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Ugh all I know is we women are reeeeeaaaallly lucky female genital mutilation wasn't deemed "sacred" and "clean" and written down in some doctrine somewhere given all the "women are subservient pieces of property" sentiments that are thrown around in holy texts. Really dodged the bullet there. Sorry to all the women in places who aren't so lucky 
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Dec 16, 2016 10:00
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| # ? May 13, 2024 06:57 |
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Two Rabbis argued late into the night about the existence of God, and, using strong arguments from the scriptures, ended up indisputably disproving His existence. The next day, one Rabbi was surprised to see the other walking into the Shul for morning services. "I thought we had agreed there was no God," he said. "Yes, what does that have to do with it?" replied the other. I think ive heard a far more elaborate version of this joke but this gets the point across
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Dec 16, 2016 10:02
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Prettz posted:still too human looking. where's the angel that's just a big ring of eyes? Here you go
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Dec 16, 2016 14:25
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Haier posted:LOL at the white knights. "Wah, our sister had sex with somebody. She's like, our property, man!! If anyone is gonna be loving my sister, it's gonna be ME!" She was kidnapped and raped actually. Also there is no indication of incest at all there Haier posted:
Your whole question makes absolutely no sense. They obviously believed in God, so saying "take out the God part" is nonsensical. It's like saying, "why are people nowadays so obsessed being green?? I mean, put aside the whole 'climate change and global warming' thing...."
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Dec 16, 2016 15:39
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Robo Reagan posted:in a lot of mythology you can connect the creatures or gods or whatever to some kind of natural event or something that happened in history. like the tl:dr of the minotaur is the greeks believed the minotaur stomping around in it's labyrinth is why Cyprus had so many earthquakes. wonder if the weird rear end wheels with wings have anything to do with something that actually happened or if it was the result of hashish You know how spiderman was a nuclear radiation spider for years till genetic engineering got cool and now he has a GMO spider origin? And like iron man was originally powered by TRANSISTORS but now he's like sci-fi fusion? And everything ever scifi is "quantum mechanics" Go back and back and back and that never stopped, the bible is full of stuff about like bronze and iron and wheels and stuff. The highest tech stuff people use is always given magic properties.
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Dec 16, 2016 17:01
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FedEx Mercury posted:Here you go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsOlT-q89f0
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Dec 16, 2016 18:56
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Haier posted:LOL at the white knights. "Wah, our sister had sex with somebody. She's like, our property, man!! If anyone is gonna be loving my sister, it's gonna be ME!" lol did you use the term "white knight" unironically? pls go back to reddit
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Dec 16, 2016 19:23
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What about the dude that took his marching band like six times around some city and brought the walls down?
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Dec 16, 2016 19:39
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they also have too much babby dick in their mouths OP
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Dec 16, 2016 19:43
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Batterypowered7 posted:What about the dude that took his marching band like six times around some city and brought the walls down? This guy I think? [video type="youtu"]8rQDf2Hpapg[/video]
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Dec 16, 2016 20:29
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basic hitler posted:Revelation depicts bizarre angels as well. Of course that's christianity and all, but john q patmos must've been high as hell patmos must have some cool species of mushrooms
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Dec 16, 2016 22:07
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Doghouse posted:She was kidnapped and raped actually. The story is ambiguous. Shechem 'took' Dinah, 'lay with' and 'defiled' her, and this is often translated as 'raped', but as far as I can tell, there's nothing in the original Hebrew explicitly saying that Dinah did not consent (or that she did!). Presumably, whether or not the woman consented wasn't considered important by the authors. ('defilement' might be a reference to rape, or to something else; Alexander Rofé suggests it's about miscegenation.) The ancient rabbis seem to have believed that Dinah was at least partially at fault: quote:Another midrash implicates Jacob in Dinah's misfortune. When he went to meet Esau, he locked Dinah in a box, for fear that Esau would wish to marry her,[7] but God rebuked him in these words: "If thou hadst married off thy daughter in time she would not have been tempted to sin..." But the 'sin' might have been just leaving the house on her own? The rabbis also suggest that she was miraculously transformed from a boy to a girl, so there's some real layers here.
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Dec 16, 2016 22:27
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Arrhythmia posted:Rabbi Eliezer Discovers Magic: Uses it to Grow Cucumbers this is sick man, rabbi eliezer. he got into too many arguments with his colleagues, and they eventually excommunicated him. eliezer's pal, jimmy akiva, let him know in the nicest way possible, and as a result: quote:According to the Talmud, because Akiva broke the news gently, Eliezer (who had the power to destroy the world) annihilated no more than one-third of crops worldwide and burned only those things that were within his field of view; the tsunami that Eliezer raised that day was easily calmed by Rabbi Gamaliel. who wrote this poo poo
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Dec 16, 2016 22:33
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PleasingFungus posted:this is sick The same editor as the book of mormon
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Dec 17, 2016 00:02
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Its like when you're like a little kid roleplaying dragon ball z or something. "I shot you with lazer beams from my eyes that go through any armor you're dead" "I have a force field" "My lazer beam goes through force fields" "Its a reflective forcefield it shoots the lazer back at you" "Well I just dropped a mountain on you"
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Dec 17, 2016 00:19
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basic hitler posted:
that is exactly what they did.
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Dec 17, 2016 00:21
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it's like they invented an entire divine legal theory to circumvent the will of God as much as possible.
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Haier posted:This NSFW image about Saul and his foreskin collection is p on-topic. that self satisfied smile
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Dec 17, 2016 00:29
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PleasingFungus posted:this is sick lmao
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Dec 17, 2016 00:34
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powers: cucumber growing universal annihilation speaks french
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Dec 17, 2016 00:34
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Is it explained why the rabbis had magic powers?
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Dec 17, 2016 00:35
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Isaac posted:Is it explained why the rabbis had magic powers? Isaac posted:Its like when you're like a little kid roleplaying dragon ball z or something.
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Dec 17, 2016 01:01
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Isaac posted:Is it explained why the rabbis had magic powers? the art of kaballah, of course. master the seven names of god and the ten sefirot, and you too can conjure cucumbers at will! start by studying this: 
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Dec 17, 2016 02:18
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Wow suddenly the conspiracy theories make sense now
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Dec 17, 2016 02:43
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PleasingFungus posted:the art of kaballah, of course. master the seven names of god and the ten sefirot, and you too can conjure cucumbers at will! Is this from Full Metal Alchemist? Are Rabbis anime?
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Dec 17, 2016 03:00
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rabbis are extemely anime
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Dec 17, 2016 03:04
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Batterypowered7 posted:Is this from Full Metal Alchemist? Are Rabbis anime? Full Metal Alchemist is pretty much just The Golem of Prague for goys, when you get down to it.
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Dec 17, 2016 04:49
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TOOT BOOT posted:rabbis are extemely anime
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Dec 17, 2016 04:52
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PleasingFungus posted:Full Metal Alchemist is pretty much just The Golem of Prague for goys, when you get down to it. there was a really good movie about that golem It! form 1967 In this scene a beta musiem worker who is clearly based off of norman bates goes to a rabbi about a scroll he found in a golem https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BrPGrVfWck#t=31m20s
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Dec 17, 2016 05:04
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Doghouse posted:Your whole question makes absolutely no sense. They obviously believed in God, so saying "take out the God part" is nonsensical. It's like saying, "why are people nowadays so obsessed being green?? I mean, put aside the whole 'climate change and global warming' thing...." You can't just say it's a divine origin, no questions asked. Somebody, somewhere, got the idea that slicing up their private parts was the best way to go about things for some reason. I am just wondering if there was any other precedent in the area to remove foreskin before it was decided "God" said they had to circumcise each other.
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Dec 17, 2016 07:26
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PleasingFungus posted:this is sick Ahaha that reads sarcastic as hell and I love it
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Dec 17, 2016 09:03
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TOOT BOOT posted:rabbis are extemely anime 
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Dec 17, 2016 14:03
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this thread has taught me i need to become a magic jew someone pls help me how do i get started ???
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Dec 17, 2016 14:05
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A misanthrope posted:this thread has taught me i need to become a magic jew These days if you wanna annihilate the planet you need an Ohio class submarine, Or be a human gifted with the powers of an Ohio clas submarine.
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Dec 17, 2016 14:08
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Isaac posted:These days if you wanna annihilate the planet you need an Ohio class submarine, Or be a human gifted with the powers of an Ohio clas submarine. yeah how do i do that second one? i want to do jew goku kamehamehas  (pictured: goku saving anne frank from hitler)
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Dec 17, 2016 14:10
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do they still do that weird vampire thing where they suck blood out of baby dicks?
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Dec 17, 2016 14:14
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de_dust posted:do they still do that weird vampire thing where they suck blood out of baby dicks? is that how i get jew power? i will do some weird poo poo if it lets me shoot energy blasts out of my eyes
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Dec 17, 2016 14:16
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ive got a baby dick you could practice one <---- pointing at my dong
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Dec 17, 2016 14:17
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de_dust posted:ive got a baby dick you could practice one bleh! let's do this poo poo 
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Dec 17, 2016 14:19
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A misanthrope posted:yeah how do i do that second one? i want to do jew goku kamehamehas This picture made me laugh immoderately loudly on the bus. I was riding on the Sabbath! Oy! therattle fucked around with this message at 16:40 on Dec 17, 2016 |
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Dec 17, 2016 16:05
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| # ? May 13, 2024 06:57 |
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apparently yogis had all sorts of cool magical powers, and practiced taoist sages. lots of overlap w rabbi powers. one rabbi power is teleportation, aka, the kefitzat haderech. (popularized in Dune as kwisatz haderach.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kefitzat_Haderech jesus actually demonstrates this power in the gospels. quote:John 6 he can teleport not only himself, but the boat and all the passengers. presumably (this is how i am reading it) he has total control over reality; it's not so much "teleportation" as he just rearranges things to his liking. like Q from TNG. i don't recall for certain, but i have to imagine transmutation is another power imputed not only to Jesus but to many superpowered sages in a variety of cultures. if you can teleport, and lift mountains with your mind, and fly, you can probably turn water into wine.
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Dec 17, 2016 16:34
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