for tiny trees (1/256 scale and mostly maples, though not entirely), and finding only a selection of small-to-medium (largely conifers, I should add, in case you are able to contact your inventory management department), I was approached by a Michael's employee (Janet, or possibly Janice, I will admit that I am not good with the memorization of names and faces, due a mild face blindness which is NOT a full aphasia, but merely a difficulty in remembering the faces of people I encounter) who asked if I needed assistance. When I inquired about tiny trees, she informed me that they did not stock what I was looking for. However, this is NOT the incident to which I referred earlier in the letter with regard to the incident, to which I will now refer. The incident was this: Janet, or possibly Janice, then asked if my wife would be okay with another tree selection. I would like to write that again, as I fear the FULL GRAVITY of the incident. Janet, or possibly Janice, asked ME if MY WIFE would prefer another tree selection. I am NOT my wife! Was my wife at the store that day, purchasing 1/256-scale maple models? NO! She was NOT! I, a 56-year-old retirement account manager and VERY WELL RESPECTED in my community, was at Michael's that day purchasing 1/256-scale maple models!

I would thank you AND THE STORE YOU REPRESENT to PLEASE consider that not all your customers fall into the STEREOTYPE of the Michael's customer - middle-aged scrapbooking administrative assistants named Brenda, I WOULD ASSUME AS JANET, OR POSSIBLY JANICE, MADE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME. Perhaps if you were willing to employ a more DIVERSE selection of representatives, rather than staffing your stores entirely with women like Janet, or possibly Janice, who share the same backgrounds and FALSE ASSUMPTIONS about their customers, we would have a more SATISFYING Michael's experience.

I do not ask for recompense, but would appreciate it if you could direct me to a selection of 1/256-scale maple models, possibly on your website.

A LOYAL customer,

Peter Hernandez

this is a beautiful replica, did you go to Michaels for all those authentic-looking all-cap words and lengthy parenthetical statements?

# ? Dec 13, 2016 13:27

Rushi: by Smythe

hi can you point me to the high quality paint sets?

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# ? Dec 13, 2016 14:18

FutonForensic

I walked up to the counter stationed by Gladys and dropped down a fifty-yard bundle of green felt. She asked, "How much do you need me to cut?" We both threw our heads back in laughter and, with our weekly ritual honored, I walk out the store with the full bundle without paying.

# ? Dec 13, 2016 15:35

FluffieDuckie

FactsAreUseless posted:

Michael's Customer Service Representatives:

I went to Michael's today to buy some tiny trees for a model I'm working on. It's a large number of tiny trees, to model what a lot of tiny trees would look like. But that's not important. What is important was my experience at your store (Michael's in Bloomingdale, IL, which I believe to be the only one, but should you find a conflict in your records it's the Michael's next to Jack-in-the-Box on Streamwood Drive, next to where the Joann's used to be - a store I did NOT patronize, for the record, as until this most recent incident I had always preferred Michael's service and selection, but THIS INCIDENT MAY CHANGE THAT!) - which was NOT a satisfactory experience. While looking for tiny trees (1/256 scale and mostly maples, though not entirely), and finding only a selection of small-to-medium (largely conifers, I should add, in case you are able to contact your inventory management department), I was approached by a Michael's employee (Janet, or possibly Janice, I will admit that I am not good with the memorization of names and faces, due a mild face blindness which is NOT a full aphasia, but merely a difficulty in remembering the faces of people I encounter) who asked if I needed assistance. When I inquired about tiny trees, she informed me that they did not stock what I was looking for. However, this is NOT the incident to which I referred earlier in the letter with regard to the incident, to which I will now refer. The incident was this: Janet, or possibly Janice, then asked if my wife would be okay with another tree selection. I would like to write that again, as I fear the FULL GRAVITY of the incident. Janet, or possibly Janice, asked ME if MY WIFE would prefer another tree selection. I am NOT my wife! Was my wife at the store that day, purchasing 1/256-scale maple models? NO! She was NOT! I, a 56-year-old retirement account manager and VERY WELL RESPECTED in my community, was at Michael's that day purchasing 1/256-scale maple models!

I would thank you AND THE STORE YOU REPRESENT to PLEASE consider that not all your customers fall into the STEREOTYPE of the Michael's customer - middle-aged scrapbooking administrative assistants named Brenda, I WOULD ASSUME AS JANET, OR POSSIBLY JANICE, MADE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME. Perhaps if you were willing to employ a more DIVERSE selection of representatives, rather than staffing your stores entirely with women like Janet, or possibly Janice, who share the same backgrounds and FALSE ASSUMPTIONS about their customers, we would have a more SATISFYING Michael's experience.

I do not ask for recompense, but would appreciate it if you could direct me to a selection of 1/256-scale maple models, possibly on your website.

A LOYAL customer,

Peter Hernandez

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Dec 13, 2016 18:25

Hug in a Can: NICE FLAMINGO
kind heart
fierce mind
brave spirit

be good and try hard!

oh... you're sure you want to sign up for the TUESDAY night cricut class? well, heh, I guess Susan isn't that bad if you're a beginner, but you know, I teach here for the THURSDAY might cricut class, and let me tell you, Susan comes in once in a while just to watch, so I guess that right there says it all...
still Tuesday? well alrighty, but now you ask Sue if she's still got a hold of my cartridge handbook, not that I need it back right away, an old hand knows his cartridge library

# ? Dec 13, 2016 18:30

vanisher

Rushi posted:

hi can you point me to the high quality paint sets?

Michaels employee: Sure they are down aisle nine

On your way there you notice a weathered chap leaning against an end-cap. A jewelers magnifying glass in his eye as he holds a silk flower close to his face. "Fine shipment this Tuesday, I think the manufacturer moving the plant to the Philippines really improved quality." He looks up and you can tell he's going to try and talk to you so you shuffle faster.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 13, 2016 18:30

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

*slowly limps down the fabric aisle with a pallet jack, while wearing cap-toed boots and a back brace*

yes, my precious Kona cottons, someday you'll come home with me on employee discount to my forbidden quilting lair where dark threads mix with colorful threads to do my darkest bidding

# ? Dec 13, 2016 19:01

social vegan

me: *notices someone with baggy pants* hey! *notions to quaint "JUST A WEED PATCH" garden sign* I'm watching you.

# ? Dec 13, 2016 19:05

Rushi: by Smythe

Hug in a Can posted:

oh... you're sure you want to sign up for the TUESDAY night cricut class? well, heh, I guess Susan isn't that bad if you're a beginner, but you know, I teach here for the THURSDAY might cricut class, and let me tell you, Susan comes in once in a while just to watch, so I guess that right there says it all...
still Tuesday? well alrighty, but now you ask Sue if she's still got a hold of my cartridge handbook, not that I need it back right away, an old hand knows his cartridge library

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Dec 13, 2016 19:22

Plebian Parasite

The old man who routinely checks the wooden letters to make sure no one's spelled anything untoward.

# ? Dec 13, 2016 19:27

Farecoal: There he go

i don't know what Michael's is but im sure this thread is very funny

# ? Dec 13, 2016 21:59

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

me? oh, i'm just here on an undercover assignment to expose custom framing coupon fraud.

# ? Dec 13, 2016 23:33

alnilam

workin at the Michael's, got the first shift crackin packs
got my knife, got my gun, so just step it back

# ? Dec 14, 2016 00:15

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Plebian Parasite posted:

man wearing suit of pipe cleaners: "Who run Artertown?"

manager [shamefully]: "Master Crafter runs Artertown"

# ? Dec 14, 2016 00:19

JiveHonky: by zen death robot

3 markers...

thatle be $85.62 debit or credit?

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Dec 14, 2016 02:09

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# ? May 5, 2024 00:46

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

JiveHonky posted:

3 markers...

thatle be $85.62 debit or credit?

2 real, 2 soon :negative:

# ? Dec 14, 2016 03:04

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