Old Pros at Michaels

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the bsd boys: Can't post for 387 days!

Oh, whatcha got there? Some signs, eh? Live, laugh.. yeah, I see what you're going for here. Lemme show you something. You just grab it here, and..

Just toss this bit, and you're off to the races, kid. Here, this is what mine looks like

You're welcome

# ? Dec 14, 2016 03:30

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# ? May 4, 2024 22:22

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Crumpet Strumpet posted:

Oh, whatcha got there? Some signs, eh? Live, laugh.. yeah, I see what you're going for here. Lemme show you something. You just grab it here, and..

Just toss this bit, and you're off to the races, kid. Here, this is what mine looks like

You're welcome

would actually pay money for ugh sign

# ? Dec 14, 2016 03:44

social vegan

ladybeard mcflurry posted:

would actually pay money for ugh sign

I also think i'm stealing this idea

# ? Dec 14, 2016 03:45

ArclightBorealis: You are HUGE!
That means you have HUGE ESSENCE!
RIP AND TEAR YOUR ESSENCE!!

I'm an actual Michaels employee, and I find this thread very entertaining.

# ? Dec 14, 2016 03:51

Senior Management

ArclightBorealis posted:

I'm an actual Michaels employee, and I find this thread very entertaining.

How is Michael doing?

:jerry:

# ? Dec 14, 2016 03:53

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

ArclightBorealis posted:

I'm an actual Michaels employee, and I find this thread very entertaining.

i'm so sorry

# ? Dec 14, 2016 03:56

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

lmao at any noob who doesn't have the Michael's coupon app on their phone

# ? Dec 14, 2016 04:08

vanisher

Crumpet Strumpet posted:

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 14, 2016 04:27

vanisher

ladybeard mcflurry posted:

*spritzes self with entire wall of home fragrance multiple times per day*

you know it's just like autumn tropics in the rainforest where i hang out my fresh cotton and blueberry ice linens

This was a post that happened and I liked it so it's getting quoted in this new post

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 14, 2016 04:40

MrWillsauce

one time I went into a micheals and the girl working at the register was really cute. in my mind her name is michelle

# ? Dec 14, 2016 04:52

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

MrWillsauce posted:

one time I went into a micheals and the girl working at the register was really cute. in my mind her name is michelle

michaela

# ? Dec 14, 2016 04:53

MrWillsauce

she didn't give me extra chips though. or any chips, really

# ? Dec 14, 2016 04:56

vanisher

MrWillsauce posted:

she didn't give me extra chips though. or any chips, really

Wait which Michael's serve chips

You know chips rhymes with tips

Hey there, couldn't help but notice you took Michelle's advice and went with the metallic silver bake-able clay for that art project. You know, these poor guys, they don't do this kind of thing for fun like you and me, they have to feed their families on the salaries they earn here. And let me tell you friend, those hard earned Michaels paychecks they don't last like they used to. Next time you're coming through here picking up a little yarn or some decorative glass pebbles for your bathroom why don't you throw the extra change these friendly folks way. Let me tell you, you'll get a warm feeling. Warmer than when you bake that clay and try and handle it a bit too early.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 14, 2016 05:45

the bsd boys: Can't post for 387 days!

grizzled vet looking down at a starstruck newbie in the candlemaking aisle: "Lavender Circus"? Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long time...

# ? Dec 14, 2016 08:06

vanisher

ArclightBorealis posted:

I'm an actual Michaels employee, and I find this thread very entertaining.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 14, 2016 08:53

FactsAreUseless

ArclightBorealis posted:

I'm an actual Michaels employee, and I find this thread very entertaining.

...Janet.

# ? Dec 14, 2016 12:11

Manifisto

Crumpet Strumpet posted:

Oh, whatcha got there? Some signs, eh? Live, laugh.. yeah, I see what you're going for here. Lemme show you something. You just grab it here, and..

Just toss this bit, and you're off to the races, kid. Here, this is what mine looks like

You're welcome

woah woah there friend, don't be so quick to toss that bit

collect two of them and you're on your way to a "I�! I�! Cthulhu fhtagn!" sign, which I would also pay good money for

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Dec 14, 2016 14:34

Rockman Reserve: "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

FactsAreUseless posted:

Michael's Customer Service Representatives:

I went to Michael's today to buy some tiny trees for a model I'm working on. It's a large number of tiny trees, to model what a lot of tiny trees would look like. But that's not important. What is important was my experience at your store (Michael's in Bloomingdale, IL, which I believe to be the only one, but should you find a conflict in your records it's the Michael's next to Jack-in-the-Box on Streamwood Drive, next to where the Joann's used to be - a store I did NOT patronize, for the record, as until this most recent incident I had always preferred Michael's service and selection, but THIS INCIDENT MAY CHANGE THAT!) - which was NOT a satisfactory experience. While looking for tiny trees (1/256 scale and mostly maples, though not entirely), and finding only a selection of small-to-medium (largely conifers, I should add, in case you are able to contact your inventory management department), I was approached by a Michael's employee (Janet, or possibly Janice, I will admit that I am not good with the memorization of names and faces, due a mild face blindness which is NOT a full aphasia, but merely a difficulty in remembering the faces of people I encounter) who asked if I needed assistance. When I inquired about tiny trees, she informed me that they did not stock what I was looking for. However, this is NOT the incident to which I referred earlier in the letter with regard to the incident, to which I will now refer. The incident was this: Janet, or possibly Janice, then asked if my wife would be okay with another tree selection. I would like to write that again, as I fear the FULL GRAVITY of the incident. Janet, or possibly Janice, asked ME if MY WIFE would prefer another tree selection. I am NOT my wife! Was my wife at the store that day, purchasing 1/256-scale maple models? NO! She was NOT! I, a 56-year-old retirement account manager and VERY WELL RESPECTED in my community, was at Michael's that day purchasing 1/256-scale maple models!

I would thank you AND THE STORE YOU REPRESENT to PLEASE consider that not all your customers fall into the STEREOTYPE of the Michael's customer - middle-aged scrapbooking administrative assistants named Brenda, I WOULD ASSUME AS JANET, OR POSSIBLY JANICE, MADE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME. Perhaps if you were willing to employ a more DIVERSE selection of representatives, rather than staffing your stores entirely with women like Janet, or possibly Janice, who share the same backgrounds and FALSE ASSUMPTIONS about their customers, we would have a more SATISFYING Michael's experience.

I do not ask for recompense, but would appreciate it if you could direct me to a selection of 1/256-scale maple models, possibly on your website.

A LOYAL customer,

Peter Hernandez

realtalk i used to go to the michaels in bloomingdale all the time, it was nowhere near a streamwood drive as i'm pretty sure there is no streamwood drive in bloomingdale, and i don't think jack in the box still exists

that joanns next door is truly grody though so props for accuracy there

# ? Dec 14, 2016 22:10

FactsAreUseless

food court bailiff posted:

realtalk i used to go to the michaels in bloomingdale all the time, it was nowhere near a streamwood drive as i'm pretty sure there is no streamwood drive in bloomingdale, and i don't think jack in the box still exists

that joanns next door is truly grody though so props for accuracy there

Suburbs are all basically the same.

# ? Dec 14, 2016 23:04

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

*methodically emptying the glitter tubes into a clear trash bag*

*drops trash bag off of roof onto parked car covered in tacky glue*

i'm dedicated to my craft.

# ? Dec 14, 2016 23:25

MrWillsauce

talk about arts and carfts

# ? Dec 15, 2016 01:23

Twenty Four

Plebian Parasite posted:

man wearing suit of pipe cleaners: "Who run Artertown?"

manager [shamefully]: "Master Crafter runs Artertown"

Crumpet Strumpet posted:

Oh, whatcha got there? Some signs, eh? Live, laugh.. yeah, I see what you're going for here. Lemme show you something. You just grab it here, and..

Just toss this bit, and you're off to the races, kid. Here, this is what mine looks like

You're welcome

lol

Twenty Four fucked around with this message at 08:29 on Dec 15, 2016

# ? Dec 15, 2016 08:26

Twenty Four

Me - *Walks up to register and plops down a water color kit. But not a real one, the kids ones that are just like a coloring book with the colors built into the page that come out when you smear a paint brush with plain water over the page.*

Old Pro Cashier - "Picking something up for the kids?"

Me - "Oh no, no kids here. Just figured I would pick up a new project to work on now that I am retired and have nothing but time on my hands."

Old Pro Cashier - *Eye starts to twitch*

Me - *holding up water color book* "I didn't see any in the back, does the water come with this, or...?"

# ? Dec 15, 2016 08:43

joke_explainer

Heh. Nice glue gun. Whatcha gonna do, stick some googly eyes to something? A real craft operator carries a real piece. *pulls charging handle on glue rifle*

# ? Dec 16, 2016 05:40

vanisher

We've been dating a while, haven't we? Listen, I want to take you somewhere nice. Let's go out for a nice steak dinner and afterwords we can walk through an unnecessarily complicated maze of stacked candy displays at the checkout area in Michaels. You can choose out anything you want. It's December, that means they will definitely have a poo poo load of expired Easter candy.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 16, 2016 08:34

social vegan

*my mom nervously looks at the calender, Christmas is coming. She gazes from windowsill to shelf to counter and back, mentally rearranging and swapping things. Alas, she cannot find enough space for another barnyard animal made from a spool and cotton balls*

# ? Dec 16, 2016 13:27

LawfulWaffle: Well, that aligns with the vibes I was getting. Which was, like, "normal" kinda vibes.

Yeah, bud. Ever since the libtards took Christ outta Christmas it's been a downhill slide for us real Christians. I swore I wouldn't live to see the day that we didn't fill isle 4 with wooden Nativity scenes in the middle of November, but all the religious iconography was taken right from under our noses. Now, you look like the good sort of people, good church going folk, am I right? Tell you want, if you really want an effigy of the sweet baby Jesus, I think we can work something out. It's not gonna be cheap, you gotta understand I'm putting my apron on the line here, but why don't you pull your van around back in, say, fifteen minutes. Have cash ready.

# ? Dec 16, 2016 17:11

McStabby: LANA!!! CRUUUUUSH!

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

lmao at any noob who doesn't have the Michael's coupon app on their phone

sometimes if you forget they scan the coupon on the flyer

also you get a coupon by doing their survey

# ? Dec 18, 2016 17:52

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

McStabby posted:

sometimes if you forget they scan the coupon on the flyer

also you get a coupon by doing their survey

i don't HAVE to do surveys, pal, i just get the coupons

i spend enough money at michaels that i have a separate entrance out back by the dumpster, it's for VIPs only and it says employees but that's because i work here too but i do spend a lot of money here ok

# ? Dec 18, 2016 19:16

vanisher

*pulls aside random Michaels shopper, a frightened 46 year old mother of two in the ribbon aisle*

Hey there friend, I'm pulling aside everyone I see recently telling them about the importance of the Michael's customer satisfaction surveys. Let me tell you a story about Janet, the lead cashier here. There she is, down there past those giant candy displays and metal baskets filled with undecorated stick wreaths. Look at that smile. You couldn't find a happier person. But just recently she got a bad survey, only 4 out of 5 stars on the question 'did any Michaels employee go out of their way to help you,' well let me tell you what friend, these Michael's employees they go out of their way just by putting on those dirty shared aprons. Next time you are ringing up, maybe just take one of those glittery yellow star stickers you are purchasing and stick it on their checkout station, and tell Janet you think she's a five.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 18, 2016 19:43

alnilam

https://youtu.be/r7ANZ8Osnz4

# ? Dec 18, 2016 20:04

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# ? May 4, 2024 22:22

vanisher

alnilam posted:

https://youtu.be/r7ANZ8Osnz4

hahaha yes

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Dec 18, 2016 20:14

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