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death by dehydration after being sent to work in the salt mines for thinking about bernie
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Dec 26, 2016 02:11
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drank a beer without smashing the can on my forehead after
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Dec 26, 2016 04:10
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I couldn't finish eating all of my coal ration for the week
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Dec 26, 2016 04:27
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Tried to prove the existence of Hillary Clinton
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Dec 26, 2016 04:49
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Locker room boner
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Dec 26, 2016 05:43
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sneezed in the direction of mecca
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Dec 26, 2016 05:57
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looked at a college
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Dec 26, 2016 06:06
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The ending of grand budapest hotel where the nazis kill the concierge
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Dec 26, 2016 22:44
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"All I want for you is Christmas-" I stammer right before the bullet enters my brain
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Dec 26, 2016 23:19
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Didn't execute the last guy fast enough
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Dec 27, 2016 04:38
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Made America great again
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Dec 28, 2016 07:33
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Didn't want to move to Madagascar with the rest of the jews
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Dec 28, 2016 07:48
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I have no idea actually. They ended up putting "resisted arrest" on the form.
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Dec 28, 2016 07:54
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Pointed out my office was permanently 3 feet underwater, contrary to news reports
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Dec 29, 2016 21:09
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Old age, but they tagged my body anyways to meet a quota
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Dec 30, 2016 01:49
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Wondered out loud about the possibility of vengeful hauntings while stuffing corpses in the border wall for infill
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Jan 1, 2017 00:13
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Knew what was going on with the cyber
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Jan 2, 2017 06:31
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Gave a gently caress about the Oxford comma
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Jan 3, 2017 05:47
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Questioned the age of the official administration tween jester, Dan Nainan
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Jan 3, 2017 06:17
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Voted to give Arnold an Emmy for the new Celebrity Apprentice
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Jan 3, 2017 08:45
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Ran into Hillary in the woods and didn't alert the game warden
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Jan 4, 2017 08:14
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Fallen Hamprince posted:burned at the steak after village Trumpman accused me of being in league with crooked hillary Burned the last guy at the steak anything less than well done
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Jan 5, 2017 02:53
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Forgot to lock my door on Purge night
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Jan 5, 2017 03:44
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I gave a man on the street a dollar instead of pulling on his bootstraps
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Jan 5, 2017 07:24
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Got pulled over and failed the tangerine test
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Jan 5, 2017 18:49
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Asked about a science
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Jan 6, 2017 17:24
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Made a joke about sending dentatas to all the white house interns
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Jan 7, 2017 22:44
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Thump! posted:I sat down with Donnie and told him: "Don't say another Goddamn word. Up until now, I've been polite. If you say anything else - word one - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one. When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin. I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth." Joked about dickwolves
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Jan 7, 2017 23:46
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downloaded that browser plugin that changes "politically correct" to "treating people with respect"
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Jan 10, 2017 02:43
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wrote a plugin that changes "thoughts and prayers" to "eye rolls"
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Jan 10, 2017 02:58
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Wasted pee
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Jan 11, 2017 03:04
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Whispered "piss boy" three times in a government building
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Jan 11, 2017 19:29
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Potato Jones posted:Did not meet or exceed mandatory L. L. Bean purchase point. Did, but was beaten to death because they wanted my boots.
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Jan 12, 2017 17:31
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Died for Trump's oil profits
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Jan 20, 2017 23:55
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Didn't properly dehumanize myself and face to bloodshed
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Jan 21, 2017 01:37
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Retweeted a trump tweet that had a typo in it
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Jan 21, 2017 19:03
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Did literally anything
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Jan 26, 2017 23:34
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Dared to open my mouth and swallow precious rain water instead of marching
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Jan 26, 2017 23:36
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Didn't like comment and subscribe on Barron's minecraft lets play videos
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Jan 31, 2017 14:01
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| # ¿ Apr 30, 2024 00:55 |
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Thought about an immigrant, once. It may have been a dream... I remembered what people from outside the border walls used to look like.
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Feb 3, 2017 05:09
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